Considering how slick and glossy the presentation is, there's very little spark to the actual gameplay itself. [Sept 2012, p.109]

Three and a half hours of scrappy, ugly tower defence. And what's worst is that there's only one in-game music track. In a game about Heavy Metal? Rubbish. [Aug 2012, p.101]

It's another MISS - and this time with creakier graphics. [July 2012, p.98]

Bad frame rate, horrid voice acting, stupid story, crap weapons, confusing, overpriced. [July 2012, p.93]

A poorly designed game that allows you to create more poorly designed games, then inflict them on other unfortunates. [June 2012, p.106]

An overpriced puzzler that presents you with the bare bones of a game. [June 2012, p.106]

Even if you're a huge fan of zombie games, play something else. Anything else. [June 2012, p.101]

A competent golf game, but also a fussy, bland and entirely forgettable one. [May 2012, p.108]

Painful to play alone, this is best endured with friends or lots of beer. [May 2012, p.99]

Target audience includes sniggering schoolboys, students and journalists. [May 2012, p.99]

Even for those lacking in critical faculties, there are are better dance games out there. [May 2012, p.98]

Dry presentation and limited interaction. Home run? Not quite. [May 2012, p.98]

Simply a dreadful game. [May 2012, p.97]

Less a twist on the genre, more a re-draw with a different coloured pencil. [Apr 2012, p.101]

Flip-book frame rate, terrible visuals. [Apr 2012, p.101]

An utterly soulless collection of impossibly difficult sports games that will make everyone hate everything. [Apr 2012, p.100]

Neither compelling nor a decent rhythm-actioner. [Apr 2012, p.49]

Localisation stinginess has given us the worst possible version of a half-arsed port of a not-very-good Wii game. [March 2012, p.97]

This one sucks. [Feb 2012, p.101]

We just sigh for what could have been. [Feb 2012, p.101]

Wait for snow and venture outside instead. [Feb 2012, p.100]

An interesting attempt to recreate a dance game on a touch screen, but far too fiddly to be fun. [Feb 2012, p.100]

We can only hope this barren minigame collection is the testing ground for a proper Gremlins revival, as there's zero reason for it to exist otherwise. [Feb 2012, p.99]

As a game, Escape Trick: Rock City Prison is turgid and infuriating. [Jan 2012, p.123]

A phenomenon like Moshi Monsters owes its trusting fanbase better. [Jan 2012, p.117]

Shonky physics, bland tracks, hopelessly vague powerups - this one's got it all! [Jan 2012, p.116]

As shocking as dunking your Wii into the bathtub... Let this one sink without a trace. [Jan 2012, p.106]

It's fast and competent, but rounds last too long, descending into tedium. [Christmas 2011, p.79]

How about instead going into your back garden and flicking cheese footballs at a ladybird. Much more fun. [Christmas 2011, p.79]

These 'innovations' result in a game that's staggeringly boring. [Christmas 2011, p.77]

Trade in your mum's copy of this as soon as she inevitably buys it. [Christmas 2011, p.77]

A poorly conceived, confusing rhythm game. [Christmas 2011, p.76]

The makings of a great sim let down by terrible AI and scrappy graphics. [Christmas 2011, p.75]

N-Space's reach exceeds DS's grasp. Give this nonsense a miss and wait for their excellent Heroes of Ruin on 3DS instead. [Christmas 2011, p.68]

A C64 platform game in 3DS clothes, and not very convincing ones at that. [Dec 2011, p.79]

A monstrosity...Please don't indulge this. [Dec 2011, p.77]

Lame object hunt. [Dec 2011, p.77]

Certainly feels like a chore. [Dec 2011, p.77]

The evidence trails are so insultingly simple to follow that even the Italian police couldn't bodge them. [Dec 2011, p.75]

The game chugs harder than Captain Haddock at a distillery. [Dec 2011, p.75]

The by-the-numbers platforming is both predictably lazy and embarrassingly cheap. [Dec 2011, p.74]

In short, you should avoid this like a bear hug from Doc Octopus. [Dec 2011, p.74]

The 3D judders horribly. [Dec 2011, p.72]

Unoriginal get competent platforming, dismal vehicle interludes. Devoid of fresh ideas. [Dec 2011, p.68]

A lazy, ugly, soulless, cheeky and cheap rip-off. But just about competent with it. [Nov 2011, p.77]

Explosive Megamix is about as welcome as explosive diarrhoea. [Nov 2011, p.75]

A contradiction on wheels. [Nov 2011, p.75]

Ugly sprite work. [Nov 2011, p.75]

The game becomes the chore it aims to send up. [Nov 2011, p.75]

It makes Space Jam look like a sophisticated and well-considered movie. [Nov 2011, p.73]

The tracklist isn't bad. [Nov 2011, p.72]

Thunderously dumb combat in an endless succession of technically borked corridors. [Nov 2011, p.65]

With a few more months' development this might have come good. But in this state not even Professor Xavier could convince us to play it again.

