Although Spiral pretends to mine the trope of one good cop investigating department corruption, that’s really just an excuse to present long, lovingly-filmed instances of sadism and torture.

The breath of fresh air, to the extent that one can be identified in the staleness of this recycled refuse, is John Cleese.

The only reason any male could have for seeing The Vow is the hope of getting laid afterwards. The only reason any female could have for seeing The Vow is if she views the plots of Harlequin romance novels as the height of modern storytelling.

As far as I'm concerned, it's official: Hollywood has lost the art of how to make horror films.

The lackluster acting and horrendous dialogue don't help.

Only for die-hard Cho fans. Everyone else will be offended, bored, or some combination of the two.

The Watch is a studio turd marinated in eau de skunk that stinks worse than week-old fish.

The movie is rarely funny with much of the comedy being too broad, too predictable, or both.

The entire affair is so badly bungled that there isn’t even a briefly satisfying moment of catharsis. The obvious next act for these Horsemen is to vanish—and never come back.

This is the kind of tearjerker that will cause audience members to cry, but only because they paid hard-earned money to see it.

There is no truth to the rumor that free frontal lobotomies will be performed at the entrance to all theaters showing Eagle Eye.

It is possible to make a movie in which nearly the entire running length is a car chase. An example of how to do this is "Duel." An example of how not to do it is Kidnap.

What's missing from Blended? Two key ingredients: it doesn't touch the heart and it doesn't tickle the funny bone (at least not often enough).

Cloying and at times annoying, Life as We Know It is egregiously manipulative, whoring itself out for a few unearned tears.

There are stretches when it becomes tedious and insufferably self important. There's even a late scene in which the movie turns preachy.

Two agonizing hours of lifeless, mind-numbing hogwash.

Yes, this film is worse than "Cliffhanger," Stallone's last venture into chaos.

Tedious and predictable, it employs obvious situations and clichés instead of genuine suspense-building elements.

A preposterous thriller where the only thing more disappointing than the ending is the 93 minutes it takes to get there.

Unfortunately, although there are a few nasty thorns here and there, The First Wives Club is a largely uninspired (and unfunny) comedy that collapses completely in the final fifteen minutes.

As a romance, a drama, or even a sports movie, The Longest Ride never reaches a satisfying destination.

Retribution seems especially disappointing, however, because of its untapped potential to be cheesily entertaining. The finished product is so bad that I can’t even recommend it for viewing on a streaming service – somewhere it should land very quickly.

"Mindless" applies, and Book of Secrets is more like a tame, endlessly repetitive amusement park ride than a motion picture.

Welcome to Mooseport's satirical edge is dull and pitted, the screenplay is overlong and uninteresting, the comedy is soft and shapeless, and the actors perform like they're on a sit com.

Newell has followed up a respectable adaptation of a Harry Potter novel with an ignominious translation of something more delicate and literate. It's hard to recommend this movie to anyone except perhaps the MST3K crew.

By any standards, Silk is a bad movie: pretentious, stillborn, devoid of emotion.

It’s artificial, annoying, and boring.

This remake replaces suspense with boredom and witty dialogue with lame lines any self-respecting actor should be embarrassed to utter.