It may not appease the history buffs, but it will delight the trigger-happy.

Splintered wooden furniture doubles as vampire vaporizing shivs to expand on your already wide variety of exterminating capabilities.

Once you get past all the gamesmanship, you can concentrate on bitch-slapping Mother Nature by creating twisted beasts that would make Jack Hanna brown his khakis.

Difficult navigation and slow play require Zen-like patience, but riches await the persistent. You’ll revel in a bowel-loosening atmosphere, brain-twisting puzzles, and voice acting surpassed in horror only by "My Slutty Wife XIX."

If the ensuing police brutality doesn’t mold you into the model Wheelman, then having to endure those whiny English cop sirens surely will.

The problem here is Blitz is a lot like Jerry Springer: if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all. This year’s edition does little to dispel that theory, since it comes with only a handful of new features, none of which include online play.

Drivables—from hearses to school buses to muscle cars—all handle differently, but their arcade-style ease nicely compliments an overall dumb-ass experience that’s as fun as getting a bellyful of corn liquor and chasing a greased piglet.

[Its] shortcomings make it hard to recommend if you’ve bought a previous edition in the past, but it’s just so damn fun to play and watch that it might be worth picking up anyway.

Action fans might balk at what sounds like a standard role-playing game opening, but Sudeki soon bursts into the most intense, bone-crunching combat you'll find on any platform.

Even if a pirate tale doesn’t shiver your timbers, the Lara Croft–like design of Kat will surely raise your mast.

Unfortunately, when it comes to actual racing, FlatOut is about as interesting as a public service announcement for seatbelts.

Both the solo and multiplayer options deliver the explosive goods, but for maximum entertainment value try betting with friends on the strategy-based Conquest mode. Loser has to sponge-bathe Jabba!

Now we don’t mean to be football snobs here, but there’s just something wrong when a downfield bomb takes longer to drop than the Goodyear blimp. Just ask the unconscious wide receiver that got clocked by a safety waiting for it to come down.

Sure, most of the game is from left field, but there’s actually enough realistic action to satisfy golf cart owners.

And with the engaging story, plus the graphic-novel presentation (boxes of action and text are constantly popping up on-screen), this truth is worth uncovering.

With Heroes, D&D has severed its dorky roots in favor of fast-paced, arcade-style hackin' 'n' slashin'.

At last you’ll infiltrate the secret lair, where you’ll discover…you’ve been playing a very standard-issue game.

Easy-to-master controls, new camera angles, customizable teams, legendary players like Babe Ruth and Jackie Robinson—don’t wait for Mother Nature’s lazy ass; spring starts now.

And while it's more of a tech demo than a test of reflexes, after a long day of crime and combat, it's just what your overworked thumbs need.

We could have done without the ads for Toyota (what is this, a movie preview?), but the slamming soundtrack and retro touches—the 1995 version of EA's game is included—should help bring the league one step closer to atoning for the Charlotte Bobcats.

If you think the best parts of movies involve explosions, car chases, and death-defying leaps (is there anything else?), then this homage to Hollywood’s unsung lunatics is just the thing for you.

Take one part "Grand Theft Auto" and one part car combat game "Twisted Metal Black." Mix, ingest, and vomit. Stare wistfully into bowl. What could have been a great game—car carnage with heavy artillery against gangs in cities devastated by a mysterious plague—is only mediocre.

Vexx is a curiously grim exercise featuring gargantuan free-form levels fraught with danger and a surprisingly combat-heavy fighting system of combos, uppercuts, and vicious slashes.

Luckily, the smooth controls guarantee that all you'll have to worry about is dribbling paint and bumbling cops.

Ultra-deep.

Unfortunately, when it comes to actual racing, FlatOut is about as interesting as a public service announcement for seatbelts.

Final bonus: Unlike most games of this sort, Bloody Roar 3 allows you to knock your opponent through walls instead of just into them.

Such virtual destruction may once have seemed innocent, but these days the whole thing hits a little close to home.