Ordinarily, one decries the violence in the streets, in life or art - or rationalizes that violence on the screen is a healthy outlet for man's inhumanity to man. But there's no such highfalutin psychology in The Killer. The film is just plain outlandish - and anyone who doesn't get the hyberbole should have a 99-year lease on The Farm for the Bewildered. [16 Aug 1991, p.3F]

With the overlong, limp and lazy Spy, Feig has lost his mojo.

This is the feel-bad film of the year. Recommend it to someone you hate.

It’s preposterous schlock masquerading as art.

The overt sexuality of Madonna's stage show, particularly the lengthy exercise in self-stimulation called Like a Virgin, as well as the sometimes startling bluntness of her talk, keeps the movie from being totally boring. But this kind of trash can only sustain itself for so long - for most of us, about as long as it takes to get through the line at a supermarket. [17 May 1991, p.3F]

This movie is so tone-deaf it would only make sense in Vincent van Gogh’s missing ear.

Tamra Davis, directing her first feature, is so caught up in the sex-and-violence aspects, and bolstering the body count, that she forgets to keep her story at all credible, and lets gunshots take the place of conversation. [19 Feb 1993, p.3G]

Sorry, Keanu, but you stole my time and you murdered my brain cells. By the sacred oath of WHOA, there will be blood, and this time it’s personal.

Cinderella is so scrubbed of personality, it’s not even worth calling a mess.

THE MAN who would trade his fiancee - but just for the weekend! - for a $65,000 gambling debt may be rather sleazy, but it probably wouldn't raise many eyebrows in Las Vegas, where sleaze and the concept of woman-as-object have marched hand-in-hand for many years. ''Honeymoon in Vegas'' continues those precepts, and does so woefully, with dumb writing, ordinary direction and performances by Nicolas Cage, Sarah Jessica Parker and James Caan that are so awful as to be mind-boggling. [28 Aug 1992, p.3F]

The film is a criminal waste of an ensemble cast that should have found something better to do than lend their names to such a pointless exercise. Free Fire is a misfire.

Ted does not only break before it ends. It snaps back so violently that it very well may knock out of your mind any recollection that the movie is fairly entertaining for about 30 minutes.

Kingsman is like a high-speed collision between a Jaguar and a jaywalking soccer hooligan. It’s ridiculously out of balance, and when you’re stuck in the middle, it doesn’t seem so funny.

Disney’s gimmick of naming movies for its theme-park attractions crashes and burns in Tomorrowland, a here-and-now caper that will confuse children, bore adults and offend anyone who’s ever taken a science class.

The things that made "Wayne's World" work at all - freshness, spontaneity - are missing from this losing sequel. [10 Dec 1993, p.3F]

Slater is monosyllabic and mostly expressionless. When Tomei and Perez speak, they have nothing to say, as contrasted with the rapid-fire lines they had in their earlier films, lines that kept them interested and enthusiastic, so that their performances just glowed. Here, they're as dull as the dishwater in the diner, and so is the entire movie, tragic ending and all. [12 Feb 1993, p.3F]

If you’re a fan of the “Taken” movies and tend to give action-hero Neeson the benefit of the doubt, our advice here is simple: Run away!

One has to wonder why the film was even made if it had to be so disastrously compromised. Chekhov would be appalled.

Reeves seems less blissed out than conked out, as if he had sustained a heavy blow from a loose surfboard. [27 May 1994, p.3H]

So stupid and hateful, it needs to have a stake driven through its heart before it can spawn a franchise.

Here most of the punishment is inflicted on the audience, which gets nailed to a cross of boredom.

A soulless, overblown bore.

The overall feel is less of a cohesive documentary and more of a slapdash scrapbook of facts, historical information and name-dropping.

While the cast includes Luis Guzman (as a buffoonish deputy) and Johnny Knoxville (as a local gun nut), there's no sense that these are real people in a real town, and Schwarzenegger's Sheriff Owens has the weakest backstory of all.

The worst thing about this multifaceted failure is the two-time Oscar winner behind the camera. Where there ought to be a director, there’s nothing but an empty chair.

If the story were only a little better, the characters and situations a little more believable, the very talented Hill could have turned this into a winner. As it is, the direction keeps things taut and rather tense, even as the dialogue sags into nonsense. [25 Dec 1992, p.3H]

A disgrace and a waste of the talents of Oscar winners Keaton, Fonda and Steenburgen and Emmy recipient Bergen. Obviously, the film is intended for an older audience. But is this anemic, feature-length sitcom really the best that Hollywood can do?

Rookie of year strikes out in the laughs department. [09 Jul 1993, p.3D]

A turgid, overlong comedy. [19 July 1996, p.3E]

An utter shipwreck, a would-be adventure with meager rations of magic and a listless crew.

