V.A. Musetto

Too bad it lacks a substantial story to go along with the kick-ass combat scenes.

Tykwer exhibits a fondness for split screens and other eye candy but no interest in formalities like character and plot development. By the time we reach the kitchy final scene, we've had our fill of visual tricks.

Performances are up to par, but the story unfolds conventionally - it lacks the fragmented fury of its predecessor. You might call it "City of God Lite."

It's a touching story that deserves to be told. Unfortunately, Slesin's presentation is conventional and uninspired (lots of boring talking heads). These heroes deserve better.

It would have been funnier at half that length.

The film is conventional in style and is likely to mean more to the sadly forgotten musician's fans than to others.

Pretty but tedious Euro-pap at its most self-indulgent.

If you go to the movies to ogle topless young women, Simon is definitely for you. If, on the other hand, you want something more cerebral with your $10 ticket and overpriced snacks, stay clear of this Dutch melodrama.

Has little to offer beyond titillation and pretty landscapes.

Adams and the school's students and teachers deserve an A-plus, although the film rates a much lower grade. It unfolds lifelessly, as Binzer parades a contingent of talking heads before the camera in what could pass for an infomercial.

A movie more interested in shocking than in entertaining.

Schmaltzy and contrived.

The film is light on those kitschy musical numbers that make Bollywood movies fun to watch.

It's a worthy idea, but the uninspired scripts, acting and direction never rise above the level of an after-school TV special.

Deadly dull.

Why make a documentary about these marginal historical figures? Wouldn't one about their famous dad, author of "Death in Venice," etc., be more valuable?

There are a few scares, but not enough to make up for the murky script.

Provides a few minor thrills, but overall is talky and implausible.

A bland look at professional surfing.

Director Ferzan Ozpetek's film doesn't break any new ground; rather, it recycles every cliché about gays in what is essentially an extended soap opera.

The story is superficial at best. And the movie is too long.

The landscape cinematography is often eye-pleasing, but the script is labored, filled with clichés and never allows for character development.

Beautiful but boring.

Lackluster anime.

Fails to elicit any substantive information from his (Tommy Davis) subjects. And he fails to put their plight into perspective.

Allah made me funny - not.

A lightweight French comedy worth watching only for Cecile de France. The gamine actress - decked out in short reddish hair, black tights and a thigh-high mini - is charming as Jessica.

The comedy is without distinction and the conclusion is melodramatic. I must note that ads for the film are misleading because they give no hint of the dark side of The Bubble.

Your baby is near death. Instead of dropping everything to save his life, you make sure the video camera keeps rolling.

Fails to grab the imagination as it unfolds in familiar TV-movie fashion.

A documentary hardly anybody has been waiting for.

Katie Aselton has achieved the seemingly impossible. She's turned a movie about sex into a boring, talky snooze.

Harper and the film's director, Jeremy Kagan, try valiantly, but they are unable to bring Meir to life or hold viewers' attentions.

It is a boring parade of talking heads and technical gibberish that will do little to advance the Linux cause. Try again, guys.

While the original was an art-house success, this English-language redo, now getting a one-week run after sitting on the shelf for a year and a half, doesn't measure up.

It's an interesting story, but the presentation is more like a home movie than something you'd pay to see in a theater.

Will go down in history as the movie that showed a turtle getting an enema. It also features a hot performance by Marguerite Moreau.

Sillen drags out generic talking heads who say generic things about Bernstein, a generic boho. The film might suffice if you're looking for something to watch on cable TV some early morning. But it isn't worth the hassle and expense of going to a theater.

Colpaert makes nice use of blue and green hues, and he makes some valid points about the Iraqi war. But the script lacks coherence and ends with a 180-degree flip that lessens the impact of what has gone before.

So beautifully filmed (as if through a gauze curtain), it is especially sad that the script doesn't measure up.

The NYU film grad steals liberally from Woody (especially "Annie Hall") - from camera placement to body language to plot twists to the whole Ingmar Bergman thing. That's not necessarily bad, if the project works. This one doesn't - it just annoys.

