Olly Richards

Not bootiful.

A crushing disappointment for fans and a scuppered opportunity for a cinematic event. That the first book has been so mishandled doesn’t bode well for the (already greenlit) more complicated ones to come.

A muddle.

A promising idea that never develops beyond that.

Innately sweet, due to the high number of fluffy animals, but it has the gloopy emotion and silly plotting of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Nicholas Barks, if you will.

Endless wordplay and dumb slapstick do not a rewarding animation make. Pun-ishing.

If you came for cute canines you’ll get them, but you’d get more entertainment from an hour of dog videos on YouTube.

Inspired by The Graduate it may be, but despite Aniston’s charm, this confused comedy will not be seducing anybody.

If this tiresome yarn is the ‘true’ story of one of Disney’s most popular villains then, please, give us colourful lies and happy ignorance.

Everything that comes after the confident, dangerous first half-hour just makes you pine for what could have been as this devolves into ten-a-penny teen-lit sludge.

Superlative performances from Roberts and Hammer almost cover the shortcomings. Like most Tarsem films it's a muddle, but this time not one with enough distracting dazzle.

Even with a strong cast to gild its endless chambers and salons, there's barely a spark of soul to fuel its story. Pattinson is no Malkovich either.

Tonally a complete departure from the rest of the series, which is at once laudably brave and disappointingly unfunny.

For all his ambition, Serkis can’t find the right tone for Mowgli and it becomes a very confused beast, neither fun enough for all ages to enjoy nor complex enough to be the visceral, grown-up thriller he nudges at.

Long-shelved, the final product never lives up to the promise of its contemporary-Grimm-brothers conceit.

It’s gory and mildly funny but its joke – that the bear is acting like a serial killer – is the only one the film has. It wears thin very quickly.

If you pay out money to see this, you got fleeced.

If you’ve never seen Luther, don’t start here. You will be completely lost. Even dedicated fans are likely to be confused by this messy revamp of a story that once felt dangerous but is now merely daft.

Even if the film takes a moment to sheepishly acknowledge its more offensive gags, it’s still asking for laughs from them.

Ultimately, Hidalgo falls down due to a neglect of basic story elements -- anonymous villains, a hero with no clear goal other than money, love interests who sound alternately gin-sodden and lobotomised -- and after a brief burst of energy staggers home at a mild limp.

Far from the best of Penn’s directing work but also not the worst (The Last Face is unlikely to lose that dubious crown). Dylan emerges the most triumphant Penn from a largely boring drama.

This true-life tale takes some believing in the era of global warming (too much ice? Really?) but the sledgehammer emoting should let you know you're in a family drama.

The ambition is laudible, but it's to little end. At once empty and impenetrable, this brings to mind a mix of John Carter and Dungeons And Dragons, regrettably in both themes and level of enjoyment.

Less fun than last time and oddly unpleasant in its tone. MacFarlane takes potshots at everyone he can find, while shielding the two characters that deserve it most.

Despite the gusto its star brings to the role, it's hard to ride shotgun on Hector's voyage of discovery.

Confusing and uninspired rather than completely inept, it’s still likely to be swiftly struck from the résumés of all involved.

One of von Trier’s most confrontingly horrible films is also one of his weakest. A story about a man disguising his lack of worthwhile contribution with violent self-interest is guilty of every point it’s making.

Heroes in a half-arsed shell.