The romantic relationship between the two stars is mishandled, and neither is given sufficient funny material. [16 June 1992, p.4D]

In short, "Fallen" hits the halfway point, it goes down and can't get up. [16 Jan 1993, p.E3]

Comedies about privileged princesses and unsuitable suitors come in all colors, but Peeples is only palatable on a double bill with pink antacid.

For a while in the middle, as tentacles began snaking through the ship, the shock value is considerable. But director George P. Cosmatos lets the suspense slide away in ridiculous dialogue and confusing action. By the end, the movie is terrible rather than terrifying. [17 Mar 1989, p.3F]

The movie inspired theater critic Judith Newmark to write a sonnet in response.

The best thing you could say about Happy Feet Two is that it doesn't have any product placements or potty jokes. Other than that, this charmless Antarctic cartoon is what it looks like when hell freezes over.

Painfully dumb. [21 Feb 1989, p.5D]

The dragon is a wimp. The knight is a geek. The king is a jerk. And, unless you're 12 or younger, the story is a bore. [31 May 1996, p.3E]

With this unfunny fourth installment, the "Ice Age" franchise has skidded so far into kiddie land that adults who tread there risk extinction.

A remarkably cold re-telling of a tale that, when we encountered it before, was shattering in its emotional impact. [16 Mar 1990, p.3F]

Superb actors and the best special effects money can buy can only go so far when you have a second-rate script sprinkled with unintentional laugh lines. [07 July 1995, p.3E]

Even by the sloppy, soulless standards of hit man movies, The Mechanic is a mess.

As in the first "Sherlock Holmes" movie, there are plenty of pratfalls and bare-knuckle brawls but no sleuthing for us to share.

The result is more like a long commercial than a cohesive movie, and the omissions are glaring.

In trying to lift this lame schtick, De Niro, Douglas, Freeman and Kline are stand-up guys, but Last Vegas is a case of erectile dysfunction.

PRESUMABLY this zombie flick is supposed to be funny, since it's about as scary as "Little Women." [18 Jan 1995, p.6F]

Kids are too smart to fall for it, and any grown-up who thinks that The Odd Life of Timothy Green is funny or heartwarming has a head made out of cabbage.

The new Clint Eastwood movie, Pink Cadillac, might approach mediocrity if it were about half an hour shorter. At almost two hours, it is, to paraphrase a line in the movie, Snooze City. [26 May 1989, p.3F]

Director Mike Figgis waited about an hour and 48 minutes too long to decide to make this a comedy. [8 Oct 1993, p.3E]

In Secret is so stifled, it makes “Les Misérables” look like “Amélie.”

The Thing Called Love, Phoenix' final movie, should not be used as a memorial to his career; "Stand By Me," "Running on Empty" and "My Own Private Idaho" are much better examples of his talent, which was considerable. [12 Nov 1993, p.3G]

For anyone expecting the second coming of Clouseau, Johnny English Reborn is a karmic catastrophe.

The film makes a few starts in many directions but doesn't go very far in any, and that's disappointing to those of us who thought so much of Soderbergh's previous effort. Oh, well, everyone's entitled to a clunker now and then. [7 Feb. 1992, p.3F]

This droll, leisurely paced movie might alternately be titled "The Only Good Man in Africa." [09 Sep 1994, p.3F]

Unfortunately, not only was I disappointed with the lackluster animation, but I was also bored with the flatness of the characters and story. And if that wasn't enough to throw cold water on warm cartoon memories, screenwriter Dennis Marks forces the audience to listen to a bunch of forgettable, bubble gum tunes by Tiffany, who plays the voice of the Jetsons' daughter, Judy. [12 July 1990, p.6E]

For sheer waste of talent, if not money, The Burbs deserves to be ranked with Ishtar. A routine slapstick comedy with no cutting edge, and not nearly enough laughs. [21 Feb 1989, p.6D]

Kids between the ages of 5 and 10 probably will enjoy this one, and there isn't much (some mild bathroom humor) that parents will find terribly objectionable, except its stupidity. [12 Aug 1994, p.3H]

The Good Son is cheaply manipulative in a way that can make you angry. [24 Sep 1993, p.3EV]

On Stranger Tides has the fishy smell of something washed ashore and sold as new. But this shipwreck isn't worth a wooden doubloon.

In addition to starring, Jolie Pitt wrote and directed By the Sea. She has given herself relatively little dialogue, but stuck her husband with lines like “Stop acting like this!” and “You resist happiness!”

Like the middle-aged dads in this flaccid fiasco, Hall Pass is a decade behind the curve of what's happening.

For the rest of his life, Spencer Susser can brag to the other ditch diggers that he persuaded two of the best young actors in Hollywood to star in one of the worst movies ever made.