Is nothing sacred? In the schizophrenic war epic The War lords, Jet Li, the hunky action hero, cries -- no, make that sobs -- several times. What will his legion of young male fans think?

Wavers uncomfortably between satire and dime-store existentialism on the big screen. It's sort of as if Charlie Kaufman rewrote "The Fountain."

The result is a hodgepodge of plots and styles, a fault compounded by stiff acting and, except for a few scenes, wooden direction.

A self-indulgent work.

Here the characters aren't compelling enough to ask viewers to give their brains a workout to determine exactly what's going on.

Director Jacob Rosenberg makes heavy use of family photos and talking heads, but the person we want most to hear from, Way himself, is largely missing. Go figure.

After Fall, Winter would play better minus at least half an hour of flab.

A plot? Tony Jaa don't need no stinking plot.

The movie's only redeeming qualities are its stars.

But by the time events unfold, viewers will most likely have given up on this melodramatic.

Gil Kofman has an interesting and funny story to tell in his documentary Unmade in China. Too bad he spends more time talking about himself than detailing his misadventures in Xiamen, China, population 3.67 million.

The preachy movie is hardly worth the hassle and money required to see it in a theater. Better to download it or wait for it to pop up on TV.

Lilien is an amateur filmmaker, and his movie -- which at times is more about Lilien than Pale Male -- shows it.

Might have worked as a travelogue, minus the story. In its present form, it is hardly worth the $10 you will be asked to fork over at the box office.

Something high schoolers might yawn through in history class, but they have no choice. You do.

Clichéd stories, clichéd characters. All that's missing is Ed Burns.

Viewers are left wondering just why they should care about them and the rest of the film's one-dimensional characters.

Love in Space is just what movie fans have been waiting for: a romantic comedy from Communist China.

There are a few sweet moments as the story reaches its unsurprising conclusion. But, all in all, Flakes isn't going to bowl you over.

There are some funny moments, plus occasional nudity and sex, but the joke quickly wears off. What might have worked as a half-hour TV show doesn't suit itself to a feature-length film.

Arlyck spends more time following himself and his own lefty family than checking up on Sean.

Skip it, and rent "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" instead.

Brainless and pointless.

An amateurish, pointless exercise in filmmaking.

There's plenty of material here for a dark comedy, but director Martin Curland isn't up to the job. His film - like Luke - plods along, unsure of exactly what it's supposed to be.

Politics aside, Trudell plays like an infomercial for its subject rather than a serious examination of the man and his beliefs.

There's certainly a good movie to be made about Muslim punk musicians in the US, but this isn't it.

What's Vincent to do? Will he come out of the closet? Will he lead the swim team to victory at the big match? Will he find happiness with Noemie? Does anybody care?

One big cliche.

Would that somebody had fired Gurwitch before she could have finished Fired!

The script is obvious and cliched and the action is more disgusting than frightening.

Marlene Rhein has directed 40 music videos, including ones for Tupac Shakur and Amy Winehouse. Judging by this, her feature debut, she should stick with the music.

Utterly predictable and full of trite dialogue.

Dom DeLuise, as a fruitcake director, and John Waters fave Mink Stole, as Robin's Jewish mother, spice things up, but not enough to make Girl Play worthwhile.

The autobiographical script meanders and the acting never solidifies. Besides, the leads look too old to be in high school - maybe even college.

The story is so contrived and the dialogue so stilted that no amount of talent could save Exist.

Tucker's message is sometimes on target, even if his film isn't.

The dialogue is banal and the acting, especially Wortham's, is unconvincing. Even the sex and nudity, of which there is a lot, grows tiresome after a while.

Little more than a rehash of old news.

Has a split personality. It starts as a comedy but morphs into an icky family melodrama. It should have stuck with the yuks.

Nothing would help make this dud understandable.

The movie, directed by Mick Jackson, leaves no cliché unturned, from the predictable plot to the characters straight out of central casting.

The film's violent finale comes out of nowhere and will leave bewildered viewers wondering if they might have dozed off for a reel or two.

