Susan Wloszczyna

It's instantly devoured and quickly forgotten.

Instead of the heat of humanity, what lingers on in the mind is the cool of the computerized effects.

My hope is that if they do a sequel, they focus on No. 4. Love the way he carries pizza wedges in his wallet [17 July 1996]

Director Hugh Wilson and co-writer Peter Torokvei allow this Driving Miss Daisy with attitude to fully steep, like a cup of fine tea spiked with lemon. [11Mar1994 Pg. 01.D]

Fatally dreadful. This umpteenth parody flick of the year moves sooooooo slowly, it may be the first movie candidate for a pacemaker. The Naked Guns and the Hot Shots may not be Noel Coward cocktail parties. But those films toss out so many joke grenades, a few are bound to set off laughs. Not director Carl Reiner's latest. He takes the same five gags and grinds them into the ground like old cigarettes. Or allows each bit to drag on and on like the toilet paper that keeps sticking to femme fatale Sean Young's killer pumps. [29 Oct 1993, p.4D]

While Scream has its frights, it feels more like one of those solve-the-mystery jigsaw puzzles than a real movie.

t's far too soon for an actress as vital as Jessica Lange to stoop to Bette Davis-Joan Crawford horror-hag histrionics. [6 Mar 1998, pg.04D]

Gruesome, garish and smutty in a very juvenile way, Knight - the first of a promised trilogy - nonetheless is often frightfully engaging, thanks to a game group of performers and visually electric direction from Ernest Dickerson (Juice). [13 Jan 1995, p.4D]

The transition from Hanna-Barbera animation to manic-barbaric live action falls flatter than a granite slab, from the first of many deadly stone-age wordplays - "Steven Spielrock Presents" - to the gross-out shots of dirty tootsies. [27 May 1994 Pg. 01.D]

This dark comedy comes off more giddy than gritty.

Freddy's Dead is fan fare, with little to offer those who aren't already Freddy freaks. [16 Sept 1991, p.5D]

Even with nifty giant bird Nimbly, flying dog-dragon Falkor and Tonto-like sidekick Atreyu along for the ride, Bastian seems to meander more than tumble into fun- filled adventures. For all its echoes of Oz, Fantasia is not much of a merry old land. [11 Feb 1991, p.4D]

Vinny's humor is cooked to al dente perfection. And that ain't just whistling Dixie.

As a condescening moron who natters on non-stop in this simplistic comedy, Elliott doesn't just wear out his welcome, he nukes it. [14 Jan 1994]

This movie is a cookie. A slightly stale generic-brand cookie.

The premise was a yummy one in the Mexican hit "Like Water for Chocolate," but it's best to pack Tums in case of heartburn this time around. [5 February 1999, Life, p.11E]

Despite Murphy's campaigning, Gentleman deserves a veto. [04 Dec 1992]

A plodding, play-it-safe rendition of "The Family Feud."

It's terrific to see such well-matched actresses of opposing generations duke it out.

After so much frenetic kicking and grunting, you may feel like you're in a stupor, too.

Pytka may know how to push fizzy water, but he certainly can't make a punch line sparkle. [21 Aug 1989]

There's one reason to see Tim Burton's flawed, somewhat declawed but often amusing do-over of Planet of the Apes. The apes. What else?

The latest stab at a gangsta-fied This Is Spinal Rap, is more raggedly low-budget than last year's CB4, but avoids that film's awkward mix of satire and salute. [07 Jun 1994, p.6D]

As a director, Seagal isn't much on transition scenes. That would cut into the time devoted to knives slicing through heads. [21 Feb 1994, p.4D]

Before you go off to see The Wizard with your own video whiz kid, consider visiting an arcade instead. Your entertainment dollar would be much better spent on Double Dragon. [15 Dec 1989, p.6D]

In this second round of so-so kung-foolery, three brothers once again strain credibility and make sushi out of new foes. [06 May 1994, p.5D]

It's a pretty good ride even if it blatantly steals some of its best stunts from "American Graffiti" and "Grease."

Just like its albino-like villains, this Village is a pale imitation. [28 Apr 1995, p.3D]

The "nonsequel" that regathers the inspired loonies who scaled the heights of giddy anarchy in 1988's "A Fish Called Wanda," is a different comic species. [24 January 1997, p. 3D]

This joyless coming-of-age travelogue is such a downer that not even breathtaking locales can provide a lift.

Well-intentioned even as it surrenders to commercialism, G.I. Jane comes on like the ultimate battle of the sexes. But it ends up being an unfulfilling exercise in pseudo-feminism. [22 August 1997, p. 7D]

Never reaches much beyond the surface, and what lies there is all too predictable.

Although delayed several months for fine-tuning, Freejack hijacks any potential cult status with drab visuals and a lousy score. Even Jagger fans aren't going to get much satisfaction out of that. [20 Jan 1992, p.4D]

Though its romantic-comedy triangle borrows heavily from Cyrano de Bergerac, the film has more in common with Three's Company. A shame, since Dogs boasts more than a few stray pleasures. [26Apr1996, Pg. 04.D]

Bless me, Father, for I actually laughed once during this gosh-awful spinoff...about as funny as an oozing fever blister.

