For me, ANTM is Exhibit A in the case against reality TV. For starters, the premise is absurd. Take a group of women 5 to 10 years too old to begin modeling careers, much less reach the "top," put them through what claims to be a crash course in modeling but is really just extended hazing, pick them off one by one, preserving suspense by stressing the contestants' flaws, and finally crownFor me, ANTM is Exhibit A in the case against reality TV. For starters, the premise is absurd. Take a group of women 5 to 10 years too old to begin modeling careers, much less reach the "top," put them through what claims to be a crash course in modeling but is really just extended hazing, pick them off one by one, preserving suspense by stressing the contestants' flaws, and finally crown a battered winner, who then sinks like a stone in the modeling business. It's bad enough that few of the women look like models to begin with, but the most infamous phase of hazing is the makeover, or "fakeover," in which any natural beauty is dyed, fried, extended, and/or mutilated away. "Do the opposite!" seems to be the prevailing aesthetic, and the producers are sure to identify the long-haired contestant who most loves her locks and give HER the buzz-cut. This season, a lovely long-haired blonde has her real hair tacked to her scalp and a giant yellow yak carcass stitched on top of it. Forget hair, the yak couldn't even pass for a hat. For several weeks, Tyra promises to "do something about it," but, the next week, the yak is still there, looking ready to leap off the poor girl's head any minute and attack someone--with any luck, one of the "fashion icons" doing the hazing. The problem, as in all competitive reality shows, is the conflict between a fair contest and "good television," as defined by America's favorite viewers, those 18 to 49 (IQ, not age). "Good television" requires contestants to fall down, fluff lines, and sob when they fail at tasks such as memorizing lines in Japanese, walking tiny, moving, slippery runways, and wearing venomous accessories. A fair contest might very well pose similar challenges--if, in fact, the modeling business is as demanding as Tyra would have us believe--but it would not force contestants to do everything unprepared. This season, an early challenge involves crossing a shallow cement pool inside a giant beach ball on a runway about the width of a strand of uncooked spaghetti. While the 18-to-49s snort and guffaw, sensible people wonder "what designer wants his clothing seen on prone, flailing models, how many fashionistas admire--and would buy--"Jackass" couture, and which insurance company longs to cover shows that result in huge damage claims for unrehearsed models? And the sad truth is that ANTM doesn't have to engage in such cruel manipulation, as many contestants are capable of screwing up easy challenges, which we know because, season after season, they arrive having failed to master skills they know they will need, such as map-reading and speaking out loud. Of course, Tyra has a few problems in that latter department herself, having coined the most ungrammatical catch phrase in all of television history, telling successful contestants, over and over, "You are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model." "To become" is simple and right; ""towards becoming" is high-fallutin' nonsense--sort of like ANTM itself, which adds difficulty and awkwardness under the pretense of expertise and so loses all semblance of authenticity.… Expand
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