An ineffective, derivative, and awkwardly executed mash-up of ghost flicks and voodoo movies.

Stay home and watch Friends. It's cheaper, funnier and mercifully shorter. [8 March 1996, p.08]

Looks as if was cobbled together from stuff hanging around the cutting room at MTV.

There is mismatch of tone and content throughout The Kitchen, which is never sure how to pair its lurid turns of plot with its intersectional feminist ambitions.

Cage appears as a knight of the Crusades, slogging across the continents, slaying infidels and unbelievers and anyone else who gets in his way. There isn't a minute when it looks like he's having fun.

Icky, incoherent thriller.

Ride Along is a film so casual in its conception and execution, it should be titled Drive Thru.

Struggles mightily to find its loony essence. But Bullock's apple-cheeked larkishness is all flailing limbs and bug-eyed reaction shots - there's no there there. Cooper's character is woefully underwritten, Church's is yet another vain anchorman-wannabe cartoon.

If the Brothers Grimm had devoted themselves to farce rather than scary fairy tales, they might have produced something like Seventh Son, a whacko sword-and-sorcery exercise.

Monster-in-Law, where Bridezilla meets Godzilla, is a comedy so anemic, so toxic, that even Dracula wouldn't bite.

Full of kerplunkingly unfunny jokes and ex-"Saturday Night Live" cast members turning up to do shtick.

"Zis is not verking! Zee glitter cannot overpower zee artist!" That, in a sentence, sums up what is wrong with this picture.

Totally lame.

Johnny Mnemonic may aspire to be Blade Runner. It succeeds only in being a parody of Flipper. [27 May 1995, p.D09]

A piece of schlock from Garry Marshall.

A subpar 3D action comedy featuring four giant motion-capture animated turtles and a raft of human costars, including the dreamy-eyed Fox, wide-shouldered Perry, a remarkably slender Will Arnett, and Laura Linney, who looks tired and uncomfortable throughout the proceedings.

The cast, especially The Game, does a fairly good job with this meager material, but it's like trying to make chateaubriand out of Spam.

As a cinematic experience, it's like being locked in a coffin for an hour and a half.

Has to be one of the nuttiest, sappiest (literally), most unintentionally hilarious spectacles to come down the time-travel turnpike in eons.

Alas, this joyless affair doesn't have a clou.

An astoundingly senseless thriller.

Hot Rod never establishes its own personality.

When the slimy creatures pop out of the ground in Tales From the Crypt Presents Demon Knight, one of the hapless humans in their path advises that the most strategic weapon to try is "anything that destroys their eyes and frees their tortured souls." Anyone exposed to this nauseating piece of brain-dead nonsense may want the same treatment. [13 Jan 1995, p.16]

Characters are introduced as archetypes to serve as jokes and little more.

The film is based on the popular video game, and plays as a pathetically incoherent attempt to accommodate all the characters kids want to see come to life on the big screen. [26 Dec 1994, p.E05]

When the big caper finally arrives, you will neither grasp nor care about what's going on.

Proves a theory first advanced in the movie "Repo Man": The more you drive, the stupider you get.

This one is so bad that even Ed Norton couldn't get this mess to move through the sewer.