So. What part of this is boring? All of it.

Duller than first version.

Perhaps it helps to think of Goat as a horror movie. There is a genre of horror film known as torture porn — films that revel in graphic depictions of torture, violence and sadism, mostly to defenseless victims. Think of Goat as hazing porn.

The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade. We're talking about a disaster, and not of the fun "Showgirls" variety, either.

It's a completely botched effort -- botched in its direction, its writing and editing.

A cynically made, painfully long comedy without a single laugh. It's a film to really make you wonder about Damon Wayans ' abilities as a comic actor.

Hogwash and not even funny hogwash.

Even camp status eludes this tepid and misguided picture.

The script is weak and unrelenting. The stunts are unspectacular. The special effects are nothing you haven't seen before. But worst of all, there's the spectacle of Schwarzenegger glorying in the wonder of Schwarzenegger. [18 Jun 1993, p.C1]

Sommers film just lies there, weighted down by a complete lack of wit, artfulness and internal logic. So it's a disaster -- a big, loud, boring wreck.

Cocaine Bear is a movie that will appeal mostly to people who think it’s hilarious to get their dog stoned. If you’re someone who loves to sit on an old couch with a bong between your legs, crying with laughter as your dog bangs into furniture, “Cocaine Bear” might be your “Citizen Kane.”

It’s a character study of a character who isn’t worth studying. It’s a revenge movie, but when the revenge comes, the only person you feel like getting even with is the screenwriter.

Worse than dull. It's parasitic.

A movie so filled with contemptible, ugly and unfunny characters that it is physically difficult to watch.

There’s nothing wrong with a big, dumb-as-dirt action flick. You’ve made some enjoyable ones over the years — the first “Transformers,” “Bad Boys” — but 6 Underground, a nonstop stunt reel with a few, admittedly impressive displays of your usual visual verve — is just “Fast & Furious” crossed with an old Whitesnake music video, but with fewer functioning brain cells.

Attack the Block is the other alien-invasion movie opening today, the lousy one, the one from Britain. In Britain, it's probably just a regular bad movie, but here - with accents that are barely comprehensible and in-jokes about council flats, not to mention a swerving handheld camera and some of the cheapest effects since "Night of the Lepus" - it's surprising this thing ever got released.

A shamelessly dumb movie.

As plain awful as Untraceable is, possibly the worst thing about it is that it pretends to mean something.

Misbegotten mess.

Exactly what the title implies: mindless.

She's hopeless, he's hopeless, and this movie is just ghastly.

In stiff competition for the lamest thing ever put on celluloid.

The best bits come in the first few minutes -- or maybe the jokes just seem fresher then.

One of the downsides of living in a free society is that every so often someone like Myles Berkowitz gets hold of a camera.

This sixth installment, by far the worst in the series, is bland and deadening.

Bare-bones vanity project.

It represents 2 1/2 of the longest hours on record, a jumbled botch that is so confused in its purpose and so charmless in its effect that it must be seen to be believed, but better yet, no. Don't see it, don't believe it, not unless a case of restless leg syndrome sounds like a fun time at the movies.

The most shocking thing about Harry and Max isn't the subject matter. The most shocking thing is just how tepid it is.

The Sitter is not (Funny). At all. By any definition, although an argument might be made for the alternate meanings "perplexing," "deceptive" and "slightly unwell."

Movies don't get much worse.

There's so much torture and suffering in this movie, it starts to feel like "Zero Dark Smurfy."

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn is more than horrible. It should not exist. Money should never have been raised for it. The screenplay should never have been filmed. Margot Robbie shouldn’t have produced it. She certainly shouldn’t have starred in it. It’s just a terrible thing to inflict on audiences, who, after all, didn’t hurt anyone and just hoped to have a nice time.

An amazing film amazingly tasteless, tin-eared and awkward, but amazing all the same. Anyone with a predilection for bad movies might want to see it, if only in an inspecting-the-wreckage spirit, since because movies this misguided come but once or twice a year.

Remember that manic, rambling Oscar acceptance speech, when Benigni leapt around the auditorium? That might have been charming for two or three minutes, but imagine two hours of it.

