If The Virginity Hit had been filmed as a straightforward sex comedy, it could've been a riot.

a horrific misstep in the branding of Robert Pattinson. The erstwhile teen vampire, who daringly portrayed gay surrealist Salvador Dalí in last year's "Little Ashes," lurches backward into a pile of romantic rubbish.

Working from a lackluster screenplay by a squad of writers, director Taylor Hackford (“Ray”) delivers a film so low in energy that it’s almost as if it was made to assist airline passengers in falling asleep.

This documentary reconstructing the life of the ultimate cult author is like a three-act thriller, and the character at the center of the story is a mute man of mystery. Salinger would have recognized the irony, even as he hated the film for invading his privacy.

Obviously this movie is too dense for most kids under the age of about 8 to follow. Even if you're over 8, way over, the plot still seems overly complicated. [23 Mar 1993, p.3D]

A so-so comedy that slows down considerably after the first half-hour and tries to hide its dull stretches by giving us lingering shots of the cute kid. [30 Jan 1989, p.6D]

Young children will be entertained, but for the rest of the audience, pretty colors just aren’t enough.

The setting and offbeat tone may remind some viewers of another recent comedy, but whereas “The Descendants” was a substantive meal, Aloha is a pu pu platter.

Toys may be beautiful to look at, but it's hard to love. [18 Dec 1992, p.1G]

Channing Tatum is a lot of things, but he’s not a stoic Superman like the role he plays here, which is made more laughable by prosthetic pointy ears.

As in the mindless Man on a Ledge, the hero is never really in danger, we're the ones who are trapped.

An odd mix of special effects, cartoonish adventure and father-son bonding isn't very funny or poignant. [20 Dec 1998, p.C9]

The suspense trickles out of A Kiss Before Dying in the first 10 or 15 minutes, and the movie just lies there until the final 10 or 15 minutes. Writer-director James Dearden tries to inject life into the long, slow middle with blood, breasts and buttocks, but we never sense that any of these attributes belongs to actual breathing human beings. [26 Apr 1991, p.5F]

The clichéd script doesn't develop the secondary characters or the critical theme of the mutants' alienation.

This toothless attempt is just dead on arrival.

Viewers who don’t want to visit Ponyville should just skip to the next town.

The spectacular collapse of Green Lantern is bound to be blamed on Reynolds, but the villainy has its origins in an injustice league of TV-trained screenwriters and tin-hearted studio suits.

I still think it's a funny movie, but given its genes, it's a bit of a slacker.

Offers about as much flava as a Dr. Pepper commercial and about as much drama as a “Sesame Street” rerun.

An Innocent Man is a fairly effective melodramatic thriller, and the prison scenes are powerful. [06 Oct 1989, p.3E]

WE ALL know we have to suspend disbelief when we go to the movies, but never has an audience been asked to suspend as much as it has been by director Alan J. Pakula in Consenting Adults, a dumb, unconvincing tale that features some of the poorest performances in history. [20 Oct 1992, p.9D]

In the new Clash of the Titans, the effects are computerized, the hero is questionable and, instead of an owl, we get a turkey.

Seth Rogen is the Green Hornet. What else do you need to know?

THE BODYGUARDS for the people who made The Bodyguard should be fired - because they should have thrown their clients to the ground and held them there until their desire to make this movie went away. [30 Nov 1992, p.3D]

The best excuse for watching The Gunman is Penn. His first mainstream leading role in a decade is worthy of comparisons to Matt Damon in the “Bourne” movies; yet it’s also disappointingly shorn of the humor and humanity of which this great actor is capable.

It's almost offensive that Danny Glover is relegated to playing the mysterious old confidante who haunts the same fishing hole as Cal. By the time Glover's character delivers the homily, Legendary is pinned to the mat.

Even though this is essentially a one-joke movie, director David Ward has turned it into more. When Dodge's rustbucket is pitted against a sleek nuclear-powered sub under Graham's command, it brings out the best in Dodge's motley crew and in the commanding officer himself. The story doesn't dive as deep as the sub but under Ward's direction, we like the Stingray's odd assortment of inhabitants and wind up rooting for them. [01 Mar 1996, p.5E]

McCarthy and first-time director Falcone must have assumed that tossing a drunk and a dunce into a Cadillac would negate the need for a motive or even a script.