Read Negative User Reviews for The Northman

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base_dDec 19, 2022

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. This show deserves a 0. It has so many plot-holes and just to see high reviews shows how so many of these people or bots(likely bots) will watch anything and like it without using their brain. One example I will share. When the north-man says he has relatives in another area they can escape too, after being slaves mind you and in a hot tub after they escape, An Uber with a boat shows up from his relatives. If you defend that major plot-hole, then why didn't he flee when his father was killed by his brother to these so called relatives? Such a stupid story and terrible writing. What a mess. And above thats just one example of the trash of a movie called The Northman.… Expand

1 of 1 users found this helpful10

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1

ArminDRKJul 9, 2022

Good visuals but really bad acting,poor dialogues,poor plot,poor directing.

2 of 3 users found this helpful21

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0

xxgJul 21, 2022

We’d been looking forward to seeing this movie based on critics’ opinions, but oh, what a profound disappointment. Apparently, it’s easy to pull the wool over the eyes of ‘professional’ critics – all you have to do is incorporate a tinyWe’d been looking forward to seeing this movie based on critics’ opinions, but oh, what a profound disappointment. Apparently, it’s easy to pull the wool over the eyes of ‘professional’ critics – all you have to do is incorporate a tiny notion from Shakespeare and a name that sounds like Hamlet – and away you go! Put together a mockery of a movie and no-one will dare criticize it.

Within minutes, you will be pulled into an ambiance of unrelenting darkness and evil, without a glimmer of hope, humor or light. You will be subjected to 2 hrs and 17 mins of base barbarism, hatred, hacking, disembowelment, bloody gore, cheap poetry, cheap hackneyed sex scenes and a singular, boring, predictable plot line about characters you could not care less about. A conglomeration of ideas stolen from other creative minds (Shakespeare, Tolkien) it has none of the purpose or significance of an engaging story. The critics applaud it as “casting a light on our time”. Well, if senseless, demonic loathing is what you want to be subjected to in your free time – go ahead, watch it & eat your heart out (literally).

In the end (when it mercifully comes), are we supposed to feel empathy for the protagonist? Or his two ugly progenies? A man who shoved women and children into a barn and burned them alive without remorse? Please – give me a break! The only joy will be when you run out of the room, fix yourself a drink and look forward to never, ever watching anything from the creators of this utter waste of your precious 2 & a bit hours.… Expand

2 of 3 users found this helpful21

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1

RigafanMay 8, 2022

The 1 rating is only because the acting is fine, and the visual is fine, everything else can be overlooked and isn't worth your time or money. I came into this movie expecting something like, Kingdom of Heaven, but Norse/Viking version -The 1 rating is only because the acting is fine, and the visual is fine, everything else can be overlooked and isn't worth your time or money. I came into this movie expecting something like, Kingdom of Heaven, but Norse/Viking version - wrong. It is a generic, rushed and seems to only have been made for the main actor to show off his physic at every available point. The TV show on Amazon is much more 'real' and interesting with real storytelling. Don't fall for the reviews and praise.… Expand

9 of 16 users found this helpful97

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2

KlebartMay 9, 2022

I wouldn't believe all those high reviews. The movie is dull. Don't expect it to be historically accurate or have the story to grab you. It won't. The movie also tries and fails to invest a supernatural aspect to the film well except, II wouldn't believe all those high reviews. The movie is dull. Don't expect it to be historically accurate or have the story to grab you. It won't. The movie also tries and fails to invest a supernatural aspect to the film well except, I guess, for the one scene that was partially stolen from Conan the Barbarian.… Expand

7 of 14 users found this helpful77

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2

raporgiMay 21, 2022

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Its not a Viking skinned Conan that's for sure even though it lifts certain scenes from that movie. Some very cringe acting and weird nordic(supposedly) tinged English. As with Eggz previous films its all about the atmosphere. The movie cant seem to find its footing and doesnt know what it wants to be. Not enough action or boobs to be barbarian flick not enough mystery or horror to be a whodunnit. Its a pretty dull affair, I cannot understand what the fuss is all about. The fight choreography feels too artsy and rushed. Honestly the actor from True Blood cannot act, its just sad and tragic watching him try to act.… Expand

3 of 6 users found this helpful33

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3

trinexx208May 15, 2022

This movie was a big let down. The acting is meh and some of the fight scenes were somewhat entertaining but overall it was boring and weird. Don't expect a vikings epic or fantasy epic its a boring tale of revenge and not a good one.

