Jupiter Ascending
Warner Bros. Pictures | Release Date: February 6, 2015
4.4
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Mixed or average reviews based on 718 Ratings
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5
AWESOM-0Apr 13, 2020
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Kind of a Dune, Star Wars and 5th element mix. I actually don’t think that’s a good thing. There are some good parts, interesting story ideas and good special effects but it just doesn’t come together and hold up at all. I do like stories of ancient races that colonize the universe but not when the writing is dumb. I mean they’re talking about a civilization that has been around for a billion of years, you’d think that their societal evolution would be astronomically different. Sadly, it’s not in this movie. Truthfully I would probably have given it a 6 if it wasn’t for Eddie redmaynes performance and Channing Tatums eye make up and hair. In both cases, it was painful to look at.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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4
donnelbrFeb 20, 2015
I came in with low expectations after having read reviews. I've never seen a film that put so much effort into special effects, and so little effort into the story. There was actually some interesting dialogue here and there, but was forI came in with low expectations after having read reviews. I've never seen a film that put so much effort into special effects, and so little effort into the story. There was actually some interesting dialogue here and there, but was for the most part camp and unimaginative. While I found the film entertaining, I was left thinking that the producers were simply too lazy to put together a good story, and didn't think enough of us as the audience to care.… Expand
2 of 6 users found this helpful24
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4
TVJerryFeb 9, 2015
Since their big hits, the Wachowskis have tried all kinds of promising spectacles, but none have approached the breakthrough status of their "Matrix" trilogy. In this one, a woman named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) isn't very happy with her mundaneSince their big hits, the Wachowskis have tried all kinds of promising spectacles, but none have approached the breakthrough status of their "Matrix" trilogy. In this one, a woman named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) isn't very happy with her mundane existence, until she's whisked off to another galaxy by a hunky alien (Channing Tatum). She enters a universe where her genetic signature promises amazing things. Sounds cool enough, but the visuals offer nothing that a high-end videogame doesn’t. There are no dazzling new EFX or wondrous concepts, just a lot of hectic, noisy chases and impending-doom drama. It feels like the filmmakers have attempted to assemble a blockbuster by delivering all of the genre's staples, but have ended up with a bland and unexciting derivative.… Expand
2 of 6 users found this helpful24
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4
TheQuietGamerAug 16, 2015
Flashy visuals and snazzy action can't save this film. That's because we are left with an underdeveloped plot and a lack of compelling characters. There's a world worth exploring here and what little lore is discussed will make any sci-fi fanFlashy visuals and snazzy action can't save this film. That's because we are left with an underdeveloped plot and a lack of compelling characters. There's a world worth exploring here and what little lore is discussed will make any sci-fi fan dive right in. Especially when they get a look at all of these cool alien races and different fractions. I truly found myself dying to know how they all connected together and interacted with one another. Unfortunately this universe goes unexplored and under-explained while the film focuses on it's own self-contained plot taking place in this fascinating galaxy.

The lack of backstory hurts the core story of this movie as a result. For example we are given no reason as to why the intergalactic police force known as the "Aegis" is really supporting our lead actress during this. At least not in the grand way that they do. By fleshing out the world and it's players more the film's main plot could have been more compelling overall. However it would have still suffered due to it's bland characters.

Too much of the film rests on the back of Mila Kunis who shows once again that she is not a strong enough actress to really be left with a leading role. Unfortunately here she is given the main one as she is really the only actual hero character. Channing Tatum is there, but all he is really given to do is growl, shoot stuff, and rescue Kunis. He's more of a vehicle for the action as opposed to an actual character. That's why the romance at the heart of this film falls flat. "Jupiter" just sort of falls in love with him for literally no reason other than for the sake of the film having a romance, and vice versa.

As for the character Jupiter herself, she's flat and boring. The Wachowskis (the writers and directors) try way too hard to make her likable by trying to make her funny. She isn't. The poor attempts at humor here are delivered through groan-inducing one liners that try too hard to play off of the character's naivety she has regarding her new, bigger world and her Cinderella-esque story. The only way you'll chuckle at these moments is if you are amused by how bad they end up being.

The action in the movie is pretty entertaining at first due to cool technology and some pretty visuals. However without a reason to invest in the characters or their conflict I found myself quickly losing interest. The final third of the film devolves into the same bombastic, destruction and fight scenes we've seen so many times before in countless action blockbusters. The originality inherent in the rest of the film is sorely lost here.

Where the film's plot does succeed is in it's the main antagonists. Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth, and Tuppence Middleton give fantastic performances even if their character's motivations aren't fully fleshed out. I wish the element of their power struggle amongst themselves had received more attention. By that I mean really any attention at all.

The movie is really a mass of wasted potential. With a more fleshed out world, characters, and central plot this could have been something truly great. Unfortunately even with a running time of over two hours the Wachowskis can't get all of the storytelling they need to into the film. The result is a pretty but hollow shell that deserves to be filled with the rich potential of the galaxy created here. I would love to see them return to it in the future with more backstory, better characters, and a more compelling plot. The potential isn't realized here and what we are left with is disappointment and a glimpse at something that could have been great.

I give this movie a 4.5/10.… Expand
1 of 3 users found this helpful12
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4
XerSMMackFeb 8, 2015
Bias upfront: Loved Matrix, Hated 2 and 3, Love Sci-fi. Went in with low expectations and they were met. There is no original thought anywhere in this chaotic mess. Even the 'special effects' were not very special. Action scenes wereBias upfront: Loved Matrix, Hated 2 and 3, Love Sci-fi. Went in with low expectations and they were met. There is no original thought anywhere in this chaotic mess. Even the 'special effects' were not very special. Action scenes were overly long and not all that exciting. Characters, that were very shallow to begin with, were never developed either. Sad, considering I was looking forward to this since it was announced. M. Night Shyamalan you have met your match for Directors/Writers who should just stop.… Expand
1 of 6 users found this helpful15
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4
Gamed2longFeb 8, 2015
Remember the Matrix? Great movie. It was completely original. It had many layers and worked well at each one. Well this movie is completely original. Undoubtedly. But it only sorta works on one layer. And even that is iffy. Any deeper meaningRemember the Matrix? Great movie. It was completely original. It had many layers and worked well at each one. Well this movie is completely original. Undoubtedly. But it only sorta works on one layer. And even that is iffy. Any deeper meaning is either missing or completely botched. Visually the CG is spectacular. Mila Kunis is a fine leading lady. Sean Bean even has a small part. (Small spoiler, he lives) But the big problem is the plot, and somewhat the dialogue. Many times during this movie I thought. How can something be so smart and so stupid at the same time? Like the gigantic space station which reacts violently with whatever is outside it as soon as it gets a tiny leak. I'm watching amazing space ships travel to exotic words with bizarre aliens. And a disproportionate amount of screen-time is dedicated to Mila Kunis scrubbing toilets. What the heck? Maybe this movie would have worked better as a mini-series, so each of the stories they obviously wanted to tell could be given enough time and told well. And you know what? Maybe then I'd skip the sappy love story episode, and the hard luck immigrant story and enjoy a Sci-Fi political story reminiscent of dune.… Expand
4 of 13 users found this helpful49
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4
analogkid280Feb 10, 2015
It's hard to take a movie like this seriously when it starts by giving Melina Kunis too many scenes with a toilet brush. Also all those aliens are just so white I thought it was produced by MIchael Moore for a minute. You see this is whatIt's hard to take a movie like this seriously when it starts by giving Melina Kunis too many scenes with a toilet brush. Also all those aliens are just so white I thought it was produced by MIchael Moore for a minute. You see this is what happens when people have too much money and time to throw at a project. It makes me want to show them what happened to M Night Shamalwatever when he made too many stinkers. This suffers from the same problem that many book adaptions have where you take 20 hours of material and squeeze it into a 2 hour movie. Only this time there was no book or good ideas to go with it. Whatever,,. Next!… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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4
0s1r1sMay 30, 2015
Some amazing special effects and an interesting vision of 'the future' as it were. However the story is awful. Splicing humans with wolves and honey bees? Really?

Clearly the writers thought roller skating was something cool and new butSome amazing special effects and an interesting vision of 'the future' as it were. However the story is awful. Splicing humans with wolves and honey bees? Really?

Clearly the writers thought roller skating was something cool and new but surely someone from such a technologically advanced civilisation would be able to use something other than roller blades to make their way across the sky? IT almost makes it seem like they came up with the concept in the 1980's but it took them 30+ years to get it onto the screen.

It seems the Wachowski brothers were a one hit wonder with the Matrix 1. Well, V for Vendetta is a personal favourite so maybe a two-hit wonder.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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4
Rox22Jul 7, 2015
I honestly don't know what has happened to the Wachowskis. This movie is both an utter blunder and beautiful at once. A glorious mess.

Story is just all over the place, introducing way to much irrelevant information. Exposition explodingI honestly don't know what has happened to the Wachowskis. This movie is both an utter blunder and beautiful at once. A glorious mess.

Story is just all over the place, introducing way to much irrelevant information. Exposition exploding everywhere, yet amounting to so little in terms of a interesting narrative. As a whole the movie feels like they've taken a 22 episode TV series and condensed it down to a single movie. You clearly see there is a rich universe and back story here, just a shame it is so incredibly skimmed over. With more time and patience this movie could have been so much better. Alas, it is what it is.

The characters are either uninteresting, generic, irrelevant or ridiculously over the top. You can see Kunis is really trying very hard, but just does not quite cut it. But credit for trying, with a better script and direction she could do much better. Tatum's character is by far the most interesting and developed, but really under utilized. His character is just far too convenient and just to "perfect" for the story. Jupiter should have died more than a dozen times over in this movie, if not for his presence.

Visually though the movie absolutely gorgeous. Visual effects are astounding, but also way too much. There is so much going on that it's hard to focus on anything most of the time. But still very nice.

