Your girlfriend will go batshit for this game. Even if she's always telling you how your games are "juvenile," and that she can't believe "she actually has sex on a regular basis with someone who owns a stupid PlayStation," she'll still love this disc to bits. Trust us.

We're especially fond of the Homecourt Advantage meter, which fills up during games; the closer the score, the louder the fans get and the harder your controller shakes, making it tougher for the visiting team to hit jumpers and free throws.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

What we really like about the game is that the unrelenting, merciless killing just feels right.

And while the computer AI plays like an in-bred Appalachian boy, the wrestling mechanics are on-point.

Hollywood creature designer Stan Winston lends his psychotic imagination to all of the monstrosities that pop up in the game. Instead of coming from obvious spawning points, creatures emerge from nearly any surface. The technique effectively adds dread to normally benign environments we haven't experienced since our days in the Boy Scouts.

Though it's a great title in the Zelda franchise, the action is hindered by all the extra equipment necessary to get the most out of it.

It'll make you all warm and nostalgic at first, but don't' be surprised if by your second hour of gameplay an unfortunate sense of "didn't I play this back in 1989?" sets in.

A pleasant surprise. Yes, we were still creeping through bombed-out aircraft hangars and taking over bunkers brimming with Nazis, but we were enjoying ourselves for the first time in ages.

The computer AI, just like your girlfriend, will sniff out your weaknesses and exploit the living crap out of them.

Worth buying, especially for the cartoon raunchiness. But don't let on that this is the only way you meet women.

Sadly, Fight Night has left out back-alley options like fixing fights, in-fight cannibalism or even a seemingly drunk Larry Merchant doddering about the ring during the post-fight interviews. There's always next year.

The game alternates between first- and third-person views, but it is all action, allowing you to fight riding the Cyclone in motorcycle form or wearing it as mecha battle armor. Either way, it's a way more bitchin' ride than your little Vespa.

Switch on those subtitles (the cockney accents make English sound like a bloody foreign language) or else you'll potentially miss out on some of the finest dialogue in a video game. Our favorite line: "She's had more pricks than a second-hand dartboard." Oi!

The graphics are fantastic, particularly in the later stages, when some of the epic battle scenes are rivaled only by what goes on in your local trailer park.

The line "Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules" has never been so fully embodied by a video game.

While the hand-to-hand stuff won't win any awards, the deep selection of vehicles (from pickup trucks to high-tech battle tanks) and the frenetic pace of the game more than make up for it.

Fact is, it's good. If you dig the Aeon franchise, Charlize's long, lithe getaway sticks, or third-person action games, check it out.

Depending on how much time you spend searching each of the 11 single-player maps for hidden items, it should take you a couple of days.

But don't let anything touch you, no matter what, because this game brings back the Old Testament concept of one-hit deaths. Beneath the Saturday morning cartoon exterior of the Metal Slug games beats a cruel heart that you'll either love or hate.

The addictive, just-one-more-race feel works perfectly with our normal just-one-more-can-of-cheap-beer schedule.

Instead of going with a standard driver, we created a homicidal redneck with the Create-a-Driver option. Well, all we really did was rebuild Dale Jarrett with his old mustache. He just didn't look right without it.

The tackles in the game-some of which can literally send players flying into the bleachers-are the most vertebrae-jangling hits we've seen this side of a roller derby.

This game features the best hecklers of all time. When Boston's hirsute Johnny Damon steps to the plate, someone in the crowd shouts, "Cut your hair, you hippie!" Amen to that, brother!

If you think you might be an RPG fan, this is definitely one to grab.

The single-player campaign is a little too short and too linear, but we're guessing it's probably still about a hundred times more thrilling than anything you'll see in "Episode III" come this May.

The best side-scrolling action game for $30 this side of buying $30 worth of live crabs. That means buy it.

Sure, it's still basically a more sophisticated version of "Duck Hunt," but nothing helps us unwind quite like putting bullets through the heads of parachuting ninjas.