G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is full of things that make you go "hmm." Why do midlevel checkpoints update your score but not save your game, forcing you to restart from the beginning if both characters die? If you're going to steal from Gears of War, why steal the slow-walking, earpiece-cradling mission updates?

It’s messy, it’s stale, and traces of it will linger with you for days. And the worst part of it all? You paid for this garbage.

The most enjoyable part of the game would have to be the unlockable Public Service Announcements from the old cartoon show. But chances are, you could save the cash and look them up online. And, trust us, you would be very well served by saving that cash.

Overall, this game is a very basic shoot-‘em-up that lacks any sort of cerebral engagement, and hence feels very lightweight and far too easy to play.

An awful game based on a mediocre action-movie. Gets dull very soon and has too many glitches.

The movie was pretty cool, the game is the total opposite of it. Poor graphics, bad audio and ridiculous bad gameplay. At every point the game is failing. One of the baddest games of the year.

Those patient enough to suffer through the initial gameplay inadequacies are rewarded with horrible, low-quality cutscenes, a “special” Accelerator Suit ability that often drains during said cutscenes, unreachable power-ups that hover just out of grasp, the worst vehicle controls I’ve used in years, and voice overacting that makes the guy who says “killing spree” in Unreal Tournament sound understated.

There's nothing redeeming about this game other than some decent surround-sound effects and the closing credits.

The Rise of Cobra's biggest problems aren't in the way it uses the license -- the problems are that, on anything but the lowest difficulty setting, the game is unnecessarily unforgiving and uses a completely counter-intuitive health regeneration system.

A pointed lesson to other designers that including co-op, especially local co-op, is a great value-add to even an otherwise totally worthless game.

Despite the fact that the game is based on a bad movie, Double Helix have managed to create a game that's even worse. The graphics and controls go head to head to see who's the worst, but to be honest they both equally awful.

There isn't much left to say about G.I. Joe. G.I. Joe is a dash of good in a landfill of bad. The one caveat is that if you play with a friend, it is possible to have fun but it won't solve any of the flagrant flaw.

It seems like this has been churned out to make a quick buck on the back of the film. [Issue#183, p.77]

Every little thing about it, from the bland presentation to the dead-simple gameplay, conspires to make the final product incredibly lame. It has the depth of a bad downloadable game with the price tag of a full-on retail release. It's the worst of both worlds. And now you know.

G. I. JOE.: The Rise of Cobra is simply a game to avoid.

Who am I kidding? I’ve tried, but this game is just rubbish. Utter crap. Another steaming pile of movie-based compost to throw on the pile. Avoid this game like your brain depended on it.

Between the camera and targeting woes, generally clunky gameplay, and a complete inability to capture the essence of what makes the G.I. Joe franchise fun and exciting in the first place—the game is a complete failure.