Jesse Hassenger

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Consequence, Decider, IGN, Paste Magazine, Polygon, The A.V. Club, The Daily Beast, The Guardian, The Verge, The Wrap, TheWrap
For 808 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 53% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 44% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 6.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Jesse Hassenger's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 59
Highest review score: 91 American Honey
Lowest review score: 12 Asking for It
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 364 out of 808
  2. Mixed: 375 out of 808
  3. Negative: 69 out of 808
808 movie reviews
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    • 55 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Supergirl
    The movie’s visual sensibility signals Supergirl’s broader success in threading the needle between a kid-friendly, hope-suffused superhero story and bleaker, grittier stuff—and in doing so, recognizing how those aspects of life are often interwoven, rather than diametrically opposed approaches to IP. That’s always been the push-pull of the Supergirl character, equally able to be portrayed as Superman’s gee-whiz kid-sister equivalent and his more jaded, literally alienated reflection. The joy of Supergirl is how it mixes the two without demoting its main gal to a sideshow.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Scary Movie
    Every movie the Wayans come across has essentially the same function: an easily recognizable bathroom wall where they can scrawl insults about who’s a slut, who’s secretly gay and who deserves to get abruptly hit by a car.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 58 Jesse Hassenger
    Masters of the Universe
    The new Masters Of The Universe does not represent the best-case scenario, though if the bar truly is the ’87 version, consider it cleared with room to spare.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    The Breadwinner
    Director Eric Appel has worked on plenty of funny TV series, yet in place of slick professionalism, this movie feels Scotch-taped together.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Pressure
    Despite a few sparky face-offs between the actors, Pressure feels destined for a less notable fate: to cause plenty of armchair naps once it hits streaming.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan: Ghost War
    The movie does set up potential for a continuing movie franchise. Mostly, though, Jack Ryan: Ghost War feels like a sad state of affairs for the world’s dads (and dads at heart), who deserve to see airport-novel espionage brought to less chintzy life.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu
    When Favreau banishes traditional actors in order to send little puppet creatures scuttling through the verdant landscape, suddenly his human-light blockbuster looks, if not quite visionary, at least novel. It also looks much closer to handmade, and deeply charming.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    In the Grey
    It’s Ritchie in fun-workhorse mode, more businesslike than Operation Fortune but fleeter than Fountain Of Youth.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 46 Jesse Hassenger
    Deep Water
    Deep Water is more like the movie plenty of people probably assumed Deep Blue Sea would be like in the first place: watchable, forgettable shlock.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    Fuze
    Fuze doesn’t fly off the rails at its midpoint. It keeps moving forward at a steady clip. By its final stretch, however, the effort to sustain itself becomes more visible, and less quietly confident.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Lee Cronin's The Mummy
    The movie’s thread about parental neglect and/or sacrifice is wispy. As a carnival geek show, though, Lee Cronin’s The Mummy delivers the goods, and at greater volume than its unofficial predecessors. It isn’t as personal a movie as the possessive title implies, but the marketing is largely correct: For the first time in ages, a mummy presides over a real horror show.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 73 Jesse Hassenger
    Forbidden Fruits
    Though their conflicts eventually lead to horror-movie violence, the cruelest fate, the movie implies, may be a professional life consigned to malls, overpriced novelty coffee drinks, and other commercial/cultural remnants of a millennial youth.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    Faces of Death
    It’s both a canny contemporary riff on the material and a well-made but only moderately scary slasher.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 63 Jesse Hassenger
    Thrash
    It doesn’t capture the full horror potential of climate change, rising floodwaters, or even bloodthirsty sharks. But the filmmakers sure throw themselves into the fray with enthusiasm.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 78 Jesse Hassenger
    Alpha
    Alpha is more of a horror-inflected drama than an outright genre piece, which allowed plenty of critics to fixate, not unfairly, on its failings as an AIDS metaphor. Yet the movie has resonance beyond simply recalling the years of its creator’s youth.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    The Super Mario Galaxy Movie
    The Super Mario Galaxy Movie doesn’t really have the patience for character-based conflict, or plotting more complicated (or motivated) than groups of characters showing up to different planets on cue.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 42 Jesse Hassenger
    Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice
    Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice practically warns the audience against taking it too seriously, even while talking out the other side of its mouth about its own heartfelt themes.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    They Will Kill You
    After so many smirky bloodfests, They Will Kill You scarcely needs believable human relationships to earn some goodwill. All it really needs is Beetz convincingly going through hell.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Hoppers
    While there’s plenty of familiarity in Pixar’s small-scale animated romp Hoppers, there’s also a smart, unruly variation at its center.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 48 Jesse Hassenger
    Scream 7
    Maybe the most baffling thing about Scream 7 is that it’s not an off-the-rails franchise-ending disaster. It’s entertaining enough, with a few fun side performances and the easy prickliness of Sidney and Gale’s friendship. But it’s missing the giddy carnival-ride audience-movie thrills and clever meta-humor of previous entries, and the more serious material simply isn’t insightful enough to take its place (or distract from its craven origins as a corporate patch-job).
    • 64 Metascore
    • 71 Jesse Hassenger
    Cold Storage
    Cold Storage makes horror-comedy look as easy and appealing as it’s supposed to be.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    GOAT
    The actual sports stuff feels a little sweatier, with too much clamor for each animal teammate to really pop. But Goat still leaps over the worst pitfalls of big-studio kid-centric animation. Where it counts, the movie knows just enough ball.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 58 Jesse Hassenger
    The Moment
    The Moment doesn’t meet the gold standard of self-pitying emptiness set by The Weeknd’s Hurry Up Tomorrow, but it does share with that movie the sense that the gorgeous surface is performing a kind of vamping at the behest of a music-video-thin story.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Send Help
    As much as some of the imagery feels like Raimi playing the hits, Send Help also suggests a later-career shift for the filmmaker, one where his comic-book throwbacks run into (or over?) contemporary obstacles without losing their go-for-broke loopiness. It can get messy. Good for him.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 42 Jesse Hassenger
    Mercy
    Mercy takes a more bombastic approach with more speculative technology, only to chicken out of using that bombast to do anything other than jostle the audience through a series of contrived absurdities. If this is the future of crime thrillers, everyone needs their screentime severely curtailed.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Return to Silent Hill
    20 years later Gans still can’t figure out how to escape the open-ended confinement of gameplay, or even give it the forward momentum of a game with a mission.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 38 Jesse Hassenger
    Killer Whale
    It’s no better than it needs to be, and it’s not bad enough to be consistently laughable, either.
    • 81 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
    It’s a neat surprise that DaCosta extracts more dark humor from the series than Boyle himself.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Primate
    Primate makes a characteristically concise case for Roberts as a genre stylist to keep watching.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Greenland 2: Migration
    Greenland 2: Migration takes itself seriously in all the wrong ways; it wants to maintain a safe distance from the real world, while urging the audience to shed a tear over some imagined nobility.
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