This ridiculous thriller would be hard-pressed to last much longer than its title in theaters before doing time on DVD, as is already the case in many overseas territories.

Paints a surprisingly sour portrait of nearly all its characters, so much so that even the final-reel redemption rings hollow and forced.

It is truly a mess.

Real disaster movies have more laughs than this spoof.

Ragged, uneven and potholed with some dire dialogue and performances.

By-the-numbers retread.

Never gets off its high-concept stool long enough to explore what makes weddings so exciting and nerve-racking and treacherous. It flounders instead in juvenilia and bitchiness.

What seemed sharp and pointed onstage comes across pedantically in the film, which treats its subject with a clumsy heavy-handedness.

Cena is no Jason Statham. His stolid seriousness sucks the life right out of any scene in which he's required to speak. It's a bad sign when you repeatedly wish a runaway trolley would silence the hero.

Completely lacking in visual, narrative or stylistic coherence, the film also suffers from cheap-looking visual effects and poorly staged and edited action sequences that will not exactly please the fanboys.

The Swedish video and commercial director seeks artistic adventure but winds up with pointless self-indulgence.

In the absence of a sturdy, plausible foundation on which to hook all those grisly bits, the film, originally a Dimension release, tends to play out more like a protracted "Saw" outtake reel.

Tediously one-note comedy.

It's no wonder that the film's strongest sequence, visually and dramatically, involves none of these characters. It's a flashback to the construction of St. Peter's that explains the origins of Eden's centuries-long reign on his dark throne.

The direction is as flat as the script is thin, forcing actors to stumble through roles that make little sense. Costumes and sets border on the grotesque. Mehta is a fine enough filmmaker that this one can be written off as an aberration. Sometimes East and West really aren't meant to meet.

Unfortunately akin to going to a dance club stone cold sober and wearing ear plugs. You get the gist of the general experience, but euphoria is far, far away.

The lack of a meaningful story would be easier to take if the dialogue was wittier or the characterizations were deeper, but the proceedings are instead surprisingly bland considering the outrageousness of many of the situations.

A complete wipeout.

It's discouraging to witness a filmmaker who clearly yearns for the indie world yield to the temptations of mindless movie manufacturing. At least Figgis made it as soulless as possible.

Witless, excessive and ultimately boring gore-a-thon.

Alas, this is just film ugly.

The film lacks a controlling point of view to guide an audience through so improbable a tale. Nothing in the movie is funny -- aside from giggles provoked by misfired jokes -- or romantic or dramatic.

How can a director as savvy as Lee make so many errors of judgment regarding taste, tone, intention and dramatic structure?

Laughable performances.

A crass, sophomoric and, more to the point, offensively unfunny parody that sets out to remake Shaft and his blaxploitation ilk as a Jewish action hero.

Witless, sophomoric and relentlessly frenetic, 9 Dead Gay Guys... is about as funny and understated as its title.

Despite its copious nudity, it is less likely to incite lust among its viewers than a strong desire for a long hot shower.