Machete Kills

Open Road Films | Release Date: October 11, 2013

6.0	USER SCORE Mixed or average reviews based on 229 Ratings

USER RATING DISTRIBUTION

Watch Now

Stream On

Buy on

Stream On

Expand

Review this movie

VOTE NOW

0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Please sign in or create an account before writing a review.

Check box if your review contains spoilers

0 characters (5000 max)

User Reviews

User score By date Most helpful

ThegodfathersonOct 11, 2013

Guns don’t kill. Machete Kills! Actually, the opening scene of this bizarre sequel to the even bizarre-er 2010 original Machete shows that guns do kill. They just don’t kill Machete (Danny Trejo), whom you’ll recall from the first filmGuns don’t kill. Machete Kills! Actually, the opening scene of this bizarre sequel to the even bizarre-er 2010 original Machete shows that guns do kill. They just don’t kill Machete (Danny Trejo), whom you’ll recall from the first film survived a shot to the head when the bullet was blocked by another bullet, already lodged in his skull. Machete Kills continues director/co-writer Robert Rodriguez’s penchant for outrageous plot developments performed by “what-the?” casting choices. Mel Gibson plays a villain straight out of a Bond film Moonraker, to be precise. Charlie Sheen (listed in the credits by his birth name, Carlos Estevez) follows in his father’s footsteps as the U.S. President. And Lady Gaga is introduced as “whoever she wants to be.” Name your box-office poison. If Fatty Arbuckle were still around, he’d have a cameo for sure. Yet somehow, the results work. That’s probably because Rodriguez takes nothing seriously. The plot which could fit on the back of a cereal box, but only the really sugary kind involves a Mexican madman (Oscar nominee Demian Bichir) who wants the U.S. to clean up the corruption in his country, or he’ll fire a nuclear warhead at Washington. (Apparently he’s been reading Madman Tactics for Dummies.) President Sheen, or Estevez, or whatever, calls on Machete to help. “You know Mexico,” he tells the taciturn strongman. “Hell, you are Mexico.” Helping him will be a government agent played by Amber Heard. Her cover identity is beauty pageant winner Miss San Antonio, but has the operative gone too deep into character? In one scene she texts Machete: CU There! More about the story I cannot reveal. It’s not that I’m against spoilers; I just wasn’t sure what was going on most of the time, although whatever it is, it’s as funny as a roadrunner cartoon and only about 2.5 times as violent. Machete faces off against La Camaleón, a shape-shifting assassin played by a bewildering array of actors (Cuba Gaga Banderas Jr., etc). He crosses paths with Desdemona (Sofia Vergara), whose 32F brassieres pack a 38-calibre punch. (You’ll never guess where she keeps her backup firepower.) He hooks up with former partner Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), who sports a sexy eye patch and has a feminist revolutionary poster on her wall that reads Shé. And he makes use of a road-tunnel under the U.S.-Mexican border, stolen directly from 2009’s Fast & Furious. The movie runs for 107 minutes but features a ticking-clock timeline that allows it to pack more into 24 hours than, well, 24. And it opens with a fake trailer for Machete Kills Again In Space! At least, I think it’s a fake trailer. You may recall that the first Machete sprang from just such a bogus teaser, attached to 2007’s Grindhouse. So while Machete likes to say “Machete don’t” lines Machete don’t smoke, tweet, joke, etc. the one thing Machete seems destined to do is return.… Expand

4 of 8 users found this helpful44

All this user's reviews

papanezOct 13, 2013

As a fan of the first Machete film I really liked this movie. Great escapism over the top fun as well as a good parody of the grind house type films I saw as a teen in the 70's at local theaters both drive-in and otherwise. My onlyAs a fan of the first Machete film I really liked this movie. Great escapism over the top fun as well as a good parody of the grind house type films I saw as a teen in the 70's at local theaters both drive-in and otherwise. My only complaint about this movie was the lack of gratuitous female nudity. Hopefully Mr. Rodriguez will make up for this in the next installment "Machete Kills Again... in space!" Looking forward to that one. Ignore the negative reviews! This is a fun, entertaining film; it doesn't take itself too seriously and nor should the viewer, Watch it and enjoy!… Expand

2 of 4 users found this helpful22

All this user's reviews

AWatcherOct 17, 2013

This movie is good solid fun. If it is given a bad review it is because the person reviewing it has no sense of humor. Slap stick much like Austin Powers, only much funnier. I laughed from the beginning to the end.

2 of 4 users found this helpful22

All this user's reviews

StriderKiwiOct 11, 2013

What an amazing movie. It's so freaking ridiculous, even more so than the original in all the right ways. The action is great, bloody and creative. The plot is so bonkers and unpredictable you'll always be wondering what will happen next, theWhat an amazing movie. It's so freaking ridiculous, even more so than the original in all the right ways. The action is great, bloody and creative. The plot is so bonkers and unpredictable you'll always be wondering what will happen next, the casting is excellent and many of the many many maaaaaany characters are likeable and they have some epic lines. Machete Kills is the most fun I've had at the cinemas since Pacific Rim. If you and your friends want to have a good, absurd time, then this is the movie for you.… Expand

3 of 7 users found this helpful34

All this user's reviews

karkOct 12, 2013

The film is very steep, it is saturated with militants 80 years, clean trash, which of course, is not like a movie worth seeing everyone!Excellent continuation of the first film, all the critics are going to hell!