Heckerling stoops to the obvious at times and there are two car chases too many. But Look Who's Talking never insults the intelligence of adults or babies, and that's quite a feat for any comedy. [13 Oct 1989, p.4D]

Since a goodly portion of Jade is given over to the barbed banter lobbed by Allen and a solid Helen Hunt (in Stanwyck mode as a peevish efficiency expert who challenges his façade of male superiority), Woody the wordsmith is in full evidence, too.

James is a stunner with a breathtaking array of eye-teasers. [12 Apr 1996]

An untreacly family film is a true rare bird. [13 Sep 1996]

What's most amazing is the finely nuanced performances these bits and bytes deliver.

A movie with this kind of haunting power comes along only once every decade or so. [20 February 1991, Life, p.11D]

Here's ringside entertainment for those who think TV wrestling is too intellectual and restrained.

Bale tends to be overwrought and self-conscious as he wrestles with his demons, here in both '60s flashbacks (the liveliest segment) and in the 1977 present, in which punk clubs and easy women represent temptation. [09 Apr 1999]

Truth is, Affleck and Paltrow flunk Chemistry 101. They aren't believable even as a fake couple.

Blast feels positively timely if not downright positive about the human race's ability to endure. Forget radiation. Fraser and folks actually survive three decades-plus of Perry Como music. [12 February 1999, Life, p.8E]

All the Drano in the world couldn't fix what's clogging the works in Super Mario Bros. [1 June 1993, p.6D]

Randal Kleiser (Grease) might not be everyone's first choice as director. But with the majesty of the Klondike landscape and a script packed with action, it would be hard to mess this up. [22 Jan 1991, p.5D]

Not since Andy Kaufman's reign of terror has a supposed funnyman been so self-indulgently persistent in testing a fan's patience.

Unless you have a craving to watch a sluggish Ski-Doo race or want to admire Chase dressed as a hula dancer, consider this the cinematic equivalent of yellow snow.

There's probably a fall-out-of-your-seat, laugh-your-head-off comedy to be made about house guests. Meanwhile, the maddeningly mediocre Madhouse will have to do. [16 Feb 1990, p.4D]

The concept is so hypocritical, it's like Britney Spears calling Christina Aguilera underdressed and overexposed.

The bad-taste murder farce is just an excuse for a bunch of actors to go slumming and ride about in - ha, ha - Yugos.

As late Christmas presents go, Reindeer Games is best left unwrapped.

Douglas prances and chants with crimson-haired tribesmen who look like they were styled by Dennis Rodman. He talks a good game. (Why does he kill? "Because I've got a gift.") But he is trapped by the same undernourished script as the rest of the cast. Secondary characters are fleshed out so little, they should simply wear labels that say "kitty snacks." [11 Oct 1996]

Babe, a live-action fable about a valiant pig who conquers prejudice like a barnyard Jackie Robinson, is in a league of its own when it comes to enchantment.

Based on the days and especially nights of Venice's 16th century courtesan Veronica Franco, this alternately dull, lively, sexy and silly costumer lightens the locks of brunette Braveheart dish Catherine McCormack. [27 Feb 1998]

A riotous and wee bit PG-racy computer-animated family fable, is the most thoroughly enjoyable cartoon feature since "Toy Story" burst out of its box.

You'd be hard-pressed to find a purer expression of rapture in a film this year than the one that opens Billy Elliot.

Let others recharge that tired Die Hard formula. Cameron invents a new kind of family therapy that saves your marriage and the world. [15 Jul 1994 Pg. 01.D]

It's still a sick kick to see the little girl (with braces, no less) sink her teeth into her own mother. But doing a Sunset of the Dead might have been a more appetizing idea. [23 Oct 1990, p.6D]

The cameos are out-of-sight, though the gay jokes and sexual innuendoes are overdone. But even if you don't know Peter from Bobby, you'll still be apt to find the Brady brand of geeky optimism thoroughly infectious. [17 Feb 1995, p.1D]

This twisted romance possesses the soul and edgy atmosphere of an independent film but not quite the conviction.

To redo such a sentimental gem without Hepburn's incandescence to light the way seems foolhardy at best, but director Sydney Pollack (Tootsie) miraculously almost pulls off his updated homage simply by choosing well and popping enough champagne corks to make us believe the wealthy are still glamorous despite Donald Trump. [15 Dec 1995, p.1D]

While entertaining with its swipes at everything from health food to the Latin pop craze, the semi-sweet story is about as deep and meaningful as a groupie grope.