Overall:
Jupiter Ascending is an interesting idea, regardless of how much it "borrows" from other movies. It's just a shame just how much of a mess it is. If I didn't know any better I would have thought it was made by a group of first year film students. I would really hope that some day someone remakes this movie and does it properly.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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4
SeveredWingMay 6, 2015
As much as I wanted to love the movie as a chance for Mila Kunis to take center stage and as a Wachowski callback I simply did not find the movie engaging. The plot was a bit muddled, the romance seemed extremely forced and there justAs much as I wanted to love the movie as a chance for Mila Kunis to take center stage and as a Wachowski callback I simply did not find the movie engaging. The plot was a bit muddled, the romance seemed extremely forced and there just weren't any really likable characters. Mila Kunis' character, Jupiter Jones, is the protagonist but I never found myself rooting for her. She was wishy washy at best and so lovestruck by the end that it seemed she had no character whatsoever but what was forced on her by the shoe horned romance.
What I did enjoy: The visual effects. This movie does not disappoint on that level. The CG is amazing and the detail is incredible, if it weren't for the great visuals I would rate this much lower. The scene where they first come to the Planet Orus and show off the technology is quite breath taking.… Expand
2 of 2 users found this helpful20
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4
eagleeyevikingFeb 8, 2015
The career of the Wachowski siblings plays out like the Matrix trilogy they directed. It started spectacularly and ever since has taken a downward spiral upto this new colossal mess as Jupiter Ascending, the first blockbusterThe career of the Wachowski siblings plays out like the Matrix trilogy they directed. It started spectacularly and ever since has taken a downward spiral upto this new colossal mess as Jupiter Ascending, the first blockbuster special-effects-extravaganza film of 2015, is one beautiful blunder.

By far the most attractive toilet cleaner on Earth (hey, something original), Jupiter Jones, (played by the perfectly functional Mila Kunis) finds out through Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) that she is the heir to the throne of Jupiter and so sets out with him to be the queen.

Channing Tatum, impressive in recent movies reduces himself to a stoic poker faced guy this time around. He is topless half the running time and nearly smiles once... nearly. And his ears... well it might be best to not talk about it while antagonist Balem (Eddie Redmayne) mainly stands out due to his: 1) Weird Accent and 2) Occasional screaming (to wake the audience up of course). Other side characters such as Sean Bean's and Douglas Booth's characters are instantly forgettable.

A love story is hinted between the two leads, which in large part is cute and functional, but adds absolutely nothing to the plot. The same can be said for Jupiter's Earth family, who serve no purpose to the already convoluted plot.

One positive note is the visual effects and the scope of the movie itself. Bolstered by the well used IMAX 3D, the action in this movie is at least memorable, with an 8 minute sequence in Chicago particularly standing out.

With the splash of cash provided to visual effects, it is evident that the plot was left for dead. With a lack of cohesiveness and plot holes everywhere, Jupiter Ascending never ascends to more than average space politics despite the impressive world building. The script is terribly written with stiff dialogue spoken by unremarkable characters and sci-fi jargon used whenever there is no logical reasoning. The structure of the movie, is similarly terrible largely due to its incohesive plot.

Overall, this is a pretty piece of **** from the Wachowski's. Nuff said.… Expand
7 of 15 users found this helpful78
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4
ravikrishhnanApr 22, 2015
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. I managed to sit through almost 100 minutes of this 127 minute long trash called Jupiter Ascending. Ridiculous scripting added with mediocre acting made this movie painful to the eyes and ears..... It would have been netter if this wasnt made. *SPOILERS* : Earth- a real estate property owned by some aliens, and they harvesting humans as if some crops, Whats the deal with that. Anyway its not worth spending your 2 hours on this.… Expand
1 of 3 users found this helpful12
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4
diogomendesFeb 17, 2015
Jupiter Ascending? More like "Jupiter Descending". In a world where The Matrix and Star Wars exist, you would think that directors/writers Wachowskis could come up with something creative and original, but this bewilderedly scripted mess of aJupiter Ascending? More like "Jupiter Descending". In a world where The Matrix and Star Wars exist, you would think that directors/writers Wachowskis could come up with something creative and original, but this bewilderedly scripted mess of a movie just comes off as plain generic and clichéd. And once again, the audience interprets the movie as "entertaining" rather than "good". How sad. Yes, the movie is pretty to look at, but it doesn't have much in terms of plot or originality (as I said before).

I would write a full review on this, but there's nothing much to say. Please, if you're a fan of sci-fi, have some standards and stay the f*ck away.… Expand
0 of 3 users found this helpful03
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4
ydnar4May 7, 2015
When I saw the trailer for Jupiter Ascending I thought there was a possibility that this could be a revolutionary action film. All the effects were really cool and it is a movie that is just very appealing to your eyes. However this movieWhen I saw the trailer for Jupiter Ascending I thought there was a possibility that this could be a revolutionary action film. All the effects were really cool and it is a movie that is just very appealing to your eyes. However this movie becomes an even worse version of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. It becomes a Sci-Fi film that becomes way too political and who really cares about politics or at least in a movie in this genre. Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis both do alright in this movie, they aren't terrible although they were both definitely brought in as a cash grab because they are two of the most popular and attractive people in the business right now. The real dud performer in this movie is Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne. Redmayne has one of the stupidest and most annoying voices ever in film and he looked so stupid that every time he was in frame I became annoyed. Sadly there is a lot of great visual effects that take a back seat to poor writing and that's why Jupiter Ascending will be quickly forgotten.… Expand
0 of 2 users found this helpful02
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4
vikesh2206Feb 8, 2015
Despite its visual grace better experienced in IMAX 3D, the Wachowski siblings directs a colossal mess in Jupiter Ascending, which serves as both candy for the eye... and candy for the brain.
3 of 8 users found this helpful35
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4
reellmApr 23, 2015
2/5★A visually striking mess of a movie better enjoyed with the sound off. A cross between Star Trek, a bad young adult fantasy novel, and with a bunch of references to other, better films, Jupiter Ascending's convoluted plot offers Channing2/5★A visually striking mess of a movie better enjoyed with the sound off. A cross between Star Trek, a bad young adult fantasy novel, and with a bunch of references to other, better films, Jupiter Ascending's convoluted plot offers Channing Tatum in makeup, anti-capitalism and some really cool special effects. There is so much going on the screen the viewer is distracted from the fact that the dialogue is cringe worthy, the leads have no chemistry and a lot of money was spent on something that brings shame and embarrassment to anyone who was involved.
On the other hand, in an original plot twist, Sean Bean didn't die.
Verdict: Watch if you like cool SFX.… Expand
1 of 2 users found this helpful11
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4
SithbotFeb 6, 2015
The Wachowskis have given us some of the best – and worst – sci-fi of the last decade or so. While they are definitely not the visionary filmmakers they were hailed when "The Matrix" was released, they still have a knack for creatingThe Wachowskis have given us some of the best – and worst – sci-fi of the last decade or so. While they are definitely not the visionary filmmakers they were hailed when "The Matrix" was released, they still have a knack for creating beautiful, intriguing worlds and masterful works of imagination. Unfortunately, the universe they brought to life in "Jupiter Ascending" is as dull and lifeless as it is gorgeous to look at.

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is a woman without a home. Her mother gave birth to her while immigrating to the US, which means that Jupiter literally does not have a country to call her own and ekes out a living cleaning toilets and scrubbing bathtubs with the rest of her Russian family. Her life takes a turn for the bizarre when she is rescued by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), a genetically-modified and intergalactic legionnaire who, along with his ex-military compatriot, Stinger (Sean Bean), inform her that she is actually the genetically reborn heir to earth – the matron of House Abrasax.

Unbeknownst to humans on earth, alien races have seeded planets with life and allowed them to evolve and grow until they reach critical mass. At this point, the planets are "harvested,” and billions of unlucky souls are reduced to a serum that is used by these races to stay perpetually young. The petulant and greedy offspring of Abrasax are not about to let some upstart rip their investment from their hands, which sets up a war with Jupiter, Caine and Stinger against some of the most powerful and dangerous people in the universe. Either she will take her rightful place as protector of earth, or her life and billions of others will be forfeit to their insatiable lust for money, power and youth.

"Jupiter Ascending" was suddenly pulled from its original release date last July for reported reshoots and script changes. The impact this had is quite obvious and glaring in the final product. It feels like the Wachowskis took all of their rewrites, mashed them together and forgot to have anyone check to make sure they weren't recycling plot points. Jupiter is captured not once, but twice by the Abrasax heirs. Each time – along with her eventual rescue by Caine – plays out almost exactly the same. The fact that both scenes take place over the span of 30 minutes, turns what could have been fun and entertaining into something that is boring and anticlimactic.

The Wachowskis also have a nasty habit of introducing random characters just for plot's sake, only to have them disappear, never to be seen again. All of this made me feel like I was watching two – or three – different movies that were unable to coalesce into one, coherent story.

The characters themselves are dull and fall prey to the similar tropes we've seen time and again. Mila Kunis as Princess Leia/Luke Skywalker manages to be both spunky and headstrong one moment but helpless the next while Channing Tatum, our Han Solo, looks pretty and broods. With the exception of Eddie Redmayne (who is a cringe-worthy Balem Abrasax), no one really gives a bad performance, but they seem like they can't figure out who they are supposed to be playing any more than we are.

What is accomplished to great effect is a universe that has been painstakingly built from scratch. It's obvious this was meant to be the first in a series of films that take place in this setting, and it's sad that it won't happen since there is so much potential. I would love to see more about the Abrasax family (especially its female members) and how they came to power, as well as the winged legionnaires that Caine and Stinger were a part of before they were cast out in disgrace. There is a rich backstory here that is ripe for mining; if only the Wachowskis had delved deeper into that mythos instead of the path they decided to take.

And of course, I would be remiss not to mention the nine minute long dogfight and chase that takes place in the alien ships through the streets and rivers of Chicago. It reportedly took over six months to film. It’s evident that the best of the effects, and a lion's share of the funding, was invested in that scene. It's just a shame it comes so early in the movie and makes everything else so lackluster in its wake.

I can really appreciate what "Jupiter Ascending" is trying to do and be, but I can't forgive it for the many flaws that tear it apart. It had the potential to be something we had never seen before. Instead it's a complete mess of a film that never comes close to fulfilling the promises it made in its trailers.… Expand
5 of 13 users found this helpful58
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4
JohnKristoferMay 27, 2015
Despite it's effort,the film falls flat,the plot is just clumsily written.The plot make no sense to me and just felt stupid.The film has a great visual but the characters are just also plain bland.The Film is just frustrating.
1 of 3 users found this helpful12
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4
Luv_Bad_MoviesFeb 13, 2015
If you're into visual effects, than Jupiter Ascending might be the film for you (though, I thought the visuals were meh). However, if you like detailed story, plots, and characters that develop and go somewhere, Jupiter Ascending isIf you're into visual effects, than Jupiter Ascending might be the film for you (though, I thought the visuals were meh). However, if you like detailed story, plots, and characters that develop and go somewhere, Jupiter Ascending is guaranteed to disappoint. Don't get me wrong, Jupiter Ascending had me laughing (thus entertained), but for all the wrong reasons. Science fiction and fantasy require suspension of belief, but for Jupiter Ascending I recommend you throw you belief out the window and bury it six feet under.… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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4
MattBrady99Mar 10, 2015
Jupiter Ascending probably has one of the funniest scene so far in 2015 and that is the scene where a captain of this ship who's in a war battle and the captain says "Full speed a head", and it pans down to this elephant man like creature andJupiter Ascending probably has one of the funniest scene so far in 2015 and that is the scene where a captain of this ship who's in a war battle and the captain says "Full speed a head", and it pans down to this elephant man like creature and it makes the funniest noise ever and of cause I laughed my head off.

