It becomes clear all too quickly that “puppets say swears” is all the film has to offer, so it’s a slog to sit through the remaining seventy minutes of that same joke, repeated ad nauseam.

While the flagrant product placement is dialed back (at least on Bay’s curve) and there’s mercifully 100% less discussion of sexual consent laws this time around, the latest outing suffers from arguably the most fatal flaw a movie about giant fighting robots can: it’s brutally and relentlessly boring from start to finish.

Drawing from a host of late-nineties influences but doing nothing with them, Terminal is little more than a shallow exercise in dated crime movie pastiche.

Adam Mason’s Songbird is about boring people getting mad that they’re stuck inside, and the government is oppressing them, and they’ll soon fly free or whatever.

At 100 minutes, with just enough digital chutzpah to keep everyone reasonably amused and never quite annoyed, Dolittle is tolerably fine.

For a film that hinges so much on the chemistry and charm of its two leads, it’s tough to recommend The Choice on even those grounds.

Rio, I Love You is worth a passing look for its pot of talent.

Dumb as hell, gory as can be, and reliant on the hilarious idea of Stallone traveling at the speed of sound to ambush a few dozen cartel soldiers.

Rings is too beholden with current trends to truly exploit the potential it displays in its early going.

Gods of Egypt is a dull, meandering, plastic mess of pre-2002 CGI and performances as flat as the green screens behind them.

When the film isn’t simply boring, it becomes unintentionally hilarious in its occasionally inept production.

When people talk about Hollywood movies feeling more and more like product, this is what they’re driving at.

The only subtlety to be found is in the performance of singer and actress Charlotte Gainsbourg, though it’s her co-star, Jim Carrey, who will be the subject of most of this strange, ugly film’s discussion. And why not? It’s a bizarre, fascinating turn for Carrey.

It is not a bad film because of its sincerity of intention. It’s a bad film because it manages to make that sincerity feel disingenuous as it goes on, more and more so with each passing scene.

The end result is a finished product which smacks of Universal optioning a hot Scandi novel, losing enthusiasm for it during development and production, and leaving audiences with the remaining carrots and coal.

It would have been one thing to settle for vapid sentimentality, but what makes The Sea of Trees so galling, as it turns the afterlife into a game of riddles, is how manipulative it is.

While Yoga Hosers continues Smith’s quest to push himself into increasingly strange and uncomfortable directions as a filmmaker, it’s either too derivative or too malformed to work the vast majority of the time.

The Do-Over isn’t Sandler at his best, but it’s also not quite as putrid as what we’ve come to expect from him lately.

There’s something particularly galling about the laziness of this one — its flimsy gestures toward topicality, the piecemeal nature of the whole thing — that makes its failures acutely horrifying.

There is a tone of anger that sneaks out of the film in even its moments of levity.

Ultimately Fantasy Island’s four-for-the-price-of-one narrative and its excruciating hour-and-50-minute runtime doom it. The film is visually bland, lacks charismatic characters or interesting backstories, and long overstays its welcome with an egregiously protracted third act that feels interminable.

Geostorm finds itself in the curious position of simultaneously taking itself too seriously and not enough so. It’s a disaster movie far too ridiculous to generate any real gravitas, but it’s also just glum enough to suck any fun out of watching the beaches of Rio de Janeiro freeze over in an instant.

If for one second you forget the diverging script, the weak direction, and Efron’s limitations, there’s something to be amused by with De Niro’s flagrantly foul-mouthed, horned-up grandfather figure.

Though Life Itself is neither good nor “so bad it’s good,” it’s also such a bizarre, inexplicable film that it’s almost worth seeking out just to experience it for yourself. For those who want to watch a worthwhile family melodrama, however, just stick with This Is Us.

Every second grates and confuses in equal measure, with nary a thrill of inventive, exciting action filmmaking to break up the monotony.

Like the Hollywood it tries to lampoon, in its way, The Fanatic comes across as shallow. It is, as they say in the biz, a flop.

Whatever you think about Adam Sandler right now, The Ridiculous 6 won’t change your mind. If you love him, you’ll love this; if you hate him, you’ll get plenty of ammo here.

