For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
854 movie reviews
    • 48 Metascore
    • 42 Simon Abrams
    While Thrash resembles a general-audience survival horror drama, its forgettable protagonists also frequently stop to reassure viewers—mostly through profanity-laced dialogue and occasional bursts of gore—that it’s okay to scoff at whatever they’re looking at.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    There may be nothing new about America Underdog, but it’s still good enough, as far as non-perishable comfort food goes.
    • 83 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The movie version of The Reason I Jump does not, in other words, successfully illustrate what its title promises, but rather generalizes about a sensitive topic to the point of inadvertently making it seem more unapproachable.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Informative but tedious talking-head doc Our Man in Tehran is for anyone who watched Argo and then wished to hear a ditzy, history-obsessed uncle ramble about the real-life political stakes of the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Infini doesn't go anywhere that superior science fiction films haven't already, but for a while, it's exciting enough to feel brand-new.
    • 81 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    It’s a character-driven drama populated by sketchy characters who are mostly compelling thanks to the movie’s strong ensemble cast and Haugerud’s typically sensitive direction. So unfortunately, the suggestive power of Johanne’s journey fades as the movie slowly heads to its inconclusive finale.
    • 81 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    I dislike much of Mirai because most of the film's Kun-centric scenes (which take up 90% of the movie) are split between the character's un-imaginative daydreams and his full-blast fits.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A typical Hong character performs the same actions over and over again, with minor, but noticeably different results.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Zlotowski’s stylized depiction of Rachel’s life is overly fastidious. Many creative decisions, from the score to the camera blocking, took me out of the movie. Instead of a complex character processing involved, compound emotions, I saw a talented filmmaker lightly touch upon a range of emotions while also studiously avoiding dramatic clichés and stereotypes.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Great Buddha+ is one of those movies that's much more rewarding to think about than it is to watch.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    While zombie drama Maggie seems intended as a showcase for Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting range, the star's performance is smothered by the film's deeply affected style.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    In theory, that sort of self-victimization could be funny; in this reality, not so much.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    The maddeningly unfocused Israeli documentary West of the Jordan River doesn’t reveal anything insightful about Gaza settlers’ reasons for either supporting or rejecting a two-state solution.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The East is essentially divided into two halves, and neither is more illuminating than the other.
    • 78 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Pathological behavior seems to be the main subject of the bitter Ukrainian satire Donbass, an unpleasant, but as-advertised slice of life drama set in the title region, an embattled territory in Eastern Ukraine.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Fistful of Vengeance is a movie in duration only; it’s pretty slapdash in terms of its execution, even during its glossy-looking action set pieces.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Too bad that Ardor's arrhythmic editing and glacial pacing make it impossible to get lost in its jungles — or to invest in its pseudo-mystical ambiance.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Face of an Angel may not be like any other whodunit you've seen, but it's also only superficially smarter than the genre it defines itself against.
    • 77 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Watching La Flor is like being on the last legs of a road trip with a group of people you’ve grown increasingly alienated from. Look at the happy artists, they’re having fun playing with themselves; good for them, can I go home now?
    • 76 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Mud
    Mud is as unmoving as it is because it doesn’t aspire to be anything other than a competent anti-fairy tale in which the paint-by-number morals are enforced by equally obvious main protagonists.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    An exhausting, and mostly frustrating display of emotional scab-picking.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Even the most open-minded viewers may have difficulty relating to the two lead protagonists in Border, a cynical Swedish romantic-fantasy that follows estranged border patrolwoman Tina (Eva Melander) and her unconvincing attraction to Byronic stranger Vore (Eero Milonoff).