The story is about Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

I can't remember the time where the Wachowski made a good movie after the Matrix. Since then they made bad movie after bad movie and I don't know what to blame the writing or the directing, I think both since the Wachowski written and directed they movies and Jupiter Ascending is another one of they failures. Now I'm not the one who likes to bash some one who I know has great talent but I think some great talent forgot what made them so special in the first place.

For the positive: The first action scene in this movie I got to admit it was on the same level of spectacular has the Matrix. The hairs on my arm stood up, it was truly breathtaking and unique. The score by Michael G Keno was just fantastic to listen to and Channing Tatum and Sean Bean was okay in the film. For I split second I thought this movie was going to be good, but then I sawed the rest of it and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Now for the bad and there's a lot: Mila Kunis in this movie pretty played the dumb damsel in distress that needs a man to save her ever 20 minutes and her character feels really miss cast and if they just cut her out of the movie it wouldn't make a difference, I mean really Wachowski? you could have done better than that I mean come on. Oh I almost forgot the dialogue in this movie was so bad it was Twilight dialogue bad.

The Visual Effect's as well looked pretty fake at times even if it's in the background or the CG creatures, it still looked fake.

Now we all know by now that Eddie Redmayne is a good actor. We know he can deliver dialogue and make it feel real and serious like a person, but in this I had no idea what on earth what he was doing. Over the top, chewing up scenery after scenery, laughable bad and a weird voice that's sounds like Richard Harris Dumbledore mix with Nicolas Cage if he was drunk and high. His performance was Razzie worthy bad and I don't blame him for this, I blame the writing and the directors because there they telling him what to do so I won't blame him for it, but come on Eddie I know your a nice guy in real life but did you even think "Wow this is pretty laughably bad I should ask the directors to change it".

Overall Jupiter Ascending is just a Sci-Fi smash together mess. The action scenes may have been the only enjoyable part of the movie, but even that couldn't save this uninspiring, bloated mess of a film.… Expand
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4
CineAutoctonoDec 24, 2015
Jupiter Ascending movie was a very acceptable , for the good of this are the visual effects , costumes and sets, and the bad of this were the plot and script that was absurd , and disadvantages.
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4
The3AcademySinsOct 19, 2017
I wanted to like this movie. I really did. It just kind of feels like a watered down, first draft of the first Matrix movie. Some of the acting and directing choices definitely stray into "So bad it's good" territory so if you are a fan ofI wanted to like this movie. I really did. It just kind of feels like a watered down, first draft of the first Matrix movie. Some of the acting and directing choices definitely stray into "So bad it's good" territory so if you are a fan of that (like me) it's not a complete lost cause. If you like cheesy sci-fi, you absolutely won't hate this one, especially if you watch it with friends for a laugh.… Expand
1 of 1 users found this helpful10
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4
ScarlettMiNov 24, 2016
If I were around 12 or 13 years old, this would have probably been a movie I just loved. Secret princess and flying shoes and space-magic and pretty dresses? Hell yes, sign me up. I don't mean that as a criticism either. Silly, mindless, overIf I were around 12 or 13 years old, this would have probably been a movie I just loved. Secret princess and flying shoes and space-magic and pretty dresses? Hell yes, sign me up. I don't mean that as a criticism either. Silly, mindless, over the top, fantasy/scifi can be fun and appealing. I think a lot of the glaring problems would have still been apparent but I could have probably overlooked them with a little more ease back then.

As an adult, the movie worked more as a curiosity. All of the fantastically hilarious descriptions of the movie, from Channing Tatum's dog-boy on flying roller blades to Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne's bizarre whisper-screaming performance, needed to be experienced first hand.

It's an incoherent, imaginative, CGI-fantasy-mess, with bizarre performances and pretty costumes and a silly plot but one that doesn't take itself too seriously. It's not a ~good~ movie but it's at least a memorable and harmless kind of bad.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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4
kraftw33rkMay 1, 2019
Ich habe diesen Film im Kino gesehen und zu hause 2Mal weil ich dachte, Regisseur und sonstige Crew muss doch was sein. Aber irgendwie schmeckt dieser Film auch nach dem X-Ten Mal anschauen nur nach Raufaser. Nicht Fisch nicht Fleisch. EinIch habe diesen Film im Kino gesehen und zu hause 2Mal weil ich dachte, Regisseur und sonstige Crew muss doch was sein. Aber irgendwie schmeckt dieser Film auch nach dem X-Ten Mal anschauen nur nach Raufaser. Nicht Fisch nicht Fleisch. Ein Film praktisch ohne Höhepunkt. Viel CGI Computer-BimBam und seltsame Kreaturen machen einfach keinen guten Film. Schade, ich hätte gerne was nettes gesehen. Dazu noch extrem nerviger Ton ohne Punch. Eine schlechtes Beispiel für DTS-HD Master Audio und Dolby TrueHD.… Expand
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4
FidelGastroDec 26, 2021
The whole film has a rather strange feel to it. The cast is not bad at all, I didn't have a major problem with it. What I did have a problem with, however, was the overall story of the film and the creatures that appeared in it. It was as ifThe whole film has a rather strange feel to it. The cast is not bad at all, I didn't have a major problem with it. What I did have a problem with, however, was the overall story of the film and the creatures that appeared in it. It was as if they asked the screenwriter "What kind of creatures do you want in the movie?" and he said yes, ALL of them. Dragons, people with monkey ears, something like elves, but so be it.

The story starts in Russia, I know Russian and they could have done a little more with it. Otherwise, the story revolves around the classic cliché "Saving the Earth" theme.

Overall, I rate it 4/10… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
RaygirlFeb 13, 2015
Terrible movie!!! Beautiful visuals (which is why I gave it a 3) but such a stupid story, and ridiculously naive behavior by our heroine - who does nothing smart with her new found power throughout the entire movie! (All she does is wonderTerrible movie!!! Beautiful visuals (which is why I gave it a 3) but such a stupid story, and ridiculously naive behavior by our heroine - who does nothing smart with her new found power throughout the entire movie! (All she does is wonder where her boyfriend is. Ughhhhhhhhhh.) Maybe the story will appeal to pre-teens but any adult will find this story simplistic, ridiculous and lame. A space-age Cinderella story with a twist: she happily goes back to cleaning toilets at the end! Oh, but she has her booooooooofriend, so I guess all is well with the universe. OMG - SO LAME!!! I can barely believe they did the Matrix series after seeing that horrible movie!… Expand
1 of 5 users found this helpful14
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3
DamionFeb 7, 2015
An embarrassment of riches!!!

…and what I mean by that is that this is a film about rich people that is just an embarrassment. “Jupiter Ascending” is the latest film from the Wachowskis and, despite what you read about their under-ratedAn embarrassment of riches!!!

…and what I mean by that is that this is a film about rich people that is just an embarrassment.

“Jupiter Ascending” is the latest film from the Wachowskis and, despite what you read about their under-rated previous efforts (“Speed Racer,” “Cloud Atlas”), this one truly is….utter disaster.

Remember when Hollywood seemed to start putting effects ahead of stories and starting insulting the viewers intelligence until some directors (read: Cameron, Nolan) started injecting mindblowing effects into incredibly intelligent stories.

Well, guess who is insulting our intelligence again.

What this movie is “about,” and I use the term loosely, is a young woman in Chicago who cleans toilets for a living who finds out she is actually a genetic descendant of the most powerful dynasty in the universe and simply needs to claim Earth as her own, which she left to herself thousands of years prior, before her “son” harvests humans to make a potion that keeps other beings in the universe young.

You got that? No?

Who cares.

The entire film is completely about special effects and scene after scene that shows elements ripped off directly from any one of the Star Wars films. It is clear the entire film was thought of from the perceptive of “how could we get this cool scene in the film?” with very little focus on a story that is chronologically and logistically ridiculous.

Case in point: Jupiter Jones, played by Mila Kunis, in the span of about 24 hours, finds out that aliens exist, that she is galactic royalty impervious to the sting of bees and survives the most ridiculously unlikely air-chase ever shown on screen without a seat belt….without even batting an eyelash or one moment of hyperventilating. I mean, I think most of us would freak out to actually meet an alien, first and foremost…even a muscular, hot one in the form of Channing Tatum…never mind the rest of what was thrown at her. Yet, she takes it in stride, like it is completely normal.

Absurd.

Truly, the entire narrative rolls out like this…with space, time and basic logic (and gravity) being completely ignored in the development of a story so completely ridiculous, Oscar-front-runner Eddie Redmayne must be crying himself to sleep for accepting to be a part of this and giving such a silly performance. In June 2014, when this film's release was pushed back by almost seven months from July 2014 to February 2015, what they should have done was rewritten the script.

