A snail-paced story in all of its glorious ... slowness.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

More frustrating, however, are the many side stories, which introduce potential conflicts but never fully form, as well as completely unnecessary voice-overs that come late in the movie and culminate in a final monologue, which tells the audience what to think, rather than allowing us to decide what it's all about for ourselves.

I went into Magnolia like a kid running onto a beach with a pail and shovel ready to explore, only to find myself neck deep in quicksand three hours later, screaming for help.

One major inappropriate casting decision (Kirsten Dunst, who's made a solid leap to young adulthood in "Dick" and "Drop Dead Gorgeous" is cast as 14-year-old Lux?) and an underdeveloped motive for the girls' self-demise left me unaffected.

Tumbleweeds has a certain hopefulness about it. "Anywhere But Here," on the other hand, gives you nowhere to go.

This may be what life was like for Levinson back in the day, but it makes a boring movie for the rest of us.

While slight and fairly unassuming considering its subject, the cast is uniformly fine.

More of a moody performance piece than a film.

There's a great movie to be made with this story.

Never before have two such skilled actors been so monstrously squandered in a movie so replete with failed gags and pathetic gaffs.

Solidly entertaining if not remarkably innovative.

Haunting character study filled with fascinating personalities, robust images, and eccentric behaviors that will please art-house fans.

Chilling and technically proficient and, also, fairly hollow.

In the end, the performances and the basic strength of the premise make Shadow of the Vampire a relatively diverting ninety minutes. But there is the inescapable feeling that it is a shadow of the great film it might have been.

Pretty hysterical.

It's a comedic caper with a slap-your-head-in-kookiness that ends up making Allen, at this age, seem like an old man desperately still trying to ham it up at the dinner table.

Worth watching.

All that suspense falls dead at its climax, which proves to be a bore. The absence of a surprise ending and the lackluster spooks make this one worth skipping. I'm going back to see "The Sixth Sense."

The actors share much of the screen time but the viewer never quite gets the chance to relate to each one individually.

An impossible, yet funny scenario.

Belongs somewhere in the low middle of Altman's output -- not up to "Cookie's Fortune," but way better than, say, "Beyond Therapy," which remains his worst film by some margin.

A hyped-down, no frills VH1 "Behind the Music" story...that is no doubt closer to reality than the fodder in the pages of "Rolling Stone."

Little more than an amusing, predictable story we've seen done better a dozen times.

Better in the end to skip it, and make Mother go it alone.

In terms of cleverly hidden exposition, this ain't "The Sixth Sense."

I wasn't the only one crying in the theatre. Not by a long shot.

Oversimplifies the concept of unrequited love, and over-romanticizes the notion of everlasting love.