A strange thing happens when you review a game as bad as DARK. You get really, really good at it. So desperate was I to be done, to not think about it again, to not deal with the save system, that by the end I fashioned myself into a kind of DARK savant, flitting around levels with as much ease as the game would permit and a certain kind of Dark Souls-powered, no-room-for-error concentration. So far that reason, I’m sort of glad I played it. And for one other reason: so I can tell everyone else to never, ever play DARK.

Just like the island of Montague’s Mount is empty, so too is this game. There’s no substance — just darkness, rain, and the airy affectation of what “emotional” games should be like. But emotions are more than sad-looking photos, plodding pace, quiet narration and soft violin music. In Montague’s Mount, just like that ethereal mountain, emotion is decidedly absent. All that’s left is boredom.