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This isn’t a story, but an evocative collection of asked-and-answered prompts. You buy a ticket to Pacifiction and then you react, until the nudging stops.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A few compelling emotions and themes are suggested but rarely well expressed in Nimona, a sometimes cute but mostly hyper and overextended animated sci-fi fantasy.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Carpignano’s impressionistic plot and pseudo-naturalistic style also tends to boil down human emotions so as to only suggest rather than reveal complexity. The limiting style and characterizations in A Chiara are only so thoughtful.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Fairrie’s unfocused examination of anti-Semitism illuminates little.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    I often wished there was more to Hatching than just a few weak digs at bad mothers who are a little too online. Maybe you have to be Finnish to see Hatching as a blistering and culturally specific satire. Or maybe there’s just not much to get about the movie.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, much of Cryptozoo feels like an earnest, flashy genre exercise that’s more eccentric than thoughtful. It looks great on paper, but not so much on a screen.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The film's retro, John Carpenter-esque synthesizer score, composed by Jeff Grace, further pushes viewers away.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This movie’s not frustrating because it’s blunt or vicious, but because its creators are only so interested in a world condemning Agnes to a dire fate. Her actions may ultimately be shocking, but her story is anything but.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    That opening scene is also, in retrospect, somewhat depressing for the way that it conflates a glib fatalism with an unbelievable sort of turn-the-other-cheek optimism ("If they hurt others, it's because they hurt, too,” as Benedicta says in one scene).
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Francisco’s committed and surprisingly nuanced performance makes it easier to invest in the movie’s otherwise unexplained style of magical realism.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    James Murphy never says that his music will sound different after LCD Soundsystem disbands, so why fearfully anticipate a change that we don't even know is coming?
    • 72 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Liang and Zhang’s young heroes would be far more universal if they were just credibly hormonal.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Farrier doesn’t really take us to any dark corners of Organ’s life that he can’t talk his way out of, but Mister Organ does capture the miasmic anxiety that surrounds his mysterious subject.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Mistaken for Strangers doesn't reveal anything about Tom but his own insecurity.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A puzzle movie with too many unnecessary pieces and not enough essential ones, but it's superior to its predecessor in a few basic ways.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    With the uninspired pity party comedy The Day After, self-lacerating Korean dramatist Sang-soo Hong continues a trend towards un-productive self-loathing that began last year with the half-empty "On the Beach At Night Alone" and continued with the half-full "Claire's Camera."
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Volf’s refusal to address key choices that Callas made to shape her own career and fight her insecurities suggests that he’d prefer to imagine Callas as a victim of fate — and bronchitis, fame, Onassis, etc. — instead of a strong-willed but human prima donna.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Like the anime series, Jujutsu Kaisen 0 sometimes feels too much like a Cliffs Notes adaptation, despite also featuring more interaction between the supporting characters and the lead protagonist than the original manga.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Writer/director Tomer Heymann's uneven doc Mr. Gaga offers a character study of Israeli dance choreographer Ohad Naharin, but the scope and power of Naharin's art only becomes clear when the dancers illustrate rather than comment on his distinctively twitchy, animalistic "gaga" style of movement.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    If only Baker and the gang had fleshed out horny hero Pikelet’s journey with the same earthy details that make Pikelet and Loonie’s friendship seem real enough to be worth mourning.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Neville briefly showcases individual musicians but never sticks with them long enough to highlight their skills.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Some people might enjoy a solitary clip from a Henry Rollins interview, as well as occasional anecdotes from “Rescue Dawn” star Christian Bale (another Batman!). Others might wonder why we’re watching a chaotic docu-salute to Herzog when we could be watching a Herzog movie instead.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Established “My Hero Academia” fans will probably enjoy Class 1-A’s typically endearing group dynamic, even if none of the jokes in the movie are that great. And their big fight with Nine is genuinely well-staged and climactic, thanks to some impressive computer graphics and director Kenji Nagasaki’s thoughtful staging and choreography.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 58 Simon Abrams
    Post Tenebras Lux is certainly unique, but Reygadas is often intensely more interested in provoking his audience than actually fleshing out his heady ideas.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    You can fully enjoy Belladonna of Sadness if you either overlook or participate in the objectification of a gorgeous victim.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A lot of substantial or just different material might have enriched this documentary’s tidy fall-and-rise story.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Vonnegut’s family members and biographers provide the most intriguing material in Kurt Vonnegut: Unstuck in Time, but their interviews are too brief to enhance viewers’ appreciation of his work.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    [Shirai] indulges his subjects' lack of introspection and focuses on the ephemeral beauty of the brewery's centuries-old sake-making method.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    You know you're in trouble with a film when you're so bored by it that you wind up asking why things seem so implausible.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The filmmakers over-extend themselves to solicit empathy for their doomed protagonists. Youth is so unbearably nice that I eventually wished it were remade by misanthropes.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Watching Campbell over her shoulder or in a mirror is frustrating because it consistently limits our view of her character. Porterfield's people can't give anything away beyond their immediate aggression, frustration, and sadness. But it's hard to appreciate an intentionally blurry portrait of a family that's so impressionistic that all you can see of its already-withdrawn characters are their shadows.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 55 Simon Abrams
