Read Negative User Reviews for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

3

AquaticatJun 25, 2018

The plot was interesting, but the script was clunky and juvenile (almost like it was written as a translation) and the wooden acting on the part of Valerian and especially Laureline did nothing to save it. I loved the visuals, and the peopleThe plot was interesting, but the script was clunky and juvenile (almost like it was written as a translation) and the wooden acting on the part of Valerian and especially Laureline did nothing to save it. I loved the visuals, and the people in supporting roles generally were better actors, but even then, the writing quality was nowhere near the visuals. Sadly, this is a film that could be improved by redoing the dialogue and voice acting, so it may do much better in dubbed versions overseas if the writers and voice actors are skilled.… Expand

2 of 2 users found this helpful20

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0

qamasterNov 5, 2017

a lot of computer graphics - a sea of computer graphics! A lot of strange extraterrestrial creatures, animals, instruments, ships, weapons, buildings, etc., and ... a lot of nonsense things and very little sense. about 200 million euros wasa lot of computer graphics - a sea of computer graphics! A lot of strange extraterrestrial creatures, animals, instruments, ships, weapons, buildings, etc., and ... a lot of nonsense things and very little sense. about 200 million euros was spent on this film! But the result was a totally incompetent rubbish. How sad it is! I do not understand how this is possible - the author of such a beautiful work as the "fifth element" suddenly creates such a sludge? Oh, maybe because the director Luc Besson decided to work in the area where he does not understand at all? He decided to write a script... I think this is the main problem of the film - a weak screenplay. Or rather complete absence of adequate screenplay. I put zero for this movie because I could not watch more than 27 minutes. watch longer, just unbearable… Expand

7 of 8 users found this helpful71

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2

NeoReaperNov 9, 2017

This movie made me angry just by watching it. The 2 leads have no chemistry. The movie is nothing but eye candy. The people that are saying it's good have severely bad taste in movies.

7 of 8 users found this helpful71

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2

SturmhardtNov 5, 2017

Visually a nice movie, but the main protagonist is pretty unlikable and the story is as flat as a pizza. Pretty sad given the fact that the movie had loads of money to spend on very nice optics, but seemingly nothing left for the writers.

5 of 6 users found this helpful51

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3

Dragonfly44Nov 27, 2017

This movie’s worst fault is the casting. The main character is obviously supposed to be charming but Dane Dehaan just wasn’t able to deliver. All of the characters were unlikeable and the great visuals barely helped.

4 of 5 users found this helpful41

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2

djniceyNov 26, 2017

The film is visually stunning and has some great ideas, with better actors and a cohesive plot it could have been fantastic.

Unfortunately most of the movie is cringeworthy, firstly you are expected to believe a couple of wimpy high-schoolThe film is visually stunning and has some great ideas, with better actors and a cohesive plot it could have been fantastic.

Unfortunately most of the movie is cringeworthy, firstly you are expected to believe a couple of wimpy high-school kids are super tough intergalactic heroes. Quite why they have teens piloting the spaceships, and a whole galaxy depending on them, when a whole host of better suited people are around them is never explained. Then you are also expected to believe that the lead actor is some sort of lothario, and that his partner is besotted with him, but they both are completely wooden and there is no chemistry between them. The story then muddles around for a bit without purpose and Rhianna pops up for a cameo appearance to plug a song in a sequence that should have been left on the cutting room floor. The final act has no surprises and you can see what is coming from a mile off, it ends with a bizarre conclusion, and the fakest most unconvincing love scene I've ever seen in a film. Cara Delevingne rolls her eyes and acts bratish a lot and Dane DeHaan very unconvincingly plays the tough guy. Such a shame as I thought the concept had a lot of potential.… Expand

3 of 4 users found this helpful31

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3

marcmyworksNov 16, 2017

This movie is epic... an epic pile of crap. We take two space soldiers, with no personality or depth and plunk them in the middle of a badly scripted, poorly executed, over CGI'd and horribly acted sci-fi film where by the end no one caresThis movie is epic... an epic pile of crap. We take two space soldiers, with no personality or depth and plunk them in the middle of a badly scripted, poorly executed, over CGI'd and horribly acted sci-fi film where by the end no one cares who wins. When a film starts with music that sounds cheesy and out of place you know nothing is going to go right.… Expand

2 of 3 users found this helpful21

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0

Kelembribor21Feb 6, 2018

So many people like this movie , i worry for future of human kind ...
Thank god for androids i guess.