3 of 6 users found this helpful33

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3

TomHugMay 20, 2022

Thin story with not enough emphasis on characters so you really don't care who kills whom, or who gets revenge against whom. Alexander Skarsgård carries this entire film. The film does have a successful overall look and feel, but I didn't buyThin story with not enough emphasis on characters so you really don't care who kills whom, or who gets revenge against whom. Alexander Skarsgård carries this entire film. The film does have a successful overall look and feel, but I didn't buy any of the relationships between the main characters, so the movie overall fell flat. Should have been fewer dance numbers, and more character interaction.… Expand

2 of 4 users found this helpful22

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3

robomartionMay 22, 2022

The bar in cinema has been set so low in recent years that boring, non-eventful scenes are OK. Old movies used to have a story and progress it with meaningful events every moment. The opening CGI was terrible which led to a scene withThe bar in cinema has been set so low in recent years that boring, non-eventful scenes are OK. Old movies used to have a story and progress it with meaningful events every moment. The opening CGI was terrible which led to a scene with terrible set design, which led to Nicole Kidman doing her usual terrible acting to a drawn out scene with unintelligible dialogue. We switched the Northman off after 10 minutes because nothing had happened and changed it to Goldfinger which we managed to watch all the way to the end without even thinking about it.… Expand

2 of 4 users found this helpful22

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3

imthenoobJun 6, 2022

The Northman is nothing short of an absolute bore. The trailer spells out the plot, which is incredibly predictable, and it does very little to maintain your interest. Couple that with weak acting by the cast, some awful CG, and a runtimeThe Northman is nothing short of an absolute bore. The trailer spells out the plot, which is incredibly predictable, and it does very little to maintain your interest. Couple that with weak acting by the cast, some awful CG, and a runtime that is at least 20 minutes too long and you got yourself a pretty weak movie.

To me, It felt like a lot of the things we were seeing (especially the CG heavy scenes) were totally unnecessary and just there for padding. I wish things had been more grounded and practical but sadly they weren't. This one is a disappointment.… Expand

1 of 2 users found this helpful11

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0

JuewleeeJun 7, 2022

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. I have watched a TON of viking movies and this was theeeee worst EVER!!!! Crappy stunts...bad acting, the story plot??? Not entertainment worthy! Bought it on Amazon Prime and was Soooo disappointed! As I love viking movies!… Expand

1 of 2 users found this helpful11

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crimzoerAug 4, 2022

This is some nextlevel piece of garbage, and I was expecting it to be negative on ratings. The amount of ppl not giving this pile of fecez a 0 is astounding.
This ”movie” was a cliche from start to finish and the massive amount of grunts wasThis is some nextlevel piece of garbage, and I was expecting it to be negative on ratings. The amount of ppl not giving this pile of fecez a 0 is astounding.
This ”movie” was a cliche from start to finish and the massive amount of grunts was the clever part of the dialogue, I watched it til the end and was thinking, it coudlnt get worse but it actually got worse every single minute. The creators ought to be punished, the only good thing I have to say about this movie is that I will probably forget about it, hopefully.… Expand

1 of 2 users found this helpful11

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2

LSUcajunMay 11, 2022

Acting, story, and writing sucked. If they would have stayed with the berserker theme for the whole movie instead of attempting to go all philosophical and failing miserably it could have been great. Cinematography gets an A+.

6 of 13 users found this helpful67

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2

KirbyboyMay 7, 2022

An extremely basic plot. A lot of scenes were completely unnecessary and boring to watch. Only bonus was the scenery in the second half of the movie. Felt like nothing really happened in the movie.

6 of 13 users found this helpful67

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3

snufkinMay 13, 2022

on one word. this movie is horrible. poor acting, poor script, poor fight scenes. just another wannabe Viking movie with big names on the sticker. a lot of potential with terrible outcome. i was bored most of the movie.

3 of 7 users found this helpful34

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0

brunojbfMay 15, 2022

Wow, this is so…. boring and repetitive. One more Nordic “art” filled with a lot of pagan stuffs. Not recommended.

