Say it with us: Poorly implemented gimmicks do not make for entertaining games. [July 2004, p.89]

Merely an average action game featuring an overly sexy protagonist and an entertaining combat engine held back by myriad game-breaking glitches. [Jan 2005, p.106]

It's technically competent, but Crash NKR does not offer a gaming experience anyone would call fun. [Jan 2004, p.56]

If you're looking for a faithful and compelling GTA adventure, you'll likely be disappointed. [Feb 2005, p.84]

PT is not worth your time or money. Almost every aspect of the game feels rushed. [June 2004, p.91]

A hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach.

A rousing, gravelly, NFL Films-style introduction immediately gives way to slippery, sloppy, and outdated PS2 football. [Oct 2003, p.69]

"Fu-Ma" (the included game) is both useless and boring. It's blurry graphics and awkward control (in an RPG?!) provide a sickening surety that no matter how much time you spend in design, the final result won't be worth playing. [Feb 2004, p.88]

Sporting spiffy 3D graphics but little in the way of bang for the buck, Tao Feng quickly sinks into mediocrity and takes up permanent residence there. [May 2003, p.65]

These ladies are hamstrung by weak animation, dinner-theater accents, and brain-dead A.I., and you can't appreciate their asses - uh, assets thorugh the long-range camera or motion-blurred replays. [Sept 2003, p.69]

Then there's the weak, arbitrary enemy A.I., the impenetrable interface, and the absurdly incomplete documentation. [June 2003, p.70]

A hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach.

Surma's camera is a hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach. [Feb 2004, p.86]

Incredibly dull and uninspired, full of weird A.I. behaviors, bad graphics, and crushingly boring ennvironments. [May 2003, p.72]

The only thing unreal that awakened while playing this game was the uncontrollable urge to vomit. [May 2004, p.80]

While DBS2 does an admirable job of capturing the platform jumping and heated brawling of Nintendo's more famous franchise, the game still falls flat. [Oct 2003, p.80]

The graphics are horribly bland, the freeways never end, and apparently all of Tokyo's traffic is represented by a single yellow van. [Feb 2004, p.91]

Boring and repetitive... The best part of the game is when Vanessa flaunts her futuristic T&A as the credits roll. That's right, it's more fun than playing the game. [Oct 2003, p.73]

But, as usually happens when you try to put too many spices in your gumbo, the whole thing would up tasting like an armpit. [June 2004, p.91]

Looks like it should be a fun game, but when you spend some time with it, it makes you want to chew your arm off. [Oct 2003, p.66]

Fails at almost every level. The framerate shudders like a dying horse. [June 2004, p.86]

As passive entertainment, ETM isn't bad...As interactive entertainment (as a game, that is), this Matrix is quite simply spectacularly average. [Aug 2003, p.76]

If hauling junk from A to B holds any sort of appeal, it withers in record time. [Aug 2003, p.72]

If you play only one game set in Middle-earth this year, don't make it this one.

Misses on just about every cylinder. [May 2003, p.71]

It's a dull action-heavy first-person shooter emphasizing run-and-gun play rather than tactical warfare - with some noticeable slowdown when enemies and friendlies clog the screen. [Aug 2004, p.96]

Since the fighting lacks rhythm and finesse, pounding one button can and will defeat a player who's foolishly making a good-faith effort to control his character. [July 2003, p.78]

If you play only one game set in Middle-earth this year, don't make it this one.