Matt Donato

When people complain about the death of mainstream comedies, it’s bottomfeeding films like Playdate that are the genre’s executioner. No energy, no wit, just a tasteless and tacky sequence of events that barely manages to clear the bar for what’s still considered a movie.

In House on Eden, TikTok stars make found-footage horror that forgets the scares.

I Heart Willie is an overcomplicated, underdelivered, and all-around disappointing public domain slasher that can’t even get rudimentary filmmaking techniques right.

Krazy House is "krazy" for all the wrong reasons.

Between picture-in-picture viewers, pop-up ads, reality posing as unreality, and a seconds-long attention span, Baby Invasion is a Reddit thread vision board with little to offer.

The dialogue is cringy even by Universal Soldier sequel standards, performances more wooden than Pinocchio, and combat showpieces are a shambles of digital effects that spike not even a tingle of bruised and bloodied excitement.

Borderlands is an abysmal waste of a beloved franchise that takes a kooky band of murderous misfits and drains the life out of their first adventure together. Eli Roth is no James Gunn, and this film has none of the lovable lunatics, awe-striking sci-fi visuals, and out-of-this-world storytelling of Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy.

Despicable Me 4 loses focus like a golden retriever in a Petco plushie aisle, splitting characters into bottled subplots that can only be addressed in single-file order.

Please don’t misinterpret this scathing review as an encouraging push to check out what could be a ridiculously flawed watch with friends. Agent Recon is unwatchable and doesn’t deserve your patronage.

The Lair is an abomination of bad accents (“Texan American” yee-haw, “Unintelligible Englishman,” Australian muddying both), excruciating action hero one-liners, and discouragingly archaic plot choices.

Maneater proves that shark horror flicks need to be more than just a finned predator in any form and dead bodies — execution matters, especially when your animated shark looks this ugly.

Rob Savage’s Dashcam is the equivalent of strapping a GoPro to a Republican edgelord’s dirty diaper and throwing it into a blender.

You Should Have Left is a perfect example of how "forgettable" horror cinema is somehow more tedious than something that goes out in a blaze of failed ambition.

Brahms: The Boy II seems to want nothing to do with its original, which is an odd and detrimental outcome for your direct continuation of Brahms' ongoing story.

The Turning is a failed ghost story on almost every conceivable level with a third act that's flat-out unforgivable.

Black Christmas deserves to be a better slasher satire propelled by empowerment than the messy, tonally obstructed holiday dud we're gifted.

3 From Hell is an ugly example of too much wicked style over zero intended substance.

The Dead Don't Die is a procedurally bland zomcom with little genre personality, playing as if Jarmusch invents a subgenre horror fans haven't been watching for decades.

The Amityville Murders wastes historical reverence on a paint-by-numbers ghost story that relies too heavily on eyesore animated effects.

Unfriended: Dark Web takes all the most engaging and horrifying techno-horror qualities from Unfriended and wipes the cache disappointingly clean.

No ifs, ands or Bubs about it, the memory of Day Of The Dead: Bloodline will decay at lightning speed. There’s nothing new here that Romero didn’t do better, only a downgraded horror watch with lesser value.

Area 51 is everything that's wrong with not only found footage films, but also weak-minded sci-fi thrillers that think crazed talking heads and fuzzy shadows are scary enough.

This isn’t a new breed of terror, just another neutered reboot churning all the same mainstream gears.

Unforgettable is a "How Not To" guide for romantic thrillers, passionless and without tension when it comes to the conflict at hand.

Before I Fall makes a simple plot into this convoluted, aggravating mess of emotional turmoil that lacks a shocking amount of direction.

It's a shame Silent Hill: Revelation suffers the same doomed fate as most modern horror movies, bumbling through a shockingly disconnected screenplay which strings together moments that could have been salvaged otherwise.

Categorizing Rings as "horror" would be a disservice to genre films, because at least the lowest of the low attempt a scare here or there.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter proves that there's nothing left in the tank of this grossly nondescript zombie-shootin' franchise.

The Snare is so without substance that you might not even remember watching it.

Pitchfork is defined by a country dance sequence with full boot-stomping choreography - not a great sign for a horror movie.

The Bye Bye Man is an unfathomably inept horror film; one that’s an obvious byproduct of The Babadook/It Follows brand of horror success. It is, without apology, one of the emptiest, nonsensical haunted thrillers ever to fail genre audiences.

There are two movies here, neither of which are given a chance to develop into something worthwhile.

Army Of One is a waste of talent across the board.