The Snowman is ugly and nasty, but that’s not the worst of it. The worst is that it’s boring and makes no sense.

Though the Jill problem is too insurmountable to ignore, almost everything else in this comedy succeeds.

Too bad the movie is spoiling the view.

Falls apart immediately, then limps on for 45 minutes more.

probably less painful than actual childbirth, but it's still a very long 86 minutes.

Numbskull cinema scrapes new depths.

It isn't simple bad taste that Formula 51 deals in, but a total vacuum of feeling.

The Condemned isn't post-modern junk, smirky junk, faux junk or clever junk. It's pure junk, with a certain integrity to it.

A big disappointment.

Dumb.

(Driver) is stuck in a mess of a movie that suffers from awkward writing, a plot with major disconnects in plausibility, an annoyingly screechy kid character and cheesy production values.

About as weak a movie as can be made without actively trying.

You've never seen a movie go from awwwww to ewwwww so fast.

A mean-spirited comedy...that steals the rampaging-psycho-chick formula from ``Fatal Attraction'' and tries to make it funny.

Bakery in Brooklyn is entertaining fluff more suitable for the Lifetime or Hallmark channels than theaters.

Works overtime for just a handful of chuckles and a few big yuks.

Wilson and Helms favor Bradshaw in likability. But they are not two hours’ worth of likable, in a film this flawed.

It is aimed primarily at children, and its affectionate treatment of animals is certain to please most of them.

An unblushing sex farce often so raw it might make even fairly open-minded people feel a bit uncomfortable.

The movie can barely muster the bravery to be even "Dude, Where's My Car" stoopid.

Anyone wondering what 1960s TV show Ironside would have been like if Raymond Burr had been a dirty cop gets their answer courtesy of Morgan Freeman in the dreadful new thriller Vanquish.

Pokemon is over.

Props to the Weinstein Brothers for having the guts to release a slasher film on Christmas Day. Too bad this one is the cinematic equivalent of tryptophan.

Innocuous and dull.

Not only less than horrible, but actually occasionally enjoyable.

You've probably seen this movie before, watching a child play with his toy Hot Wheels cars after eating multiple bowls of sugary breakfast cereal.

A purposely inane mishmash of maudlin love story, gastrointestinal gags and shredding snowboard scenes, Out Cold has a couple of laughs but mostly wipes out.

Remember that manic, rambling Oscar acceptance speech, when Benigni leapt around the auditorium? That might have been charming for two or three minutes, but imagine two hours of it.

Vulgarity is fine when it’s pure and democratic. But when it’s mixed with sentiment, it feels false. That’s the problem with Buddy Games.

A hodgepodge of half-baked visual styles can't disguise the fact that this dismal thriller is all situation and no story.

Filled with overly processed situations it tries to sell with manic energy, "Kranks" is canned, hammy and rolling as fast as it can.

Unfortunately, the scares aren’t particularly scary, the lessons aren’t particularly compelling, and the ultimate resolution takes far too long to arrive at a conclusion that’s far too pat.

Standing Ovation is an innovative film in the sense that every minute or so it comes up with a different way of being annoying. Moreover, it often goes for a layered effect, in which it's annoying in two or three ways simultaneously.

It is possible to watch 90 minutes of this comedy without once cracking a smile. [12 Jan 1994]

In the same genre as the Farrellys' "There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber," only lousy.

This so-called comedy is so not funny, it makes "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" look like Chaplin.

Norm of the North feels as if it intended to be a better movie, but got confused along the way.

If garbage could think, it would look down on 9 Dead Gay Guys as garbage.

Although the movie doesn't turn the Zodiac saga into a slasher film, it has the look of a straight-to-video movie, or at best a Project Greenlight production.

It's standard slasher fare but has its moments.

While Kal Penn manages a decent lead performance as Taj, the writing is terrible.

Voyeuristically wallows in the sadistic violence it professes to deplore. What hypocrisy!

The equivalent of a full-course meal with no calories. It is a mirage of a movie, 100 minutes of nothing.

The rambling Life Itself is a multigenerational drama about the messiness of life, but the emotional impact of the movie gets lost in the messiness of its screenplay. And though there is not one subpar acting performance, the film itself comes off as an exercise in self-consciousness.

While often cliche ridden and preposterous, it's too busy and loud to put anyone to sleep.

For about half of its running time, Hellraiser: Bloodline is watchable. In fact -- let's throw around the superlatives -- it's mildly entertaining. [9 March 1996, p.B3]

Numbing.

While the plot is worthless and the battle scenes cheap-looking and unengrossing, Wing Commander has clearly defined characters and relationships. In other words, the film's young actors have nothing interesting to say, but they say it well.

An overstuffed, underfed numbskull movie.

The need for a sequel was zero - proved by the fact that the characters end the movie pretty much exactly where they started it.

Has an air of detachment and sadness, enhanced by the movie's being set a full quarter century ago.