Jim Belushi can be a pretty funny guy, but this time he should have heeded the old show-biz warning about staying away from animal actors. [02 May 1989, p.4D]

Nothing more than uninspired mushiness.

Warlock is one of those awful movies that serves a purpose: On a rainy day it's a way to keep dry, and most of the film is so dark that it's easy to nod off during the duller parts. [06 Mar 1991, p.5E]

Tickets to Pacific Rim Uprising should come with a package of aspirin.

Sitting through A Good Old Fashioned Orgy is like being monopolized by the most irritating person at a really boring party.

The problem with Mel Brooks these days is the same one Woody Allen would have if he kept making Bananas over and over. [30 July 1993, p.3F]

Whether you're betting on action or laughs, this is a lose-lose scenario.

The geography and some of the coincidences are as baffling as the messaging. The 96-minute runtime feels cyclical and endless.

A bland family-feud potboiler with no sign of the cook.

This party is a dud.

There is such a thing as an infinitely bad movie, and this is it.

Anyone old enough to have read Jules Verne or seen the way his work was successfully adapted in the past will suffer worse than the kids in the audience who just came to laugh.

When a celebrity chef like Rodriguez is just going through the motions, we can smell that the grindhouse fad is way past its expiration date. It's time to put a fork in it.

Eastwood also directed, in a plodding, heavy-handed style that leaves little to the imagination and less to the sense of humor. Every scene is as predictable as the chase that precedes or follows it. [07 Dec 1990, p.3F]

Dare we say it? Even the acting is atrocious, with pop-eyed Pacino chewing the scenery like a geezer gumming his oatmeal.

By the time the movie's ugly conclusion is reached, we are so numbed by the mindless degradation of it all that we couldn't care less who wins. We know we didn't. [01 Aug 1997, p.03E]

The comedy waffles between nonsensically heightened and realistically grounded, often alternating between the two modes at random, never landing on a tone.

Despite its intriguing premise, the film amounts to little more than tedious, clichéd melodramatics.

This film fails, and for several reasons - not the least being that movies about bickering police partners who fight crime with snappy wisecracks and serious weaponry just might be the most overused plot of the last 15 years. [12 April 1995, p.3E]

It's supposed to be sweet, but Hop is a headache waiting to happen.

Loud, incoherent and unfunny, Here Comes the Boom is the sound of American culture imploding.

If The Virginity Hit had been filmed as a straightforward sex comedy, it could've been a riot.

Working from a lackluster screenplay by a squad of writers, director Taylor Hackford (“Ray”) delivers a film so low in energy that it’s almost as if it was made to assist airline passengers in falling asleep.

Obviously this movie is too dense for most kids under the age of about 8 to follow. Even if you're over 8, way over, the plot still seems overly complicated. [23 Mar 1993, p.3D]

Young children will be entertained, but for the rest of the audience, pretty colors just aren’t enough.

Channing Tatum is a lot of things, but he’s not a stoic Superman like the role he plays here, which is made more laughable by prosthetic pointy ears.

The suspense trickles out of A Kiss Before Dying in the first 10 or 15 minutes, and the movie just lies there until the final 10 or 15 minutes. Writer-director James Dearden tries to inject life into the long, slow middle with blood, breasts and buttocks, but we never sense that any of these attributes belongs to actual breathing human beings. [26 Apr 1991, p.5F]

This toothless attempt is just dead on arrival.

The spectacular collapse of Green Lantern is bound to be blamed on Reynolds, but the villainy has its origins in an injustice league of TV-trained screenwriters and tin-hearted studio suits.

Offers about as much flava as a Dr. Pepper commercial and about as much drama as a “Sesame Street” rerun.

WE ALL know we have to suspend disbelief when we go to the movies, but never has an audience been asked to suspend as much as it has been by director Alan J. Pakula in Consenting Adults, a dumb, unconvincing tale that features some of the poorest performances in history. [20 Oct 1992, p.9D]

In the new Clash of the Titans, the effects are computerized, the hero is questionable and, instead of an owl, we get a turkey.

THE BODYGUARDS for the people who made The Bodyguard should be fired - because they should have thrown their clients to the ground and held them there until their desire to make this movie went away. [30 Nov 1992, p.3D]

McCarthy and first-time director Falcone must have assumed that tossing a drunk and a dunce into a Cadillac would negate the need for a motive or even a script.

Director Rick Famuyiwa did much better when focusing just on African-American culture in films such as "Brown Sugar" and "The Wood." Here, in bringing together two cultures, he does neither any favors.

Directed by Stiles White, whose credits lean more heavily in the special-effect arenas, Ouija is bland, safe horror for those who like their scares nonexistent.