2 of 3 users found this helpful21

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1

someone132Aug 12, 2017

The main problem with Valerian is that it's less of a sci-fi movie than it is a really dumb romantic comedy that just happens to have aliens and technology letting you exist and travel through several dimensions at once (used for an actionThe main problem with Valerian is that it's less of a sci-fi movie than it is a really dumb romantic comedy that just happens to have aliens and technology letting you exist and travel through several dimensions at once (used for an action scene early on, then NEVER becomes relevant later on, when it would've solved A LOT of problems.) Moreover, it's a romantic comedy whose lead characters are openly callous (ignoring allies getting killed as a direct result of their action in favour of more "flirty" chitchat) and are so unlikeable you totally do not care whether or not they get together.

Yet, this is all the plot is interested in: most of their shared dialogue is creepy "flirting", and very little screentime is devoted to addressing their supposed mission as opposed to them having to rescue each other from completely irrelevant doldrums that only exist to cram in more action scenes and give other characters a chance to pontificate on their supposed love and how they should be together. It's sickening, especially when practically all those side characters are a lot more interesting than these leads (with the exception of THREE Jar Jar clones that crop up way too often, especially for a film made a whole decade after Star Wars prequels concluced.) I suppose all of these flaws were probably present in the source material (1960's French comic book just called "Valerian and Laureline"), but that doesn't make it look any better on screen.

The "main plot" to do with their missions, or what there is of one, is also not great to say the least: it's something like a cross between Avatar and that Star Trek movie about whales, with a very pointedly "noble savage"-like race (though again, that might have looked fresh and topical when it came out and hippies were all the rage), and what now seems like parallels refugee crisis, but at the time was probably intended to mirror Algerian and Indochina wars France went through at the time, and likely nuclear testing as well. While it would've probably still looked silly, it might've been compelling if more screentime was devoted to developing these ideas, as opposed to all the reasoning being dumped in the 10 minutes close at the end.… Expand

5 of 8 users found this helpful53

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0

DomgwyDec 18, 2017

Valerian and the City of A Thousand Planets is perhaps the greatest example of style over substance in modern film history.

Luc Besson is such a huge fan of the comic book source material he has worked tirelessly to bring the film to the bigValerian and the City of A Thousand Planets is perhaps the greatest example of style over substance in modern film history.

Luc Besson is such a huge fan of the comic book source material he has worked tirelessly to bring the film to the big screen, seeking funding from multiple independent bodies to make it the most expensive indie movie of all time. Unfortunately for the director, the end result is an absolute mess.

The film starts with a spectacular montage telling 400 years of exposition as the titular city slowly grows from an Earth space station. Soundtracked by David Bowie’s Space Oddity, this is by far the best sequence of the film. Unfortunately, it’s all down hill from there.

Despite some genuinely great visual artistry, Valerian is spoiled by stilted dialogue, a meandering plot and two horribly miscast leads.

It’s hard to think of an on-screen couple with less chemistry than Dane DaHaan and Cara Delevingne as Valerian and Laureline.

After the initial exposition of the opening scenes, it is their relationship that is the key focus of the film, with the plot very much secondary.

Unfortunately, the pair have no spark whatsoever and just sort of say their lines at each other in wooden, bland exchanges that are often cringe worthy and painful to watch.

Dane DeHann can be good, his performance in Chronicle gave us a glimpse at a realistic super-villain origin story, and for the first half of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 he made a pretty credible Harry Osborne. Here though it becomes clear that ‘swash-buckling, womanising, space agent’ is not in his repertoire. The actor is just lacking that elusive quality that you can’t really teach — charisma.