    If you’re at all curious about “One Piece,” you might still enjoy One Piece Film Red, since it’s a better-than-average highlight reel for Oda’s ingratiating and vividly realized characters. Just don’t feel bad if you exit the theater feeling confused and a little unfulfilled; this new feature’s more of an oversized sampler platter than a full-sized meal.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    The retrospective nature of this documentary character study requires some creative liberties, but treating one of your two main characters like a special guest in her own movie suggests that telling a better story was unfortunately the top priority here.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Most of the gags in this pandering spoof are about their own schematic nature — they’re jokes about how you’re smarter than the jokes.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Song's performance makes me wish the rest of A Taxi Driver was as thoughtful.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    There’s some appreciable serenity and a lot of personal grief on display in Out Stealing Horses, but it’s only visible in fits and starts.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Villain is the kind of stiflingly reverent genre picture that is so beholden to its main characters’ pity-me worldview that its predictably downbeat ending feels like the kind of hero worship that you often find in either a cloying biopic or a hidebound true crime adaptation.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, The Deer King fatally (and repeatedly) stalls as its plot starts winding down and its creators lunge for a character-driven moral to a symbolically freighted parable.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Too bad writer-director Leena Yadav only infrequently uses innuendo-driven sex talk to break up a monotonous series of confrontations between misogynistic alpha males and their unhappy wives.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    While Les eventually becomes more tolerable, LaBute's cloying dialogue makes it impossible to appreciate what turns out to be a bracingly pragmatic sense of optimism.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    In spite of its conspicuously crude sense of humor, Delhi Belly is much more family-minded and innocent than it would like its young target audience to believe.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, The Public Image is Rotten often feels like an illustrated airing of grievances that also happens to be an in-their-words history of Lydon's best band.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    American Made may be superficially a condemnation of the hypocritical American impulse to take drug suppliers' money with one hand and chastise users with the other. But it's mostly a sensational, sub-"Wolf of Wall Street"-style true crime story that attempts to seduce you, then abandon you.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    The scattershot new media satire Vengeance might have been merely a toothless provocation replete with both-sides false equivalences were it not so well-scripted and well-directed on a scene-to-scene basis.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Unexpected isn't about, but rather a product of, class-based condescension in America.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Canadian filmmaker Denis Côté holds up a shallow mirror to the world of bodybuilding in the underwhelming experimental documentary A Skin So Soft.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Recreated footage of the rovers flying to, landing on, and carefully exploring the red planet tend to be the most engrossing material in White’s scattershot documentary, which too often tries to humanize the rovers’ handlers by playing up their emotions instead of their accomplishments.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Any movie is improved at least 10 percent by the presence of Scottish actor Brian Cox, even mushy sports drama Believe.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Derrickson and Cargill successfully tailor their focused and mostly compelling narrative to a Steven Spielberg/Amblin Entertainment–esque bit of Stephen King–sploitation.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The brutality of Tyrannosaur isn't so over the top as to make director Paddy Considine's sympathy for his flawed characters look like a sham. But it does frequently bring his film's seesawing exploration of blue-collar existence to the brink of collapse.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Assassination is a blast whenever the director doesn't take his melodramatic plot too seriously.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Director Joshua Erkman shows promise throughout “A Desert,” his first feature, but his movie’s unyielding scenario, co-written with Bossi Baker, makes it hard to want to hang around while thinly drawn characters vaguely establish the movie’s themes.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    What’s mostly lacking is a matter of character-enhancing detail, the kind that would better integrate the movie’s high-concept thrills with its heartstring-tugging melodrama. Soapy’s not bad, but “This is Not a Test” lacks the sensationalism or sensitivity to make it more than a wan misfire.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    There's a lot of chutzpah on display throughout the film, even during essentially soggy, dialogue-intensive sequences, which are broken up by disorienting flashbacks. But Jung's biggest failing is his inability to make Sook-hee a heroine worth caring about.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Die-hard X Japan fans may enjoy seeing Yoshiki talk about his past, but everyone else will leave We Are X wondering who X Japan is.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Okazaki gets close to, but never sheds enough light on, Mifune's elusive personality.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Bloodthirsty isn’t as deep or dark as it needs to be, and that’s way more frustrating than its general lack of werewolves.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Cocker's magnetic persona is a huge part of Pulp's identity, but it's not the band's greatest legacy. So don't be surprised when Cocker's gas-leak hiss of a voice is drowned out by smoke machine cannons, and fails to swell until it bursts at the end of "Common People."
