If the sight of naked, sweaty French hunks gets you going, well, then, Three Dancing Slaves is a must-see.

Deadly serious about its message: that the West is just as vicious and corrupt as Africa.

A work of drama, it's more realistic than any TV reality show.

Eggleston doesn't speak much, and when he does, it's usually a mutter, forcing Almereyda to use subtitles. Fortunately, Eggleston's photographs come across loud and clear.

Seriously lost in the woods. This aimless epic about a pair of charlatan brothers sinks under the weight of a problematic script, questionable star casting, hamfisted editing -- and penny-pinching by Gilliam’s latest patrons, the Brothers Weinstein.

A cheesy, often unintentionally funny, direct-to-video-caliber knockoff of "Aliens" that couldn't be more shallow.

It isn't a really good movie, but there's real talent in it.

A zero-joke romantic comedy.

Fairly sexy and stylish. Alas, it's also quite silly and not especially scary.

There are no women or straight men left in Taipei. At least that's the impression left by Formula 17, in which every single person (except for one child) is a gay cutie.

Writer-director Erik Van Looy keeps the action moving briskly. Danny Elsen's cinematography is stylish and the acting top-notch.

Tedious left-wing documentary.

A calculating crowd-pleaser aimed squarely at the under-25 crowd, who can feel free to add a star or two to my rating.

In short, Red Eye hits the bull's-eye.

The best sequence comes when the gang meet a saucy French lady mouse who works for the Resistance and at moments of high drama sings "Je Ne Regrette Rien" ("Ah!" your children will say. "At last, an Edith Piaf joke!")

There's not enough good material to fill the film's overlong 105 minutes. Is there an editor in the house?

A schmaltz-laden soap opera from Saskatchewan.

Savage yet spellbinding.

The 25-year-old filmmaker takes no sides himself. Wisely, he allows folks of all opinions to put their feet in their mouths all by themselves.

A collection of product plugs masquerading as a movie en route to home video.

More than the story of a disillusioned old man, Lustre is a loving tribute to New York.

While type-A Pierson worries about his projectionist showing up and a break-in at his family's home, his wife frets that the mass importation of American films will contaminate the local culture.

Expect a sequel -- perhaps one with a more satisfying conclusion.

Strictly summer schlock.

A vile and laughless follow-up to Schneider's 1999 hit.

Four Brothers? Ringling Brothers is more like it, because John Singleton's latest stinks like something the elephants left behind. It's not clear what the film is trying to do, but it seems safe to guess that it's doing it wrong.

I hereby award the World War II drama The Great Raid a Cement Star for faithful and distinguished service to the cause of mediocrity.

McKellen, Csokas, Bonneville and particularly Richardson are so good and convincing in their characterizations that you can almost overlook the increasingly unbelievable twists that Asylum takes. Almost.