What the hell are you still reading this for? Put your raggedy-ass jacket on and go out and buy the damn game already.

No excuses, you’re gonna have to buy this. Unless you don’t own a PS2, in which case, get out of our Internet!

But where the sequel will really fondle your boys is in the multiplayer modes. New level designs let you funnel the action into wide-open areas or allow you to stalk the terrain's nooks and crannies looking for the perfect sniping spot.

Making Ninja Gaiden harder is like ordering waffles fixed with broken glass, with a helping of broken glass on the side. It's downright tasty at times, but you better have a taste for it before scarfing it down.

You should buy it even if driving games rank somewhere between stepping on Legos barefoot and Saddam on your list of dislikes.

Seriously, we did more cool things in God Of War in the first 20 minutes that we do in the entirety of most games.

You should buy it even if driving games rank somewhere between stepping on Legos barefoot and Saddam on your list of dislikes.

Vast new levels, a pleasantly murky story line and an even greater emphasis on stealth will string you along for days.

How do you improve on perfection? We'll tell you how: Take the same genius game that you played last fall on the PS2 and give everything a fresh coat of pixel paint... Then, remove the long load times, allow us to save 30-second replays to the hard drive for those you-won't-believe-this-booshiz moments and create personalized radio stations by ripping your CD collection to the hard drive.

How do you improve on perfection? We’ll tell you how: Take the same genius game that you played last fall on the PS2 and give everything a fresh coat of pixel paint... Then, remove the long load times, allow us to save 30-second replays to the hard drive for those you-won’t-believe-this-booshiz moments and create personalized radio stations by ripping your CD collection to the hard drive.

A solid technical effort from Konami, but mainly only serious soccer fans will want to lace up their digital boots for this one.

If your racing game strategy usually involves driving your car like the Death Mobile in "Animal House," you won't get far in Forza. Damage modeling affects your car's performance and even the slightest fender-bender can wreck your front-end alignment, which means your car will pull either left or right for the remainder of the race.

The biggest advancement is the VIP system, which studies your habits on the field and develops a profile based on how you play the game.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

If you don't have a big, stupid, sh.t-eating grin on your face when you do this, then we can't be friends anymore.

Like the Swiss Army Knife, Up Your Arsenal does it all and even includes a decent online battle mode, as well as a corkscrew and a tiny pair of scissors.

Slaying these giants provided us with some of the most gratifying moments of our entire lives.

The jaw-dropping graphics help. As do the weapons, power-ups and the scope of the game (15-plus levels, 40-50 hours of play to complete). But it's the fighting that really won us over.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

The computer AI, just like your girlfriend, will sniff out your weaknesses and exploit the living crap out of them.

The game looks terrific on the tiny screens. There's a nice mix of new and old school tracks. Making a Wi-fi connection is so simple, even Diddy Kong could do it (and he's Canadian!).

A movie feature allows you to create short films, right down to the last camera angle, with your Sims as the cast. There are no overarching goals in the game, but that doesn't prevent it from being fun.

The game is surprisingly rock-solid on the Xbox. The controls are on point. The game is full of well-crafted fight-or-flight moments. It's without a doubt one of the finest first-person shooters ever made.

Advanced Warfighter on the 360 is so beautiful, we actually dry-humped our conference room TV set. And yes, it was the closest we've come to having an actual relationship in several years.

The biggest advancement is the VIP system, which studies your habits on the field and develops a profile based on how you play the game.

Interestingly enough, EA has served up a baseball title that will keep you interested in hardball. Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

Don't let the Saturday morning cartoon vibe fool you. This turn-based war game is more hardcore than Stratego, Risk and that final episode of M*A*S*H where Pierce goes insane all rolled into one.

This is the fourth game in the series, and it's definitely the biggest, ballsiest, most nonsensical Burnout to date.