But even fans of the original directed by scare-fare king David Cronenberg won't get much of a buzz from this Son of the Fly sequel. It seems that wit and originality are traits that skip a generation. [13 Feb 1989, p.4D]

But those looking for enlightenment on this boring road trip better bring along a flashlight. The sex change merely allows Erika Eleniak, who won more respect from her critters as Elly May in The Beverly Hillbillies than she does from the male animals here, to doff her duds as often as she tries to escape. Running tampon gags are never a good sign. [26 Apr 1994, p.8D]

What once was spontaneous and clever now has the stench (in Conehead-speak) of rotten chicken embryos. [23 July 1993, p.5D]

The whole cast is terrific - especially Kline, who manages to be both flippant and earnest. And except for some slow going near the end, Reitman keeps it bright and light. [07 May 1993, p.1D]

Not even scaremeister director Wes Craven can awaken this story. Murphy's pale efforts are enough to make one fondly recall Blacula. Now that was one sucker who knew how to make a film that didn't. [27 Oct 1995, p.4D]

Ryder's commitment is impressive. If her movie only had her courage.

Deep Cover, directed unevenly by Bill Duke (A Rage in Harlem), is yet another plunge into the seemingly bottomless urban pool of drugs, guns and money. [15 Apr 1992, p.7D]

While the film comes to a mildly clever conclusion, it feels like a bottle of vintage champagne that never gets to pop its cork at midnight. All that fizz potential wasted. [26 Feb 1999]

In its third go-round, the Lethal Weapon arsenal is running out of ammunition. [15 May 1992]

Allison Janney is tacky incarnate as Barkin's good-time gal pal. When she shows up, Drop Dead Gorgeous comes most to life. [23 July 1999, Life, p.12E]

Works best as a ponderous metaphor for life's uncertainties. As a lighthearted comedy, the force, alas, is not with it. [19 March 1999, Life, p.13E]

After a half-hour or so, your clicker finger will be itching. Too bad you can't zap around the other multiplex screens. [17 Aug 1992, p.4D]

At least the original never stooped to overly graphic violence. This time, the filmmakers drench the toy-factory finale with gore galore. [09 Nov 1990, p.4D]

Observing Zellweger as she dispenses her brand of movie magic definitely is good for what ails you.

When we first see Meryl Streep's happy homemaker in One True Thing, she's a domestic dinosaur circa late '80s, a regular mommy monster. [18 September 1998, p.3E]

With cartoon colors, loony tunes and a kitschy-coo sensibility, Earth Girls Are Easy finally lands in theaters after having distributor trouble. This close encounter under the California sun is fun, fun, fun - until its Beach Party-meets-Splash plot unravels. [12 May 1989, p.6D]

But all the devices and upgrades do little to bring the poetry's meaning into clearer and more relevant focus for today's audiences.

This is a noisy, sadistic and just plain dull rendering of a too-often-told tale about a mysterious drifter who rides into a lawless outpost and pits rival gangs against each other. The plot, based on Akira Kurosawa's samurai classic Yojimbo, isn't so much dusted off by writer/director Walter Hill (Wild Bill) as propped up. [20 Sep 1996]

When it comes to being brainless, The Skulls is at the head of the class.

Geena Davis and Renny Harlin couldn't cut it with Cutthroat Island. Steven Spielberg nearly got the hook for Hook. But leave it to Miss Piggy and Kermit to discover uncharted gold in the shipwrecked-pirate genre. With felt-covered cohorts like Fozzie Bear and human co-stars like Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous, the cross-species duo pulls off the rollicking Muppet Treasure Island with only a bump or two. [16 Feb 1996, p.4D]

Fossilized script spoils effects.

The Rookie is Clint Eastwood's ultimate cops 'n' robbers fantasy, where all the cars are sex machines, all the guns shoot loud and hard, and real men say things like, ''Wanna guarantee? Buy a toaster.'' [07 Dec 1990, p.4D]

First-time director/writer Richard Stanley hammers together chunks from films past to form a clunky horror show that never rises to the level of its source material. [14 Sep 1990, p.4D]

Time to get out your flood pants and economy-size Kleenex. Sally Field has the weepies again. But unlike the hoked-up waterworks that turned Field's Steel Magnolias into rust, Not Without My Daughter has an iron-clad plus going for it - harrowing reality. [11 Jan 1991, p.1D]

No need to say hasta la vista to this baby. It's a keeper. [23 Nov 1994, p.1D]

House Party has enough youthful exuberance to shake the rafters. Too bad it has enough plot to fill only a closet. [8 Mar 1990, p.4D]

Epic in nearly every way, The Hurricane has the power to blow you away.

For all its faults, Justice is never boring. But it's such a battering experience, you may find yourself checking your own body for bruises before leaving the theater. [16 Apr 1991, p.6D]

Generations feels like a flimsy device to ensure Trek's earnings continue to live long and prosper. [19 Nov. 1994, p.1D]

Visual pyrotechnics and dark humor aside, Three Kings rules because it dares to dig for such truths, whether banal or significant.

The Wal-Mart of cinematic soap operas. One-stop shopping for your emotional movie needs.

Though 102 Dalmatians digs up little new ground and muzzles its villain, it does have a fetching sense of functional fun now and then.

Consider The Other Sister emotional quicksand. [26 February 1999, Life, p.5E]

Vile, violent and less hip than it thinks it is.

