The real mystery here is why this slapdash semi-effort didn't go straight to video.

Shoddily made, boring and, most shockingly, without a single decent scare.

Imagine “The Graduate” as rewritten by a golden retriever, and you’ll have some inkling of the intelligence level in the rom-com All Relative.

This partially animated, charm-free atrocity is awful enough to instantly cure any remaining nostalgia for the rodent trio.

Even with appearances by such dependable performers as Toni Collette, Stellan Skarsgård, Christopher Plummer and Jean Reno, the interminable Hector and the Search for Happiness will most likely inspire audiences to search for the exit door.

Tedious and tawdry.

The longer the movie goes on, the more annoying Benigni's infantile behavior becomes.

In order: bland, annoying and misused.

The ineptly made Animal Cannibal isn't remotely convincing as reality, and worse, isn't remotely entertaining as fiction.

Should have been stopped at customs -- as family entertainment, it constitutes child abuse.

Lame spoof.

God, if you exist, why do you keep letting morons like Walsch get rich?

Paul Schrader’s The Canyons is not the worst movie of 2013 — it's marginally better than "InAPPpropriate Comedy" and "Scary Movie 5," two even worse bombs that Lindsay Lohan also lent her rapidly diminishing talents to — but it is surely the most boring I’ve seen.

Burzynski is dull, dull, dull, even for an infomercial.

A vile and laughless follow-up to Schneider's 1999 hit.

Time to pull the plug on this brain-dead franchise.

Tacky-looking, incoherent, badly acted and hopelessly directed disaster is easily the dullest adventure film of 2000.

Sirius requires a religious faith in the notion that the same government that can barely get it together to raise the debt ceiling can suppress all evidence of aliens, via means such as engineering 9/11 as a distraction when Greer got too close to proving his case.

Offensive and unwatchable.

Crudely animated, badly dubbed, incomprehensible, boring -- and headache-inducing -- attempt to wring a few more yen and dollars out of a thoroughly spent franchise.

A root canal seems a more pleasurable way to pass two hours than this interminable vanity knockoff of "Traffic" about troubled Angelenos.

Aspires to be a highly stylized exploration of the mind of a serial killer, but it's nothing more than a gory, bloodsoaked snuff film, reveling in its own shock value.

A couple of years ago, a disaster like Shadow boxer - with the hapless Cuba Gooding Jr. scraping below the bottom of the barrel - would have gone straight to video or been buried on an obscure cable channel at 3 a.m.

Music is totally unwatchable.

Racist, stupid and boasting cheesy effects.

Little more than 91 minutes of cheesy special effects in search of a remotely coherent story.

Even by the extremely low standards of the genre, When in Rome gets failing marks for chemistry, credibility and even coherence.

A shoddy, slapdash look at issues raised by the Great Depression that neither gives an adequate overview nor manages to argue a coherent thesis.