Mostly The Matador romanticizes a brutal tradition that has no place in the 21st century.

The writing, acting and direction are so amateurish that the only thing you'll care about is escaping the theater.

There are many new Japanese movies that deserve a stateside release. Why this hapless mess beat them out is a question that deserves an answer.

Now that even Woody Allen has stopped making "Woody Allen movies," you would think that wannabes would move on, too.

Ohayon doesn't judge Thompson or his customers, but you don't need to be a Harvard-educated psychiatrist to realize that the bunch of them are dirty old men who treat women as commodities.

There are a few exciting battle sequences and the sets are lavish, but mostly the film meanders aimlessly for more than two hours. No wonder new sword-and-sandal movies are in short supply.

With so many worthy movies being made in Europe, it's a crime that something as mediocre as Erotic Tales gets a release here.

Makes little attempt to be credible or original. And the acting is poor.

The overall result is superficial and deadly boring.

Silly and pointless film.

Will there be a “Hatchet IV’’? I shudder to think about it.

Proves, if anything, that sappy feel-good movies aren't restricted to Hollywood.

Promoted as "the year's scariest movie," it's anything but.

Sexist, racist humor abounds, with Jews and gays especially taking a beating. I don't always object to non-PC humor -- but I like it to be funny, and here it isn't.

Schwartz throws in so many characters and implausible subplots - none worth mentioning - that Perception sinks under its own weight.

Let the French stick to love stories and leave stupid comedies to Tinseltown.

The documentary tells us little we don't already know and is overwhelmingly one-sided. It would make a nice TV infomercial, but certainly doesn't deserve a big-screen release.

If the sight of naked, sweaty French hunks gets you going, well, then, Three Dancing Slaves is a must-see.

Zhang Yimou, one of China's best-known filmmakers, deserves a great big lump of coal in his holiday stocking thanks to his ludicrous soap opera The Flowers of War.

There is, of course, a maximum of blood and gore. Sometimes the director's ideas work; often they don't.

Isn't very good. Not only has Ritter made his documentary a one-sided one, but he commits the journalistic sin of using himself as the film's main talking head. In other words, he's interviewing himself.

The Italian film industry must be in sad shape when its latest import to the US is a tired bit of trash from 1997, To Die for Tano.

Huppert is wonderful, as usual, and she's to be congratulated for taking this daring role. But, alas, even she can't save Ma Mere.

Anybody involved in the underground scene might get a kick out of Maestro -- but others will likely be bored stiff.

Maybe being able to look back in time is comforting for Block and company, but what makes him think complete strangers give a damn about his not-especially-interesting family? I certainly don't.

Mainstream moviegoers will be put off by the subtitles, and art-house fans will be insulted by the story's shallowness.

Garcon Stupide features the best gay seduction scene ever filmed on a Ferris wheel. Unfortunately, you have to sit through the entire movie to get to it. Whether you want to will depend on your interest in explicit gay sex.

A cheesy and unpleasant splatterfest.

Boring.

We keep waiting for one of those outlandish musical treats to bring some life to the clichéd script. Kunder throws in a few breaks, but they're tepid and brief.

The story lacks focus. The senses blur as wives and ex-wives come and go, and Harry regularly falls off the wagon, only to reform the next day.

Directed by Susan Montford, While She Was Out is a straight-to-DVD movie making a brief stop in theaters.

Ranks high on the squirm meter. But, unlike in most of her earlier work, there's no emotional payoff.

Has a promising start. But it quickly becomes tiresome and cliché-ridden - not to mention depressing and pointless.

Andy Lau and Siu Fai Mak, the men behind the successful Hong Kong police thriller trio "Infernal Affairs," should be arrested for directing Initial D.

There's little reason to see the claustrophobic Chronicling a Crisis unless you have a fascination with the Kolleks. Watching the vanity project is like being forced to sit through a friend's boring home movies.

Sex can be fun and exciting and wonderful. It also can be deadly boring, as in Psychopathia Sexu alis.

