The titular beach really is stunning. But the second hour is an incomprehensible mess that's too dark for Leo's Teen People fanbase and too convenient for the arthouse crowd.

Little more than an amusing, predictable story we've seen done better a dozen times.

I went into Magnolia like a kid running onto a beach with a pail and shovel ready to explore, only to find myself neck deep in quicksand three hours later, screaming for help.

Better in the end to skip it, and make Mother go it alone.

Worthwhile performances (including cameos from Joan Cusack and Sally Field) and one-liners, but don't leave your home looking for Heart.

In terms of cleverly hidden exposition, this ain't "The Sixth Sense."

There are lots of elements that make no sense whatever.

Not only is it just a movie, it's just a ho-hum movie.

More frustrating, however, are the many side stories, which introduce potential conflicts but never fully form, as well as completely unnecessary voice-overs that come late in the movie and culminate in a final monologue, which tells the audience what to think, rather than allowing us to decide what it's all about for ourselves.

It risks the believability factor for anyone who's ever been cheated on or lost a loved one.

Pop junk, an airport paperback, literally, turned into a mid-budget devil thriller.

Middlebrow art has its built-in pitfalls, not the least of them sentimentality and intellectual flabbiness -- both of which are in abundant supply in Bagger Vance.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Never before have two such skilled actors been so monstrously squandered in a movie so replete with failed gags and pathetic gaffs.

The actors share much of the screen time but the viewer never quite gets the chance to relate to each one individually.

Follows the current trend of once-popular cartoons turned into mediocre live-action incarnations.

If you give it half a chance, it will entertain you.

Everything in it is old bat.

Formulaic and pretty darn plodding.

Shallow characters the audience cares little about, an unbelievable situation rather than a potent plot, and, for those who don’t find men-in-pantyhose or poodle-poop jokes hilarious, not many funny lines.

The kind of surprising giggles that make you wonder why you're laughing--- that's worth a few bucks.

I'd wait for video unless your kid's just dying to see "Sesame Street" characters on the big screen.

Although Steal This Movie isn't worth the price of admission, it is worth sneaking in to see D'Onofrio and Garofalo's splendid performances.

Confusing to anyone who's familiar with the word "plot."

Wear your boots to this one, but because of the crap, not the snow.

Does boast, as a major plot point, a dog's bowel movement. And things do go 'boom!' quite spectacularly and frequently enough to distract from the truth that there is virtually nothing going on in this whole movie that Nintendo hasn't done better.

Without any trustworthy characters for young Joe and no actual story development, the movie drags.

A poor excuse to put out a soundtrack of teen pop songs.