Claudia Puig

A wan version of the same old tired serial killer story, despite its updated milieu -- cyberspace.

The story's appeal is lost in all the fights between the monsters and robots.

This sequel to the clever and funny first "Transformers" not only is disappointing, it will give most people a throbbing case of metal overload.

Defanged and drippy, the remake of 1939's The Women seems to have been made for the dullard granddaughters of the sassy, sharp society matrons in George Cukor's campy original.

The name is a tipoff: Club Dread is dreadful.

More often the film succumbs to clichés, grows convoluted and outlandish, and winds up dead on arrival.

So sadistic and disturbing, Games is easily the toughest movie to sit through since 1994's "Natural Born Killers."

Flyboys doesn't succeed as a wartime adventure story or as a period romance. Even the special effects, set in a historical context, are too ho-hum to save this over-long and tedious film.

Insidious: Chapter 2 appears to be the sum of the unusable parts from James Wan's recent haunted house feature "The Conjuring."

The concept is unoriginal, the scenarios aren't funny, and its message is banal. Plus, Murphy alternately hams it up and phones it in.

The unfunny jokes center on outhouses, vomit and flatulence. Gooding mugs, screeches, even hops up and down to no avail. Nothing can wring an ounce of comedy out of this sorry spectacle.

The movie is so impressionistic, it obfuscates any sense of history. We expect at least a hint at the causes of the Mayan Empire's demise, but instead we get Mesoamerican Rambo.

The Homesman aims for a story that's poignant and told sparely, but comes across as mawkish, tedious and self-indulgent.

John Wick serves up a noxious, clashing blend of hyper-realistic and cartoonish violence. Too bad there's no cinema decontaminating service that can wash our memories clean of such useless gore.

The film disappoints terribly, too. The directorial debut of such an imaginative and clever screenwriter was a highly anticipated event. His "Being John Malkovich" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" are two of the most innovative and intriguing movies of the past decade. Synecdoche is one of the most maddening.

It would appear that director Scott Kalvert never met a cliché he didn't like. No telegraphing is too obvious or simplistic for this movie.

Don't stop believing. Just avoid clichéd musicals that try to capture the anarchic spirit of rock with trite commercial re-treads.

Too slight and pointless.

It might be that Jarmusch (Broken Flowers) is experimenting with creating a pastiche of dreamlike sequences that audiences can interpret as they wish. Or it may be merely pretension and hubris that fuels such a stylized and insubstantial story.

Barrels around in manic fashion much like Carrey does in most of his movies. He's meant to be a fool for love, but mostly he's just bonkers.

Director Steve Buscemi is not to be faulted for his filmmaking or acting skills, but as co-writer he could have done better than the false-sounding dialogue.

Nothing about this rote exercise feels remotely fresh. It's a re-tread of the 2009 original, sans the inspired lunacy.

There is a blessed dearth of dialogue, but much of it is unintentionally hilarious.

Is there a word that means the opposite of Cowabunga? If so, that's the word for the charmless, dull and derivative new take on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Kimberly Elise gives the best performance as a beleaguered woman with an abusive boyfriend (Michael Ealy).

Shocking is the fact that three highly regarded actors -- Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke and Billy Bob Thornton -- chose to star in this dreadful film.

Fighting seriously lacks punch.

It tries hard to be sexy, mysterious and dangerous, but ends up laughably inscrutable.

This is not the Travolta of "Pulp Fiction," nor is it the Williams of "One Hour Photo." Though no animals were harmed in the making of Old Dogs, the lead actors were defanged. But like a pair of Labradors, they have a playful rapport.

Never was a film so visually stunning and so intolerable as To the Wonder.

It's tough to summon sufficiently negative language to describe the unfunny, desperate mess that is Bad Words.

It's problematic enough that the movie's lead characters are unlikable. But worse is the blackening of The Human Stain with a trite and forced plot, uninteresting digressions and clunky direction.

Trying to decipher all the convoluted pathways could drive you mad. Mostly, though, it is so ludicrous that it will unintentionally inspire laughter.

If you've been lobotomized or have the mental age of a kindergartener, Mr. Bean's Holiday is viable comic entertainment.

Jude Law put on 30 pounds to play this slimeball. But the weightier question is, why would he bother to take this worn-out role, at any size?

Wastes a moderately intriguing premise by filling it with laughably clichéd dialogue, one-dimensional characters and implausible turns of events.

The Gambler is a hollow, overwrought and glibly cynical remake of a '70s drama about a self-destructive academic.

In most cases, doggedly pursuing a dream is laudable. But if it does nothing else, The Astronaut Farmer demonstrates that not every dream is worth pursuing. At least not the belabored one of a narcissistic crackpot masquerading as an admirable dreamer.

Only a truly dreadful story could make 81 minutes seem like an eternity. And Space Chimps is just that leaden experience.

It's so unfunny it almost stings.

Its use of trite "Win one for the Gipper" dialogue, overbearing soaring music and conventional plot devices makes it far too formulaic to truly move us.

If you're a Rainn Wilson fan, catch a rerun of "The Office."

Talented actors are wasted in a film that induces more cringes than chuckles as women old enough to know better act like horny sailors on leave, absorb mass quantities of alcohol and drugs, and generally behave horribly.

A didactic and humorless Western, Eli is too laborious for an action film and too brutal to be an inspirational tale.

Blackhat is a tedious, preposterous and incoherent cyberthriller that is anything but thrilling.