Splinterheads might suffice some late night on cable, but that's about it.

The film plays like one long commercial. The music's cool, but you're better off buying the CD.

There's potential here, but the script is entirely too, shall we say, Hollywood. There's even a dog-poop joke.

Yunus would seem to be a prime candidate for a movie about his work. Unfortunately, director Holly Mosher's by-the-numbers documentary Bonsai People isn't the answer.

The characters are too cliched to be funny, and Jensen's script can't stay focused long enough to make an impression. Where is Lars von Trier when we need him?

Sucky vampire flick.

With so many worthwhile movies out there just waiting for a release, it's a shame that this tired drama is getting a run.

It boggles the mind to think that Elite Squad won the top prize at the prestigious Berlin Film Festival in February.

The street action is a grabber, but the story itself isn't.

Watching Wake is akin to listening to anonymous neighbors argue about matters you know nothing about -- nor care about. You only wish they'd shut up.

Approach is too heavy-handed to have much effect. Rod Serling probably could have turned the premise into an enjoyable episode of "The Twilight Zone."

This poorly done, digitally animated work, directed by Hiroyuki Kitakubo, might be of interest to die-hard fans of anime. Others should pass it by.

An uninspired gay coming-of-age import from Germany.

How can it be that a movie as beautiful to look at as Saawariya is so . . . boring?

Comes off as nothing more than a TV soap opera, with overwrought acting, simplistic dialogue and a generic plot.

Japan's Takashi Miike has the formula down pat, but Eisener has no idea how to give violence a touch of class.

The praise for this static, overlong, stagebound work is a mystery to me.

You will be so put off by the bland couple (what do you expect from people named Joe and Jane?) and their dumb arguing - not to mention the grating score - that you won't really care.

Having Damon Wayans in the cast might attract viewers to Harlem Aria, but they're bound to be disappointed by the amateurish drama.

Not even Sandra Oh, as Phoebe's boss, and Elodie Bouchez ("The Dreamlife of Angels"), as Ashade's sister-in-law, can keep Sorry, Haters from becoming a sorry mess.

Dirk Shafer's feature doesn't offer much in terms of plot or acting. But it does have oodles of hunky male bodies. The choice is yours.

A clueless Mundhra tackles the subject with a heavy hand and a contrived script. The result is a daytime soap mixed with a second-rate women-behind-bars flick.

Unfortunately, it doesn't work. None of the talking heads is as interesting as Yu thinks they are; and it's difficult to build sympathy for any of them.

Wait for the video, then fast-forward through every scene except the ones featuring Maria Mironova as a cheating wife.

Almereyda's muddled Happy Here and Now should have stayed on the shelf - where it's been gathering dust for several years.

Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brazil's reformist two-term president, gets the once-over-lightly treatment in Lula, Son of Brazil.

Sappy and simplistic.

As a narrative, Shem, directed by Caroline Roboh, is a pointless hodgepodge, with a finale that will leave viewers scratching their heads.

The game cast tries desperately to be funny, but Day hasn't provided them with the material.

The cast includes rappers Da Brat, Mos Def and MC Lyte. Their fans might get some pleasure from Civil Brand. Everybody else best stay away.

What they say is superficial. They never really explain why they risk their lives. In the end, Steep plays like a TV infomercial - and who wants to hand over $11 to watch one?

Mary is a mess. An interesting one, yet still a mess.

Greenwald does nothing with the interviews, basically just posting them, one after the other, with the hope that viewers will do his job for him. The result is one-sided and bone-dry.

It's hard to make a dull movie with copious nudity and all kinds of sex (straight, bi and gay), although French filmmakers Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau manage to do so in Cote d'Azur.

It's depressing to see how far Herzog has fallen.

My only question: Why does Kleine -- who's married to Andre Gregory of "My Dinner With Andre" fame -- think that anybody outside her family gives a damn?

A convoluted, pointless thriller that wastes the considerable talent of Max von Sydow.

Unlike Cursed, which resorts to blatant but unconvincing gore and violence, "The Wolf Man" (1941) gets its point across through suggestion, makeup and spooky sets.

