Jesse Hassenger

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For 801 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 53% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 44% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 6.5 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Jesse Hassenger's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 59
Highest review score: 91 American Honey
Lowest review score: 12 Asking for It
Score distribution:
  1. Negative: 69 out of 801
801 movie reviews
    • 53 Metascore
    • 46 Jesse Hassenger
    Deep Water is more like the movie plenty of people probably assumed Deep Blue Sea would be like in the first place: watchable, forgettable shlock.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    Fuze doesn’t fly off the rails at its midpoint. It keeps moving forward at a steady clip. By its final stretch, however, the effort to sustain itself becomes more visible, and less quietly confident.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    The movie’s thread about parental neglect and/or sacrifice is wispy. As a carnival geek show, though, Lee Cronin’s The Mummy delivers the goods, and at greater volume than its unofficial predecessors. It isn’t as personal a movie as the possessive title implies, but the marketing is largely correct: For the first time in ages, a mummy presides over a real horror show.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 73 Jesse Hassenger
    Though their conflicts eventually lead to horror-movie violence, the cruelest fate, the movie implies, may be a professional life consigned to malls, overpriced novelty coffee drinks, and other commercial/cultural remnants of a millennial youth.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 70 Jesse Hassenger
    It’s both a canny contemporary riff on the material and a well-made but only moderately scary slasher.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 63 Jesse Hassenger
    It doesn’t capture the full horror potential of climate change, rising floodwaters, or even bloodthirsty sharks. But the filmmakers sure throw themselves into the fray with enthusiasm.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 78 Jesse Hassenger
    Alpha is more of a horror-inflected drama than an outright genre piece, which allowed plenty of critics to fixate, not unfairly, on its failings as an AIDS metaphor. Yet the movie has resonance beyond simply recalling the years of its creator’s youth.
    • 37 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    The Super Mario Galaxy Movie doesn’t really have the patience for character-based conflict, or plotting more complicated (or motivated) than groups of characters showing up to different planets on cue.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 42 Jesse Hassenger
    Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice practically warns the audience against taking it too seriously, even while talking out the other side of its mouth about its own heartfelt themes.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    After so many smirky bloodfests, They Will Kill You scarcely needs believable human relationships to earn some goodwill. All it really needs is Beetz convincingly going through hell.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    While there’s plenty of familiarity in Pixar’s small-scale animated romp Hoppers, there’s also a smart, unruly variation at its center.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 48 Jesse Hassenger
    Maybe the most baffling thing about Scream 7 is that it’s not an off-the-rails franchise-ending disaster. It’s entertaining enough, with a few fun side performances and the easy prickliness of Sidney and Gale’s friendship. But it’s missing the giddy carnival-ride audience-movie thrills and clever meta-humor of previous entries, and the more serious material simply isn’t insightful enough to take its place (or distract from its craven origins as a corporate patch-job).
    • 64 Metascore
    • 71 Jesse Hassenger
    Cold Storage makes horror-comedy look as easy and appealing as it’s supposed to be.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    The actual sports stuff feels a little sweatier, with too much clamor for each animal teammate to really pop. But Goat still leaps over the worst pitfalls of big-studio kid-centric animation. Where it counts, the movie knows just enough ball.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 58 Jesse Hassenger
    The Moment doesn’t meet the gold standard of self-pitying emptiness set by The Weeknd’s Hurry Up Tomorrow, but it does share with that movie the sense that the gorgeous surface is performing a kind of vamping at the behest of a music-video-thin story.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    As much as some of the imagery feels like Raimi playing the hits, Send Help also suggests a later-career shift for the filmmaker, one where his comic-book throwbacks run into (or over?) contemporary obstacles without losing their go-for-broke loopiness. It can get messy. Good for him.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 42 Jesse Hassenger
    Mercy takes a more bombastic approach with more speculative technology, only to chicken out of using that bombast to do anything other than jostle the audience through a series of contrived absurdities. If this is the future of crime thrillers, everyone needs their screentime severely curtailed.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    20 years later Gans still can’t figure out how to escape the open-ended confinement of gameplay, or even give it the forward momentum of a game with a mission.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 38 Jesse Hassenger
    It’s no better than it needs to be, and it’s not bad enough to be consistently laughable, either.
    • 81 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    It’s a neat surprise that DaCosta extracts more dark humor from the series than Boyle himself.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 75 Jesse Hassenger
    Primate makes a characteristically concise case for Roberts as a genre stylist to keep watching.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 40 Jesse Hassenger
    Greenland 2: Migration takes itself seriously in all the wrong ways; it wants to maintain a safe distance from the real world, while urging the audience to shed a tear over some imagined nobility.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 60 Jesse Hassenger
    Rudd and Black make the new Anaconda easy enough to accept as a comedy with a dash of clunky effects-based creature action, rather than a full-blown horror-comedy.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 67 Jesse Hassenger
    Paul Feig has always seemed a little uncomfortable with exploitation, but he makes some progress with this thriller.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    Fire And Ash is terrific entertainment that occasionally gives the impression of well-appointed vamping; it’s almost enough to wonder if all the meticulous writer’s-room blueprinting of two-to-four Avatar sequels might have done as much harm as good. Viewers who just long for more time in Pandora are in luck: Cameron may not see a way out himself.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 20 Jesse Hassenger
    Like a lot of movies, Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 has its own souvenir popcorn bucket. This may be the first one where the bucket is more entertaining than the feature.
    • 89 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    The miracle of Chalamet’s performance is that as brazen, indecent, and dishonest as Marty is, he makes a temporarily convincing case for himself as a thwarted athlete, rather than a crook with an athletic fixation.
    • 84 Metascore
    • 83 Jesse Hassenger
    In traditional terms, it could simply be described as a tearjerker. Like Buckley’s performance, though, it’s richer than that, a cross between an out-of-body experience and a full-body sob. Some will likely resist it on those grounds, understandably. But, again, framing our reactions with the feelings of others is rarely a good idea, and despite its moments of faltering, Hamnet hits like an emotional wrecking ball—devastating as it clears its path.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 78 Jesse Hassenger
    Zootopia 2 feels like it came out as the filmmakers intended, even if they set their own expectations at medium instead of high.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Jesse Hassenger
    The intimate highlights are too few and far between in this distended adaptation.

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