A truly awful mix of bad direction, nonsensical story line and dialogue that appears to have been made up on the spot.

In trouble from its first minutes.

Gods of Egypt is an epic — an epic disaster.

Directed by Danny Boyle, it lacks even a single moment of charm or interest.

Insidious: Chapter 3 is simply not scary. Not a bit, not a whit. Except that the audience will be terrified of the next stabbing of their eardrums, at generally predictable intervals.

There's nothing here but wreckage. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows is so ineptly made that the story is advanced solely through announcements.

Nasty to women, cruel to old people and tosses in a cardboard gay couple for gratuitous laughs. It's also got one of those annoying soundtracks that lays rock music right over the dialogue -- as if it wanted to distract us from it.

Only a complete idiot could think Epic Movie is remotely funny.

It's a dishonest satire that manages to be (disingenuously) contemptuous of white people and (unintentionally) condescending toward black people, without ever being funny.

Unreconstructed fans of Chevy Chas, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight or Bill Murray might find something to guffaw at in this lamebrained movie that purports to be a satire on country club life but makes everybody look like slobs. Except - perhaps - a little Irish wench named Sarah Holcomb and the gopher who tears up the golf course. Should have put the gopher to work on the script.

The movie can barely muster the bravery to be even "Dude, Where's My Car" stoopid.

You'll feel so much better just sending your $9.50 to the Red Cross then catching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" one more time on television.

This movie is so horrible that it actually spends some time in "so bad it's good" territory, before getting significantly worse.

In UHF we get 90 minutes of Al Yankovic, and that's 85 minutes too much. The problem isn't that he's weird, but that he isn't weird at all. The premises for his gags are commonplace and predictable, and his follow-throughs lack imagination. He seems incapable of spinning more than one tired joke from each set-up. [21 Jul 1989, p.E1]

What is bloody and full of holes?

So mind-blowingly horrible that it teeters on the edge of cinematic immortality.

It's impossible to imagine why Lions Gate, the indie distributor that released "Monster's Ball," would bother with this garbage.

The equivalent of a full-course meal with no calories. It is a mirage of a movie, 100 minutes of nothing.

Voyeuristically wallows in the sadistic violence it professes to deplore. What hypocrisy!

Aside from being vile and repellent, it's mainly dull - old-fashioned in its shock tactics and culminating in a ho-hum climax.

So. What part of this is boring? All of it.

Duller than first version.

Perhaps it helps to think of Goat as a horror movie. There is a genre of horror film known as torture porn — films that revel in graphic depictions of torture, violence and sadism, mostly to defenseless victims. Think of Goat as hazing porn.

The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade. We're talking about a disaster, and not of the fun "Showgirls" variety, either.

It's a completely botched effort -- botched in its direction, its writing and editing.

A cynically made, painfully long comedy without a single laugh. It's a film to really make you wonder about Damon Wayans ' abilities as a comic actor.

Hogwash and not even funny hogwash.

Even camp status eludes this tepid and misguided picture.