Mannequin Two desperately wants to be magical. But the spell it casts is one of idiocy. [21 May 1991, p.4D]

Rain pours, snow flies, the sky is cloudy all day. Every corridor is steeped in shadow. But the artful atmosphere goes to waste as Robinson (best known for the quirky Withnail & I) skimps on character, drags out the action and stacks up overly convenient clues like dirty dishes. [6 Nov 1992, p.8D]

Passenger 57 already has been labeled Die Hard on a plane. Die Lite is more like it. [06 Nov 1992, p.2D]

But for all the fancy-schmancy effects (budget: $90 million-plus), the vision of a hypercongested metropolis is not much more sophisticated than an episode of "The Jetsons." [9 May 1997]

Chuck rhymes with bucks - the only possible reason to revive this poor excuse for a horror villain in Child's Play 3. [03 Sep 1991, p.5D]

We are happy to report there is intelligent life in feature animation beyond planet Disney and the gaseous ball of foul language known as South Park.

A blah romantic comedy that has the bad taste to force the heavenly Ashley Judd into being an insecure, date-desperate, quirky career gal.

Until it coughs up a ridiculously convoluted explanation of why an isolated town in Colorado suddenly goes deader than a weekday matinee of "The Postman," Phantoms delivers the shivers.

There's some heavy-duty Oedipal stuff going on underneath all the running gags about Hooters restaurants. [25 June 1999, Life, p.8E]

Wildly uneven collage of effects and live action is no Disney-bland vision of dreams gone bonkers. There's enough Freudian material to reupholster a thousand therapy couches.

Not just stupid, but brain dead.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer, in an atypically high-minded and low-budget frame of mind, manages to breeze through most of the gridiron genre's obstacles with his admirable, crowd-pleasing Titans.

A weak whinny of a horse opera tailor-made for those who can't quite locate "Young Guns" or "The Long Riders" in their video store.

Can't scare up a decent plot.

The goofiest, giddiest and, yes, grooviest animated trip since Aladdin unbottled its genie.

A glossy wisp of a cautionary tale.

Edited like the world's most expensive car ad. The screen opens and closes like a nervous accordion, and the action shifts speeds like crazy.

Flawed but not fatally, this ambitious epic's strength lies not just with its haunting melodies, pretty pictures, star voices and kid-friendly sidekicks - the usual shtick that makes Disney tick. [14 Nov 1997, p.D6]

Except for a brief episode in which singer Chris Isaak and Kiefer Sutherland make like an FBI Rocky and Bullwinkle, this is a morbidly joyless affair. You'll feel as drained as one of Cooper's mugs of joe watching homecoming queen Laura drown in a whirlpool of sex and drugs. [31 Aug 1992]

While the attractive cast is willing, the translation into '90s teen culture is weak -- like a clueless adult's notion of cool.

The story isn't a grabber.

Memphis Belle (the title is the name of the plane) doesn't soar. But it does serve as an entertaining historical account similar to the baseball scandal of Eight Men Out or the Olympic glory of Chariots of Fire (no surprise, since co-producer David Puttnam also did Fire). [12 Oct 1990, p.4D]

DreamWorks' story of Moses raises the bar on the art of cartooning to the top of Mount Sinai and beyond.

Mulroney is a drip with not a milliliter of chemistry with either woman. Roberts doesn't really seem to care about him so much as the fact that life is passing her by. Though, that may be the point.

Predator 2 won't be the worst turkey at theaters this Thanksgiving. But it certainly gobbles loud and often enough. Its makers - whose previous smash-crash hash includes 48 HRS., Die Hard and both Lethal Weapons - go to great lengths to camouflage this bird with ultra-violent dressing. The plot is one bloody showdown after another, on rooftops or in subway cars. [21 Nov 1990, p.2D]

Fox's innate likability does go a long way to make sitcom- shallow Doc Hollywood mildly entertaining. [02 Aug 1991, p.5D]

For a film so antsy to start that it barely flashes its opening title, Die Hard 2 takes a curiously long time to get off the ground. Like many return trips, what was once exhilarating is now a bit flat. [3 July 1990]

The ripe dialogue (''I was their No. 1 son,'' wails the Penguin about the parents who flushed their deformed baby down the sewer, ''and they treated me like No. 2!'') and rich settings decked out in deco can't disguise that little happens. The frantic action circles the same city block, as if trying to find a spot to park. [19 June 1992, p.1D]

If they were going to make a movie with Phillips about a dead guy who comes back to life, why didn't they just make La Bamba II? [05 Apr 1990, p.6D]

Carrey's jolly green mug carries Mask. [29 July 1994, p. D1]

The suspense becomes so unbearable that it's easy to overlook questions about whether anyone in such circumstances would continue filming.

Anemic. [30 October 1998, p.8E]

Writer/producer John "Home Alone" Hughes, the Marquis de Sade of kidcom, and director Les Mayfield manage to squeeze the very bounce out of what should have been a can't-miss update. [26Nov1997 Pg09.D]

For those who like a little Grinch with their yuletide cheer, this movie isn't totally ho-ho-hopeless. In fact, you can even say it glows occasionally - especially with 2,500 imported Christmas bulbs a-twinkling on the Griswold abode. [1 Dec 1989, p.4D]

Either you will weep uncontrollably during the final 10 minutes or so of this bittersweet fable...or the urge to gag will be overwhelming.