Delevingne is another story all together. At this point I’ve seen two of her cinematic outings — last year’s Suicide Squad and now Valerian. So for me, she is two for two in terms of god awful, wooden and almost film killing performances. It’s hard to get into specifics but from what I can tell she doesn’t seem to get how ‘acting’ works beyond wearing the clothes she’s told to wear and saying the words she’s told to say. As I said though, I haven’t seen Paper Towns for all I know she could be great, judging by Valerian though, it doesn’t look likely.

As the film moves on the plot about the wrongful near extinction of a species fades into the background. When it does resurface the plotting and painfully basic dialogue can barely keep it chugging along. For the most part though, the film is concerned with Valerian and Laureline and how much they care about each other/work well together/should be a couple etc. none of which works due to the aforementioned lack of chemistry.

Ultimately Valerian comes across as a poor man’s Guardians of the Galaxy and essentially shows us what might have been given some alternative casting. The reason both Guardians films work so well is the interplay between the characters, without that the films would have just been a mixture of bright colours and fun noises, and that is basically what Valerian has ended up as.

Even the visual flare of the earlier scenes gives way about half way through proceedings. After setting up a huge universe full of different species and alien environments, Besson for some reason decides we should spend the back half in the dimly lit sewers and underbelly of ‘The City of A Thousand Planets’.

The final nails in the coffin are a couple of bizarre cameo appearances from Rihanna and Ethan Hawke (what are you doing?)

I would say Rihanna’s inclusion drags the film down but the leads are already doing a pretty good job of that themselves. Instead, her section is another speed bump in a film that makes 2 hours and change feel like an eternity.

By the time the final battle gets going, we’re all past the point of caring and no amount of laser gun fights and killer robots can save us (and they usually save everything).

I’m sure Valerian will have its supporters from its pre-existing fan base, but the terrible casting accompanied by a script that has clearly been written by someone without a full grasp of the English language means it has ended up as a convoluted mess without enough flair or imagination to make it worthwhile.

There is something to be said for films that are ‘so bad they’re good’ (see my Fast and Furious 8 review for further details). Valerian, however, is just plain bad. Maybe it will become a cult classic in the future, ultimately though the film will always go down as a missed opportunity. If, for whatever reason, you do end up watching it, I have one piece of advice — in your head recast Dane DeHann and Cara Delevingne with Tom Hiddleston and Emma Stone. Better isn’t it?… Expand

3 of 5 users found this helpful32

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3

Jess_HillAug 11, 2017

The opening sequence of this film is a delight, with a montage that instills a heightened sense of curiosity about a rich and cosmopolitan universe. From such promise, however, Besson provides a film which falls so spectacularly short ofThe opening sequence of this film is a delight, with a montage that instills a heightened sense of curiosity about a rich and cosmopolitan universe. From such promise, however, Besson provides a film which falls so spectacularly short of expectations as to induce an incandescent rage at having to endure the inexorable torment of futile hope that something, anything, might redeem the experience and justify your time. The pacing is lethargic and the editing lacks coherence, the script is utterly woeful, and the chemistry between the lead couple is more akin to siblings than lovers (decidedly not of the Lannister variety!) making for some excruciating moments. Performances are wooden and without charm, and the desired social and political commentary languishes in unsophisticated banality, devoid of any emotional resonance. The storyline had some brief moments of promise, but the plot is a sieve, and whilst there is some excellent creature design and moments of cinematic grandeur, these are few and far between and fail to redeem the film from the inconsistent abyss of boring mediocrity in which it wallows. 3.23/10… Expand

7 of 12 users found this helpful75

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0

BellaSwan1992Nov 5, 2017

The visuals are gorgeous and surprisingly creative given how safe Hollywood plays it these days, but beyond that it's a trainwreck. The plot is a mess, the dialogue is brutally stilted, awkward, and exposition-heavy, and above all theyThe visuals are gorgeous and surprisingly creative given how safe Hollywood plays it these days, but beyond that it's a trainwreck. The plot is a mess, the dialogue is brutally stilted, awkward, and exposition-heavy, and above all they completely wreck both the lead characters. Valerian is supposed to be a lantern-jawed He-Man ladykiller but here he's a dead-eyed twink, and Laureline is supposed to be bubbly, feminine, and lovable (and totally in love with Valerian), but they've made her a scowling, frigid harridan obsessed with her career.

