Sucky vampire flick.

Filmmaker Josh Stolberg claims to have been inspired by real-life events, but mostly he ineptly rips off other movies and wastes a cast that includes Rosanna Arquette, Adam Arkin and Elizabeth Perkins.

At the end, as Shadyac proclaims, "I stopped flying privately" (well, hurrah for you, Mahatma), renounces his Pasadena mansion and moves into a trailer park, the results of his epiphany grow funnier than any of his movies.

The result is mystifying - intentionally so - and frustrating. But it's worth a look.

The minimalist style keeps the suspense warm. The movie is unusual among teen horror flicks in that it largely avoids the usual cheap thrills and bursts of scare music. Instead, it carefully repeats isolated images and sound bites until they take on a shivery power.

Yes, it’s gross, and no, it’s not remotely original.

For John Cusack in Cell, the bad news is that his phone just ran out of juice. The good news, sort of, is that those who are on their phones were just attacked by a piercing signal that turned them into flesh-munching zombies.

It's funnier than "Bedazzled," which isn't saying much.

Lame spoof.

The cinematic equivalent of enduring a cross-country airplane flight trapped in a seat next to a manic depressive.

Well-meant but rambling little indie melodrama.

Alas, the laughs - courtesy of screenwriters J. Mackye Gruber and Eric Bress and director David R. Ellis - are unintentional.

The movie spins further and further into coincidence and incoherence.

You can't get this kind of full-on sensory-jolt anywhere else, not legally anyway. "Sharkboy" will be equally beloved in elementary schools and in college dorms.

Dryly comic, arch, sleek, and suffused with mood-setting tracks by the likes of X and Depeche Mode, Electric Slide has some of the mordant absurdity of the novels of Bret Easton Ellis. Like its dim hero, it’s going nowhere, but traveling in style.

Situations get increasingly ridiculous, and none of the characters ever seems like anything but a screenwriter's sketch.

The acting, script and direction - not to mention the syrupy score - conspire to make this a perfect storm of a hoot that will find its most appreciative audience among renters who have had a few glasses of wine beforehand.

It's something old, it's something new, it's something borrowed and it's something that blows.

Remember how "Double Indemnity" featured smart criminals and a smarter investigator? The indie film If I Didn't Care, with its dumb criminals and dumb cops, is a sort of "Double Stupidity."

Without any believable characters or situations, Reindeer Games is about as appealing as leftover Christmas fruitcake.

A lazy coffee-table book of a movie,

Far from perfect, but it holds your interest as a character study because of strong performances by Daniels and Stone.

An excruciating indie knockoff of "Training Day."

Cage and director Joel Schumacher, who has fallen so far from the A-list that he provokes a demand for new letters of the alphabet after Z, have each found their cinematic soulmates.

The plot, however, comes with twists you can spot as far off as a Himalayan peak. The dialogue is heavily expository, and the actors are not up to the task of breathing life into characters meant to symbolize the Spirit of the Afghan People or the Nature of Evil.

If the script serves any purpose at all, it is to allow jocks to show off their buff bodies. They're hot, but not worth 12 bucks at the box office.

The bite and bark of Underdog are both pretty awful, but little kids might take this pooch for a walk.

Sir, no, sir.