The tagline for College Road Trip is "You Can't Get There Fast Enough." But for those who sit through this humorless and massively predictable movie, a more apt phrase would be: "You Can't Get Out of There Fast Enough."

Terry Gilliam's “12 Monkeys” can teach The Thirteenth Floor a little something about how to have fun with time travel. And with one number less. [28 May 1999, Life, p.7E]

As if this drivel weren't bad enough, the ending blatantly threatens a sequel

If there was any doubt that most things in society have been dumbed down in the last couple of decades, Dumb and Dumber To could be exhibit A.

Four is so cobbled with bits of other sci-fi and comic-book movies, there's little to distinguish it.

It's a story that feels familiar at best, hackneyed at worst, which is surprising and disappointing, as director Tom Vaughan also made last year's "Starter for 10," a charming British coming-of-age comedy.

Perhaps Martin should go back to taking chances and writing original work.

Sarah Jessica Parker contributes next to nothing as a work/sack partner who ends up imperiled by a sadist fixated on Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs. The director/co-writer is Rowdy Herrington, who has now surpassed what was his most ludicrous claim to fame: Putting Brian Dennehy into a boxing ring with teen James Marshall in Gladiator. [17 Sept 1993, p.4D]

Bonds are tested and feelings hurt, but who really cares? The story takes predictable turns, embraces clichés and dodges all humor.

Rambo III is hardly the first Stallone-y baloney to climax with a commie wipeout; it is the first to palm off its star as the product of a Buddhist monastery. Like, whew. Rambo in a monastery is almost as stomach-turning as E.T. in a brothel. [25 May 1988, p.1D]

Even our bony host the Crypt Keeper, who never met a pun he didn't like, might declare Bordello just plain whore-ible. [16 Aug 1996, p.4D]

You can have a better time title-scanning "Johnny" pics in an alphabetical video guide than you can enduring the latest Blade Runner knockoff. [26 May 1995, p.3D]

But even fans of the original directed by scare-fare king David Cronenberg won't get much of a buzz from this Son of the Fly sequel. It seems that wit and originality are traits that skip a generation. [13 Feb 1989, p.4D]

A supernatural action thriller, is jangly, jarring and violent. But more disconcerting is watching the sweet-faced Dakota Fanning swear, get drunk and pack heat -- in both fists, no less.

Friedkin's latest is good for a few jolts, but also too many unintentional yuks. [27 Apr 1990, p.1D]

Even at its best, the movie plays like a clip reel.

At least Van Damme parodies himself just enough to avoid an all-out battle of the blands . At least director Roland Emmerich slyly allows supermarket Muzak to play during Lundgren's one big emoting scene. [10 July 1992, p.5D]

It’s a dunderheaded follow-up, for sure, but it’s at least buoyed by Chris Hemsworth’s charisma and the few times where Winter’s War embraces complete camp.

Grudge could have saved itself with a rousing finale, but the buildup is so tedious you just want the fight to end.

Gets muddled in slapstick and crude humor.

Evil's one strong presence is lead Milla Jovovich -- and not because the script gives her supercop/soldier anything interesting to say.

Mirren is about the only reason this slow-moving revenge tale tingles at all.

Although about as authentic as Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, Martin at least gets to dress funny. Joan Cusack's D.A. looks dowdy and is misused. Carol Kane's grocery-store siren looks slutty and is underused. And as a cop, Melanie Mayron should slap cuffs on her hairdresser. [20 Aug 1990, p.4D]

Don't expect the seventh Star Wars film here. Star Wars: The Clone Wars is more like a long Saturday morning cartoon.

It doesn't help that the performances are bland (particularly those of Christensen and Bilson) and that what comes out of their mouths is uninspired. Short on imagination and anchored by a wan hero, Jumper is a flight of fancy that never fully takes off.

The story, though initially intriguing, is dicey. A seminal social satire has been spun off into a passionless romance and a wan comedy.

On the whole, Argylle just isn’t as exciting or refreshing as what Vaughn did with his stellar “Kingsman: The Secret Service."

This guy defines loner. He's on the outs with his father and kid brother, and the Koreans treat him like he's the Vanilla Ice of karate. Generation gap. Cultural gap. Logic gap. Weapon has more gaps than a cut-rate set of dentures. [19 Mar 1991, p.8D]