On the upside, the film is visually stunning, and they certainly used 3D technology to their advantage, not to mention that Tatum’s extended shirtless scene is, indeed, very entertaining while I don’t think I have ever seen Mila Kunis look so beautiful. Unfortunately, she is at her best when she is dressed to the nines as a total rip off of Padmé.… Expand
7 of 17 users found this helpful710
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3
IsotopesamMay 3, 2015
A visual feast for your eye but leaves your brain dead. The movie started promisingly but halfway through ends up in a mess. The story just does not hold up and the conclusion wasn't satisfying at all. It looks like none of the actors areA visual feast for your eye but leaves your brain dead. The movie started promisingly but halfway through ends up in a mess. The story just does not hold up and the conclusion wasn't satisfying at all. It looks like none of the actors are really interested; just collecting the paycheck. Watching this movie is a complete waste of time.… Expand
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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3
csw12Apr 23, 2015
The headache inducing action sequences and their clumsiness rival anything Michael Bay has done. The movie made absolutely no sense and i can see their entire budget went to visuals and costumes and none to any professional writers. ChanningThe headache inducing action sequences and their clumsiness rival anything Michael Bay has done. The movie made absolutely no sense and i can see their entire budget went to visuals and costumes and none to any professional writers. Channing Tatum looks stupid, Mila Kunis is a miscast and Eddie Redmayne is embarrassing… Expand
6 of 10 users found this helpful64
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3
SpangleOct 23, 2015
Jupiter Ascending has some of the most beautiful space sequences in any film I have ever seen. Tragically, it is like that hot girl who can barely string together a coherent sentence. It gets a 3 for the beauty, but everything else isJupiter Ascending has some of the most beautiful space sequences in any film I have ever seen. Tragically, it is like that hot girl who can barely string together a coherent sentence. It gets a 3 for the beauty, but everything else is irreparably bad. The CGI orgy on the screen every five seconds made it look like a Michael Bay film and the subject matter reminded me of Star Wars if they removed everything that made those films good. The dialogue is cringeworthy throughout and absolutely brain dead moronic. The acting is somehow worse than the dialogue with Eddie Redmayne truly stealing the show. Wow was he horrific. He was the conductor of this massive train crash and he went full speed ahead on that crazy train. What may be the worst feature of the film is that it is two hours yet feels like it was ten hours. It was never truly slow, but just dragged on and on and never seemed to end. An incredibly stupid film that should have been killed humanely before it ever had $175 million spent on its production, Jupiter Ascending is impressively bad.… Expand
0 of 1 users found this helpful01
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3
sanyrubJun 20, 2015
This is a really bad one. The story does not engage you at any point, you know what is to happen since it is so predictable, and there is no special acting, score or unique special effects to save it. Nothing. There are a few moments when theThis is a really bad one. The story does not engage you at any point, you know what is to happen since it is so predictable, and there is no special acting, score or unique special effects to save it. Nothing. There are a few moments when the characters interact with each other on Earth that are actually a little bit more interesting than all the crap displayed when the effects kick off. Slightly entertaining with some snacks or a few drinks.… Expand
2 of 3 users found this helpful21
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3
SchnitzelPoofNov 12, 2019
Less than mediocre. Not for adults - perhaps teens, perhaps. No emotional weight of any kind. Main characters are irritating, if not unbearable.
I can barely finish writing this review. Writing it reminds me of the film!
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
ozymandias79Apr 29, 2015
Not as dumb (or long) as Cloud Atlas but still dumb. I would feel like an idiot describing this movie so others can do that. This film was more like a Disney movie for kids. Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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3
mboner1Apr 29, 2015
Interstellar.. Watch that instead and thank me later. Poor choice of cast in this left me not caring what happened. Poorly acted, outside of the predictable action scenes there was nothing to see here. Move along.
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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3
NerdConsultantFeb 16, 2015
this film is one overlong mess that throws tons of plots at you but goes Absloutly Nowhere with any of them. it feels like this films universe needs to be expanded but theres no comics, video games or short films to expand on the mythos so asthis film is one overlong mess that throws tons of plots at you but goes Absloutly Nowhere with any of them. it feels like this films universe needs to be expanded but theres no comics, video games or short films to expand on the mythos so as a result it comes off as incomplete. the characters are not great especially Mila Kunis character who does absolutely nothing and expects Channing Tatum to come rescue her and the dialogue is insipid. Eddie Redmayne gives the least subtle performance of his career and the 3D was only really worth it in the last 30 minutes and even then it highlighted how much the film is relying on CGI. i will say i enjoyed Sean Bean's performance but his usefulness is very sporadic and i really think the Wachowskis should have only directed this film and handed over the screenplay to another writer because they haven't been on form for a while. as the film stands it's just bad and i really don't want a sequel to be made… Expand
1 of 4 users found this helpful13
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3
DCEdmondsFeb 12, 2015
"Jupiter Ascending" 10 Scale Rating: 3.0 (Awful) ...

The Good: Visually, it gets a 10 as the film is a sight to behold. The effects are top notch and the fighting scenes are well choreographed. The space battles and dog fights are also"Jupiter Ascending" 10 Scale Rating: 3.0 (Awful) ...

The Good: Visually, it gets a 10 as the film is a sight to behold. The effects are top notch and the fighting scenes are well choreographed. The space battles and dog fights are also well done. Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis try really hard to make this work and neither were part of the problem.

The Bad: The supporting cast was not up to the task and just about every one of them (save Sean Bean) was terrible. The villains (Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth, and Tuppence Middleton) were especially dreadful. Redmayne's performance was baffling as he's usually a very good actor. In this film, however, he was hammy and over-the-top ... and not in a good way. The story itself is weak at best, full of plot holes and infused with comedic elements that just don't work. Silly would probably describe the film's premise best. Lastly, for a regular Earth girl, Mila Kunis sure can survive a lot, making death-defying escapes, bending the laws of gravity, and ignoring simple science while doing so. With the exception of amazing effects, it was just a terrible offering all around.… Expand
7 of 13 users found this helpful76
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3
RealPeopleFeb 9, 2015
Not that it would matter much: but possible spoilers about a real spoiler. I wanted to love this movie. I did not love this movie. In fact, my 3 rating is high, due to my love for the genre and the Wachowskis. I did love Speed Racer and theNot that it would matter much: but possible spoilers about a real spoiler. I wanted to love this movie. I did not love this movie. In fact, my 3 rating is high, due to my love for the genre and the Wachowskis. I did love Speed Racer and the Matrix, and I've enjoyed the Wachowskis other movies if not loved. Jupiter Ascending let me down in so many ways. The first half of the movie I found great. Whenever we were on Earth I was pleased. Smiling in my seat. Wowed by the special effects. When we leave Earth it all fell apart. The acting was all very well done, even Tatums. I don't care how well the digital effects are, they just do not move me in anyway. While on earth the gravity boots, the makeup, the digital effects mixed in real-world areas or sets all fantastic. The planet Jupiter was good. The rest just felt so awkward and emotionless. Maybe because we have seen this before, for many years, starting with the oft besmirched star wars. Putting the search for realistic eyes in a digital world aside the story is a complete and utter failure after we leave earth. As if they ran out of story and decided to just repeat what they did on earth in space. More of Kunis character Jupiter falling and being saved by gravity boots. Lots more. This isn't the creative repetition as with the matrix that lets us see the computer world of the matrix is being created on the fly, no this is we have completely run out of time or ideas. Have these movie directors learned nothing from the past? we could have stayed on Earth and armed Jupiter's excellent Russian family and had them fighting with slapstick humor and it would have been a hit. they could have wrote in a story about humans that know of the plot but are helping it along for the love of money. Instead we get repeated extremely lifeless set pieces that we have already seen at the beginning of this movie. So instead, we have another grand missed opportunity. And that is a shame, because no one can do this like the Wachowskis, and every failure will stop more space operas from hitting the big screen. Tisk tisk Wachowski brothers. And tisk tisk to all of your friends who obviously know nothing, or are too afraid to say anything about the course of your creations to you. The moral of the story is you don't need to own galaxies and cleaning up poop ain't so bad as long as you have a wolf-man with flying boots? Did you know you were making such a bad movie so you tried to force feed us an ideal that would let us cope? Signed: devoted but bewildered fan. I hope you make enough to get another chance. Only because you owe us fans now, you owe us big time.… Expand
8 of 15 users found this helpful87
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3
MCRRNov 28, 2015
Not sure what exactly the Wachowski's were trying to achieve with this movie.
The idea is interesting, the casting is poor, the script weak and the delivery is woeful. Some nice special effects though!
Not the usual standard expected. TheNot sure what exactly the Wachowski's were trying to achieve with this movie.
The idea is interesting, the casting is poor, the script weak and the delivery is woeful. Some nice special effects though!
Not the usual standard expected. The Wachowski's appear to be attempting to dumb-down their accessibility and where this definitely succeeds in that respect, the overall package falls considerably short.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
mostfilmsarebadFeb 8, 2015
Fight scenes too long, over exaggerated explosions, some good moments but mostly corny/cliché with bad puns and dry humour. Channing Tatum looked extremely gormless throughout the movie as if he hadn't slept for several days. Designs forFight scenes too long, over exaggerated explosions, some good moments but mostly corny/cliché with bad puns and dry humour. Channing Tatum looked extremely gormless throughout the movie as if he hadn't slept for several days. Designs for set/ships etc looked like Asgard on steroids, costumes were alright at times yet could have been taken form the Hunger Games/Divergent. Soundtrack was trying too hard to be Howard Shore at times and was quite bland and lacked intensity at key points. CGI was probably done on Google Sketchup. The main antagonist was really **** annoying and needed a drink of water and anger management. Story line made relatively no sense and was hard to follow and could have been changed halfway through the actual filming. Sean Bean really likes bees. Unnecessary giant lizards.… Expand
1 of 6 users found this helpful15
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3
FilmPhonicJan 19, 2016
A young immigrant domestic cleaner’s life on Earth is shattered when she is discovered as the heir apparent to a dynasty of intergalactic landowners and planet harvesters, only to be pursued by the tyrannical head of the family whom she isA young immigrant domestic cleaner’s life on Earth is shattered when she is discovered as the heir apparent to a dynasty of intergalactic landowners and planet harvesters, only to be pursued by the tyrannical head of the family whom she is determined to fight with the help of a genetically engineered super-soldier.

Writers/Directors The Wachowskis (The Matrix, Cloud Atlas) bring their action-packed “space-opera” to the big screen in a film that’s been described as a cross-between The Matrix and Star Wars, we could not think of a more unmerited comparison.

Sure you can expect all the action and effects that $175million will buy and some impressive visuals as well, but even there some of the effects are decidedly sub-standard and a couple of the entirely-CG characters are borderline laughable.

In the aspects that all films are ultimately judged on, story & characters, Jupiter Ascending leaves a lot to be desired, the plot is fantastical and original while somehow managing to be completely predictable and is ill-served by character performances that are at times reminiscent of a 1950s B-Movie.

There may be a parable in there about capitalism and the exploitation of the common by the powerful but that will be lost in all the explosions and laser-fire, ultimately it’s a journey of characters that you don’t care about and you know what will happen to from the beginning.

Clearly the The Wachowskis have not lost the ability to dream big but with every film since The Matrix there must be a question about their ability to deliver on the promise, we can’t help but think they would be perfectly suited to writing for the many young visionary directors currently out there.

We realize how difficult it must be to make major motion-pictures and obviously no one sets out to make a bad one but we can’t think of many redeeming qualities in Jupiter Ascending, this is not one of those films so bad that they’re good, it’s just quite bad.

We suspect Jupiter Ascending will be confined to the vault where films like Battlefield Earth reside, all action and no substance, this is one of those films you should probably only check-out on a flight.… Expand
1 of 2 users found this helpful11
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3
reijiroApr 29, 2015
All I can say is, after I watched the movie, I felt bad at all the money they must have spent in making this. With all that money, they could have made a fantastic movie that could have been epic.