    • 63 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    A strong ensemble cast, led by Sterling K. Brown and Regina Hall, does a lot of emotional heavy lifting in the otherwise lightweight mockumentary Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    By inexpertly filtering her art through her travails, Wood and Altunaga reimagine Parra's suicide as an explicable conclusion to her turbulent life.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Arthouse horror flick The Eyes of My Mother actively alienates viewers by presenting episodes in a woman's life from a post-human, God-like perspective. Sometimes. Usually. Probably?
    • 63 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Pattinson and Wasikowska deserve better material than the Zellners’ head-scratchingly lazy jokes.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Limehouse Golem only reflects its creators' lack of imagination. Medina and Goldman invest so much time in (poorly) misleading audiences that they say nothing memorable about the past, or why it matters to today's audience.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    I’d have an easier time accepting the trite, asked-and-answered conclusions that director Muye Wen and co-writers Jianu Han and Wei Zhong lead viewers to if they were more adept at tugging at viewers’ heart-strings.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    An arty tribute to violent, sensuous, over-the-top Euro-trash pulp fiction.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A crashing disappointment, even if you haven't seen director Masaaki Yuasa's relatively inspired and completely unpredictable 2004 anti-coming-of-age fantasy "Mind Game."
    • 62 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Coogan and Rudd's generally charming performances both give weight to their otherwise wisp-thin characters, but their swishy mannerisms also speak to the superficial nature of Fleming's presentation of Erasmus and Paul.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    It’s not badly made, just uninspired and played out. If you like B-movies made with a budget and are specifically looking for an undemanding time, “Abigail” might be for you. “Abigail” might also disappoint you, especially if you’re hoping for more than what’s advertised.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Paley's segment proves that The Prophet is more of a missed opportunity than an ambitious folly.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Neophyte writer/director Christopher Papakaliatis eventually shows an affinity for filming two people in love, but his actors often lack the chemistry to make us believe that their bond transcends all socioeconomic boundaries.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The director's gifted collaborators sometimes perk up this listless parable, but never enough to sell its second-hand fatalism.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The best thing I can say about Daniel Isn’t Real is that it’s a promising early feature made by young artists who haven’t yet worked out how to express and/or synthesize what they like about their favorite artists and their work. It’s all style and very little substance.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Dog
    The camera loves Channing Tatum, and that makes up for a lot in Dog, a corny road movie that mostly panders to fans of Tatum and/or dogs, as well as any moviegoer who still thinks that making a big show of supporting the troops (any troops) makes them more human than, uh, most everyone else.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Hokey and unconvincing, “Tetris” skims the surface of a genuinely curious “true story” thriller, which too often plays out like a Disney-ified version of “The Social Network.”
    • 61 Metascore
    • 55 Simon Abrams
    Shooting the Mafia is, if nothing else, a decent introduction to Battaglia’s work, even if the rest of Loginotto’s primer doesn’t tell us much about who Battaglia is, or how to appreciate what she does.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Both an overstimulated multimedia lecture and an anxiety-stoking conspiracy thriller, “The Grab” urges viewers to follow the money, look at the big picture, and so on.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The film is, in that sense, the ultimate fan film since it monotonously aggregates previously existing scifi/fantasy tropes. Rejoice, Gen X viewers, for now you can uncritically enjoy your childhood's junk food culture just because you're looking at the past through the rose-colored lenses of the future.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    There’s a significant difference in quality between the mediocre scenario (and dialogue) and thrilling production design (and direction) in White Snake.

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