The Greeks have a word for Blackmail Boy: boring.

An Amsterdam mess.

The landscapes are exotic and Kilcher is erotic, but the film plays like a generic made-for-TV biopic.

Nothing happens that hasn't been done better in other films, among them Thomas Vinterberg's excellent 1998 "The Celebration."

Lou Diamond Phillips is let down by an uninspired supporting cast, including Bruce Weitz as a crippled con artist and Tracy Middendorf as the requisite femme fatale, a clichéd script, and flat direction by Stephen Purvis.

Melodramatic and heavy-handed.

Never rises above the level of a second-rate TV sit-com.

Becomes more and more confused, unpleasant and preposterous.

The one highlight is Julia Nickson, who breathes life into the role of Ethan's evil stepmom.

Features some good acting, but most of it doesn't ring true.

The actors are personable, but they're burdened with a script full of stereotypical characters and offensive jokes. By the time Christmas Day arrives, this movie will thankfully be long forgotten.

Every once in a while the old-fashioned costume drama comes alive, only to sink again into run-of-the-mill special effects and long periods of talkative tedium.

If there's a fresh idea in When Harry Tries To Marry, I couldn't find it.

If all terrorists were like these idiots, the US would have nothing to worry about.

Most are exercises in sickening bad taste, with an emphasis on human bodily functions. The biggest stinkers? “T Is for Toilet” and “F Is for Fart.”

So bland that it fails to make an impression.

The movie's one-star rating is solely for Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who provides eye candy as Morris' film-student granddaughter, Lisa.

If there is anything positive in The Girl Next Door, it is the brave performance by Auffarth, who is in her early 20s. Other than that, there's little reason to see the movie. Unless, of course, you get off on watching the sexual exploitation of underage girls.

The cinematography and sets look great, but the script is a bummer. It's overlong, overwrought and overblown.

Peros probably intends Footprints to be an homage to Hollywood's Golden Age. But the script's so incoherent and the acting so amateurish that it makes the worst old-time Hollywood B-flick seem like "Citizen Kane."

A chaotic mess.

The toilet caper is the lowest point of a movie with many low points, including bad acting and a generic script.

The Promise employs laughable computer effects and second-rate martial-arts fighting to tell the hard-to-figure story of a princess and her three lovers.

If the script serves any purpose at all, it is to allow jocks to show off their buff bodies. They're hot, but not worth 12 bucks at the box office.

Director-writer Shimon Dotan takes this iffy story and makes it nearly unwatchable by jumping back and forth in time, using screens within screens and bouncing between color and black-and-white.

Completely lacking in imagination and purpose, this vanity project might suffice as a home movie, but it's hardly worth the expense and bother of seeing it in a theater.

Dumb and unwatchable.

Having root-canal surgery would be less painful than sitting through the martial-arts disaster Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior.

It's hard to believe that the distributors of See No Evil were so afraid of what critics would say about their movie that they refused to provide advance screenings. The movie's target viewers aren't the type who read reviews, if they read at all.

Say a prayer that there's no "Hatchet III" in the future.

Plays like a bad daytime soap opera. The acting is amateurish. Ditto the uninspired script (continuity? what's that?) and direction.

The noise level reminds me of Canal Street in Chinatown on a Sunday afternoon.

Loud, crass and full of slapstick humor that the Three Stooges would be ashamed of. And it is almost completely lacking in charm and nuance.

Utter junk.

Sickeningly violent and inane movie.

A movie so bad it's not even worth watching on DVD.

The people who are inflicting this movie on us intend it as some sort of inspirational epic. But the only thing it will motivate viewers to do is get out of the theater.

The longer the movie goes on, the more annoying Benigni's infantile behavior becomes.

Burzynski is dull, dull, dull, even for an infomercial.

Offensive and unwatchable.

The dreadful acting, direction and script make Nowhere Man a nowhere movie.

Not only isn't the new effort up to the standards of the anime, it's bloody awful by any standard.