Wacked-out and warped. [19 December 1997, p. 3D]

Any qualms that The Addams Family movie might be more creaky than kooky quickly evaporate, like mist over a still-toasty cadaver. [22 Nov 1991, p.1D]

The stars at least keep Wong Foo watchable. [08 Sep 1995, p.7D]

A coming-of-age tale that truly floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.

Clumsier hands could have planted this load of pungent sap and come up with sticky fingers. But the creators of this based-on-truth fable carefully cultivate the material so it comes off fresher than it sounds.

Truth be told, Joel and Ethan's game is a little off, inconsistent and at times just plain incoherent. But they roll enough solid laughs and eye-tickling camera tricks to satisfy. [6 March 1998]

It's a case of laughing at Brooks but not necessarily with him.

The nasty, overlong and undisciplined sourball of a sex farce about a mother-daughter con team will nonetheless satisfy bigenerational libidinous fantasies.

This movie-within-a-movie action-comedy spoof is a too long, too loud tease as it toys with the Schwarzen-dude's well-toned cinematic image. [18 Jun 1993, p.1D]

Phenomenon is a fantasy about super-intelligence that works best if you can switch off your brain. Those who can will reach weepy nirvana. Those who can't will find this sticky-sweet wallow a bit, well, dumb. [03 Jul 1996 Pg.01.D]

The nonstop amusing mockumentary Waiting for Guffman does to small-town acting troupes what "This Is Spinal Tap did to heavy-metal bands."

This would-be tribute to youthful anarchy fails the junior-high acid test: Will my parents hate it? Dead is too dead on arrival to inspire much emotion either way. [07 June 1991, p.5D]

Back to the Future Part III wraps up the film series with a big high-tech lasso and ropes in one heck of a good time. [25 May 1990, p.01D]

Deeply crude as an overused latrine and defiantly non-P.C., the best you can say about the aptly titled Major Payne is that it's somewhat more tolerable than star Damon Wayans' last fumbled effort, the also well-named Blankman. [24 March 1995, p.8D]

Where the highly likable actress (Zellweger) proves most valuable is in making us adore this insecure, clumsy, contradictory creature.

With an ace pop mechanic like Joel Schumacher now in charge of our hero's bruised psyche, the patient not only survives but thrives in the garishly garnished but never groaningly gruesome Batman Forever. [16 Jun 1995, Pg.01.D]

Seeing gawky Charlie Korsmo, one-time movie moppet, as a superbrain whose introduction to alcohol leads him to do a rip-roaring rendition of Guns N' Roses' Paradise City, is worth a smile or two. But even that can't save [the] film.

Knight is a medieval festival for the eye and ear, with rich blue hues and stirring fanfares. [07 Jul 1995, p.1D]

Just like the popular (and more graphically violent) video game it's spun from, kung-fooy and kartoony Kombat shoves plot and personality aside to focus on action cloaked in mystic mumbo-jumbo and gloomy mock-gothic graphics. [21 Aug 1995 Pg. 03.D]

Most novel is Rounders' message that the real sin isn't giving into vice but denying your God-given talents and not risking it all.

One should approach Hocus Pocus as if it were one of those households that plunk toothbrushes instead of Snickers into your goody bag. Skip it.

If "You've Got Mail" jangled your nerves with its Starbucks-fueled cuteness, here's a romance that goes down like instant decaf. [15 January 1999, Life, p.18E]

The Sting-like ending with its crosses and double-crosses could have been better handled, but there are plenty of other payoffs in Hoodlum. [27Aug1995 Pg02.D]

Flaws and all, Men of Honor ultimately does its duty. It honors the feats of an incredible man.

The cheesy production values won't grab anyone. When Bryan-Brian aren't schmoozing, there's not much to look at. It's anyone's guess whether this sequel will be as big a hit on tape. But it'll end up on the shelf soon enough. [10 May 1991, p.2D]

With Serial Mom, the renegade director/writer kicks the nation smack in its collective groin, marvelously mocking the oh-so-current mania over crime figures and tabloid scandals. [13 Apr 1994, p.1D]

While Basinger admirably invests her role with deep passion and looks splendid in her Kenya khakis, the true story she stars in is disappointingly tame and dramatically inert.

Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin make Housesitter worth sitting through. While no Hepburn and Tracy, the pair still transform this overly contrived screwball romp into an inspired game of charades. [12 July 1992, p.4D]

Let the killjoys squawk. Lucas has proved he has the Naboos to pull it off again. And again. And again.