3 of 7 users found this helpful34

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1

InspexorMay 2, 2022

It's a good movie for a trashy-movie-night with your friends i guess.
When i went to the movie with my friends we had to hold back laughter for like half of the time.
The reason behind this is that you can't take the movie serious forIt's a good movie for a trashy-movie-night with your friends i guess.
When i went to the movie with my friends we had to hold back laughter for like half of the time.

The reason behind this is that you can't take the movie serious for various reasons

1.) a very flat and predictable story; the classic good guy vs bad guy; why is the bad guy bad? because he wanted more power or sth; and not to forget the classic "coincidental" romance that developes and that the good guy is the "chosen one" bla bla bla

2.) the characters and their behaviour is not believable at all and they sometimes act out of character for absolutely no reason - i just have that picture in mind where this guy's family gets killed and he just stands in the doorway and watches; not an inch of emotion lmao; it's no natural reaction in any way for no human being ever

3.) 0 historical accuracy; nearly nothing about what i saw about "northmen" in that movie is actually true; they get depicted like what a child would describe them to be and nearly every stereotype people have about vikings was glorified in that movie; the only thing that's missing is that they get horns on their helmets lol

4.) In general not very believable stuff and unnecessary drama like climbing a defense wall with nothing but an axe and hands; a boy only gets pushed to the ground and dies but not really (?); weird plot twists that don't make any sense; deus ex machina moments; very unrealistic fighting scenes...

I could go on and on about what's trashy about the movie but appearently according to the average ratings on this site trashy isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Just not my type of movie unfortunately.… Expand

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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3

EdBBApr 30, 2022

This movie is as good and entertaining as the Tree of life. It begins with Shakespearean dialogs as acted by high school graders with little drama talent. The story is nice but how it is portrayed and why it is made that way will remain aThis movie is as good and entertaining as the Tree of life. It begins with Shakespearean dialogs as acted by high school graders with little drama talent. The story is nice but how it is portrayed and why it is made that way will remain a mistery to be carried to Valhalla. I stepped out of the theater wishing I had chosen to watch sonic 2 instead of this.… Expand

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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1

Film123Apr 28, 2022

Overmuscled actors, a botoxed up Nic, incomprehensible English, nice shots of Iceland, and loads of Viking mysticism, most of it vaguely like what we see of Indians in westerns, not a good experience and tedious

5 of 13 users found this helpful58

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1

nocageApr 23, 2022

I went to this movie with high expectations only to be very very disappointed. It was one of the worst movies of my life and I've seen a lot of movies. It doesn't even compare to a decent TV show. I felt like I should get my money back.

11 of 30 users found this helpful1119

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1

GinaKApr 25, 2022

One star in honor of all the actors who had to slog through the mud to make this awful movie. I have seen at least two fine films directed by Eggers in the past with more or less no budget. One great example – The Lighthouse. A sad andOne star in honor of all the actors who had to slog through the mud to make this awful movie. I have seen at least two fine films directed by Eggers in the past with more or less no budget. One great example – The Lighthouse. A sad and annoying afternoon at the movies.… Expand

7 of 20 users found this helpful713

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2

MoviecriticbombApr 23, 2022

This movie was BAD. Not sure why it’s receiving such praise. A jester comes in makes a joke to the King and then Defoe is reused in a mask giving the king’s son initiation, asking “How are you human?” And the king and his son burp and fart.This movie was BAD. Not sure why it’s receiving such praise. A jester comes in makes a joke to the King and then Defoe is reused in a mask giving the king’s son initiation, asking “How are you human?” And the king and his son burp and fart. That kind of sums up the movie. The theater I was at erupted with laughter at most of the rituals and dances. This movie also couldn’t tell when the characters needed to speak old Viking language and when to speak English. The scenery is beautiful but the movie is so low budget each Billings carried like 12 soldiers and I think all the extras were just reused. The fight scenes are very slow, sluggish and poorly choreographed. The movie also takes many breaks from the plot to show dream sequences that aren’t really needed but are there. All in all, the Witch was better, this wasn’t good… Expand