Oh well. One of those movies I'dAll I can say is, after I watched the movie, I felt bad at all the money they must have spent in making this. With all that money, they could have made a fantastic movie that could have been epic.

Oh well. One of those movies I'd probably forget. So I'm writing a review to remind myself not to watch this again in the future.… Expand
3 of 5 users found this helpful32
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3
The_hamurMay 19, 2015
This is one of those movies made for watching just once. It numbs you with effects, great sound, great visuals. But the most you watch it, the most you hate it. Probably will be a cult movie in 30 years.
0 of 2 users found this helpful02
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3
jackjuniorJun 14, 2015
Even 'Bit' from Tron showed more emotions than any single character in this movie. As a Sci-Fi fan I really was looking forward to this movie. And was then ending up fast-forwarding while watching, since after the 4th abduction from yetEven 'Bit' from Tron showed more emotions than any single character in this movie. As a Sci-Fi fan I really was looking forward to this movie. And was then ending up fast-forwarding while watching, since after the 4th abduction from yet another (un-introduced) party I could not take it anymore. Why should I care, what is the story? The lone Lycantrop for rescue story is just absurd, I never got the impression he is different than any other soldier, they should have send Jason Bourne instead. Finally, just because our main character, the queen, is cleaning toilets this does not make her a good person, sorry! Good persons are defined by actions they take during the movie, and there was none of it, she just was captured a zillion times and then decided not to slaughter all humans on earth. I get more emotional if my hairdresser tells me from her family weekend, the immersion level for this movie is really zero.
Bottom line: While visually appealing am I still surprised how little emotional attachment there is with any of the personalities in this movie. Looks like a visual effect hardware manufacturer wrote the script. It seems characters have no personality at all, are just there for hoping unmotivated into the next visual scene as a cursor pointing the way. It is yet another pancake movie, painted nicely, but as flat as it gets.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
Jess_HillJul 12, 2015
Such wonderfully imagined concepts have never been so disappointingly unrealised. Some of the cinematography is sublime, but there are many moments which are poorly executed, and the same goes for the world building and costuming. TheSuch wonderfully imagined concepts have never been so disappointingly unrealised. Some of the cinematography is sublime, but there are many moments which are poorly executed, and the same goes for the world building and costuming. The performances are forced and clunky, the dialogue is awful, the storyline is full of lofty ideas that are barely explored, and the entire film lacks depth, with a resolution that is thoroughly unsatisfying. A terrible let down on almost every front. 2.31/10… Expand
5 of 8 users found this helpful53
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3
BoogeeFilmGuyJul 13, 2015
Well, the Wachowski's prove one more that The Matrix was their ONLY GOOD FILM! Seriously, this movie is utter swill. Most of the movie is just people talking. And its not that having a lot of talking in a film makes it bad, but this wasWell, the Wachowski's prove one more that The Matrix was their ONLY GOOD FILM! Seriously, this movie is utter swill. Most of the movie is just people talking. And its not that having a lot of talking in a film makes it bad, but this was promised to be a summer blockbuster, not a drab borefest. Not worth the price of admission.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
StatlerWaldorfOct 27, 2015
Dear Jupiter Ascending, I am writing to you to drop my average film score. Do you remember when we met? It was in a lonely place, an alone-in-a-cold-dark-room-at-3am place, Google results on scifi action film I hadn’t seen showing 0. I triedDear Jupiter Ascending, I am writing to you to drop my average film score. Do you remember when we met? It was in a lonely place, an alone-in-a-cold-dark-room-at-3am place, Google results on scifi action film I hadn’t seen showing 0. I tried to respect your ambition, but you kept talking about how The Chronicles of Riddick was really cool, but how you wanted to be more than that. Oh? Do you remember how The Chronicles of Riddick looked in the mirror and was like “oh **** too far” and then turned itself back into Pitch Black? Can you do that for me, Jupiter Ascending? Can you use one of your plotholes to go back in time to that night and change yourself into Pitch Black for me? No? You still have ambition? Fine, you want to make the world a better place then instead take all of that money you spent to make yourself and give Channing Tatum a temp job going around being charming and giving out hugs. Can you imagine that world? Channing Tatum charm and hugs for everyone and no Jupiter Ascending. Holy **** That. World. No you were not my worst, but you did ooze viscous mediocrity the whole time. It took three showers and an episode of Firefly to get me right. Dear Jupiter Ascending, please do not make a sequel to yourself unless it is Jupiter Recanting: Pitch Black 3, or Jupiter Is Sorry About Before Presents: Magic Mike World Tour.… Expand
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3
EpicLadySpongeApr 13, 2016
My score for this movie is between a 3 and a 4. I decide to choose what I choose and stick with a 3 for now. There's obviously no way Jupiter Ascending can be this successful in movies or ever will be mentioned in any list of great movies.
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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3
ComandanteCobraApr 29, 2022
I don't even...it is not a movie it's like a fan fiction with images.
Cheap fx, terrible mix of Fantasy and Sci-fi, predictable dialogues.
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
ThazariApr 5, 2022
Spectacular visuals, but cliche villian, silly railroaded plot, cringe dialogues and unlikable characters. Childish Cinderella in space story arc.
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
mrkimi80Mar 10, 2019
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. The motives/objectives of the trans-human which are slightly similar those of the humans in Vandread (2000) Anime just doesn't make much sense, especially if the trans-humans have developed advance biology & nanotechnology. There is no need to harvest humans.

I'll have to also agree with other reviewers who says it's similar to GotG (Guardians of the Galaxy) - the major difference being that the characters there were much more fun or interesting.

Otherwise the Special Effects could be considered eye candy for many viewers.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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3
Chempion1Sep 30, 2021
Кинцо честно говоря не о чем!
Посмотрел первый раз и не хрена не понял. Года через два решил дать фильму второй шанс и уснул где то на 50й минуте.
В общем так. Графика на высоте. Так же мне понравилось......а всё, мне не понравилось большеКинцо честно говоря не о чем!
Посмотрел первый раз и не хрена не понял. Года через два решил дать фильму второй шанс и уснул где то на 50й минуте.
В общем так. Графика на высоте. Так же мне понравилось......а всё, мне не понравилось больше ничего.
Помня "братьев" Вачевски ещё по Матрицам, от фильма ждал многого. Но так и не дождался.
Актёры подобраны ужасно.
Сюжет такой закрученный, что кажется авторы даже сами не поняли, во что он вытечет в конечном итоге. Полная каша.
Я не знаю кто догадался дать девушке имя Юпитер. Юпитер, если что, это высший римский бог мужского пола с бородой и не просто мужского, а МУЖИК обрюхативший почти всю грецию и римскую империю! Если хотели назвать в честь планеты, то там есть три огромных спутника с женскими именами: Ио, Европа и Каллисто, выбирай любое. Как по мне это сильно портит повествование.
Хотя как потом выяснилось "братаны" Вачевски оказались трансгендерами. После этого всё стало на свои места. И девушка с мужским именем, и транс браки на планете, и вообще весь сюжет транс.
Короче фильм эта такая попытка "сестер" показать транс будущее как они его видят. Что ж, как показали оценки, это никому не интересно даже в сша.
С настороженностью жду Матрицу 4!!!… Expand
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2
EludiumQ36Oct 17, 2015
Sorry, 15-mins in and I can't endure any more. What is wrong with the W'skis?! The Matrix trilogy was it for them?! When you're crafting a two-hour epic like "Jupiter Ascending" you better write the hell out of the first 10 or 15 minutes toSorry, 15-mins in and I can't endure any more. What is wrong with the W'skis?! The Matrix trilogy was it for them?! When you're crafting a two-hour epic like "Jupiter Ascending" you better write the hell out of the first 10 or 15 minutes to ensure the audience has a reason to pay attention further - Screenwriting 101 people! Instead, we get a bunch of pregnant scenery, birthing on a steamship, action scenes that make no sense, girls talking of true love, and Mila Kunis not even trying to modulate her voice to anything other than "Meg" from "Family Guy"! With those types of disaster markings in the first 15-mins, why, why, would I watch for another 2-hrs?! This surely must've been written for pre-teen girls, gee thanks, W'skis. Fail fast and fail often works in software development, not film-making.… Expand
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2
Trev29Jul 17, 2015
The visuals can't cover up how atrocious this movie is. It is so stupid and ludicrous. Above of all though, it is incomprehensible. I feel embarrassed for everyone involved, especially for the people on screen, because the acting is horrible.
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2
GundamMarsJun 9, 2015
Boring, so boring. First a few things, Mila Kunis can't act, visuals can't make up for lack of an interesting story, a person talking softly to make them seem like more of a bad guy doesn't work. This movie was tough to get through, I noddedBoring, so boring. First a few things, Mila Kunis can't act, visuals can't make up for lack of an interesting story, a person talking softly to make them seem like more of a bad guy doesn't work. This movie was tough to get through, I nodded off at parts especially when they were talking so softly it's like they were being nice enough to talk soft so you could fall asleep easier. Also with all the info Jupiter is given about her life she doesn't seem to reACT the way you'd expect an everyday person would. If you're a big Channing Tatum fan he's shirtless at some parts, but he's just as bad an actor as Kunis. The only thing this movie has going for it is it's visuals and even they aren't that great. If you like these two "actors" pick another movie with them in it. Jupiter Ascending should be descending into a bargain bin near you.… Expand
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2
AxeTFeb 19, 2015
It would be proof that the best visual effects and production value money can buy don't make a good movie except that even the visuals are nothing so great we haven't all seen before ad nauseum. Creatively it's all tired recycled elementsIt would be proof that the best visual effects and production value money can buy don't make a good movie except that even the visuals are nothing so great we haven't all seen before ad nauseum. Creatively it's all tired recycled elements adding up to one hell of an excruciating bore with dire little skill in story-telling.
And it does once and for all prove that this one hit wonder filmmaking team was exactly that.… Expand
1 of 5 users found this helpful14
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2
gpatton71Feb 6, 2015
Move was just awful. I had really wanted to like this move but it was just BAD. It's a really shame because the visuals are amazing the possibility for a scfi epic are there., Mila Kunis looks amazing in it but acted like she was still JackieMove was just awful. I had really wanted to like this move but it was just BAD. It's a really shame because the visuals are amazing the possibility for a scfi epic are there., Mila Kunis looks amazing in it but acted like she was still Jackie from that 70s show. They tried so hard to get the teen crowd that they dumb ed it down so much nothing is there any longer. Channing Tatum is not my favorite actor by any means but he was decent in this and he wasn't the problem, but he looked more like a Elf then a Wolf.… Expand
13 of 26 users found this helpful1313
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2
dwhalen1000Feb 11, 2015
this movie was a sad attempt to refresh the old theme of the movie Dune. Poor story plot due to trying to put a trilogy premise condensed into 2 wasted hours. the ending was completely horrible and did not even remotely fit the plot of the movie
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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2
BarbudezMay 2, 2015
Lo han vuelto hacer, se han superado, no se como demonios lo hacen, pero han conseguido hacer otra montaña de MIERDA, mas apestosa, mas pútrida y mas retrasada que su anterior bodrio El Atlas de las Nubes, haciendo que su carrera esté tanLo han vuelto hacer, se han superado, no se como demonios lo hacen, pero han conseguido hacer otra montaña de MIERDA, mas apestosa, mas pútrida y mas retrasada que su anterior bodrio El Atlas de las Nubes, haciendo que su carrera esté tan hundida, que Shyamalan a su lado es Steven Spielberg, porque encima la película se ha pegado un brutal hostión en la taquilla no lleva ni 20 millones recaudado y ha costado unos 200 millones.

