Susan Wloszczyna

Passenger 57 already has been labeled Die Hard on a plane. Die Lite is more like it. [06 Nov 1992, p.2D]

But for all the fancy-schmancy effects (budget: $90 million-plus), the vision of a hypercongested metropolis is not much more sophisticated than an episode of "The Jetsons." [9 May 1997]

Chuck rhymes with bucks - the only possible reason to revive this poor excuse for a horror villain in Child's Play 3. [03 Sep 1991, p.5D]

We are happy to report there is intelligent life in feature animation beyond planet Disney and the gaseous ball of foul language known as South Park.

A blah romantic comedy that has the bad taste to force the heavenly Ashley Judd into being an insecure, date-desperate, quirky career gal.

Until it coughs up a ridiculously convoluted explanation of why an isolated town in Colorado suddenly goes deader than a weekday matinee of "The Postman," Phantoms delivers the shivers.

There's some heavy-duty Oedipal stuff going on underneath all the running gags about Hooters restaurants. [25 June 1999, Life, p.8E]

Wildly uneven collage of effects and live action is no Disney-bland vision of dreams gone bonkers. There's enough Freudian material to reupholster a thousand therapy couches.

Not just stupid, but brain dead.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer, in an atypically high-minded and low-budget frame of mind, manages to breeze through most of the gridiron genre's obstacles with his admirable, crowd-pleasing Titans.

A weak whinny of a horse opera tailor-made for those who can't quite locate "Young Guns" or "The Long Riders" in their video store.

Can't scare up a decent plot.

The goofiest, giddiest and, yes, grooviest animated trip since Aladdin unbottled its genie.

A glossy wisp of a cautionary tale.

Edited like the world's most expensive car ad. The screen opens and closes like a nervous accordion, and the action shifts speeds like crazy.

Flawed but not fatally, this ambitious epic's strength lies not just with its haunting melodies, pretty pictures, star voices and kid-friendly sidekicks - the usual shtick that makes Disney tick. [14 Nov 1997, p.D6]

Except for a brief episode in which singer Chris Isaak and Kiefer Sutherland make like an FBI Rocky and Bullwinkle, this is a morbidly joyless affair. You'll feel as drained as one of Cooper's mugs of joe watching homecoming queen Laura drown in a whirlpool of sex and drugs. [31 Aug 1992]

While the attractive cast is willing, the translation into '90s teen culture is weak -- like a clueless adult's notion of cool.

The story isn't a grabber.

Memphis Belle (the title is the name of the plane) doesn't soar. But it does serve as an entertaining historical account similar to the baseball scandal of Eight Men Out or the Olympic glory of Chariots of Fire (no surprise, since co-producer David Puttnam also did Fire). [12 Oct 1990, p.4D]

DreamWorks' story of Moses raises the bar on the art of cartooning to the top of Mount Sinai and beyond.

Mulroney is a drip with not a milliliter of chemistry with either woman. Roberts doesn't really seem to care about him so much as the fact that life is passing her by. Though, that may be the point.

Predator 2 won't be the worst turkey at theaters this Thanksgiving. But it certainly gobbles loud and often enough. Its makers - whose previous smash-crash hash includes 48 HRS., Die Hard and both Lethal Weapons - go to great lengths to camouflage this bird with ultra-violent dressing. The plot is one bloody showdown after another, on rooftops or in subway cars. [21 Nov 1990, p.2D]

Fox's innate likability does go a long way to make sitcom- shallow Doc Hollywood mildly entertaining. [02 Aug 1991, p.5D]

For a film so antsy to start that it barely flashes its opening title, Die Hard 2 takes a curiously long time to get off the ground. Like many return trips, what was once exhilarating is now a bit flat. [3 July 1990]

The ripe dialogue (''I was their No. 1 son,'' wails the Penguin about the parents who flushed their deformed baby down the sewer, ''and they treated me like No. 2!'') and rich settings decked out in deco can't disguise that little happens. The frantic action circles the same city block, as if trying to find a spot to park. [19 June 1992, p.1D]

If they were going to make a movie with Phillips about a dead guy who comes back to life, why didn't they just make La Bamba II? [05 Apr 1990, p.6D]

Carrey's jolly green mug carries Mask. [29 July 1994, p. D1]

The suspense becomes so unbearable that it's easy to overlook questions about whether anyone in such circumstances would continue filming.

Anemic. [30 October 1998, p.8E]

Writer/producer John "Home Alone" Hughes, the Marquis de Sade of kidcom, and director Les Mayfield manage to squeeze the very bounce out of what should have been a can't-miss update. [26Nov1997 Pg09.D]

For those who like a little Grinch with their yuletide cheer, this movie isn't totally ho-ho-hopeless. In fact, you can even say it glows occasionally - especially with 2,500 imported Christmas bulbs a-twinkling on the Griswold abode. [1 Dec 1989, p.4D]

Either you will weep uncontrollably during the final 10 minutes or so of this bittersweet fable...or the urge to gag will be overwhelming.