9 of 27 users found this helpful918

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2

DamnedThingApr 26, 2022

As a huge fan of The Witch and The Lighthouse I was really looking forward to this, but it's flipping atrocious. TW & TL created small worlds with involving characters that pulled you into their madness. TN is just dull AF. There's no realAs a huge fan of The Witch and The Lighthouse I was really looking forward to this, but it's flipping atrocious. TW & TL created small worlds with involving characters that pulled you into their madness. TN is just dull AF. There's no real depth to any character, they're there to hit their mark and say the words with no real conviction towards being believeable - honestly, it feels like a series of vignettes of people doing first takes with awful stilted accents and worse dialogue. I love a bit of bloody violence and reading the reviews I was hoping for some Battle of the Bastards / Braveheart stylee full throttle aggression. There's just one short raid, which is pretty tame, and one sword fight at the end that..meh! The whole thing is just meh, it's like Eggers has had his whole creative spark snuffed out making this and all that's left is the withered soul of a body and mind that has been broken by a bigger budget. My wife, who's squeamish at best, practically **** when a wandering nobody let his guts spill out...serious regional am-dram society overacting at its worst. Since when have critics suddenly become more squeamish that a 55yo woman who hates gore - snowflakes. Also: cinematography is insipid; music is awful; direction is plodding.

A waste of time and effort. The reviews now feel like they were written to be encouraging to Eggers based on his previous trajectory rather than an honest appraisal of a duff movie. Gets 2 points because Bjork, and the fact that I didn't walk out - something I haven't done since Highlander 3, although I was very tempted here.… Expand

5 of 16 users found this helpful511

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2

beefalo16Apr 25, 2022

I went in not knowing anything about the movie. I was horribly disappointed.

The dialog was atrocious, and the manner in which they spoke was ridiculous. I could have sounded more convincing. Now this may be due to some kind of historicalI went in not knowing anything about the movie. I was horribly disappointed.

The dialog was atrocious, and the manner in which they spoke was ridiculous. I could have sounded more convincing. Now this may be due to some kind of historical accuracy or lost in translation kind of thing. If the latter is the case, I honestly would prefer them to speak in their native language and give me subtitles.

The basic plot was a simple revenge story which would be fine. However, towards the end, the main character suddenly gained plot weakness and did stupid things/wasn't as strong in combat.

Theres a lot of "artsy" scenes with muted/simple colors and people doing strange things like weird dances, acting like animals, etc. Feels like the whole movie was made to try to win an award for cinematography.

Overall the movie was pretty boring as well, wasted a lot of time doing pointless stuff because "fate" had determined when he should strike.… Expand

6 of 20 users found this helpful614

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3

MetacriticOnurMay 13, 2022

bad
[ bad ]

adjective, worse, worst;(Slang) bad·der, bad·dest for 36.
not good in any manner or degree.

3 of 10 users found this helpful37

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1

Sofi2022Apr 24, 2022

The worst film I saw in years,almost left the theatre in the middle.too long,there is actually no plot,just boring

7 of 24 users found this helpful717

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1

cyndisueApr 24, 2022

I thought it was truly awful. Not a single character was likable in any way. Even Skarsgard was so grim, filthy, and the constant references to his "stench" just made me want to walk out.

6 of 21 users found this helpful615

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0

cbibejsMay 16, 2022

Worst Viking movie filmed ever. Directing, acting (except Björk) , story is bad.

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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KingbobonoMay 30, 2022

I am a big fan of any vikings movies/series but this is the worst movie I have seen in the last decade. Half of the people in the cinema left before the end. Bad story, bad acting, horrible music, bad everything.

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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1

wanna_Apr 24, 2022

The violence verges on porn levels. Definitely gratuitous. I don't mind violence in a film if there are characters and a story that I care about. Neither in this case. There is so little dialogue for me to get to know the people. And whatThe violence verges on porn levels. Definitely gratuitous. I don't mind violence in a film if there are characters and a story that I care about. Neither in this case. There is so little dialogue for me to get to know the people. And what dialogue there is often very difficult to understand because the (fake) accents are so overdone. And so many different types. There is almost no respite from the brutality. Yeah, I get it. Vikings/Ancient Norse were cruel. But I came for entertainment, not a documentary. So much Norse mythology (I guess), but as someone unfamiliar with that culture, I was completely lost most of the time, and it had no meaning for me nor delivered any significance to what little story there was. I really wanted my two hours plus back afterwards. It was a very rough watch, to no enjoyment. (I only give it a 'one' rather than 'zero' because some of the scenery is pretty.) I wished I'd gone to see 'Secrets of Dumbledore' instead; and that's saying a lot.… Expand