Just read the comics, they are 1000x better and will underline just how badly they botched this adaptation.… Expand

7 of 12 users found this helpful75

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3

nedykenAug 2, 2017

Some of the worst acting/writing I've ever seen in any movie - ever. Visually there's some cool stuff here, but it's doesn't give you much reason to root for the lead character. I liked Dane Dahaan in "Chronicle", but I don't understand hisSome of the worst acting/writing I've ever seen in any movie - ever. Visually there's some cool stuff here, but it's doesn't give you much reason to root for the lead character. I liked Dane Dahaan in "Chronicle", but I don't understand his casting in this role at all. They are a lock to win Razzie awards.… Expand

8 of 14 users found this helpful86

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2

demonbrownieJul 26, 2017

It's visually stunning, but the story felt underwhelming. This film had a chance to be big. If you're going in for a great story, don't because the movie won't deliver that to you. The two lead characters though....uhh no chemistry betweenIt's visually stunning, but the story felt underwhelming. This film had a chance to be big. If you're going in for a great story, don't because the movie won't deliver that to you. The two lead characters though....uhh no chemistry between the two so it was hard to watch.… Expand

10 of 18 users found this helpful108

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2

LongstraddleJul 24, 2017

Overall the movie was very disappointing. Mostly due to the story and the two main protagonists. However, the basic setting (i.e. the city of a thousand planets) in which the story takes place is interesting and is the only reason why IOverall the movie was very disappointing. Mostly due to the story and the two main protagonists. However, the basic setting (i.e. the city of a thousand planets) in which the story takes place is interesting and is the only reason why I awarded any points to this movie. Taking Avatar as a benchmark, I evaluate the movie the following way: The development of the plot is way below the benchmark and not convincing. At no moment i was touched or surprised by the story: It just didnt make any sense. The acting was below the benchmark. The relation between the protagonist seemed artificial: The "romance" is rather ridiculous and convinced me at no point of time. My conclusion is: if you expect something comparable to Avatar, you will be extremely disappointed. If you expect a good and convincing plot, you will be extremely disappoined. If you expect a few nice pictures, and a few funny moments, you will be satisfied. For me personally watching this movie was a waste of both time and money.… Expand

10 of 20 users found this helpful1010

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3

CHEENYUSAug 2, 2017

Let`s start positive with this review:
The universe is pretty cool.
That`s it. Everything asides from it is wasting a lot of potential or is just bad. The two main-characters are agents, why do they act like Jar-Jar-Binks? There is little toLet`s start positive with this review:
The universe is pretty cool.
That`s it.
Everything asides from it is wasting a lot of potential or is just bad. The two main-characters are agents, why do they act like Jar-Jar-Binks? There is little to nothing story until the end. The humor was mostly very cringy and just not funny. Some of the aliens look extremely bad animated.
There is a lot negative to say about this movie, I think you already got it that I don`t like it.… Expand

6 of 12 users found this helpful66

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3

ikejdAug 4, 2017

A confused and rather bland film. While it can certainly boast of stunning visuals(though no more than we see in the trailers) there is little else redeeming about Valerian. Its plot is confused and takes far to long to actually begin. TheA confused and rather bland film. While it can certainly boast of stunning visuals(though no more than we see in the trailers) there is little else redeeming about Valerian. Its plot is confused and takes far to long to actually begin. The stars seem uninspired and their chemistry and 'banter' is forced, artificial, and rather grinding to watch. The Rihanna cameo is particularly awful, her character is briefly introduced, she gives us a dance, imparts some love advice to the protagonist then promptly dies. You will be spend your entire viewing experience waiting for the film to improve, only to find it has ended.