2 of 5 users found this helpful23

All this user's reviews

nematduckuOct 17, 2013

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. It is a good film it made me laght i can't wait untill another one comes out it will be awsome all the actors they have in the film are well known all over the world and each and every one, It's so freaking ridiculous, even more so than the original in all the right ways. The action is great, bloody and creative. The plot is so bonkers and unpredictable you'll always be wondering what will happen next, the casting is excellent and many of the many many maaaaaany characters are likeable an… Expand

1 of 3 users found this helpful12

All this user's reviews

LoneWandererNov 4, 2013

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. THE most badass movie of 2013! I loved every minute of it! Basic plot is that Machete is now going after a nutjob who wants to nuke the world. Standard Grindhouse plot but oh does it set up for what could be THE BEST SEQUEL EVER!

PROS:

+Danny Trejo is once again AWESOME as Machete and this time is giving some more lines to say
(EX: Machete Don't Tweet---No One Knows Machete)

+Charlie Sheen (Credited as Carlos Estvez, his real name) plays a REALLY good President of USA

+Lady Gaga can ACTUALLY act! AND she is dressed normal! No meat dress, no bubble dress, just a standard dress

+Marko Zarzor as the body guard...oh my god can this guy fight and kick!

+The two helicopter kills

+Madame Desdemona (played by Sofía Vergara) is on crazy SOB! Her weapons include a TEC-9, her "Double D's" (which have to be seen to believe!), and the Robert Rodriguez famous "Crotch Rocket Pistol".

+Alexa Vega returns and BOY did she change!

+Two of THE most badass machetes out there: A Three bladed one and one I won't DARE spoil!

+Mel Gibson

+A Cameo by a certain "Star Trek" AND "Star Wars" item

+A couple cool twists (One you see coming and a few you don't)

+The Molecular Disrupter Pistol. Probably the GORIEST weapon I've seen in any movie!

+The Border Patrol Returns in one of the funniest scenes in the film!

CONS:

-Antonio Banderas is only in the film for a few minutes or so

- La Camaleón, while a interesting concept, is sorta lame at points

-The Flamethrower aftermath (I thought the burns on the face would've been more server)

-Madame Desmonda and her girls disappear after a car chase

-Tom Savini's cameo is.....eh?

-More of a nitpick, but what the heck was up with the idiot shooting an Ak-47 one handed and sideways at the beginning of the film?!

-The scene with the president and Machete sorta copies the first films scene between Michael Booth and Machete

FINAL SCORE: 9 out of 10… Expand

1 of 6 users found this helpful15

All this user's reviews

LBCOct 31, 2013

I had a lot of fun seeing Machete Kills at the theater. The action is over-the-top and I thought Mel Gibson gave a memorable performance as the villain. If they ever make the next movie that they tease in the intro and outro, I'll be there.

0 of 2 users found this helpful02

All this user's reviews

AnotherGamerFRANov 5, 2013

Bizzare settings and extreme violence, Machete Kills is good in it's all way. The movie may not be suitable for some viewers, though. Please think wisely before watching as it can be quite disturbing.

0 of 2 users found this helpful02

All this user's reviews

schlauiNov 11, 2013

How can this man stand in front of this great selection of superstars? I mean looking at his face makes me just think "where's my pimple pick? yack!" but in the next moment all these models come and the peak of stupidity I can only seeHow can this man stand in front of this great selection of superstars? I mean looking at his face makes me just think "where's my pimple pick? yack!" but in the next moment all these models come and the peak of stupidity I can only see watching Germany's Helge Schneider. It's a hard trial for my tolerance in irony, it's such a trash movie that I must look for the next hard drink to feel like a real MAN. Oh how ridiculous! Go away! Trejo! Does humour belong in sinkholes?… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

All this user's reviews

masterjohnson1Feb 23, 2014

This is a good movie, the ending could have been better and the plot and story where all over the place but I still managed to enjoy the film, if you enjoyed the first one you will enjoy this

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

All this user's reviews

herreiereFeb 19, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. If you want a smart and artistic film this is not your movie, but if you want fun and violence, can be better than the most of Hollywood movies,
Si lo que tu buscas es una película inteligente y artística enserio esta no es tu película, pero si lo que tu buscas es diversión y acción puede que resulte mejor que la mayoría de las películas de Hollywood… Expand

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

All this user's reviews

lukechristianscMar 6, 2014

i love the danny trejo as machete . this is better then the first one i love trejo's violence it is more epic and rockness and more thrilling i can wait for the thrid one

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

All this user's reviews

aadityamudharApr 17, 2016

Let me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy andLet me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy and some will genuinely like it, but to be honest.. it just didn't have that X factor the first Machete did. This time around Machete is more like a super hero. He is sent on a mission to Mexico by the President (excellent choice of casting Charlie Sheen, using his birth name of Carlos Esteves). But other than that, (and of course Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriquez), the rest of the cast just didn't fit. The schizo Mexican revolutionary didn't fit, Cuba was completely out of place, wasn't really feeling Lady Gaga or Amber Heard (even though she is gorgeous) and the gorgeous Sophia Vegara was just a little too manic. But it really wasn't that.. the film just was kind of flat, even the action scenes weren't clicking. Maybe because they gave away too much in the previews. Maybe its because they made Machete inhuman.. All I know is that when I was in the theatre, 3 people around me fell asleep and 4 people walked out a hour after the film started... AND it wasn't that many people in the theatre. Gosh I wanted it to be so much better.. This is a rental, at best.… Expand

0 of 0 users found this helpful00

All this user's reviews