The film’s script is designed to constantly flatter the sensibilities of its target audience, which is a nice enough goal, but it never seems to reflect the way that people actually speak, think, or behave. At best it’s corny, and at its worst it’s actively offensive.

Describing Melania as a documentary implies that there’s meaningful, thoughtful intention to its construction, which is very much not the case. Call it a document, instead, of 20 days in the First Lady’s life circa January 2025, with all the weight and depth of a Post-it.

Hillary’s America is repugnant, and while it exists to get people who stand against it yelled at as much as anything, it’s essential that D’Souza not simply be written off as a hack pandering to a willing and lucrative audience regardless of the moral implications, though he is. D’Souza peddles the kind of “media” that’s become cancerous to the country he unyieldingly purports to worship.

For a film where not much ultimately happens, per se, Cronies is a thoughtful reflection on nostalgia and how the sins of the past affect the present.

Posthumous still manages to charm more often than it disappoints.

XOXO is goofy and stickily sweet, like a mystery lollipop handed to you at an Avicii concert, but the film also lacks a strong take on the culture it’s documenting. It’s full of rave and fury, signifying nothing.

Too often Girlfriend’s Day feels like it’s making things up as it goes along, unafraid to introduce another contrived plot device because there are no real rules preventing it from doing so.

Shimmer Lake’s climax does a fine job of bringing together its disparate parts for a resolution that’s surprising, effective, and logical.

May It Last isn’t just a portrait of a band, it’s a scrapbook of a family, one that’s thorough, funny, and full of larger-than-life stories that will tickle the funny bone as often as they bruise the heart.

It’s insulting. Unfunny. Blunt. It’ll leave a hell of a bitter taste in the mouths of general audiences and horror nuts alike.

Ánimas packs a lot into its 90 minutes, and occasionally suffers for it. There’s a dourness to the movie, a self-seriousness that won’t make it anyone’s favorite escapist flick. But while it wears its themes on its sleeve, they remain undoubtedly striking and thought-provoking, especially in an age where the issue of mental illness is being discussed on a global scale.

Horror Noire will also open doors for horror fans both old and new, while also reminding them that the can take these movies at much more than face value.

Grass Is Greener may ultimately be preaching to the chorus, but its simple messaging could draw in people who enjoy getting high, but aren’t fully aware of the broader political implications. As uses for streaming services go, there are far worse ways to burn down an afternoon.

For the band’s devotees, it’s a trip down memory lane and a true celebration of Metallica and their musical prowess. Isham captures an upbeat, positive energy from both the crowd and the performers, bringing the show to life as it happened rather than try to mask the shiny new surroundings with cinematic flourishes.

The film is certainly worthy of a legendary metal band like Slayer. The inclusion of Live at the Forum makes the package even sweeter, documenting the band’s latter era as they approach the end of their touring career. Thanks to Johnson and Isham, the band finally has the proper visual supplement they deserve.

The Pool is easily one of the best single location, high concept thrillers of the year. While its social commentary on abortion feels a tad old-fashioned, the action sequences and the escalating threats make for a great time at the movies.

Brimming with genuine enthusiasm and chill-inducing moments of earnest joy, We Are The Thousand highlights the absolute best that music and humanity has to offer.

In What Drives Us, Grohl reminds us of the transcendent, transformative power of live music on both sides of the stage and makes the itch to get back in the pit that much more tantalizing. It gets lost a few times along the way to its destination, but the journey is certainly a lot of fun.

Whether pressing play as a longtime fan of BTS or someone curious about the buzzy headliner at last year’s Lollapalooza, j-hope IN THE BOX is a deeply rewarding look at the creative process for one of the biggest artists around. What’s more, even for those who haven’t yet heard music from j-hope or the group, those who understand the struggle of an artist will walk away feeling seen and encouraged.

SUGA: Road to D-Day is an hour and 20 minutes well spent for any BTS fan, of course. Beyond that, though, it’s a great introduction to the personality behind one-third of the group’s rapline and a personal look at one-seventh of one of the biggest acts on the planet right now.

In Heartbreakers Beach Party, Crowe is ten years into his career as a music journalist, and does seem to have internalized these lessons to some degree. What he’s learned is how to seem like the band’s friend, which makes the film’s most honest and revealing moments possible. But there’s still enough fan in him for the film to ultimately feel like a celebration of their work.