CSI: Cyber

Procedurals work well when viewers like the characters, e.g., Mark Harmon on “NCIS” or Mariska Hargitay on “Law & Order: SVU.” It’s hard not to like Arquette, Van Der Beek and the other cast members on Cyber.

Watching CSI is like eating Gummi Bears. There's no nutritional value, but the franchise has created a yummy, empty-calorie world.... The eternally maternal Patricia Arquette, enhances her journeywoman bona fides on this TV junk food. [6 Mar 2015, p.75]

At the end of the day, though, what we've got is essentially more CSI--with a first-rate lead.

CSI: Cyber is perfectly serviceable television, with nothing distracting--David Caruso dramatically interrupting his own cheesy ripostes to don his sunglasses, say--to take you out of the story, but not a whole lot to keep you breathless for another.

Name aside, Cyber's pokey and old-fashioned, but the leads are the big draw.

Each of [supporting characters] will thrive or fall depending on their chemistry with Arquette. And she is, even with the current concerns about cybercrime, the reason to watch the show.

On CSI: Cyber, Ryan and her team act very swiftly, oftentimes preposterously so. Computer graphics whiz and buzz. And then, just like that, another suspect is chased down and vetted by Ryan, who seemingly needs nothing more than a burp or a twitch to determine who the bad guys are and who they are not.

The main joy it offers is familiarity, done with CSI's customary polish and general competence.... Unfortunately, the one new card Cyber has to play is an ugly one: paranoia.

Change of venue notwithstanding, CSI: Cyber falls squarely in line with its predecessors and is a perfectly adequate diversion in the way that crime procedurals can be.

Even in Medium, Arquette was able to to tap into something deeper than she does in Cyber’s outset. MacNicol and Van Der Beek have proven themselves as solid comedians in Ally McBeal and Don’t Trust The B---- In Apartment 23, respectively, yet here they carry the dour weight of investigators saddled with iron-laden lines.

Fans of “CSI” shows will likely warm up to this latest franchise extension and viewers of more character-driven, less preposterous drama will ignore it like they have past “CSI” shows.

The machine behind this effort needs to invest in even its smallest moving parts whose misfires can snatch a savvy “CSI” viewer right out of the Cyber realm; weak performances from bit players, leaps in logic or just plain by-the-numbers writing à la “This is where we introduce the character by providing some expository dialogue that the lead character will dismiss with ‘You always say that’ in words or actions.”

In the ways that matter, though, Cyber is pure “CSI”--a slick but wooden fantasy of middle-American paranoia in which aberrant criminals face off against hilariously competent crime solvers.

Though the cases are built around cutting-edge high-tech threats, everything else feels as stale as week-old bread.

It’s no surprise that the series doesn’t really give Arquette any opportunity to demonstrate the acting chops that garnered her an Academy Award or the warmth and likability she radiated for seven seasons on Medium. Van Der Beek and MacNichol also are capable of much more than simply spouting exposition.

The dialogue is flatter than usual and, for all the techie attempts at whiz-bang-pow, the stories are facile. Arquette’s not the only one smart-phoning it in here; everyone on CSI: Cyber has the look of someone who’s in it for the direct deposit.

The dialogue Arquette is forced to deliver is the worst thing.

I hope [Arquette’s] getting paid a heckuva lot for striding through this new hour of televisual malware.

While the threats might involve the high-tech world of hacking, CSI: Cyber is just plain hackneyed.

CSI: Cyber is as dull, repetitive, and unimaginative as its sister shows and as facile when it comes to its definition of the nature of criminality.

While CSI: Cyber is functional, it's also a useless chore. I have no idea what you could get out of CSI: Cyber that you couldn't get out of Scorpion.