Meddle with sobriety and project it on a nightclub wall and maybe it works. As a film, not so much.

A damp-squib horror with zero thrills. Russell and Condon deserve much better.

A huge misfire that even the most hardcore X-Men fans will find hard to warm to. Avoid, avoid.

Most ‘one crazy night’ movies (from After Hours to Superbad) thrive on a sense of escalation, but Stand Up Guys only seems to lower the stakes as it stumbles tediously on.

Any comparisons with Chicken Run are rendered poultry by half-baked gags. Even tykes will tell it to get stuffed.

Unfunny, unthrilling and unsexy, this doesn’t even reach the low bar set by the source material.

Past an impressive siege opening, everything in this `thriller' is terrible: the action, the supposed tension, the dialogue and the plot. Every opportunity to make it good is missed.

Jones and Oldman are on autopilot, while Costner grizzles like a sore-headed bear. Only Gal Gadot, as Reynolds’ widow, has any cred in this utter pap.

The kids are charmless, the writing is bland, and the embarrassing jokes sound like nails down a blackboard.

Steven Spielberg famously retained his childhood sense of wonder. On this evidence, Meyer has maintained a nine-year-old's notion of titillating romance.

It’s the same sappy drivel as before.

The Devil may have all the best tunes, but this really is the worst sort of cinematic karaoke.

Loosely based on the 2001 game Silent Hill 2, Return to Silent Hill can be an atmospheric horror film with original creature designs worthy of Konami's legendary franchise. But a confusing plot, mediocre visual effects, and over-the-top acting might make director Christophe Gans' newest Silent Hill adaptation just as divisive as his first attempt 20 years ago.

There are star names in the cast – Sylvester McCoy, John Hannah, Samantha Barks – but ultimately the film rests on Boyle, who sadly has all the acting nuance of a Speak N’ Spell.

Sadly, this leap onto the stereoscopic bandwagon marks a new low for the franchise, as far away in quality from the '74 original as it is in years.

Sly and Statham are always watchable – not least when the latter takes a job as security for an odious social media influencer. But they can’t save this mission from going painfully pear-shaped.

Strained, shrieky and lacking likeable characters, it bizarrely forgoes any insight into parenting, gambling, or the cost of education for Grand Guignol limb-lopping.

You can at least say for the film that it’s clearly targeting a surreal, stoner vibe. But even cutting it that slack, there’s barely anything here to recommend.

Nothing about the film works. And the festering boil on this arse-end of cinematic quality is the duck suit itself: it’s about as realistic as a builder’s quote, with less than a tenth of the aesthetic charm of the same builder’s bum cleavage.

“I will search for you through 1,000 worlds and 10,000 lifetimes!” Reeves promises his beloved. Anyone who sits all the way through this glossy folly will know exactly how that feels.

For all their technical competence, the Spierig brothers don’t show great understanding of how ghost stories actually work.

The Big Wedding isn’t telling a story so much as selling a lifestyle – one that, rather like Heigl’s morning sickness, makes you want to vomit.

Charmless, mirthless and witless, this waste of time is another black mark on Depp’s card, while his co-stars fare little better. Even low expectations won’t help you here.

To be fair, Blood and Honey 2 is actually a notch above its predecessor, if only because the production values are (relatively) higher. But despite a watchable turn from Chambers, this is largely Neanderthal filmmaking, even with hospital janitor Simon Callow offering up a Scottish accent and a lot of pointless exposition.

Playing For Keeps is awful – and not in a hilarious Ed Wood way.

An uneasy combo of adventure film and gag-heavy kiddie-com, Dolittle fails to satisfy on either front.

While the visuals are refreshingly clean and grounded for a modern superhero film, the story is bogged down by exposition and egregious product placement.

A-list sad-faces abound in a film where absurd concept is rivalled only by banal execution.