Peter Hartlaub

All the brains, heart and courage in the world can't save a movie that doesn't have a third act.

You'll feel so much better just sending your $9.50 to the Red Cross then catching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" one more time on television.

The movie's onslaught of psychobabble is the annoyance most likely to ruin your evening. Imagine getting stuck on a ski lift with Dr. Phil for nearly two hours.

This movie is so horrible that it actually spends some time in "so bad it's good" territory, before getting significantly worse.

It's an uninspired and instantly forgettable film. But it completely succeeds by its own standards: an 87-minute rainy-day distraction that will probably make a zillion dollars.

It's a movie that scrounges so desperately for laughs, it features both a flatulent moose and a flatulent train.

At times, "European Gigolo" feels more like an international incident than a movie.

Props to the Weinstein Brothers for having the guts to release a slasher film on Christmas Day. Too bad this one is the cinematic equivalent of tryptophan.

Not only less than horrible, but actually occasionally enjoyable.

You've probably seen this movie before, watching a child play with his toy Hot Wheels cars after eating multiple bowls of sugary breakfast cereal.

Although the movie doesn't turn the Zodiac saga into a slasher film, it has the look of a straight-to-video movie, or at best a Project Greenlight production.

While Kal Penn manages a decent lead performance as Taj, the writing is terrible.

The need for a sequel was zero - proved by the fact that the characters end the movie pretty much exactly where they started it.

Hackl weaves scenes from the previous films into this one in clever ways, without adding to the confusion. The director also does a good job of maintaining the dark tone, which includes FBI offices that look as if they're being illuminated by night-lights, and dungeons that look as if you'd catch a venereal disease or two just by touching the door handles.

Less an original product than a shoddy tribute to other mediocre cop movies.

That closing-credits sequence is by far the funniest thing in the disappointing movie,

A film to be enjoyed only by science-fiction movie completists and middle school boys with extreme cases of attention deficit disorder.

A very stupid movie, with many more failed jokes than successful ones. Worse yet, much of the comedy is kind of mean.

The Nutcracker in 3D will be barely recognizable to fans of the beloved holiday classic. Imagine watching Tchaikovsky's ballet after taking a handful of peyote - on a day when all of the dancers call in sick and the orchestra decides to play a different set of the composer's works.

That Vampires Suck is a step above god-awful is something of a miracle.

If you like gore, this is the movie for you.

A mindless comedy where the blatant racial stereotypes are outnumbered only by the flatulence jokes. The best thing that can be said about this movie is it falls just short of being an international incident.

An acquired taste.

Don't invest too much in the word "Golf" at the beginning of the title. Golf in the Kingdom is arguably less of a sports movie than the first "Harry Potter." (At least someone won that game of quidditch ...)