¿Pero que ha pasado?, vamos a ver la cosa es muy sencilla, estos 2 muchachos, que todo el mundo se ultrapajeo a muerte con Matrix (quizas su único film decente) que llegando a cotas de exageración que rozaban la pura demencia, tildándola de obra maestra o revolución cinematográfica, cuando simplemente... era un refrito de ciencia ficción y ""homenajes"" al cine de acción de Hong Kong.

Luego ya salió las 2 siguientes de Matrix, y vieron que nada de nada, y si tiramos a sus proyectos post-Matrix, mas aun, con una espantosa y epiléptica Speed Racer, se dieron la leche, e intentaron buscarse otro público mas indie con El atlas de las nubes, pero al ser 2 directores mediocres flipados de la vida, hicieron un verdadero truño (porque no tienen ni puta idea de hacer películas con mensaje o temas mas metafísicos), al ver que no, pues vuelven a lo comercial y... otro hostión.

Siento este prólogo, pero debía soltarlo porque me parece que con El Destino de Júpiter han tocado fondo en el pozo de mierda donde se están hundiendo. El Destino de Júpiter nos cuenta la historia de una asistenta rusa, que tiene unos genes random, que coinciden con una reina muerta, que la hacen por derecho, dueña de la tierra, mientras que 2 de los herederos de la Tierra, se la quieren cargar, aparece un guardaespaldas medio lobo medio hombre, para protegerla. La premisa es interesante, si no vamos a negarlo, puede salir un space opera interesante, pero estando detrás esos dos putos inútiles en el guión y en la dirección, la cosa no va bien.

Primero empezamos con que la película carece de un trasfondo digno o bien desarrollado, porque estos señores en vez de hacerte un pequeño prólogo o cualquier recurso útil, para ponerte en situación de lo que esta sucediendo, lo dan todo por hecho, como si conociésemos a la familia Abraxas, que hay corporaciones intergalácticas, o la Egira, como si fuese Star Wars, que todo el mundo por cultura popular lo conoce o ha oído de ello, cuando esto ha salido de sus absurdas y ridículas cabezas.

Luego tenemos que el desarrollo de la película, es un puto caos integral, pasan cosas en la historia que son relevantes, y dan igual, te la suda lo que suceda, no hay tensión, no hay emoción, no hay nada, es una película vacía, sin alma, añadiendo además la confusión que sufres al ver que no te cuentan nada claro del trasfondo, que provoca al espectador que ni le prestes atención o interés al film, porque la misma pelicula ni siquiera se digna en explicártelo, sino en darlo todo por hecho, porque presuntamente lo conocemos.

Después las escenas de acción, los tíos cutres UTILIZAN LA MISMA SECUENCIA DE ACCIÓN TODO EL PUTO TIEMPO, que es el Chanim Tatum haciendo piruetas con sus patines mágicos y encima terrorificamente mal filmado, Matrix estaba soberbiamente bien filmada, ¿que pasa? Lana Wachowsky mató a Larry a palos y le sustituyo, y el que tenía el talento era él, GUARRA.

Lo demás, que visualmente esta muy bien, y ya. No tiene nada mas salvable, evitadla como si fuese un puto leproso con Sida.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
psychomuseApr 30, 2016
I heard someone say this movie "ain't half bad." Well, it ain't half good either. Aside from some eye candy- the effects and the actors, [spoiler alert] this show blows.
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
jluaFeb 8, 2015
I gave it one point for the special effects. But I am very sorry that such DGI effects talent went to a movie that didn´t deserve the effort. I am struggling to find some redeeming feature in this film, but I am am very sorry to report thatI gave it one point for the special effects. But I am very sorry that such DGI effects talent went to a movie that didn´t deserve the effort. I am struggling to find some redeeming feature in this film, but I am am very sorry to report that I can´t find anything at all. Despite all its special effects, I am sorry to say that it is one of the weakest film I remember seeing. And I am a science fiction fan, who enjoys almost all science fiction movies. Not this one.… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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1
GreatMartinFeb 6, 2015
Take a little of Cinderella, first seen cleaning toilets, add her prince or even better put in some DC Comics Superman who can’t fly--well he lost his wings--but does have floating boots that light up and help him skate all over the planetaryTake a little of Cinderella, first seen cleaning toilets, add her prince or even better put in some DC Comics Superman who can’t fly--well he lost his wings--but does have floating boots that light up and help him skate all over the planetary system. Be sure to have a Lois Lane/Superman flying scene. Oh yes give this guy some pointed ears like Spock fro Star Trek and make sure he leads battle after battle after battle after battle from Star Wars

Never hurts to throw in some King Lear and/or Games of Thrones. When things get too hectic slow it down--very slow--and add a nonsensical love story. Here and there give the Cinderella/toilet cleaner/alien in Chicago a wise crack which would be funny in any movie but this one. Oh yes let’s not forget to throw in some Speilberg’s E.T.s and Lucas mutants.

Directors/screenwriters Lana and Andy Wachowski seem to have their second bomb in a row, after “Cloud Atlas”, and “Jupiter Ascending” is a $175 million seemingly unrecoverable mistake.

At one time special effects made a movie-goer’s jaw drop but now they have become such a part of various genres they really don’t have the effect they had and in a movie such as this where they as wall to wall and constantly repeated is almost becomes laughable if not boring.

Channing Tatum showed he is a first grade actor in “”Foxcatcher” while Mila Kunis earned her drama stripes in “The Black Swan”. Sean Bean has received several acting honors in his career while Gugu Mbatha-Raw showed her versatility last year in “Belle” and “Beyond The Lights”. Here’s hoping no Oscar voters will see Eddie Redmayne in this film or they may punish him when it comes to voting!

There are many supporting actors in the film who will probably forget to put this movie on their resumes which is understandable. The music is annoying and/or unforgettable while some of the costumes even Cher or Lady GaGa wouldn’t wear.

One suggestion, if you feel you have to see it, see it in a movie theatre as the only thing it has going for it is the first time they show a special effect.

Ending on a positive note I want a pair of Tatum’s floating boots, that light up, so I can go air skating up to visit you!… Expand
6 of 14 users found this helpful68
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1
irmdogFeb 8, 2015
There is no defending this film, it was BAD. I usually like Warchowski's films, even the bad ones, but this movie is an expensive waste of talent. While watching this mess all I could think to myself was all the starving people in the worldThere is no defending this film, it was BAD. I usually like Warchowski's films, even the bad ones, but this movie is an expensive waste of talent. While watching this mess all I could think to myself was all the starving people in the world and a hundred million dollars was wasted on this movie.… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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1
caveatscotiFeb 23, 2015
You will never be so bored to watch $176 million burn, nor for less reason. How does the bad guy die? I didn't see that bit: partway through the action climax I pitched my 3D glasses at the screen and walked. 2 points for the art team, whoYou will never be so bored to watch $176 million burn, nor for less reason. How does the bad guy die? I didn't see that bit: partway through the action climax I pitched my 3D glasses at the screen and walked. 2 points for the art team, who did a great job with the brief 'just go nuts'.… Expand
0 of 2 users found this helpful02
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1
LowbrowCinemaFeb 8, 2015
JUPITER ASCENDING couldn't be more banal, useless, and dull. But it is colorful. It's amazing how these 2 filmmakers can drain the live out of anything, even such personable leads. But again. lots of color.
0 of 6 users found this helpful06
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1
TimeOfTheChimpsAug 23, 2015
This was almost completely awful, save for a decent action scene towards the end. The casting is off: Mila Kunis seems bored trying to bring life to this dreck, while Channing Tatum is some awful futuristic elf-angel thing. The plot doesn'tThis was almost completely awful, save for a decent action scene towards the end. The casting is off: Mila Kunis seems bored trying to bring life to this dreck, while Channing Tatum is some awful futuristic elf-angel thing. The plot doesn't make sense, either. Jupiter is the "chosen one", but does nothing relatively close to what a saviour should be doing. Instead, she and Tatum fly around and do some random space junk I can hardly remember. Stay away from this junk as if your life depends on it, and don't feed any more of the Wachowskis' awful garbage.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
WafflemanguyFeb 8, 2015
One of the worst movies of 2014-2015. Poor story, poor acting, only giving it a one for the gorgeous special effects. 90% of the movie was CGI, but the CGI was good. About the plot, it was repetitive, made little sense, and it looked like itOne of the worst movies of 2014-2015. Poor story, poor acting, only giving it a one for the gorgeous special effects. 90% of the movie was CGI, but the CGI was good. About the plot, it was repetitive, made little sense, and it looked like it was written by a 10 year old boy after it played Final Fantasy all day.
Spend your money on toilet paper or something equally useful instead of spending this on this CGI bomb.… Expand
0 of 6 users found this helpful06
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1
amohammed1975Feb 9, 2015
This movie was surprisingly horrible. I can understand now why it was delayed 2 years in releasing. Though, I would think after 2 years they would have done much better at trying to improve it. The best thing about JA was the trailer. I gaveThis movie was surprisingly horrible. I can understand now why it was delayed 2 years in releasing. Though, I would think after 2 years they would have done much better at trying to improve it. The best thing about JA was the trailer. I gave it a 1 rather than a zero, as the special effects were very good.… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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1
MugikunFeb 7, 2015
I was looking forward to this movie really bad but was hardly dissapointed throughout the movie. The ONLY positive thing about this movie are the special effects but thats where it ends. The storytelling was really awful and it was the firstI was looking forward to this movie really bad but was hardly dissapointed throughout the movie. The ONLY positive thing about this movie are the special effects but thats where it ends. The storytelling was really awful and it was the first time in my life I wanted my money back after a movie. I felt betrayed and made fun of. How can they even allow this kind of BS. Gosh, it makes me angry.… Expand
1 of 6 users found this helpful15
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1
IntroduceOct 28, 2017
More like Jupiter Descending. .............................
.............................
.............................
...........LMAO..............
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
Movi3R3vi3werFeb 9, 2015
What a f*freaking piece of dog crap this movie was, oh my God. This movie officially kills what career the Wachowski’s had and wastes a great cast including Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean and Oscar nominee Eddie Redmayne. We areWhat a f*freaking piece of dog crap this movie was, oh my God. This movie officially kills what career the Wachowski’s had and wastes a great cast including Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean and Oscar nominee Eddie Redmayne. We are treated to a Star Wars prequel trilogy knock off featuring as interesting dialogue as The Phantom Menace did and the same poorly written romantic dialogue from Attack of the Clones, this movie sucks.… Expand
5 of 12 users found this helpful57
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1
greihingFeb 6, 2015
While the movie gets an "A" for visual effects, the overall picture was bad. George Clooney once said that he felt the most important part of the movie is the dialogue. This movie is the posture child for the reason is why he is right. TheWhile the movie gets an "A" for visual effects, the overall picture was bad. George Clooney once said that he felt the most important part of the movie is the dialogue. This movie is the posture child for the reason is why he is right. The villains all same the same old threats worded in exactly the same way. "Don't fail me again." whispers Eddie Redmayne to his henchmen...ppplleeaasee. The acting is standard, but don't blame the acting on this one. This one dies because of bad dialogue, editing and the inability to connect with the characters. I wanted to walk out 3/4 of the way through because I honestly did not care what happened at the end. The only thing that kept me in my seat was I invested the money and time to see this stinker so I felt obligated to stick it through. I think congrats are in order the director for making the latest version of Battlefield:Earth, only in 3D. Save your money.… Expand
9 of 18 users found this helpful99
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1
GimpyTreatFeb 6, 2015
This movie was a giant, floating turd in the punchbowl of my otherwise wonderful day off. I got a nap this morning. Ate sushi for lunch. Had some wonderful physical relations with my wife. And was hoping that my day would only get better byThis movie was a giant, floating turd in the punchbowl of my otherwise wonderful day off. I got a nap this morning. Ate sushi for lunch. Had some wonderful physical relations with my wife. And was hoping that my day would only get better by watching this movie. Well, fate is a cruel bastard, and after spending no less than $7 on a matinee ticket, I soon found myself giggling at the ridiculous fish-lipped villain and his whispery ways. The movie was so incredibly predictable that during the times that I closed my eyes for an unnecessarily long blink, I used my psychic powers to tell me what would happen next. They threw in some scenes of things breaking for no reason other than to add obstacles for Mila to jump and dodge.

