Harpoon

Epic Pictures Group | Release Date: October 4, 2019

6.1	USER SCORE Generally favorable reviews based on 10 Ratings

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JumpCut_OnlineOct 20, 2019

Rob Grant’s horror-comedy may only have a run time of 82 minutes, but thanks to its strong writing and tenacious performances from all three of its actors, it’s a dark, twisted tale that will have you hook, line, and sinker. This film couldRob Grant’s horror-comedy may only have a run time of 82 minutes, but thanks to its strong writing and tenacious performances from all three of its actors, it’s a dark, twisted tale that will have you hook, line, and sinker. This film could have easily gone off course and become another forgettable ‘stranded out at sea’ flick, but the talent showcased both in front and behind the camera are evidence this ship would have been hard to sink.… Expand

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DawdlingPoetAug 9, 2022

In terms of a gross out, bloody violent horror thriller film, this isn't bad. It keeps you guessing and there are some shocks and suddent action to take you by surprise. Its not constant or excessively over the top but what bloody violenceIn terms of a gross out, bloody violent horror thriller film, this isn't bad. It keeps you guessing and there are some shocks and suddent action to take you by surprise. Its not constant or excessively over the top but what bloody violence there is, its pretty gory...think blood, self harm. There's some narration telling the viewer about supposed bad luck relating to historical events and pop culture. I don't know how accurate it is but its kind of interesting. Not the most original of this sort of film, its not the best but not the worst, if you know what I mean. It is darkly comic, very dark comedy but its there, yes.

You may feel the ending to be a bit disappointing.… Expand

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hnestlyontheslyMar 30, 2020

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Harpoon is a slippery eel of a movie, actually more of an idea of a movie, a wisp of a dream, like a teenager slagging off on his homework til the last moment.

First off, it’s important to mention the narrator of this movie is played by Brett Gelman, everyone’s first pick to play an **** whether its in Netflix’s Stranger Things or Love or Amazon’s Fleabag. For whatever reason when I was trying to think of a dumb recent horror film to watch and his name popped up with a bunch of 20 somethings I thought, I will enjoy this combination of opposites, like watching a sweaty mole wrestle three pristine lizard eggs into submission. Brett Gelman is not featured as a character in this movie, however. At no point is his point of view explained. He is not one of the characters in the future or the past. He is no one’s “head voice,” as in the case of Elijah Wood in Wilfred or the Hormone Monster Maury in Big Mouth. He doesn’t show up later to rescue any of the kids or as the father of a character. Brett Gelman is, as far as I can tell, shooting from the hip, calling the shots, and making **** up about character’s backstories and the superstitions of the high seas whenever he wants to.

After looking through some lists of the worst horror films of the year, I read this portentously laconic synopsis from IMDb: “Rivalries, dark secrets, and sexual tension emerge when three best friends find themselves stranded on a yacht in the middle of the ocean desperate for survival.” So I naturally assumed that this movie would feature sex or at least sexual creatures. Instead, the film takes big risks by featuring two young boys whose most ardent struggle in life seems to be trying to grow out what meager facial hair they can before murdering each other on the high seas. And though the three twenty-somethings are locked in an erotic triangle, the film lacks any chemistry between the characters, probably because (spoiler) it relies heavily on a twist in which the boy next door that we’re meant to root for is, in fact, the boy next door who stabbed a pregnant ex gf to death in order to help out his rich best friend Rich (ugh stupid pun, but at least this movie found a way to make it work) because otherwise Rich would break up with the girl Jonah’s been pining after for years even though she would rather date Rich. Phew. It doesn’t help that Rich is also the son of a mob boss who has definitely killed some people. Also, he’s been cheating on Sasha consistently after he was caught doing so last year.

This point on Sasha’s sexual fidelity is actually of interest to Friend and me. First off, why isn’t Sasha more angry that Jonah has kept her in the dark about her boyfriend and his best friend’s sexual infidelity? She reacts strongly to the fact that Rich has been lying but doesn’t dwell very much on the fact that Jonah’s been complicit. The false equivalence (this term seems to be cropping up more lately) that Rich draws between his own patterns of infidelity and the admission by Jonah and Sasha that they’ve slept together once doesn’t seem all that fair or measured. Rich’s character pingpongs between icy cool and murderous rage for a lot of this movie, and, don’t get me wrong, he’s reminiscent of a young Charlie Hunnam (praise be) when he’s being badass, but he lacks the charm and swagger of a should-be-equal foil to Jonah. Sasha’s two choices for romance seem to be creep and brute, which feels a little stupid, but maybe that is the core of this suspense movie, the feeling of being trapped between two equally unappealing choices.

Speaking of unappealing, probably the only thing that kept this movie from being truly great was the fact that the folley artist was given horse tranquilizers before she started work on the final cut. A loud, delayed glass break sound as Jonah–ever-so-lightly–tosses a family photo into a cardboard box foreshadows some harder-to-miss sound effects, like the GLUG-GLUG-GLUGGING of the teaspoon of seagull blood each of our trio sips out of a Tupperware container. On a whole, these sound mishaps speak to a larger truth about Harpoon: this movie is better to watch if you know it’s bad going in–if you’re aware that Rich is going to try to act his heart out “treading water” in 3ft of water with shallow sandbars in all directions, if you’re already on board (so to speak) with the fact that the entirety of the movie will be references to past events that we have no knowledge of or flashbacks to, if you know that there are going to be multiple straw-picking scenes in a row (first to choose who to eat, then who to kill, including the person being eaten). It’s important that the viewer of this movie knows that the harpoon isn’t going to be a major element of the movie.

Harpoon is an excellent movie for anyone who needs something to listen to while sanitizing their groceries.… Expand

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JLauSep 27, 2020

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Loser guy kills his best friend after standing them on a boat because he got pity-laid by the guy's girlfriend and now he wuvs her.… Expand

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