The film is more of a Lucy than a Fifth Element unfortunately.… Expand

6 of 12 users found this helpful66

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1

NeteroDec 28, 2017

30 premières minutes:

J'ai trouvé l'introduction excellente. C'est beau, c'est créatif, et immersif, avec un casting et une musique de qualité. L'idée de ce vaisseau-planète m'a immédiatement séduit. La multitude de race, et leurs30 premières minutes:

J'ai trouvé l'introduction excellente. C'est beau, c'est créatif, et immersif, avec un casting et une musique de qualité. L'idée de ce vaisseau-planète m'a immédiatement séduit. La multitude de race, et leurs personnalité promettait un divertissement de haute qualité..... Et puis les dialogues ont commencé... Une véritable DIARRHÉE VERBALE.

90 dernières minutes:

Le film devient une comédie DEBILO-ROMENTICO-DRAMATIQUE. Le scénario est très confus.
Toutes les répliques et situations virent à l'absurde, au point de rendre le film INSUPPORTABLE. C'est même truffé d'incohérences. Est-ce bien le même Luc BESSON qui a fait le 5e élément?… Expand

1 of 2 users found this helpful11

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2

toonsendJul 24, 2017

Walked out. Where to start, poor CGI even for a video game, poor script even for a video game. Clunked along, silly characters that were thrown at us, expecting us to love immediately.

9 of 19 users found this helpful910

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0

xeonmagmaJul 22, 2017

Unfortunately I'll probably have trouble articulating my full thoughts on this movie, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen in the last 10 years. My first main issue is with one of the main actors Dane DeHaan, who looks and sounds likeUnfortunately I'll probably have trouble articulating my full thoughts on this movie, but it was one of the worst movies I've seen in the last 10 years. My first main issue is with one of the main actors Dane DeHaan, who looks and sounds like someone high on opiates throughout the entire movie. My second complaint is the incredibly cheesy dialogue, and the lack of on-screen chemistry between the two main actors. After you get past those two horrible aspects of the movie you are greeted with incredibly long, boring, and disjointed side plots that go on long before the actual main plot of the movie is ever realized. The only redeeming part of this movie is some of the CGI, but that's not enough to save it.… Expand

11 of 26 users found this helpful1115

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Stewmeister86Aug 17, 2017

I registered just to tell people how awful this movie is. Don't waste your money on this movie. The people who like this movie is probably the same people who say "Grown-ups is good comedy". It's total garbage. Rihanna must be the worstI registered just to tell people how awful this movie is. Don't waste your money on this movie. The people who like this movie is probably the same people who say "Grown-ups is good comedy". It's total garbage. Rihanna must be the worst access I've ever seen.… Expand

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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3

Brent_MarchantJul 23, 2017

Simply put, a big, fat, bloated, incredibly overlong snooze. This poorly written, frequently trite and shamelessly derivative alleged action-adventure saga sapped most of my interest out of me about 20 minutes into its nearly 2.5-hourSimply put, a big, fat, bloated, incredibly overlong snooze. This poorly written, frequently trite and shamelessly derivative alleged action-adventure saga sapped most of my interest out of me about 20 minutes into its nearly 2.5-hour runtime. To make matters worse, this needlessly episodic trial of one's patience features abysmal casting (save for a few supporting players irretrievably trapped in their thankless roles), special effects that seem to exist largely for their own sake and a woefully inadequate back story that cripples the picture almost from the outset. Avoid this one if you possibly can.… Expand

8 of 20 users found this helpful812

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2

noshighJul 28, 2017

If only the two lead characters were good, the chemistry between the two wasn't there at all. The writing is just terrible, it felt bland. Only good thing would probably be the visuals. The stunning CGIs and special effects will not save thisIf only the two lead characters were good, the chemistry between the two wasn't there at all. The writing is just terrible, it felt bland. Only good thing would probably be the visuals. The stunning CGIs and special effects will not save this film so don't expect a sequel.… Expand

