It’s uglier than Gollum and twice as annoying as that whiny Frodo chap. Even brutalising fat hobbitses as Sauron himself can do little to alleviate the feeling that Conquest is a cheap, lazy and regressive game that is the very worst kind of franchise cash-in.

Fun for about an hour. It's not good, the virtually identical sections are hardly exciting, and there's a lot less variety in the mayhem than you might be led to believe, but it is an enjoyable, compulsive score-chaser. But it's deceptive. It lures you in with promises of something it never delivers.

Perhaps the biggest misstep Ju-on makes is that it ignores one of the most crucial elements in creating a horror title; the audience needs to have sympathy for the protagonist.

Several occasions while playing Star Trek, I was ready to call it a write-off, whether it’s the bugs, the terrible signposting or the fact it’s just plain dull. But then the game surprises with a section that’s not half-bad...And it is so infuriating. Not because Star Trek is ever hard, but because it could have been good. And it’s not.

No matter how big a Prison Break fan you are, no matter how forgiving you can be, The Conspiracy is an abject failure on all counts.

There's a temptation to end this review with a play on Jigsaw's famous 'I want to play a game' line, but to call Flesh & Blood a game would be doing a disservice to games, and 'I want to play a train wreck' doesn't have the same ring to it.

There's a temptation to end this review with a play on Jigsaw's famous 'I want to play a game' line, but to call Flesh & Blood a game would be doing a disservice to games, and 'I want to play a train wreck' doesn't have the same ring to it.

So what we have is a game that should be kitsch, daft fun but instead is dull, broken and mildly sexist.