It's even less funny than it sounds. By the end, this soporific comedy makes 105 minutes feel more like a two-year hitch.

Despite its actors, its lush photography and its obvious seriousness of purpose, is as close to a form of torture as any film ever devised. I can't think of any individuals I dislike so much as to force them to see this picture.

After 96 minutes with these people, you’ll care even less than you do now.

There's bad, there's awful and there's horrible, and then somewhere beyond that, in its own Kingdom of Lousy -- where all the milk curdles and the jokes aren't funny -- is License to Wed, the latest ghastly exercise starring Robin Williams.

The movie is 105 minutes long but seems about 45 minutes longer, with uneventful stretches and at least three sections where the action stops for musical interludes featuring goopy pop music.

The Comedy, one of the most self-indulgent, pretentious and unfunny movies of the year, is a mean-spirited piece of mumblecore that tries to provoke you, but only succeeds in boring you.

Doesn't work at all. Even the structure is off.

The absurdity of seeing these two young actors impersonating garbage men, combined with a script that's so clumsy it's remarkable, makes the first 10 minutes or so of Men at Work perversely entertaining. But the fun of laughing at the movie fades quickly. [25 Aug 1990, p.C3]

Listless, self-absorbed slackers stare into computer monitors, groan about their lives and moan during cyber sex in On_Line. It makes you wonder, is there is a market for soft-porn movies for lonely geeks? Isn't that what computers are for in the first place?

Bitch Slap is garbage. It's self-aware garbage - garbage that explores and celebrates, in postmodern fashion, precisely what it means to be garbage. But that doesn't make it stink any less.

Any way you slice it, it is still pointless.

Gazecki's film is so journalistically flawed and needlessly melodramatic that it will be treasured only by those who share his singular vision.

The race is on for worst film of the year honors. Among the top contenders: Men Cry Bullets.

Suspiria is not just a movie unworthy of your time. It’s an experience one should reflexively recoil from, up there with things like fire, pain, humiliation and embarrassment. Easily, it’s one of the worst movies of 2018.

Muddled and endless.

Shore possesses only two talents -- his ability to assume yoga-like positions and fondle his own behind, and his mystifying knack for getting starring roles in bad movies.

To say Venom: Let There Be Carnage is not worth seeing is not enough. It’s not worth admitting into your life, even as an option. You’ve read a review of it. That’s enough. Now, never think of it again for the rest of your life.

Daniel Day-Lewis has emerged from retirement to do something he has never done before — make a truly horrible movie.

If garbage could think, it would look down on 9 Dead Gay Guys as garbage.

Take a wretched premise. Imagine the worst picture that could be made from it. Then imagine something even worse. That's Alien vs. Predator.

Silent Hill has plenty of bad acting, bad dialogue and a confusing plot -- all of which become exponentially more painful when the movie goes on forever.

Annoyingly simplistic.

Truly awful.

A stupid comedy with toddlers talking like hip '90s grown-ups.

The most disingenuous film of the year. A sham. Pathetic. Embarrassing. The people behind this movie, which was made in Afghanistan, should be ashamed of themselves.

When the books are written, The War With Grandpa — the first family film to hit theaters since the pandemic — will have a special place in De Niro’s vast and varied cinematic legacy as the absolute worst movie he ever made.

Desperately unfunny action comedy.

An ugly, misguided exercise.

It is a colossal bomb, an epic miscalculation, an excuse for actor self-indulgence and for what sounds very much like bad improvisation.

A comedy without laughs. The people on screen laugh more than the audience. I'd be willing to bet that the average person laughs more during any given 105 minutes of the workday than they would during all of Ski Patrol. Even if they go to Ski Patrol having had a few drinks. [05 Mar 1990, p.F1]

This may be hard to believe, but there's not a single moment of drama or tension in any of the action sequences. And the film is made up almost entirely of action.

Inert, incompetent and emotionally fraudulent.

America: The Motion Picture isn’t really a failure, because it doesn’t even try.

Unoriginal, except in the ways that it’s bad.