Hackl weaves scenes from the previous films into this one in clever ways, without adding to the confusion. The director also does a good job of maintaining the dark tone, which includes FBI offices that look as if they're being illuminated by night-lights, and dungeons that look as if you'd catch a venereal disease or two just by touching the door handles.

A comedy so unfunny, it's tragic.

A dull, boring, poorly acted, limply written and thoroughly unappealing fantasy, featuring bland characters locked in a struggle of no interest.

Knows its audience and doesn't stint on the flatulence jokes, poop jokes, leg-humping dogs and moments of homo-panic.

A truly awful mix of bad direction, nonsensical story line and dialogue that appears to have been made up on the spot.

It's a dishonest satire that manages to be (disingenuously) contemptuous of white people and (unintentionally) condescending toward black people, without ever being funny.

Nobody would claim it adds up to much of a comedy. It's strictly for someone looking for a goof-off.

Has an unrelenting staccato quality. Some would say a jackhammer quality.

Why, if Chase is such a funny guy, does he make such unfunny movies?

Bitch Slap is garbage. It's self-aware garbage - garbage that explores and celebrates, in postmodern fashion, precisely what it means to be garbage. But that doesn't make it stink any less.

It is an embarrassment and an insult to a character that has been beloved by kids for 45 years.

No one is likely to claim it's a great, or even good, movie, but it does offer some guilty pleasures.

What we have here isn't a disaster, exactly, but a very handsomely produced let-down.

This land of sweetness and light may appeal to many, but to some it is going to seem like living hell.

Less an original product than a shoddy tribute to other mediocre cop movies.

This is the weird thing, Old Dogs is not that bad.

That closing-credits sequence is by far the funniest thing in the disappointing movie,

Why was the sight of scrawny Woody Allen kissing pretty Diane Keaton never revolting, while scrawny David Spade kissing beautiful Sophie Marceau in Lost & Found is the creepiest cinematic sight of the year?

The temptation arises to say something nice about Grown Ups 2 just because it doesn't cause injury. But no, it's a bad movie, too, just old-school bad, the kind that's merely lousy and not an occasion for migraines or night sweats.

It's an interesting technique -- the blurring of reality and "movies" -- but Korine's objective is so narrow and mean, and his viewpoint so colored by smug, adolescent condescension, that Gummo comes off like a mean-spirited prank.

To call this effort misguided would be kind. The job this "prequel" does on the original Dumb and Dumber is the movie equivalent of surgery that removes all the vital organs and then gives the patient a prosthetic third arm. What's needed isn't there, and what's here we don't need.

Wild Orchid is a funny movie, an unintentional scream that sets itself up as a journey into the land of eroticism. [28 Apr 1990, p.C3]

Ill conceived and unworthy (and dull and ridiculous).

Movies don't get much worse.

Cheesy.

A feeble excuse for a movie.

Everything about it is manufactured -- the emotions are false, the sentiments are phony, and the story is a construction of mirthless silliness. It's a product, not a creative expression.

Though predictable, isn't half bad.

Valentine isn't scary, but it is unsettling; not ultimately satisfying, but arresting in the moment.

A film to be enjoyed only by science-fiction movie completists and middle school boys with extreme cases of attention deficit disorder.

At least one chapter in the yet-to-be-written book "When Bad Movies Happen to Good People" belongs to the folks of Company Man.

The most thoroughly joyless and inept film of the year, and one of the worst of the decade. We're talking about a disaster, and not of the fun "Showgirls" variety, either.

Even camp status eludes this tepid and misguided picture.

Lange seems at a loss to know how to convey Martha's malevolence -- and writer-director Jonathan Darby offers almost no guidance.

The picture itself seems stoned. Line readings and whole scenes are abandoned midstream, as if Pooh lacked the attention span to see his ideas through.

It's even less funny than it sounds. By the end, this soporific comedy makes 105 minutes feel more like a two-year hitch.

Perry isn't the only thing wrong with Serving Sara, but he's the thing that takes a pleasantly mediocre movie and turns it into an unpleasantly mediocre one.

So while The Fanatic isn’t doing anything particularly new, it knows exactly the movie it wants to be. There’s a trashy, pulp energy powering us through the efficient 88-minute run time — long enough to invest us in the stakes, short enough not to wear out its welcome.

A very stupid movie, with many more failed jokes than successful ones. Worse yet, much of the comedy is kind of mean.

Exactly what the title implies: mindless.

An unfunny fish-out-of-water comedy.

Only a couple of good gags in its pileup of otherwise lame jokes keep the production from being an unqualified stinker.

The Nutcracker in 3D will be barely recognizable to fans of the beloved holiday classic. Imagine watching Tchaikovsky's ballet after taking a handful of peyote - on a day when all of the dancers call in sick and the orchestra decides to play a different set of the composer's works.

That Vampires Suck is a step above god-awful is something of a miracle.

Never comes alive.

The overall aura is kind of ... welcoming. It’s impossible to take seriously, but easy to take.

If you're like me and think that any Pacino movie is sort of worth seeing, so long as he never says, "Hoo-ha," then 88 Minutes won't be a total disappointment.