Keaton doesn't stoop to bitter-spinster blather. Instead, the luminous vulnerability that served her well in such dramas as "Shoot the Moon" lights up this depressing, gallows-humored heart-tugger. [18 Dec 1996, Pg.01.D]

The distractions are more satisfying than the romantic main course. [23 April 1999, Life, p.8E]

And though young Miko Hughes does a fine job as the traumatized Simon, this ain't no "Rainboy". [3 Apr 1998, p.SE]

With only momentary grandmaster flashes of brainless fun, too much of CB4 belongs in the hip-hopper. [12 Mar 1993, p.8D]

Warm, squishy and manipulative, like being slobbered on by a mongrel pup that's begging for more Snausages.[03 Jun 1994]

Dramatically moving and good-naturedly humorous, it transmits a sharp picture of humanity that inspires both awe and laughter.

Chances are, the more you love classic cinema, the more you will find Gods is your cup of tea.

Sandler mugs through a back-to-school daze. [13 February 1995, p.D1]

Eugene Levy should be stopped before he directs again. [9 March 1992, p.4D]

It's dreadful, despite a solid cast that includes art-house heartthrob Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Patricia Arquette and Josh Brolin. [17 Apr 1998]

Oscar is a marathon of running gags, but few cross the finish line. [26 Apr 1991, p.4D]

As funny as it can be, this underdawg comedy isn't much more than Sandler's golf-oriented "Happy Gilmore" with a Cajun accent. [6 November 1998, p. 10E]

Note this in your Starlog: Tacky toupees are out. Chrome domes are in. And not only is the future in safe hands, so is the "Star Trek" franchise. [22 Nov 1996 Pg.05.D]

It's so predictable, you can set your watch to when the bulimic will sneak away to the bathroom.

There's something about a plus-size floral housedress that brings out the best in many male comics, and Lawrence is no exception.

It's a rare movie that prefers a moral victory over a rah-rah one. [18 Sept 1992, p.5D]

Writer/director Chris Columbus (Mrs. Doubtfire) delivers his usual slapstick and sap shtick, but the sitcom-slick results fall flat. (It's also based on a French farce - bad sign.) [12 July 1995, p.1D]

It doesn't take a world-class navigator to figure out that any movie with Martin Short in the straight role and Kurt Russell in the funny role is already way off course. Captain Ron is about as amusing as an anchor dropped on your foot. [21 Sep 1992, p.5D]

Ellen Barkin is an itchy-twitchy stitch in Switch. As a murdered Casanova who comes back to life as a blond bombshell, she's a physical-comedy sensation on par with Steve Martin in All of Me. But that's only 15 minutes of laugh-worthy material. The rest of Switch is a big turnoff. [10 May 1991, p.2D]

The first all computer-animated feature, which brings a bedroom of playthings to bouncy life, is yummy eye candy spiked with 3-D-style tactile treats.

It all feels about as spontaneous as a concrete blueprint.

Chlumsky's devotion to Culkin, a lovable wimp given to milk mustaches, sets us up for an emotional rainstorm. Only the strong will escape without a tear. [27 Nov 1991, p.1D]

But the best moments are in the trailer (the squirting skunk, the asparagus in the teeth), and they are funnier in short doses than lazily strung together. [10 Nov 1995 Pg. 01.D]

If the sight of half-naked, tattooed sailors firing cannons at each other shivers your timbers, climb aboard. Even passable pirate movies don't sail by every day. [22 Dec 1995, p.3D]

The original was a Midol moment, this is a Prozac exercise. [12 March 1999, Life, p.8E]

Rascals is as painful as a grade-school play without your kid in it. The end-credit outtakes at least indicate Spheeris suffered through it as well. [05 Aug 1994, p.4D]

Where once Waters was brilliantly polluted, now he comes off diluted.

Still a one-of-a-kind mind-blower.

Funny how Madonna borrows Everett, Julia Roberts' gay pal from "My Best Friend's Wedding," and Bratt, Roberts' real-life beau, to be her co-stars. If only she could borrow her talent.

Once again, the anchor aboard this ship of fools is the drolly doltish Leslie Nielsen, who can deliver lines like "I like my sex the way I play basketball - one on one, with as little dribbling as possible" as if they were first-class mail. Let's hope Zucker and Co. quit while they are ahead. [18 Mar 1994, p.4D]

But once the updated story - now about an unwed mom who sacrifices all for her child rather than a divorcee who married above her class - starts clinging to the original's plot machinations, Stella turns into one helluva maudlin mess. [2 Feb 1990, p.4D]

The special effects are pretty special for the most part, and the movie seems only about 10 minutes too long. [23 June 1989, p.1D]

Besides the inevitable devious government types, there are anemic subplots about a fanatical priest and an abused mother and child. Let's see. This is your brain: MMMMMMMMM. This is your brain watching The Lawnmower Man: ZZZZZZZZZ. [6 Mar 1992, p.4D]

Has the refined taste to crib from classics like "Double Indemnity."

What Atlantis gains in chills and thrills, it loses in pure emotion.

