It looks so realistic that you’d swear that you’re watching a television broadcast—fake-breasted cheerleaders and all.

It’s just too bad that one of [the missions] doesn’t demand that you seduce a curvy, green alien girl, James T. Kirk-style.

The gameplay is so addicting that you might just forget that there’s no chance of Venus Williams’ mini-skirt fluttering up in the wind.

You won’t find any new gameplay features, but what you do get a skies-are-the-limit bevy of new eclectic characters, gaudy furniture, and fancy-pants neighborhoods.

Welcome to the mile-high club.

Keith Jackson is good for an occasional chortle, and brings realism to the game.

A little too complicated for its own good.

Offers enough twists to make us take the bait.

After hours of useless conversation, wasted time, and unrewarding returns, chances are that Seaman will start to remind you of your ex-girlfriends.

Warning: Tenchu 2 requires a lot of patience and exploration, so if you’re looking for a mindless contest, maybe you should turn on a Presidential debate instead.

Sure, it sounds gnarly, but the frustrating control interface and primitive graphics make Surf Riders a wipeout.

You can bludgeon guys with pipes, chuck them into moving traffic, or even mash them face first into sides of roasting beef. What more could a wrestling fan possibly ask for?

(Like some supermodels), there isn’t much to it beyond its looks.

It’s an endless cycle of killing creatures to get bigger weapons so that you can kill even more creatures. But who cares? “Are you not entertained?”

Maybe they should change their names to something catchy, like Fuzzy or Chi-Chi, so we can remember who the hell they are.

Too bad repetitive action, mediocre graphics, and a limited kraut’s-eye-view perspective make slaying Private Ryan and company as predictable as an episode of "Hogan’s Heroes."

Cool options such as friend/foe identification and threat readings, plus the best graphics ever on an N64 game.

Now if we ever come across a “deity wanted” ad in the Sunday classifieds, we’re ready.