Well, now I'm home trying to salvage this weekend and stretch out time in hopes of getting back the 2+ hours of my life that I wasted. If you're on the fence about seeing this movie, DON'T! You'd be better off getting a colonoscopy from your neighborhood crack dealer.… Expand
2 of 8 users found this helpful26
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1
subs2Feb 6, 2015
The critics were right about this movie. It failed on every level. Poor dialogue, poor story telling, dull music, boring fighting action scenes, boring action sequences and dull characters. I struggled to get to the end and the onlyThe critics were right about this movie. It failed on every level. Poor dialogue, poor story telling, dull music, boring fighting action scenes, boring action sequences and dull characters. I struggled to get to the end and the only entertainment I got from this film was joking about how bad it was with my friends. It was a complete waste of money and I wouldn't recommend anyone to watch this film.

The Wachowski siblings let me down big time on this film. The story had some potential but they failed to make it interesting and I think the film deserves to flop.… Expand
1 of 8 users found this helpful17
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1
FactsFeb 22, 2015
I was greatly anticipating a new Wachowski movie and went into the theater ready to love it. Unfortunately, what they spent on flashy digital graphics they should have spent on a script doctor. The acting (with the exception of Mila Kunis) isI was greatly anticipating a new Wachowski movie and went into the theater ready to love it. Unfortunately, what they spent on flashy digital graphics they should have spent on a script doctor. The acting (with the exception of Mila Kunis) is so-so at best... but we can't really blame the cast with such a flimsy plot and script to work with. The movie is a pretense to pandering "fan-service"- randomly thrown together things from other genres to try and please multiple audiences. This movie was genuinely terrible and a waste of my money. Refund, please.… Expand
0 of 4 users found this helpful04
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1
CameraBounceGodFeb 21, 2015
Here is my tip to Directors...Please don't make something seem big and cool like Jupiter when I can barely get past the beginning changing scene with Kunis and her girlfriend....and then you did a close up of Smitten Kunis and i wasHere is my tip to Directors...Please don't make something seem big and cool like Jupiter when I can barely get past the beginning changing scene with Kunis and her girlfriend....and then you did a close up of Smitten Kunis and i was like......show me an futuristic structure...never watched anymore after that… Expand
0 of 3 users found this helpful03
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1
moviestalkerFeb 22, 2015
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Who could have thought that the Wachowski siblings could come up with an movie even worse than matrix 3?

Meet Jupiter Jones, a woman everyone tries to murder .. including gravity, since most of the time she's seen falling to her death hoping to get rescued in time by her wolf boyfriend at the very last second.

Yes, spend 127 minutes watching Channing Tatum save Mila Kunis from: Shooting aliens with laser guns, falling, getting abducted, forced marriage, more falling, getting abducted again, even more falling and exploding. Good thing she ends up being the ruler of earth at the end of the movie. Because her "children" couldn't just take earth by force using their army and space ships and turn all humans into royal jelly ... Oh wait, they do have tons of money and giant spaceships.

I have no idea why people keep defending this piece of garbage: Are you really satisfied by a flimsy story as long as the rest of the movie is overloaded with cgi crap? Wow ... just wow.

Rating: 1/10
( 1 Point, because Sean Bean didn't die)… Expand
3 of 7 users found this helpful34
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1
KentuckyCriticMar 3, 2015
This movie was actually painful to watch, and I kicked myself for not leaving early. They blew their $$ on special effects, and forgot to invest in a plot of any substance. I'm an avid science fiction fan, but I could not give this one aThis movie was actually painful to watch, and I kicked myself for not leaving early. They blew their $$ on special effects, and forgot to invest in a plot of any substance. I'm an avid science fiction fan, but I could not give this one a passing score. Anyone who gave this a positive score must have been high, drunk, or both (which actually would have bumped my score up by one).… Expand
0 of 3 users found this helpful03
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1
andraApr 23, 2015
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Such a shame, a damn shame. While the whole back-story of the Abrasax family, their business, the alien culture, rulers of space part was COMPLETELY ignored, we at least got to see Sean Bean not die. Considering the horrible character he was handed, he did what he could. That could be said about all the actors who were literally lost in the plot and could not establish a connection with the other characters. I don't blame the actors though, truly, they did what they could, but there was no substance, no story line, no anything besides visual effects. This movie had the potential to be amazing, a possible franchise but nothing of value was even hinted at. The origins of humanity (which is not Earth), the royal families in space, the type of businesses, Jupiter's past and inheritance, the Abrasax kids and the rivals in the industry.....nothing, nothing related to that.....Sweet lord, this could have been amazing. Not to mention, that the dialogue was mediocre, the technology they presented was brushed off with no insight and Tatum is some kind of human-doggy with the emotional range of a pissed off Edward Cullen. While, of course, Mila Kunis is there to be pretty, not breaking a sweat at the fact that she discovered in a matter of hours that she owns half the universe, her identity is uncommon, she jumps off of buildings, gets used very fast with talking lizards and alien tech. By no means would she freak out about, well, anything. Her job is to look pretty in alien couture and hit on Tatum's canine charms. God this was a mess. oh yeah....there was a faint hint of incest too.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
CaramiaJun 19, 2015
I really expected more from the Wachowskis, moreso now that I've seen their Netflix series, Sense8, both of which came out in 2015. There is one good thing about this movie: the sfx, which raise the fx bar ever higher. Stunning is not evenI really expected more from the Wachowskis, moreso now that I've seen their Netflix series, Sense8, both of which came out in 2015. There is one good thing about this movie: the sfx, which raise the fx bar ever higher. Stunning is not even the right word for it. I enjoyed seeing Mila Kunis in a starring role, but not...here. Even as a pure action movie, it fails. As sci-fi, it is derivative to the point of almost being as funny as some of the characters (and not in a good way). I am a Wachowskis' fan but just don't get that they did this big box kind of movie...after the brilliant and subtle Cloud Atlas? Only gave it a generous 1 for the fx.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
AngusBarbudezAug 26, 2016
Lo han vuelto hacer, se han superado, no se como demonios lo hacen, pero han conseguido hacer otra montaña de MIERDA, mas apestosa, mas pútrida y mas retrasada que su anterior bodrio El Atlas de las Nubes, haciendo que su carrera esté tanLo han vuelto hacer, se han superado, no se como demonios lo hacen, pero han conseguido hacer otra montaña de MIERDA, mas apestosa, mas pútrida y mas retrasada que su anterior bodrio El Atlas de las Nubes, haciendo que su carrera esté tan hundida, que Shyamalan a su lado es Steven Spielberg, porque encima la película se ha pegado un brutal hostión en la taquilla no lleva ni 20 millones recaudado y ha costado unos 200 millones.

¿Pero que ha pasado?, vamos a ver la cosa es muy sencilla, estos 2 muchachos, que todo el mundo se ultrapajeo a muerte con Matrix (quizas su único film decente) que llegando a cotas de exageración que rozaban la pura demencia, tildándola de obra maestra o revolución cinematográfica, cuando simplemente... era un refrito de ciencia ficción y ""homenajes"" al cine de acción de Hong Kong.

Luego ya salió las 2 siguientes de Matrix, y vieron que nada de nada, y si tiramos a sus proyectos post-Matrix, mas aun, con una espantosa y epiléptica Speed Racer, se dieron la leche, e intentaron buscarse otro público mas indie con El atlas de las nubes, pero al ser 2 directores mediocres flipados de la vida, hicieron un verdadero truño (porque no tienen ni puta idea de hacer películas con mensaje o temas mas metafísicos), al ver que no, pues vuelven a lo comercial y... otro hostión.