4 of 10 users found this helpful46

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1

onwiththegame56Aug 8, 2017

"Valerian...", in my view, has VG FX, imaginative alien characters, and exotic alien worlds. The make-up and visuals of the aliens are VG. The two lead actors are stilted, stiff, and not believable in their portrayals, their feelings for one"Valerian...", in my view, has VG FX, imaginative alien characters, and exotic alien worlds. The make-up and visuals of the aliens are VG. The two lead actors are stilted, stiff, and not believable in their portrayals, their feelings for one another, and their feelings in general. The script for the two leads is pedestrian/juvenile at best, and the two leads don't even bring that off. The movie reminds me of made-for-TV shows for unsophisticated 12-year olds; that is, regular 12-year-olds wouldn't like it. What a waste of good actors like Clive Owen, Ethan Hawke, John Goodman, and even Rihanna..., all of whom were good, if not great in their portrayals. I would wait for it to arrive on TV. I don't even recommend paying to stream this movie. Two thumbs and tow big toes down.… Expand

2 of 5 users found this helpful23

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JessTurnerNov 2, 2017

Less sophisticated than many children's movies, yet too casually violent for children. Reminds me of the a bad late-1990's video game, when pretty colors and no story was in vogue.

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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1

RickBellJul 22, 2017

I was hoping for a movie that was at least half as good as Besson's "The Fifth Element", but this movie's script and story were so poorly written that no special effects could save it. The main aliens look like a total rip-off of those inI was hoping for a movie that was at least half as good as Besson's "The Fifth Element", but this movie's script and story were so poorly written that no special effects could save it. The main aliens look like a total rip-off of those in Avatar, and the special effects are nothing special at all. Difficult to see where they spent the $209 million on this mess of a movie. There is no character development nor is there any believable attraction between the two main characters, who seem more like a bickering brother and sister than lovers. Rihanna can't act and it's painfully obvious here. Hard to believe that this director is th same person who made "The Fifth Element."… Expand

10 of 27 users found this helpful1017

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3

hailtothevictorJul 23, 2017

Everytime Cara Delevingne's eyes got wide in response to something happening onscreen, I couldn't help but think 'Acting!' in a Jon Lovitz parody. Seriously, this was worse than 'Enders Game' but had way more money thrown at it. Luc BessonEverytime Cara Delevingne's eyes got wide in response to something happening onscreen, I couldn't help but think 'Acting!' in a Jon Lovitz parody. Seriously, this was worse than 'Enders Game' but had way more money thrown at it. Luc Besson has a couple classics and this ain't one of 'em. The dialog is so bad, I really would have enjoyed it better as a silent film, or in a foreign language with subtitles. Visually ok. I kept thinking in some scenes, 'Oh, look, they're standing in front of a green screen.'… Expand

8 of 22 users found this helpful814

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1

NavinorAug 3, 2017

To much feminist propaganda. Do i have mentioned the feminist propaganda? Ah yes there is a lot of feminist propaganda. Furthermore there is feminist propaganda.

2 of 11 users found this helpful29

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3

drake22Mar 6, 2018

Totally miscast. A lot of great actors, Dane DeHaan in particular, in roles that they are not at all suited for, Dane DeHaan in particular.

Terrible writing. Plot is incoherent. The movie seems like it's unfinished. Like they ran out ofTotally miscast. A lot of great actors, Dane DeHaan in particular, in roles that they are not at all suited for, Dane DeHaan in particular.

Terrible writing.

Plot is incoherent.

The movie seems like it's unfinished. Like they ran out of time or money, so they edited together what they had in a desperate attempt to salvage what they had already invested before the plug was pulled. I don't know if that's the case, but it doesn't seem like this movie turned out as planned or originally envisioned.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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1

wtfskilzNov 13, 2017

The film turned into Political garbage about half way through, just ruined the whole movie for me. If the director would of concentrated his efforts on making a good movie, instead of attacking trump with line after line in the second half ofThe film turned into Political garbage about half way through, just ruined the whole movie for me. If the director would of concentrated his efforts on making a good movie, instead of attacking trump with line after line in the second half of the movie it could of been good.… Expand

