Take away Once Upon a Crime's star-studded cast and sunny Monte Carlo vistas and what you have left is a dachshund in a green plaid vest. An apt image: The movie is a real dog. [12 March 1992, p.F5]

If Dreamcatcher ultimately feels like an unwieldy pastiche, at least it's never boring.

Unfortunately, The Corsican Brothers isn't very funny. This does not exactly make us nostalgic for other, less purposeful C- and-C films, but it does serve as a sad reminder that their first, Up in Smoke, for all its excesses, was funnier than anything they have been able to manage since. [30 July 1984, p.C5]

Road is about as much fun as a flat tire. [10 Apr 1987, p.D5]

Freddy simply isn't as scary as he used to be, even though Jackie Earle Haley, taking over from Robert Englund in the role, plays Krueger essentially straight, keeping the one-liners to a minimum.

The movie itself frustrates by guarding the secret of Walsch's newfound spirituality.

It's full of lively and crude sexual banter, discussions of hookups and sex and Joel McHale's bare butt. Oddly, all this makes the film funnier and more accessible than you might imagine.

In Happy Tears, Posey lands a juicy starring role designed to showcase her eccentric energy, and she's so delighted by the opportunity that her happiness infuses the movie: She keeps the first half of Happy Tears aloft on a cloud of endearing tics and mannerisms.

The third -- and thinnest and weakest and least funny -- installment in Ice Cube's popular Friday series.

First-time writer-director Robert Resnikoff's visual style is bland at best, and his script has nothing memorable in it -- except for unbelievable occurrences. [12 Apr 1990, p.F8]

Exhausts you with its derivative stupidity, leaving you weak and bored and weary of comedy that's not funny, action that's not exciting, dialogue that's not clever. It's not even an adequate rip-off of the TV show.

What a mere adult reviewer has to say about this 70-minute film is probably irrelevant. Pokémon fans will see it -- and love it -- regardless.

Unless you're a constipated horse or a lover of truly tasteless cinema, A Fine Mess is one you don't want to wander into. [8 Aug 1986, p.D15]

Applegate is fun to watch; I'll bet she can act, though nothing here tests her. Stephen Herek may even be able to direct. But on this evidence, who could tell? [08 June 1991, p.E5]

For the first time in the film series, Harris wrote the screenplay himself, which means the movie is practically identical to the book. In other words, they both stink.

Freejack is among the most incoherent sci-fi action films we've seen in a while, despite the credentials of producer- screenwriter Ronald Shusett, who brought us Total Recall and Alien. [24 Jan 1992, p.G5]

And because it is less bound by formula -- less stupid, if that can be comprehended -- than Porky's, Screwballs is funnier. That is not saying much, but Screwballs was not conceived as a film for scholarly inquiry. If you like naked women posing as high-school cheerleaders, your moment has arrived.

A $100 million production of a 10-cent script, is so clunkily written, so bereft of any engaging ideas or emotions, you'd think De Palma would have sneered at it on first reading and passed

A workmanlike thriller that works. The film is a victory for both first-time feature director Daniel Sackheim and budding star Leelee Sobieski.

It does boast loads of cool gadgetry and some impressive special effects. It's not much, but at least the movie always gives you something to look at.

When Ephron gives Ferrell and Kidman a musical number that's supposed to be sweet and uplifting, the movie feels downright creepy.

The Back-up Plan is about as much fun as 36 hours of labor, only you don't get to go home with a baby at the end. Instead, you leave with a throbbing headache and a lot of questions about why anybody still thinks Jennifer Lopez can anchor a movie.

With its unfathomably stupid plot, half-hearted laughs and slow-witted action, can only be considered a waste of time. Especially yours.

On the Line's cutesy premise is no more ridiculous than that of most romantic comedies.

A pleasant if unremarkable romantic comedy that plays out like a sitcom with great scenery.

Even when his scripts aren't working, Shyamalan knows how to frame shots and build suspense. The Happening, even more than his previous films, has a visual elegance and subtlety that helps to overcome the less successful aspects of the plot.

This is a problem for a story located deep underwater, because without an immediate, photogenic threat, the movie literally has nowhere to go. The hard-working cast, led by Greg Evigan, Miguel Ferrer and the psychedelically named Taurean Blacque, lurches from bulkhead to air lock on cue, but accomplishes little beyond contributing to a growing sense of claustrophobia. [16 Jan 1989, p.7]

It takes a concerted effort to make a movie as relentlessly stupid and grating as 15 Minutes.