"I need something bad and fast,” criminal Graham Bricke says to a weapons dealer early in The Last Days of American Crime. The Netflix action film definitely fulfills one of those criteria: It is so, so bad — but it is ever eye-gougingly slow.

The overall result is superficial and deadly boring.

Based on a video game, far exceeds expectations -- in negative ways that inspire thoughts of less than zero stars.

The latest vanity production by writer-director-star Eric Schaeffer, who still seems to think he's another Woody Allen -- despite a growing body of work that proves otherwise.

The promising tension between Gypsy and the arrogant Lucian never amounts to much, and the climax is comically melodramatic.

This oddly scrambled new version eventually falls apart so badly you feel embarrassed for the people who made it.

With the abysmal A Little Bit of Heaven, Kate Hudson's possibly unprecedented losing streak remains unbroken: She hasn't made a good movie since Almost Famous, 12 long years ago. Even Nicolas Cage can't say that.

Presumably Zane & Co. had a lot more fun filming this inexplicable low-budget indulgence than any sane person will have watching it.

An inept, tedious spoof of '70s kung fu pictures, it contains almost enough chuckles for a three-minute sketch, and no more.

Arguably the most insipid movie released so far this century.

Helplessly clichéd, predictable and unaware of its own lameness, it could easily become a camp classic on the order of "Grease 2" and "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."

Tacky-looking, incoherent, badly acted and hopelessly directed disaster is easily the dullest adventure film of 2000.

It makes so little sense on-screen that all you can do is nod along vaguely sympathetically at its sheer creative bravado.

A laughably bad B-thriller.

Except for Brolin as an unlikely born-again Jew, nobody fares well under Mulroney's ham-fisted direction.

A comedy for no ages, has an amazing amount of CGI - Cuba Gooding Incompetence.

So awful it qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.

Makes little attempt to be credible or original. And the acting is poor.

Is it never funny? No, it’s not never funny. It’s just not funny nearly often enough.

Stinko movies often unwittingly critique themselves -- and the brain-dead romantic comedy Down to You (which Miramax understandably didn't screen in advance for critics) is no exception.

Aspires to be a highly stylized exploration of the mind of a serial killer, but it's nothing more than a gory, bloodsoaked snuff film, reveling in its own shock value.

Director Anthony Leonardi, in his feature debut, litters the film with inconsistencies.

It’s not great art (in fact, it’s pretty low-rent CGI), but it’s passably entertaining.

Unwatchably bad.

Please restore my eyes to factory settings. They have seen The Emoji Movie, a new exercise in soulless branding, aimed primarily at little kids.

So patchy in its laughs, so calculated in its grossness and so lacking in genuine comic exuberance, it makes you look at "Road Trip" in an admiring new light.

So unremittingly awful that labeling it a dog probably constitutes cruelty to canines.

No one but a convict guilty of some truly heinous crime should have to sit through The Master of Disguise, an unbearably tedious and unfunny comedy.