6 of 22 users found this helpful616

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DeralacJul 28, 2022

Considering the cast, subject material and reviews, I expected to enjoy this movie. But mostly I was bored. The pacing was atrocious. Most scenes were drawn out way too much. A boy stares out from a wall forever. Did we really need to watchConsidering the cast, subject material and reviews, I expected to enjoy this movie. But mostly I was bored. The pacing was atrocious. Most scenes were drawn out way too much. A boy stares out from a wall forever. Did we really need to watch the king ride all the way through the town? I understand the need to set a scene and introduce characters, but it doesn’t take that long. It reminded me of those movies and shows where characters spend a long time doing mundane tasks like brushing their teeth. Pointless and boring. Then I looked up the director and understood why I disliked this movie. I don’t care for his work. It’s really sad because there have been so few movies I’ve looked forward to in recent years. That makes this one doubly disappointing.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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0

redmalmApr 27, 2022

I am so sick and tired to my core of seeing a 3 hour movie only to exit the cinema going "it looked nice, but..."

6 of 25 users found this helpful619

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3

TomMondayMay 31, 2022

If you've never read Hamlet, there might be something here for you. But this version dispenses the mystery of who killed the King – "Amleth" sees his father's killer in first few minutes of the movie. So for two hours we just watch aIf you've never read Hamlet, there might be something here for you. But this version dispenses the mystery of who killed the King – "Amleth" sees his father's killer in first few minutes of the movie. So for two hours we just watch a slow-moving revenge story told through a series of predictably brutal scenes, mixed with quasi-spiritual montages. Why set this tale in the land of ancient Vikings? Like writer/director Eggers' previous two efforts (Lighthouse and Witch) there's no clear reason why the film exists. He can shoot a pretty picture, but storytelling and pacing and thematic relevance are beyond his grasp.… Expand

1 of 5 users found this helpful14

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turonApr 24, 2022

Lenta, aburrida, predecible. Espera a que salga en alguna plataforma para verla en tu televisor del salón. The Crown and the Ring es una canción brutal por desgracia la película NO.

4 of 29 users found this helpful425

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0

msosaApr 28, 2022

"n o t a s g o o d a s m o r b i u s: a n e w m a r v e l l e g e n d" - Nelson Mandela ✊

1 of 16 users found this helpful115

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2

SanB00Jun 7, 2022

Not the worst movie overall, but way too many special scenes that made no sense. Plot wasn't airtight. The acting itself was quite good imo. Just way too many scenes where i literally said 'wtf' to myself.

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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2

shag00Mar 3, 2023

By most accounts this is a good movie which leads me to believe there must be two versions of it because the version I saw was definitely not a good movie. There is a lot written about how the scene settings were so close to actual 8thBy most accounts this is a good movie which leads me to believe there must be two versions of it because the version I saw was definitely not a good movie. There is a lot written about how the scene settings were so close to actual 8th century life and yet in the movie (and also on the trailer on this page) there is a scene of a guy on a flying horse wearing braces - and here I was thinking that braces did not really become a thing until the 2nd half of the 20th century.

There is an absurd amount of guys screaming which we are informed was an 8th century thing as well - thank christ that's over and done with. The few sex scenes seemed authentic - at least the guys took their pants off. To me the director confused the religion of the day with fantasy witchcraft and it showed, poorly.

One main setting, Iceland is considerably more lush than any photo I have ever seen and considerably more so than how the movie dialogue itself describes Iceland, that of being desolate. And one of the scenes, after killing everyone they ride to the coast and find a ship there. It just struck me that the chances of that are so low as to be next to impossible. But the boat scene just gets better, after convincing the captain that he is taking the prince's place he sails a small distance and decides to jump out and swim to the shore. Again, the chances of that are next to zero (life expectancy in artic seas in normal clothes is measured in minutes).

So it's a long way from realistic, the camera work is nothing special, the story is a straight revenge plot with no twists and it does not really have you on the edge of your seat. That pretty much makes it a waste of time to see.… Expand

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

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1

diegoserenaDec 3, 2022

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. One of the worst movie ever seen. The plot is completely absurd. The director did not figure out how to end it… Expand

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

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