One of the more befuddling movies of recent years. The premise makes no sense, no matter how you turn it around in your head.

Nothing is right about this ridiculous horror schlockfest.

Labor Day feels like a belabored, sappy slog.

Overflows with pretensions and absurdity.

Here's a by-the-playbook movie if ever there was one.

Audiences deserve a resounding "mea culpa" for the embarrassing dreck, masquerading as comedy, in The Guilt Trip.

The pirate ship has hit foul waters, and even the sharp wit and charm of everyone's favorite buccaneer can't save it.

Poseidon is a sodden saga, with a script that is awash in clichés. It nearly drowns under the weight of its own soggy tedium.

Farrell is quite good, though it's hard to buy the Scottish McGregor and the Irish Farrell as brothers. But mostly, the film feels rudderless, almost as if it's been directed on autopilot.

A succession of tired race jokes made worse by the bad comedic timing of the bland, under-talented Ashton Kutcher.

A moviegoer's nightmare. The story is incoherent, inane and interminable.

Antichrist is probably the most disturbing, bleak and self-indulgent film ever made.

Veggie Tales is a faith-based franchise that uses a blend of a religious/moral message and humor to teach about honesty and forgiveness. But Pirates lacks the humor of the videos and "A Veggie Tales Movie."

Move along, there's nothing to see and no one to root for in this murky franchise reboot.

The overwritten script and the ridiculous plot combine to make The Counselor a frustrating experience.

If you value your time and money, find an escape clause and avoid seeing this trite, predictable rehash. The 90 minutes could be better spent doing holiday shopping.

It's really not much fun - in fact it's painful - to watch an actor on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It almost doesn't matter if the psyche in question is imploding artificially - as in staged - or organically.

Russell Crowe may find himself discovering the simple joys of life in A Good Year, but audiences will be checking their watches during this joyless attempt at comedy.

The characters in The Box are like cardboard cutouts: Some have "foolish victim" labeled on them, and others fall into the category of absurdly creepy villain.

The premise is misbegotten, the chemistry non-existent and the dialogue leaden. Did we mention how tediously the plot unfolds?

Misanthropic to the extreme, Bad Teacher fails across the board.

The first one was silly fun, amusing and oddly inventive; the second is plodding, unfunny and almost cringe-worthy.

Do yourself a favor and rent the 1996 original from Japan instead.

What was once fresh and innovative now is tired and overdone.

It's a syrupy, downbeat film.

There's nothing exciting about this awful, over-the-top reboot.

The movie is a clunky, noisy contraption. Director Jon Turteltaub piles on gadgets and devices in the hopes we'll be dazzled enough to miss the story's lack of coherence and charm.

You, Me and Dupree is a good idea badly executed.

Feels about as fresh and lively as a piece of burnt rubber.

Sitting through the turgid and tedious S&M melodrama that is Fifty Shades of Grey may feel like its own form of torture.

A movie about a teen party gone horribly wrong, would be every parent's worst nightmare if it weren't so inane.

Moore and Ford rise above the hackneyed story, infusing the proceedings with their own chemistry and appeal. If only the adults responsible for this film could learn how to deal.

Far-fetched, flimsy and uninvolving.

It's déjà vu all over again. There isn't much more to say about "We Own the Night 2." Oops, make that Pride and Glory.

It's almost impressive when a movie can manage to be both repellently vulgar and sickeningly sweet in the span of a mere two hours. Almost.

Has plenty of fast cars and revving engines. But unless you're a fan of that sort of thing, its stultifying plot and wooden acting is likely to make you drift - off to sleep.

A good script is the most essential ingredient for a good movie. Hiring a comedian isn't enough.

The film tries to be stylish and slick, but is mostly just nasty and blood-drenched. Piven, so funny in other film roles and on TV's "Entourage," overdoes it here, and extended scenes of his debauchery grow excessive and thuddingly dull.

Sadistic mess of a movie.

School for Scoundrels will only leave you scratching your head in bewilderment and might possibly shave off IQ points.

A sluggish, tedious film about lost souls living dead-end lives in a dead-end town. Their actions often defy rationality.

Given its predictable story, the only reason to see Stomp is for the rhythmic step dancing.

We're the Millers is a twisted road trip worth avoiding. Not only is it not funny, it's offensive.

Vardalos' comedic style is old-fashioned in the worst way; her humor is stodgier than the most retro Catskills laughmeister.

If your idea of a good time is watching a disjointed period piece featuring a scrawny dog defecating, dozens of dissipated people fornicating and a syphilitic Johnny Depp with oozing pustules on his face, The Libertine may be just the movie for you.

Catch and Release is not worth catching. Release yourself from boredom by giving it a miss.

Steer clear of Freedomland, the movie. Your time would be better spent reading Richard Price's much more compelling 1998 novel.

If only the movie had heeded its own advice and tried to be different from the standard formula.

Machine Gun Preacher has a lot more wrong with it than a bullet-riddled premise. It is yet another iteration of the big, strong white man who comes to save legions of poor anonymous black Africans.

The Romantics is a misnomer. "The Spoiled Melodramatics" would be more accurate. Or better yet, "The Pretentious Ones."

This second installment, based on Veronica Roth's series of YA novels, feels cobbled together and less focused than 2014's Divergent, and lacks tension and excitement.

A documentary on the formation of stalagmites would have been more compelling.

The entire undertaking feels like a waste of time and talent.