Siento este prólogo, pero debía soltarlo porque me parece que con El Destino de Júpiter han tocado fondo en el pozo de mierda donde se están hundiendo. El Destino de Júpiter nos cuenta la historia de una asistenta rusa, que tiene unos genes random, que coinciden con una reina muerta, que la hacen por derecho, dueña de la tierra, mientras que 2 de los herederos de la Tierra, se la quieren cargar, aparece un guardaespaldas medio lobo medio hombre, para protegerla. La premisa es interesante, si no vamos a negarlo, puede salir un space opera interesante, pero estando detrás esos dos putos inútiles en el guión y en la dirección, la cosa no va bien.

Primero empezamos con que la película carece de un trasfondo digno o bien desarrollado, porque estos señores en vez de hacerte un pequeño prólogo o cualquier recurso útil, para ponerte en situación de lo que esta sucediendo, lo dan todo por hecho, como si conociésemos a la familia Abraxas, que hay corporaciones intergalácticas, o la Egira, como si fuese Star Wars, que todo el mundo por cultura popular lo conoce o ha oído de ello, cuando esto ha salido de sus absurdas y ridículas cabezas.

Luego tenemos que el desarrollo de la película, es un puto caos integral, pasan cosas en la historia que son relevantes, y dan igual, te la suda lo que suceda, no hay tensión, no hay emoción, no hay nada, es una película vacía, sin alma, añadiendo además la confusión que sufres al ver que no te cuentan nada claro del trasfondo, que provoca al espectador que ni le prestes atención o interés al film, porque la misma pelicula ni siquiera se digna en explicártelo, sino en darlo todo por hecho, porque presuntamente lo conocemos.

Después las escenas de acción, los tíos cutres UTILIZAN LA MISMA SECUENCIA DE ACCIÓN TODO EL PUTO TIEMPO, que es el Chanim Tatum haciendo piruetas con sus patines mágicos y encima terrorificamente mal filmado, Matrix estaba soberbiamente bien filmada, ¿que pasa? Lana Wachowsky mató a Larry a palos y le sustituyo, y el que tenía el talento era él, GUARRA.

Y los diálogos, DIOS MIO, los cochambrosos diálogos, que producirán verdaderas carcajadas, descojone y vergüenza ajena, donde encontrareis perlas como estas:

"-¿Te fijaste porque no te picaron las abejas?. Las abejas están modificadas geneticamente para detectar a gente de Sangre REAL" ( Bien Felipe y cia pueden ir por cultivos de miel sin protección)

"-Están botas son antigravitatorias, repelen la fuerza de la gravedad y surfeo a través de ecuaciones"

Escena presuntamente Romántica

(Mila Kunis más caliente que el palo de un churrero con el Tatum)

-Me atraen los chicos equivocados, mi brújula está mal.
-Yo en realidad soy mas parecido a un perro que un hombre.
-Me encantan los perros.

Lo demás, que visualmente esta muy bien, y ya. No tiene nada mas salvable, evitadla como si fuese un puto leproso con Sida.… Expand
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1
JLuis_001Sep 6, 2017
Visually spectacular, with a well executed score, the art direction and production values are excellent, but its crime is the weak history and the main character, it is clear that the Wachowskis should have taken the 6 months of delay toVisually spectacular, with a well executed score, the art direction and production values are excellent, but its crime is the weak history and the main character, it is clear that the Wachowskis should have taken the 6 months of delay to focus on the script instead of the visuals, it is clear that after this debacle it will cost them to get back a budget of this sort.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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1
FedorkoNov 14, 2017
What a movie! I laughed, I cried (from laughter), I left the theater after it was all over and I kept laughing. What was with the shot of that dumb elephant? Eddie Redmayne really picked a bad one here, folks. Channing Tatum is good too, inWhat a movie! I laughed, I cried (from laughter), I left the theater after it was all over and I kept laughing. What was with the shot of that dumb elephant? Eddie Redmayne really picked a bad one here, folks. Channing Tatum is good too, in other movies. The editors really just wanted to mess up the whole movie! See this if you want to be disappointed in a movie. The production value just makes the whole experience even sadder.… Expand
0 of 0 users found this helpful00
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0
lilkillpappyJun 19, 2015
it took me several days to finish this film because I kept getting bored. What more do you need to know about it? I can't remember being this disappointed by a film. From Cloud Atlas to this claptrap??
2 of 5 users found this helpful23
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0
MKUltramanFeb 26, 2015
Battlefield Earth for a new generation! Wanted to leave the cinema after the first five minutes. **** overblown CGI effects, unintentionally hilarious performances, camp costumes and dire dialogue make this film an absolute chore to getBattlefield Earth for a new generation! Wanted to leave the cinema after the first five minutes. **** overblown CGI effects, unintentionally hilarious performances, camp costumes and dire dialogue make this film an absolute chore to get through. More fantasy/kids movie than proper sci fi - avoid this one like the plague!… Expand
4 of 8 users found this helpful44
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0
rlwright34Jun 29, 2015
Seriously worst film I have ever seen. Thought about giving it 1 star for the pretty effects but sorry the crappy story and acting actually makes it a minus 10.
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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ason313Dec 18, 2016
OK, I knew this was gonna be a bad movie, but all I need to say is Channing Tatum is playing a rollerskating dog-man with a gun that barks when it fires.... enjoy!
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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DeathSladeJun 17, 2015
piece of **** acting...piece of garbage...piece of banana peel...piece of junk...piece of did i already say that it is a piece of ****................
3 of 6 users found this helpful33
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ryecaMar 7, 2015
All you need to know is that there is a wolf-man Channing Tatum clumsily floating around Chicago with his gravity roller-skates. Did he just grind that fire-escape railing? Oh yes, he did.

Go see this movie NOW before it is gone. Be sure,All you need to know is that there is a wolf-man Channing Tatum clumsily floating around Chicago with his gravity roller-skates. Did he just grind that fire-escape railing? Oh yes, he did.

Go see this movie NOW before it is gone. Be sure, this movie is an awful, horrendous, shameful, abomination, wreck of a movie, but you need to experience it yourself. It is like a mad-libbed collage supercut of twenty or so moderately famous sci-fi movies. Yes, it is so bad that it is good again.… Expand
3 of 9 users found this helpful36
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scribblerFeb 7, 2015
You are at risk of insanity or terminal tedium! Do not go to see the film "Jupiter Ascending". Whatever anyone says this is the most banal, badly scripted film I have ever seen. You may loose the will to live if you sit through more than 45You are at risk of insanity or terminal tedium! Do not go to see the film "Jupiter Ascending". Whatever anyone says this is the most banal, badly scripted film I have ever seen. You may loose the will to live if you sit through more than 45 minutes of this unadulterated bilge. Any film where a master of the universe (even if he is currently up for an Oscar in "The Theory of Everything") comes up with the line "My mother never cleaned a toilet in her entire life" and a dinosaur says "ooh you hurt me....." is beyond parody.

The lines are delivered in a drawl with some of the worst diction I have ever heard.

This film is an excrescence, go see it at your peril!… Expand
7 of 20 users found this helpful713
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thankgodforkiwiMar 3, 2015
CRAP! CRAP! AND MORE CRAP!!! America is so starved of ideas for movies is just not funny anymore! Ok lets see what we can mix here for style oh - roman mixed with 1920's egyptian with a bit of trash modern try hard and space theme LOL, andCRAP! CRAP! AND MORE CRAP!!! America is so starved of ideas for movies is just not funny anymore! Ok lets see what we can mix here for style oh - roman mixed with 1920's egyptian with a bit of trash modern try hard and space theme LOL, and then you shove it down our throats and make us pay money!! No wonder people aren't going to the movies anymore. Save your money folks… Expand
3 of 8 users found this helpful35
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RickBellJul 21, 2015
Completely unrealistic plot on the most base level: unappealing Mila Kunis discovers that she owns the earth and is given planetary powers. She was working as a poor maid cleaning toilets until that became known to her. After a lot ofCompletely unrealistic plot on the most base level: unappealing Mila Kunis discovers that she owns the earth and is given planetary powers. She was working as a poor maid cleaning toilets until that became known to her. After a lot of adventure and saving the earth, she decides to go back to scrubbing toilets (literally) for a living as a maid. The sci if stuff is fun, but the basic plot is ludicrously unbelievable. A similar plot would be: a maid wins a billion dollars in the powerball but decides to throw all the money away and scrub toilets for a living instead. Yeah right.… Expand
4 of 6 users found this helpful42
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stuntbabyJul 11, 2015
I don't usually review movies but I registered here just so I could review this. This is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Struggled through about two thirds of it but it's totally unengaging. The main character, Jupiter JonesI don't usually review movies but I registered here just so I could review this. This is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen. Struggled through about two thirds of it but it's totally unengaging. The main character, Jupiter Jones appeared to be played by a cardboard cutout with no character or acting ability. This movie is visually cluttered and badly scripted. Reasonable basic premise and storyline, but then it's nicked from an old science fiction story, as most of these kind of movies are. I had my misgivings from the start when I saw it was by the creators of the Matrix, yet another reworking of an old science fiction idea padded out with yawn inducing visual and action sequences.… Expand
4 of 7 users found this helpful43
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Cooligan46Jul 27, 2015
Bravo, Mr. Wachowski. You too, you unfortunate wife-of-his. You've made yet another terrible sci-fi CGI-fest, devoid of fun, likable characters, or any good lines in the script. I will say to your credit that there are some charming parts,Bravo, Mr. Wachowski. You too, you unfortunate wife-of-his. You've made yet another terrible sci-fi CGI-fest, devoid of fun, likable characters, or any good lines in the script. I will say to your credit that there are some charming parts, and the cast is pretty solid. But why on Earth, for the main villain, would you reduce Eddie frickin' Redmayne, an Academy award winner, to an awkwardly-dressed brat who screams half his lines and whispers the other half!? And Mila's character is **** too, so it's not like she gets a free pass. She does nothing throughout the film other than get saved, try to get close to Mr. Wolf-eared Tatum, and clean toilets. She makes Princess Peach look like Ellen Ripley! All the other characters in this film are either left without personality or ridiculous to the point of hilarity. The lines in this movie puts the stupidity of Batman and Robin to shame. "I love dogs."? Really? M. Night Shyamalan is cringing at that line! Even Patrick Star can't help but cry at the sound of hearing that! Overall, it's a poorly-executed, poorly-acted, and boring attempt at cashing in on what made Star Wars so great. Too bad Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski. Maybe next movie.… Expand
2 of 4 users found this helpful22
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