The major flaw, the clash of acting styles, is at least fascinating to observe. [14 May 1999, Life, p.8E]

Making matters worse is the number of clips from old scary movies that pop up, including quintessential Dracula turns by Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee. They only serve to mock Landis' pale efforts. One thing's for sure - Innocent Blood won't become immortal. [25 Sept 1992, p.5D]

Artful it's not. But it's awfully affable. [26 March 1999, Life, p.9E]

Thomas' easygoing warmth helps to melt Stiles' icy veneer, and one of Dance's few pleasures is an extended musical segment where she tries to ape his homeboy posturings.

This warm-weather variation on the original, once again set in a small Minnesota town, is in dire need of Geritol. Or a dose of ginseng. Or Ex-Lax. Anything to get things moving faster than this turgid replay. [22 Dec 1995, p.3D]

Disappointingly limp. [16 Oct 1992, p.7D]

There's much mumbo-jumbo about past lives and symbolic tattoos, but who cares when you can gaze at a sight as lovely as a dirigible floating in the night sky?

The only possible reasons to do this concept again is sheer laziness (it's easier to borrow an idea) and pure greed (it's cheaper to borrow an idea). [2 April 1999, Life, p.6E]

Director George Cosmatos brings nothing new to this Wyatt Earp saga except leftover bullets from previous films Cobra and Rambo: First Blood Part II. [23 Dec 1993, p.5D]

With its Rocky Horror meets Camelot aura, this little black movie reeks of self-satisfied smugness and pretentious perversity as only a Sundance Festival favorite can -- especially one that squanders the considerable quirky charms of indie-film darling Parker Posey. [10Oct1997 pg 04.D]

If you drop the "c" in hockey you get a perfect description of Mystery, Alaska.

The usually peppy troupe is simply going through the show-biz motions rather than rocketing to where no Muppet caper has gone before. [14 July 1999, p.12D]

A family movie with a heart and a brain. And if you aren't moved to tears, you might need an organ transplant.

A substandard ebony-and-ivory buddy pic.

Directed by Tony Scott (Top Gun) with his usual testosterone-injected verve, Scout is never boring but hardly edifying. With a nod to the '90s, the formula does digress to allow the pals to expose their emotional wounds to each other. [13 Dec 1991, p.4D]

The opposite of entertainment, a self-satisfied soap opera from hell. But anyone itchy to see Ricci in her fleshy glory will adore her femme fatale for the Jerry Springer age, a Stanwyck stoked on steroids and SweeTarts.

To Gibson's credit, Face's essential hokiness doesn't sink in until later. Let's hope, though, the Mel Man has flushed this scarface stuff out of his system. [25 Aug 1993, p.3D]

Instead of Hitchcockian flair, there's Silver-ian excess: Women treated like meat, maimings in close-up, plot craters. [07 Oct 1991, p.4D]

Instead of hip, though, Tank Girl is prefab and purified, a calculated cult attraction. It's Danger by Mattel, and Petty, in her ripped stockings and torpedo bra, is a cyber-Barbie. This is one chick flick that at least has bite. Too bad its teeth are false. [3 Apr 1995, p.4D]

Mother Nature has always gotten the Cindy Crawford treatment from director Carroll Ballard (The Black Stallion, Never Cry Wolf). And he does right by Wind's splashy backdrop of America's Cup boat racing, as the camera bobs and weaves about like a wave-whipped buoy. Too bad there has to be a story, for Wind becomes so much hot air whenever it stays on land. [11 Sep 1992, p.8D]

Like fellow SCTV alumnus John Candy, Short has been shortchanged by the big screen. If anyone deserves a change of Luck, he does. [09 Aug 1991, p.5D]

Kasdan hasn't lost his touch at gathering terrific ensemble casts, although the performances are uneven.

PCU is less a blatant ripoff of Animal House than a fond homage. This '90s update on campus life never reaches that landmark comedy's inspired heights (or depths, as it were) of anarchy. It also could use a waggle or two of John Belushi's bushily subversive eyebrows....But actor Hart Bochner's directing debut - aided by zippy camerawork - still offers a laugh-propelled good time while tweaking political correctness gone amok at Port Chester University (PCU). [29 Apr 1994, p.5D]

Instead of scoring belly laughs, there's a run on randy guy banter between Duchovny and Jones.

Cradle settles for saying ''boo'' when it could have said a lot more about parental fears. [10 Jan 1992, p.4D]

It ends up choking on a never-ending stream of inept gags... A worst-case scenario of wackiness gone out of whack. [24 May 1991]

It's a dated effort.

Star Trek was never about gizmos, but about relationships - both among its crew members and with its audience. Star Trek VI more than upholds the tradition, making it a satisfying send-off for a mighty ship of foils. [6 Dec. 1991, p.1D]

Too bad Boys has more gas than wind beneath its wings. [03 Feb 1995, Pg.04.D]

Perhaps Look Who's Leaking Now would be more apropos: Dirty diapers are replaced by pooch puddles in this second sequel. [5 Nov 1993, p.4D]

As shallow as a shot glass.

