Passing and shooting in these high-scoring battles is as easy as squeezing the trigger on an Uzi, but complicated button-mashing for trick moves, muddy graphics, and a schizophrenic soundtrack of Method Man, TLC, and Foo Fighters all draw red cards.

Like the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is quite an ambitious undertaking. Unlike the movie, it doesn’t consistently deliver the goods.

(Like some supermodels), there isn’t much to it beyond its looks.

Pac’s newest adventure involves playing cheesy boards and minigames with his sappy friends (obviously his wife’s pals), who look like they hopped out of a Barney video.

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

Too bad repetitive action, mediocre graphics, and a limited kraut’s-eye-view perspective make slaying Private Ryan and company as predictable as an episode of "Hogan’s Heroes."

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

You do get to take on all of the classic villains in Metropolis—Braniac 13 and Lex Luthor, among others—but not before fighting through a number of mind-numbing missions with unrecognizable characters.

Problem is, it ain't nuthin' we ain't seen before. When not running from the cops a la "Driver," you're making deliveries like in "Crazy Taxi"—both of which would be a lot more fun if your rig wasn't slow and sluggish like Eminem with his medicine.

There’s no ear biting in Tyson’s animated repertoire (damn!), but there’re plenty of other ways to rearrange your opponent’s face—even though you won’t recognize any of them.

Passing and shooting in these high-scoring battles is as easy as squeezing the trigger on an Uzi, but complicated button-mashing for trick moves, muddy graphics, and a schizophrenic soundtrack of Method Man, TLC, and Foo Fighters all draw red cards.

Yes, it’s half-amusing to see Marge do a 360 with her beehive do for, oh, about 10 seconds, but really, let’s just keep the skateboarding to experts like Bart and Tony Hawk.

Pathetically boring.

Pathetically boring.

This is not the kind of game you’ll enjoy slogging through on your own, but played with a group of other Simpsons fanatics it’s a pretty good time.

The crappy graphics and gameplay aren’t worth stomaching, especially for a PG-rated peep show.

There’s just no way to make Aquaman more exciting than beached jellyfish. It’s time to let the scaly superhero sleep with the fishes already.