If you've seen one "Scream" rip-off, you really have seen them all.

Almost unbearable.

Re-adjust the levels of cinematic hell, because "Porky's" just got bumped up a notch.

It's just another bad horror film with inadequate young actors chased around a big house by something.

Dreadful suspense piece that has "Mystery Science Theater" appeal written all over it.

The worst thing you can accuse an unutterably bad movie of is sincerity.

Horribly slapdash affair.

Silly teen thriller.

Do not bring children to this movie unless you want them to have nightmares for weeks.

Floating this material slightly above the assembly-line level is the energetic cast and the efforts of writer-director Kris Isacsson.

Could have afforded to be a little loftier and still be quite funny. Instead, it's a waste.

Scary Movie 5 is so massively un-enjoyable, a hate crime against cinema, a ringing indictment of the depths commercialism will go to in search of the lowest common denominator.