Wacked-out and warped. [19 December 1997, p. 3D]

Any qualms that The Addams Family movie might be more creaky than kooky quickly evaporate, like mist over a still-toasty cadaver. [22 Nov 1991, p.1D]

The stars at least keep Wong Foo watchable. [08 Sep 1995, p.7D]

A coming-of-age tale that truly floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.

Clumsier hands could have planted this load of pungent sap and come up with sticky fingers. But the creators of this based-on-truth fable carefully cultivate the material so it comes off fresher than it sounds.

Truth be told, Joel and Ethan's game is a little off, inconsistent and at times just plain incoherent. But they roll enough solid laughs and eye-tickling camera tricks to satisfy. [6 March 1998]

It's a case of laughing at Brooks but not necessarily with him.

The nasty, overlong and undisciplined sourball of a sex farce about a mother-daughter con team will nonetheless satisfy bigenerational libidinous fantasies.

This movie-within-a-movie action-comedy spoof is a too long, too loud tease as it toys with the Schwarzen-dude's well-toned cinematic image. [18 Jun 1993, p.1D]

Phenomenon is a fantasy about super-intelligence that works best if you can switch off your brain. Those who can will reach weepy nirvana. Those who can't will find this sticky-sweet wallow a bit, well, dumb. [03 Jul 1996 Pg.01.D]

The nonstop amusing mockumentary Waiting for Guffman does to small-town acting troupes what "This Is Spinal Tap did to heavy-metal bands."

This would-be tribute to youthful anarchy fails the junior-high acid test: Will my parents hate it? Dead is too dead on arrival to inspire much emotion either way. [07 June 1991, p.5D]

Back to the Future Part III wraps up the film series with a big high-tech lasso and ropes in one heck of a good time. [25 May 1990, p.01D]

Deeply crude as an overused latrine and defiantly non-P.C., the best you can say about the aptly titled Major Payne is that it's somewhat more tolerable than star Damon Wayans' last fumbled effort, the also well-named Blankman. [24 March 1995, p.8D]

Where the highly likable actress (Zellweger) proves most valuable is in making us adore this insecure, clumsy, contradictory creature.

With an ace pop mechanic like Joel Schumacher now in charge of our hero's bruised psyche, the patient not only survives but thrives in the garishly garnished but never groaningly gruesome Batman Forever. [16 Jun 1995, Pg.01.D]

Seeing gawky Charlie Korsmo, one-time movie moppet, as a superbrain whose introduction to alcohol leads him to do a rip-roaring rendition of Guns N' Roses' Paradise City, is worth a smile or two. But even that can't save [the] film.

Knight is a medieval festival for the eye and ear, with rich blue hues and stirring fanfares. [07 Jul 1995, p.1D]

Just like the popular (and more graphically violent) video game it's spun from, kung-fooy and kartoony Kombat shoves plot and personality aside to focus on action cloaked in mystic mumbo-jumbo and gloomy mock-gothic graphics. [21 Aug 1995 Pg. 03.D]

Most novel is Rounders' message that the real sin isn't giving into vice but denying your God-given talents and not risking it all.

One should approach Hocus Pocus as if it were one of those households that plunk toothbrushes instead of Snickers into your goody bag. Skip it.

If "You've Got Mail" jangled your nerves with its Starbucks-fueled cuteness, here's a romance that goes down like instant decaf. [15 January 1999, Life, p.18E]

The Sting-like ending with its crosses and double-crosses could have been better handled, but there are plenty of other payoffs in Hoodlum. [27Aug1995 Pg02.D]

Flaws and all, Men of Honor ultimately does its duty. It honors the feats of an incredible man.

The cheesy production values won't grab anyone. When Bryan-Brian aren't schmoozing, there's not much to look at. It's anyone's guess whether this sequel will be as big a hit on tape. But it'll end up on the shelf soon enough. [10 May 1991, p.2D]

With Serial Mom, the renegade director/writer kicks the nation smack in its collective groin, marvelously mocking the oh-so-current mania over crime figures and tabloid scandals. [13 Apr 1994, p.1D]

While Basinger admirably invests her role with deep passion and looks splendid in her Kenya khakis, the true story she stars in is disappointingly tame and dramatically inert.

Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin make Housesitter worth sitting through. While no Hepburn and Tracy, the pair still transform this overly contrived screwball romp into an inspired game of charades. [12 July 1992, p.4D]

Let the killjoys squawk. Lucas has proved he has the Naboos to pull it off again. And again. And again.

