If the game were any more detailed, they would have to include a “Record Shitty Rap Album” mode.

After delivering the best beer-guzzling entertainment to dorm rooms last year, this half-assed sequel plays worse than Dick Vitale’s toupee.

George Clooney would crap A Perfect Storm if he had to endure the watery challenges in this stomach-churning thrill ride.

This game doesn’t actually let you cut anything into lunchmeat except clunky Battle Droids. What fun is that?

The idea of battling enemies shaped like gelatin desserts and exploring environments resembling the paintings in your dentist’s office may sound like a bad acid flashback (or H.R. Pufnstuf rerun), yet it makes for an entertaining role-playing game.

This reckless, Crazy Taxi–like romp around town is like a high-speed dream tour for fans of the series. Almost every Simpsons character in the game is either a driver or a passenger.

Luckily, the Cinemax-quality female brawls make up for the vaguely homoerotic aspects, since nobody should be exposed to that much man-on-man action.

More than a Jedi mind trick to make you buy Nintendo's new whiz-bang console, this is the closest a video game has come to recreating a Star Wars movie.

This staggeringly polished first-person shooter (which also includes a Quake-style multiplayer option) will have even the most passive players sweating, er, bullets as they take control of an eight-foot-tall cyborg and greet intergalactic invaders with open arms-or open fire.

Though the one-player mode can get a bit stale, it's saner than picking fights at the local Teamsters hall.

At last you’ll infiltrate the secret lair, where you’ll discover…you’ve been playing a very standard-issue game.

Practice makes perfect, and EA/Maxis have cooked up a godly tool that’ll get your feet wet in the dating pool without getting your face slapped.

War is hell…unless you’re in the cockpit of the F-15 that’s dropping bombs on cavemen.

You’ll be more impressed that you can make Snake stare lecherously at a centerfold poster one minute, only to have him pop out and choke someone to death the next.

This confrontation between Crash and his massively noggined nemesis, Dr. Cortex, is the most innovative yet.

It'll take as much brains as brawn: The block-moving puzzles of the previous game have been burned at the stake in favor of some logically sound mindbenders.

Smuggling drugs isn’t much fun when it involves swallowing condoms to sneak cocaine across the border, but it’s a blast when you drive all-terrain vehicles full of contraband right through police barricades.

It's lacking any social conscience but loaded with replay value, so it'd be very disrespectful to leave this one out of your collection.

New costumes, new environments, new villains—and it’s all just as addictive as you remember.

You don’t just kill creatures, you make them into abstract art by slicing, dicing, or machine gunning ’em to bits.

It’s the perfect game for men who like speed and men who like thongs (and you know who you are). We can only imagine that Kinetica 2 will feature racing car women who secrete beer.

Even though it feels more like babysitting than crime fighting, it’s still an NRA member’s dream come true.

If the grainy, David Lynch ambiance doesn’t make your nads retract in terror, the four-legged headless guys in combat boots and leather thongs certainly will.

All of the carnage is quite satisfying (you get all the old favorites, like oil slick, smoke screen, and missles, not to mention a beefed-up “Peter Gunn” theme).

Odd adventure.

The action is so intense and over-the-top that you have to wonder if Mario Lemieux would have reconsidered unretirement if he played this game a year earlier.

The perfect alternative to those wussy slow skateboarding games, where wrecks only break your bones in two places instead of four.

It’s the perfect cross-breeding of "Super Mario Brothers" and "Hooters!"