Simon Abrams
Select another critic »For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
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40% higher than the average critic
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6% same as the average critic
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54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics.
(0-100 point scale)
Simon Abrams' Scores
- Movies
- TV
| Average review score: | 55 | |
|---|---|---|
| Highest review score: | Viet and Nam | |
| Lowest review score: | Zookeeper | |
Score distribution:
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Positive: 390 out of 854
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Mixed: 239 out of 854
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Negative: 225 out of 854
854
movie
reviews
- By Date
- By Critic Score
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- Village Voice
- Posted Feb 11, 2016
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- Simon Abrams
No amount of hyper-stylized, Guy Ritchie–inspired posturing can save a film whose lead antihero is so unrepentantly vile.- Village Voice
- Posted May 7, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
The uniquely underwhelming sci-fi lawyer drama Naked Singularity is a weird mashup of ill-fitting genre tropes and quarter-cooked ideas about social justice and alternate realities.- TheWrap
- Posted Aug 2, 2021
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- Simon Abrams
Writer/director John Herzfeld (15 Minutes, Two of a Kind) earnestly tries and spectacularly fails to dilute the acrid pretentiousness of Reach Me, a tone-deaf everything-is-connected melodrama, by cutting his characters' pseudo-enlightened philosophizing with goony broad humor.- Village Voice
- Posted Nov 18, 2014
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- Simon Abrams
Jeff Bridges's abysmally campy performance may be the worst thing about disposable sword-and-sorcery fantasy Seventh Son, but it's also the only memorable thing.- Village Voice
- Posted Feb 6, 2015
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- Village Voice
- Posted Mar 3, 2015
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- Simon Abrams
Backgammon may not be effectively provocative, but it is sometimes dumb enough to be offensive.- Village Voice
- Posted Mar 9, 2016
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- Simon Abrams
The pseudo-progressivism inherent in Himmatwala, an action-comedy remake of the 1983 Bollywood action-drama of the same name, makes toxic camp of otherwise meaningless kitsch.- Village Voice
- Posted Apr 2, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
When Commitment isn't a perfectly forgettable action film, it's either an oil-thin melodrama or a charbroiled treat for meatheads.- Village Voice
- Posted Dec 3, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
Unfortunately, Archambault’s churlishly over-the-top performance makes it impossible to take 14 Cameras seriously, no matter how you interpret Gerald’s actions.- Village Voice
- Posted Jul 25, 2018
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- Village Voice
- Posted Sep 9, 2015
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- Simon Abrams
When choosing to unleash seemingly any desperate comedian they could find willing to work for scale, the creators of White T ensured that almost nothing about White T would make sense.- Village Voice
- Posted Feb 26, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
This isn't a knowing parody of a beloved show, a la the 2012 reboot/parody "21 Jump Street"; it's a sample of the brain-dead entertainment against which its creators are supposedly reacting.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Mar 24, 2017
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- Simon Abrams
Between Worlds is also, unfortunately, a weird "Twin Peaks" homage, complete with industrial band ohGr's not-so-industrial, "Twin Peaks"-y score and "Twin Peaks"-like theme during the opening credits sequence (performed by "Twin Peaks" composer Angelo Badalamenti, no less).- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Dec 21, 2018
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- Simon Abrams
The film's Gerber-bland back half is plenty bad, but the first half of Speed Kills features some of the year's worst filmmaking.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Nov 16, 2018
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- Simon Abrams
The makers of this high-concept comedy lack the courage of their gross-out convictions. Being loud, and tasteless can also be funny, but if all you've got to offer is bad racial humor, and dopey sex jokes, then you are the F@4k-You Man Eddie Murphy jokes about in "Raw," the guy who cluelessly tries to make people laugh by cursing a lot. Ghost Team One also panders to viewers, and does a lousy job of it, too.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Oct 18, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
Joyless and dim, the grubby supernatural thriller “Vampires of the Velvet Lounge” often seems more like a filmed rehearsal for a movie than a fully completed feature.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Mar 20, 2026
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- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Aug 2, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
To put in Clichénese, the only language Battle of the Year knows: the creator's hearts just weren't in this thing.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Sep 20, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
Night of the Hunted might have been a productively grim exercise if it didn’t feel like Alice’s dilemma wasn’t just a pretext for more ostensibly shocking talking points.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Oct 20, 2023
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- Simon Abrams
There’s a lot of walking and talking, but this thing never really moves fast enough, not even during its action scenes.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Sep 3, 2021
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- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Jul 19, 2019
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- Simon Abrams
Only Cage’s most diehard cultists will want to go to bat for this performance, and they could easily struggle to accentuate the positive. It’s manic, confounding, and gaspingly funny, too (for a moment), but boy, howdy, so what?- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Apr 11, 2025
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- Simon Abrams
Dumb as they're written, even Holla II's characters are smart enough to want to exit this clunker as fast as they can.- Village Voice
- Posted Apr 23, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
Even the most masochistic filmgoers should avoid Waxman and Seagal's latest collaboration, a boring vanity project that doesn't even competently flatter its star.- Village Voice
- Posted Dec 7, 2016
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- Simon Abrams
Almost nothing makes sense in Brush With Danger, a bewilderingly incompetent and inexplicably racist Indonesian action film.- Village Voice
- Posted Sep 16, 2014
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- Simon Abrams
This is the horror movie equivalent of canned Spam: you could have it so much better if you tried harder (or at all).- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Sep 1, 2017
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- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Sep 5, 2014
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- Simon Abrams
The Forgiven consequently only succeeds as an ugly, empty-headed provocation.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Mar 9, 2018
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- Simon Abrams
A cynical, and consistently unpleasant film with creators who try very, very hard to push as many of your buttons as they can.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted May 22, 2015
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- Simon Abrams
The film's nature as a work of propaganda would be more deplorable—or at least eyeroll-inducing—if it weren't so poorly blocked, scripted, performed, and choreographed. There is no joy in Seagal-ville, dear rubber-neckers, because pretty much everybody here has struck out.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Jun 16, 2018
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- Simon Abrams
The action in Funhouse is consistently cheap and generally silly. That’s sort of the movie’s point, but it’s also sort of hard to care when everything else is so tacky.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted May 28, 2021
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- RogerEbert.com
- Posted Jul 24, 2020
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- Simon Abrams
It's monumentally terrible. "Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son" now has competition for worst picture of the year.- Slant Magazine
- Posted Jul 6, 2011
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- Simon Abrams
The worst thing about Doctor Bello's tacky, pseudo-spiritual proceedings isn't how bad the soap opera melodramatics are (Tyler Perry would blush!), but rather how lazily sketched out its story of one man's road to self-actualization is.- Village Voice
- Posted Feb 26, 2013
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- Simon Abrams
I want to defend this movie, but it's so bad that I must warn you: if you watch this film knowing that it is Steven-Seagal-wearing-a-du-rag-and-glowering-impassively-at-attractive-young-women bad, you will get what you pay for. That's both an endorsement and a warning.- RogerEbert.com
- Posted May 13, 2016
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