0 of 3 users found this helpful03

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C00kieOct 15, 2018

this movie doesn't make sense kthx this movie doesn't make sense kthx this movie doesn't make sense kthx

0 of 5 users found this helpful05

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1

MikComposerAug 2, 2023

I had no expectation for this film, other than bits with vfx I'ev saw in trailers. I like the early works of Luc Besson, but this movie went below my 0 expectations. It was terrible. All of it's faults are down to the script. It's awful. It'sI had no expectation for this film, other than bits with vfx I'ev saw in trailers. I like the early works of Luc Besson, but this movie went below my 0 expectations. It was terrible. All of it's faults are down to the script. It's awful. It's perverted, with characters having constantly shifting personalities, communist and tribal systems being glorified, weird sexualisations in a film that only 8 year old and below might enjoy ( but will end up being messed up afterwards), and huge ecological bend. And I actually liked some bits in it, and really tired to like it because of visuals and actors in it, but I just wanted it to end. Really sorry to say this but it's utter crap.… Expand

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

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1

chrisleaptrottJan 21, 2019

You get 1 star for visuals and -everything else for everything else. **** this movie and the horse it rode in on. "For my Father..." at the end suggests to me that he did not like his old man. Just....terrible.

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

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3

BroyaxDec 5, 2017

Décidément, Luc Besson n'est pas prêt de nous resservir un Nikita ou un Léon... il faut croire que le gros est trop englué jusqu'au cou dans la niaiserie commerciale pour espérer en ressortir un jour sain d'esprit. Ainsi, ce Valerian, sorteDécidément, Luc Besson n'est pas prêt de nous resservir un Nikita ou un Léon... il faut croire que le gros est trop englué jusqu'au cou dans la niaiserie commerciale pour espérer en ressortir un jour sain d'esprit. Ainsi, ce Valerian, sorte de mélange entre la bouffonnerie d'un Cinquième Elément et la naïveté écolo d'un Avatarte est un condensé de mièvrerie, de vivre_ensemble et de discours moralisateur à deux balles.

On y retrouve tout le politiquement correct 2.0, un peu d'auto-flagellation colonialiste, du Caliméro recyclé et encore et toujours la niaiserie qui va avec. Le couple formé par ces deux ados (ou adulescents peut-être, pour ce que ça change) a beau être tiré d'une Bd sans doute aussi bêbête et neuneu qu'on puisse l'imaginer, il n'en reste pas moins qu'ils sont globalement très bêbêtes et leur 'relation' très mal écrite et décrite fait lever les yeux régulièrement au plafond.

Cara Delevingue cependant est bien mignonne, a du charme et sait donner une personnalité à son personnage un peu trop ballot par ailleurs surtout qu'elle doit se coltiner le Valérian, un abruti fini et une tête à claques ! On compâtit évidemment pour Clive Owen et Ethan Hawk qui se sont perdus dans cette galère grotesque et caricaturale : cela nous fait de la peine de les voir ainsi...

On s'énerve également de la présence de la grognasse "Rihanna" qui vient remuer son boule comme une puta de bas étage et dont la vulgarité n'égale que de peu sa nullité en tant que couinasse (couineuse + connasse) et "actrice" ?! (mort de rire, putain !).

Néanmoins, si on laisse son cerveau au vestiaire, Valérian a aussi ses bons côtés comme le plaisir des yeux capturés dans un kaléidoscope science-fictionnel à l'esthétique aussi plaisante qu'originale... et spectaculaire. On a rarement vu autant d'effets spéciaux si judicieusement utilisés. Alors quand on a la tête vide, on ne peut que s'émerveiller devant cette poésie de tous les instants, cette esthétique si recherchée...