There still is no life on Mars. Red Planet is airless.

Unoriginal, frequently incomprehensible and cheaply made.

Four screenwriters are credited with this sloppy piece of work. Divide the embarrassment into quarters.

The Garfield Movie is a reheated tray of stale lasagna.

Movies don't get worse than Good Burger, a wretched little comedy. It's a movie that inspires wonder -- at how it got made and released.

Cage’s latest film, Jiu Jitsu must represent his career worst — and keep in mind, this is the man who made 1989’s “Vampire’s Kiss,” in which he ate a cockroach.

The Collection is bloody, disgusting and ridiculous, but the one thing it's not is horror, not real horror, not in the sense of tense or scary. It's not cinema, either. It's not even fun.

Offers only tired jokes, grimace-worthy physical comedy and bad, bad acting.

Scooby-Doo, where are you? The real one, I mean. The rest of this mess is just a series of nonsensical action sequences.

Is it good bad? Nah. It's just bad. It's so bad it makes "Machete," the other movie based on a mock trailer from "Grindhouse," look like high-gloss Kubrickian satire.

Full of action without thrills, comedy without laughs, noise without meaning and violence without reason (or even any cool combat choreography), it’s a headache with a Hollywood marketing budget.

In slightly less than 1,000 years, the competition for worst film of the third millennium will be fierce. Yet the smart money may well be on the Korean art film Lies.

Like “Chinatown” with no stakes or “The Big Lebowski” minus the laughs, Poolman is a neo-noir comedy that shares just one quality with its superior influences: a palpable love for Los Angeles in all its corrupt, cruddy glory.

Stay far, far away.

Desperately wants to deal dramatically with the legitimate issues of homosexuality, tolerance, homelessness and drug use. But to do so, the movie, like Ethan, would first need to grow up.

Typical of some of the absurd moments in this film is a long drawn-out fist fight between the hero and Frank, who almost kill each other because Frank is too proud to try on the magic dark glasses. It is completely stupid. [5 Nov 1988]

Cocktail is unbelievable - a picture that sets itself up as a gritty, authentic character study but is laughable, false and stupid in all its details. The only connection to reality here is that there are actually such things as bartenders. [29 Jul 1988, p.E1]

Not counting no-budget movies with casts of nonprofessionals, The Humans is one of the worst-directed films in recent memory. It plays like a wicked practical joke or a deliberate act of sabotage.

Show Dogs is really bad, even for a talking-dog movie.

This utterly tasteless crime film about Tokyo’s top madam, a drug dealer and a serial killer is one of the worst films of the year.

With Lake at the center, something that could have been innocuous becomes painful, and a sure shot at mediocrity is transformed into one of the worst films of the year.

This half-baked sci-fi horror film, filled with jerky, washed-out, highlighted, blurred and toned imagery, is a tiresome experience.

A sour story with a repellent lead character, deadly comic schtick and tin-eared direction to produce 90 minutes of sheer, plodding mirthlessness.

The whole movie is like that: cute, dead and endless.

The Out-Laws is dead on arrival.

Why Him? takes a comic situation and then does everything it can to undermine it. It’s more than unfunny. It’s anti-funny. It doesn’t provoke laughter or even neutral silence, but an increasingly stunned disdain. It is the movie equivalent of putting on a plaster life mask and letting it dry and lock your face into an expression of blank misery.

Even worse, Deerlaken, Wis., is supposed to be the “real” America, but Stewart has little interest in depicting an honest version of Midwesterners, or their problems. No actual issues that affect the town are discussed. (I have no idea what the economy of the town is, if people are struggling or what.)

Frankly, we are left with nothing, except with a movie that insists that we love it — or worse, assumes we will — because its subject is so worthy. Even on that score, that of convincing us of the worthiness of its subject, Maudie falls down.

The young people in Nowhere spend a lot of time worrying about the world coming to an end. Watching these sour characters abuse themselves and one another, the more immediate concern becomes: When is this movie going to end?

At best this is a film for the under-7 crowd. But it would be better to wait for the video. And a very rainy day.