Even without the Monkey Island penis envy factored in, this is a shipwreck of a game. [Apr 2012, p.86]

Rather than end with a big bang, this videogame series goes out like a damp squib. [Oct 2011, p.92]

Rough textures don't help. [Oct 2013, p.71]

The graphics would shame a third-party N64 game - theyr'e that bad. [Mar 2007, p.74]

There's farming, but little of the promised "simulation". [Dec 2013, p.73]

A miserable, awkward and unsatisfying excuse for a pool game. [Oct 2008, p.85]

A botched attempt to borrow ideas from the best has produced a shocker of a game. [May 2009, p.70]

Any potential for campy fun disperses upon pressing the power button. [Oct 2010, p.86]

Sure, there's a neat Muramasa-ness to the inky visuals, but we shouldn't have to endure such combat tedium in order to appreciate them. Yuck. [Sept 2012, p.107]

A great idea that's thoroughly undone by leaden platforming and cut-and-paste puzzles. [Jan 2016, p.76]

Has no depth, no polish, and no point. [June 2009, p.81]

It's an unforgivably sloppy game. But even if it wasn't broken, it would still be fairly rubbish. [May 2014, p.76]

Blame the combat system; it's rudimentary and unwieldy. [Sept 2010, p.104]

Let's hope Hogan wraps his 24-inch pythons around the neck of the guy responsible for this. [Mar 2010, p.77]

Despite its original premise, it ultimately brings nothing new to the already long overmined RPG parody genre beyond a pretty uninteresting twist on combat. [June 2018, p.84]

A point-'n'-click with minimal pointing and telegraphed clicking. NCIS fan? Still avoid this. [Feb 2012, p.98]

The combat is mind-numbing. [Feb 2013, p.77]

A disaster. [July 2013, p.79]

Weak strategy built around a minigame that's okay for coffee breaks on your PC but not so great for Xbox Live. [Christmas 2009, p.80]

This is a Dogg turd. [Aug 2013, p.67]

Further proof that games and movies should just stay the hell away from each other. [Dec 2016, p.83]

Dull missions, repetitive combat and dreary level design. [Oct 2010, p.87]

A disgrace. When double jumps aren't the worst part, something's gone terribly wrong. [Dec 2015, p.78]

Logic, as well as quality, seems to have taken an early night. [May 2015, p.83]

The game comes first, not the business model. [March 2014, p.85]

Even the combat is ancient and frustrating. [Aug 2015, p.78]

A poor game with next to no modes, excitement or stuff to recommend it. [July 2006, p.84]

At least you can wince through it in just 20 minutes. [Jan 2013, p.83]