Don't look for any belly laughs, but Quick Change will help you put on a happy face. [13 Jul 1990, p. 4D]

It's as disturbing a movie as you are likely to witness this year. [21Feb1997 Pg.04.D]

Besides displaying a tin ear for dialogue, King stoops to such conventions as having the sleepwalkers vulnerable to just one thing - cat scratches. [13 Apr 1992, p.6D]

At a certain point, Bean goes beyond awful to surreally awful, like the rug Burt Reynolds sports in a cameo. The last-ditch plunge into pathos does nothing to redeem the feeling. Let's hope no sequel is in the offing. The only thing worse than Bean would be a hill of Beans. [07Nov1997 Pg08.D]

While it doesn't exactly reek like week-old refuse, there's a certain stale odor about Men at Work - like a Saturday Night Live skit that goes on too long. And any film whose soundtrack is divided between reggae and classical definitely has identity problems. [27 Aug 1990]

When it comes to eloquently telling it like it is, Election puts the nation's political pundits to shame.

All about macho my-weapon-is-bigger-than-your-weapon posturing and far-fetched coincidences that slam together in an entertaining rush.

Pretentious and show-offy, the noirish drama fairly reeks of film-student overkill.

Schneider, with his cherub curls and scrawny physique, adopts a pussycat persona that engenders goodwill.

Its deadpan wit, ingenious fairy-tale premise and superbly accomplished cast will leave you feeling positively oxygenated.

A decidedly sentimental American version, with much comedy (by mistake, Bob Cratchit actually knocks Scrooge's hat off with a snowball) and fortified with a Scrooge who is not so much a born-to-be-cruel wretch but a tortured soul who lost the meaning of Christmas along the way. [15 Dec 1992, p.6D]

May be dull, but the familiarity of it all makes it feel ceremonial, a reassuring ritual.

But there are kicks a-plenty besides the times J-C flings his tootsies of terror at opponents. [14 Jan 1991, p.6D]

With admirable techno-savvy, the film upgrades the paranoia-propelled thriller and downloads it into the '90s. Reminiscent of a slew of films, including The Pelican Brief and The Fugitive, The Net - ploddingly directed by Irwin Winkler - is frustratingly average in almost every other respect, however. [28 July 1995, p.5D]

As holiday heartwarmers go, The Santa Clause is an amusing stocking stuffer, a sitcom-superficial novelty that jingles many of the same bells as last year's "Mrs. Doubtfire". [11 Nov 1994 Pg. 12.D]

Flippantly hip without any solid laughs, Life strains to be the flick more offbeat. [24Oct1997 pg06.D]

At least a few good things are found in this small package.

A cheesy crock of religious mumbo jumbo.

In the tautly terrific thriller In the Line of Fire , Clint Eastwood toys with his own grizzled-vet screen image like a frisky kitten with a yarn ball. [09 Jul 1993 Pg. 01.D]

Those who feel a kinship to this brand of corn, dig in. The rest should head for the hills. [15 Oct 1993, p.5D]

Nothing too fancy or ambitious. Instead, writer-director George Tillman Jr. serves up down-home fare that enriches the heart and leaves you satisfied if stuffed. [26Sep1997 Pg.06.D]

Every once in a while in Airheads, there's a perfect out-there moment that will strike a feedback-warped chord with diehard heavy-metal fans. [5 Aug 1994, p.4D]

No one put in any creative overtime on this Shift, the 16th Stephen King story made into a film. About as clever as it gets is calling the mill owner Bachman - King's pseudonym. [29 Oct 1990, p.4D]

The ending is nicely wistful but let's get real. A couple of million doesn't go far these days, at least not at the rate of Perez's shopping sprees. Still, if you're willing to take a chance on romance, buy a ticket to It Could Happen to You. Just don't expect a huge payoff. [29 July 1994, p.7D]

The ending stinks.

E. Max Frye wrote the script for the offbeat Something Wild. Now he's directed and written something stupid. [05 Mar 1993, p.5D]

The film bobs along like a designer balloon, pumped with wry observations on Marky Mark and Mentos ads. But none of the other cartoonish characters command like twinkly Silverstone.

Circle has a wit and warmth that makes something as glibly contemporary as Reality Bites seem trite and toothless. [15 Mar 1995, Pg.06.D]

A little slapstick, a little action, rich characters and a whopping serving of wit. All baked to near-perfection.

The story is about as good as the average TV cop drama. But here actions speak far louder than words, and Seagal is quite eloquent. Rather than weapons, he prefers a hands-on approach to his enemies. Twisted limbs are his specialty. [12 Feb 1990, p.2D]

With the astonishingly assured newcomer Jason Schwartzman to bounce off of, Murray has his best comic foil since those feisty rodents in Groundhog Day and Caddyshack. [5 February 1999, Life, p.11E]

However, anyone seeking a good time that involves wit and logic will consider the film a definite wrong number. [26Feb1997 Pg 03.D]

A soulless spectacle.

Watching the new batch of mischief makers in Gremlins 2 is like gorging on raw cookie dough. Tastes yummy at first, but pretty soon you begin to get sick of the stuff. [15 Jun 1990, p.1D]

There is a keen intellect behind this devoutly defiant fable.