Taking a simple formula and injecting it with cruelty is rarely a good way to win new fans. Frustration, thy spirit animal is a digital frog.

A slight iPhone game that feels even slighter on Wii. Get Airport Mania instead. [Oct 2011, p.77]

It might be simple, repetitive and nowhere near worth the asking price, but Urban Champion is a pleasant enough retro diversion for half an hour or so. [Oct 2011, p.76]

Congratulations, Nordcurrent, you've made the worst game of the year. [Oct 2011, p.75]

Shonky controls, confusing layout, boring grey graphics, rubbish animation. [Oct 2011, p.75]

Not awful, then, but crushingly generic. [Oct 2011, p.70]

Survive the frustration and it'll soon be replaced by boredom, leaving you feeling like you really have just had your time stolen. [Oct 2011, p.70]

Not just the giant cheapo pile of rubbish we expected - just a tiny, feeble, overpriced piece of crap. A genuinely awful addition to the 3DS library. [Oct 2011, p.58]

Xevious on 3DS was inevitable. Shame they didn't do anything with it. [Sept 2011, p.77]

There's no charm, no innovation and no style, but it is a moderately entertaining game. [Sept 2011, p.76]

Which dummy thought dumping you back to the main menu screen after each round was a good idea? [Sept 2011, p.73]

It's false economy to even consider picking this up. [Sept 2011, p.73]

Ideally suited for very young children with short attention spans, but woefully short. [Sept 2011, p.73]

There's really no excuse to get this. [Sept 2011, p.72]

Avoid this game like you would one of the films. [Sept 2011, p.72]

Makes us wish it had never been invented. [Sept 2011, p.71]

Another lazy cash-in. [Sept 2011, p.64]

Unresponsive to the point of irresponsibility. [Aug 2011, p.79]

Avoid. [Aug 2011, p.75]

The crushing problem here is that the bland, murky environments make navigation a chore. [Aug 2011, p.75]

Even their signature vehicle forms are samey. [Aug 2011, p.74]

Even their signature vehicle forms are samey. [Aug 2011, p.74]

We're going to leave this out on the street and hope it gets towed. [Aug 2011, p.74]

This brawler is a step down from the first Panda game - and with barely any drawing elements, it's stupid that uDraw is mandatory. [Aug 2011, p.72]

Hold out for the vastly superior Shinobi. [Aug 2011, p.72]

It's hard not to be insulted and even harder to wring enjoyment from this. [Aug 2011, p.68]

We HATE this game. [Aug 2011, p.67]

A collection of ordinary games with no soul and an awkward gimmick. [Aug 2011, p.66]

Pretty, and pretty hollow. [July 2011, p.76]

A crap DS game. [July 2011, p.71]

Do you pine for a game where it takes the best part of an afternoon to kill an enemy? Then this is the uninspired film tie-in for you! [July 2011, p.64]

A platforming throwback to the golden era of the Nokia N-Gage. [June 2011, p.71]

Unfortunately, it's rendered almost unplayable by the low-res DS screen. [June 2011, p.66]

This game only confirms our anti-Thor prejudice. He IS crap. [June 2011, p.64]

One of the weaker GO games, Captain Sub lacks the smarts we've come to expect. [May 2011, p.75]

There's nothing broken here, but it's entirely worthless. [May 2011, p.71]

It's not enough. [May 2011, p.71]

Lacklustre. [May 2011, p.71]

Runs so sluggishly. [May 2011, p.70]

This isn't the sort of thing you play for the 'game' part, is it? [May 2011, p.70]

Basic, crude, ugly. [May 2011, p.69]

More tech demo than anything else. [May 2011, p.65]

This repetitive title somehow manages to make dinos seem dull. [May 2011, p.56]

It's like someone reduced Super Mario Bros to its essence, then skimmed the fun off the top. [May 2011, p.51]

An oldie but a goodie. Alas, also a shortie. [May 2011, p.50]