Tickets to Pacific Rim Uprising should come with a package of aspirin.

There is a lot of sex along the way, but I found very little of it exciting, or even sensual. Madonna never seems to be having any fun, nor do her sexual partners, either in action or when they talk about it later. [15 Jan 1993, p.3E]

Annabelle is so lazily coat-tailing on Roman Polanski, they should have called it “Rosemary’s Barbie.”

In matters of personal taste, there is no right or wrong, so if erasing brain cells is your idea of a good time, That's My Boy could be your cup of turpentine.

It's supposed to be sweet, but Hop is a headache waiting to happen.

Despite its intriguing premise, the film amounts to little more than tedious, clichéd melodramatics.

Like the middle-aged dads in this flaccid fiasco, Hall Pass is a decade behind the curve of what's happening.

Freelance is this incredibly goofy jumble of tones, a movie that doesn’t know what it is or what it wants to be, flailing about as it far overstays its welcome.

This amateurish action flick is so lacking in personality or punch, it ought to be titled "V for Video Store Discount Bin."

The Son of the Pink Panther is little more than a mess. Roberto Benigni, a funny-looking Italian actor, has his moments. [31 Aug 1993, p.3D]

Whether you're betting on action or laughs, this is a lose-lose scenario.

Here most of the punishment is inflicted on the audience, which gets nailed to a cross of boredom.

Kids are too smart to fall for it, and any grown-up who thinks that The Odd Life of Timothy Green is funny or heartwarming has a head made out of cabbage.

McCarthy and first-time director Falcone must have assumed that tossing a drunk and a dunce into a Cadillac would negate the need for a motive or even a script.

Young children will be entertained, but for the rest of the audience, pretty colors just aren’t enough.

Comedies about privileged princesses and unsuitable suitors come in all colors, but Peeples is only palatable on a double bill with pink antacid.

The baby sitter isn't the only thing dead in this movie - the plot also suffered a massive coronary while being scripted. In fact, the only life breathed into Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is the light comedic performance of Christina Applegate (Married . . . With Children), with an assist from Keith Coogan. [13 June 1991, p.6E]

If The Virginity Hit had been filmed as a straightforward sex comedy, it could've been a riot.

An utter shipwreck, a would-be adventure with meager rations of magic and a listless crew.

The best thing you could say about Happy Feet Two is that it doesn't have any product placements or potty jokes. Other than that, this charmless Antarctic cartoon is what it looks like when hell freezes over.

Tamra Davis, directing her first feature, is so caught up in the sex-and-violence aspects, and bolstering the body count, that she forgets to keep her story at all credible, and lets gunshots take the place of conversation. [19 Feb 1993, p.3G]

The good news is that Ed Helms doesn’t wake up in a Tijuana brothel with an amputated leg and a donkey in the room. The bad news is that you’ll wish he had.

The romantic relationship between the two stars is mishandled, and neither is given sufficient funny material. [16 June 1992, p.4D]

In short, "Fallen" hits the halfway point, it goes down and can't get up. [16 Jan 1993, p.E3]

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL: Don't give up your day job. After a lackluster outing as a genie in "Shazam," the LA Lakers star does little to put any shine on "Steel," a movie that draws its laughs from lots of rock-em-sock-em pyrotechnics and comic book visuals.[15 Aug 1997, p.3E]

Cinderella is so scrubbed of personality, it’s not even worth calling a mess.

Kids between the ages of 5 and 10 probably will enjoy this one, and there isn't much (some mild bathroom humor) that parents will find terribly objectionable, except its stupidity. [12 Aug 1994, p.3H]

The comedy waffles between nonsensically heightened and realistically grounded, often alternating between the two modes at random, never landing on a tone.