Keaton doesn't stoop to bitter-spinster blather. Instead, the luminous vulnerability that served her well in such dramas as "Shoot the Moon" lights up this depressing, gallows-humored heart-tugger. [18 Dec 1996, Pg.01.D]

The distractions are more satisfying than the romantic main course. [23 April 1999, Life, p.8E]

And though young Miko Hughes does a fine job as the traumatized Simon, this ain't no "Rainboy". [3 Apr 1998, p.SE]

With only momentary grandmaster flashes of brainless fun, too much of CB4 belongs in the hip-hopper. [12 Mar 1993, p.8D]

Warm, squishy and manipulative, like being slobbered on by a mongrel pup that's begging for more Snausages.[03 Jun 1994]

Dramatically moving and good-naturedly humorous, it transmits a sharp picture of humanity that inspires both awe and laughter.

Chances are, the more you love classic cinema, the more you will find Gods is your cup of tea.

Sandler mugs through a back-to-school daze. [13 February 1995, p.D1]

Eugene Levy should be stopped before he directs again. [9 March 1992, p.4D]

It's dreadful, despite a solid cast that includes art-house heartthrob Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Patricia Arquette and Josh Brolin. [17 Apr 1998]

Oscar is a marathon of running gags, but few cross the finish line. [26 Apr 1991, p.4D]

As funny as it can be, this underdawg comedy isn't much more than Sandler's golf-oriented "Happy Gilmore" with a Cajun accent. [6 November 1998, p. 10E]

Note this in your Starlog: Tacky toupees are out. Chrome domes are in. And not only is the future in safe hands, so is the "Star Trek" franchise. [22 Nov 1996 Pg.05.D]

It's so predictable, you can set your watch to when the bulimic will sneak away to the bathroom.

There's something about a plus-size floral housedress that brings out the best in many male comics, and Lawrence is no exception.

It's a rare movie that prefers a moral victory over a rah-rah one. [18 Sept 1992, p.5D]

Writer/director Chris Columbus (Mrs. Doubtfire) delivers his usual slapstick and sap shtick, but the sitcom-slick results fall flat. (It's also based on a French farce - bad sign.) [12 July 1995, p.1D]

It doesn't take a world-class navigator to figure out that any movie with Martin Short in the straight role and Kurt Russell in the funny role is already way off course. Captain Ron is about as amusing as an anchor dropped on your foot. [21 Sep 1992, p.5D]

Ellen Barkin is an itchy-twitchy stitch in Switch. As a murdered Casanova who comes back to life as a blond bombshell, she's a physical-comedy sensation on par with Steve Martin in All of Me. But that's only 15 minutes of laugh-worthy material. The rest of Switch is a big turnoff. [10 May 1991, p.2D]

The first all computer-animated feature, which brings a bedroom of playthings to bouncy life, is yummy eye candy spiked with 3-D-style tactile treats.

It all feels about as spontaneous as a concrete blueprint.

Chlumsky's devotion to Culkin, a lovable wimp given to milk mustaches, sets us up for an emotional rainstorm. Only the strong will escape without a tear. [27 Nov 1991, p.1D]

But the best moments are in the trailer (the squirting skunk, the asparagus in the teeth), and they are funnier in short doses than lazily strung together. [10 Nov 1995 Pg. 01.D]

If the sight of half-naked, tattooed sailors firing cannons at each other shivers your timbers, climb aboard. Even passable pirate movies don't sail by every day. [22 Dec 1995, p.3D]

The original was a Midol moment, this is a Prozac exercise. [12 March 1999, Life, p.8E]

Rascals is as painful as a grade-school play without your kid in it. The end-credit outtakes at least indicate Spheeris suffered through it as well. [05 Aug 1994, p.4D]

Where once Waters was brilliantly polluted, now he comes off diluted.

Still a one-of-a-kind mind-blower.

Funny how Madonna borrows Everett, Julia Roberts' gay pal from "My Best Friend's Wedding," and Bratt, Roberts' real-life beau, to be her co-stars. If only she could borrow her talent.

Once again, the anchor aboard this ship of fools is the drolly doltish Leslie Nielsen, who can deliver lines like "I like my sex the way I play basketball - one on one, with as little dribbling as possible" as if they were first-class mail. Let's hope Zucker and Co. quit while they are ahead. [18 Mar 1994, p.4D]

But once the updated story - now about an unwed mom who sacrifices all for her child rather than a divorcee who married above her class - starts clinging to the original's plot machinations, Stella turns into one helluva maudlin mess. [2 Feb 1990, p.4D]

The special effects are pretty special for the most part, and the movie seems only about 10 minutes too long. [23 June 1989, p.1D]

Besides the inevitable devious government types, there are anemic subplots about a fanatical priest and an abused mother and child. Let's see. This is your brain: MMMMMMMMM. This is your brain watching The Lawnmower Man: ZZZZZZZZZ. [6 Mar 1992, p.4D]

Has the refined taste to crib from classics like "Double Indemnity."

What Atlantis gains in chills and thrills, it loses in pure emotion.

The major flaw, the clash of acting styles, is at least fascinating to observe. [14 May 1999, Life, p.8E]