Et si on se remplit la caboche d'eau tiède du lagon bleu avec les **** poissons, on peut également apprécier l'action souvent tonitruante et le rythme élevé de l'ensemble. Hélas, pourquoi le space opéra qui en met plein les mirettes doit-il être toujours aussi débile ? (à de très rares exceptions près...). Ah ça y est, on m'a rendu le contenu de ma tête mais toutefois, entre un Star Wars Disniais woke et un Valérian Besson nunuche et volontiers hystéro-bouffon, y a photo à l'arrivée... quelle prouesse, Luc... que la Force ne soit pas avec toi.… Expand

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3

egoBorderOct 30, 2019

A movie that leaves all kinds of potential on the table, Valerian is a movie most hindered by its director. While Luc Besson brings so much energy to action scenes and even throwaway establishing shots, he's never mastered the art ofA movie that leaves all kinds of potential on the table, Valerian is a movie most hindered by its director. While Luc Besson brings so much energy to action scenes and even throwaway establishing shots, he's never mastered the art of directing (American or English) actors. And the two leads here, Dehaan and Delevigne, are doing their best but are just woefully miscast. But the final nail in this coffin is the story, which is too unfocused and simple to garner much interest even as the universe it's set in demands attention. Worth a rental but unfortunately very forgettable.… Expand

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0

zerosubstanceMar 20, 2019

Go watch a shlock-y 80s flick like THE EXPLORERS. Rip away the charm of practical effects, run it through autotune, and ramp up the pacing to ensure that none of the story beats can land, and you have some approximation of this bloodlessGo watch a shlock-y 80s flick like THE EXPLORERS. Rip away the charm of practical effects, run it through autotune, and ramp up the pacing to ensure that none of the story beats can land, and you have some approximation of this bloodless avalanche of screen clutter.

When the first non-CGI characters exchanged a few lines, I wondered aloud whether it was dubbed. The actor in the titular role got stuck in a permanent Keanu impression, and the lead actress seemed likewise preoccupied with the mechanics of speech itself at the expense of expressiveness.

An actor mandated by the Chinese government mediates the frequent bouts of exposition this movie requires, conveying the competence and good will of the People's Republic.

There is a romantic plot thread that I can only describe in terms of my relief when another part of the story interceded.

That's the movie.… Expand

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1

NinjaNawakSep 19, 2018

Un navet intergalactique. Prétentieux, mal joué, histoire sans interêt, héros insupportables... Avec un tel budget c'est franchement une honte de sortir un film pareil. "Fuyez pauvres fous!" comme dirait l'autre.

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1

FibrofilmsOct 5, 2019

1 point for the stunning visuals but I honestly couldn’t press my delete button fast enough with Captin Cringe over here. Could of been great with even an half decent lead.

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3

movingpicturesApr 5, 2020

Beautiful to look but don't let that fool you into watching this movie

It's beautiful. It's very beautiful. Some of the visuals are even breathtaking. That's it. There's nothing else to the movie. The script and dialogue are physicallyBeautiful to look but don't let that fool you into watching this movie

It's beautiful. It's very beautiful. Some of the visuals are even breathtaking.

That's it. There's nothing else to the movie. The script and dialogue are physically painful to endure. The actors did what they could but there was nothing to work with. Very uneven. Difficult to tell what was supposed to be funny vs serious b/c it was just so poorly conceived and executed. I have a hunch that a lot of the dialogue was intended to be funny. It's an utter failure. So much money and time and energy went into making this movie, and for what? Our world is absurd.… Expand

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3

AWESOM-0Feb 24, 2020

The bad: the dialog, acting and writing. The good: ambitious size and visuals. Unfortunately the Bad out weighs the good by a good margin. After watching this movie, I like fifth element a lot less.

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3

avengedsMay 14, 2021

No lo disfruté ... Lo intenté, pero la historia es demasiado superficial....

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3

SusannaS-SSep 24, 2021

While I can see how the graphics might appeal to some, the CGI was painfully apparent to me, even when it wasn't supposed to be. And the leads had zero chemistry when we were supposed to believe that they did. I think that the writer/directorWhile I can see how the graphics might appeal to some, the CGI was painfully apparent to me, even when it wasn't supposed to be. And the leads had zero chemistry when we were supposed to believe that they did. I think that the writer/director wanted them to be attractive, kind of making the viewer think of Han Solo and Princess Leia, but it simply didn't work at all. I didn't hate the movie, but it's not one I am eager to see again.… Expand

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