I wonder if Gamer might make a good game; it certainly doesn't make a good movie.

This isn't just typical, unchallenging Hollywood drek -- it's typical, unchallenging Hollywood drek made by people who don't care, for people who don't care.

Speed 2 can be numbered among the worst second chapters ever made.

Is this a movie or a feature-length advertisement for Qwest? We're not just talking one product placement; this brand name is nearly omnipresent.

Everything in G.I. Joe: Retaliation is perfunctory - technically proficient but soulless. It's not exciting. It's boring.

John Tucker Must Die is toothless. The jokes are obvious and unfunny, the storyline goes nowhere that's interesting or unexpected, and the only chemistry happens in a science lab.

Devil will do little to dispel the growing belief that Shyamalan is a one-trick pony whose horse has keeled over. The laughter during the trailer was sadly prescient; the film is a joke.

The screenplay fails to provide any reason to care about the characters or their circumstances, so we sit in a theater seat, trying not to be hypnotized by all the flashes of light in the muddled brown-and-white environment or lulled to sleep by the inane babbling that passes for dialogue.

Chase, like his Vacation movies, are things of the past. This is a series that should have died with the '80s. Instead, inexplicably, it has limped on into the '90s.

Breakdown is the latest in a seemingly endless traffic jam of thrillers that opens strong but finishes abominably.

Wonder Wheel seems more like a cobbled-together afterthought than the romantic melodrama it seeks to be.

A soulless jumble of ineptly assembled cliches and pabulum that plays like a 95-minute commercial for NBA properties.

Code 46 is like "Solaris" without the psychological depth and strong acting. The movie is flat, boring, pointless, and nonsensical.

One has the sense that if the level of violence had been ratcheted up a little, Paparazzi might have been more of a guilty pleasure and less of a chore to watch.

Eye for an Eye is one of three pictures currently in theaters about parents coping with the deaths of children. Both of the others, The Crossing Guard and Dead Man Walking, are vastly superior, and the latter, a thoughtful examination of some of the same issues that drive this film, makes Eye for an Eye look like puerile rubbish. Despite paying lip service to high ideals, Schlesinger's movie has no moral compass, and is only interested in delivering cheap thrills. And, while there's a place for that in movies, appropriating this particular storyline for such a base intention feels uncomfortably like a defilement.

It is now weighed down by a second half that's equal parts incoherent, tedious, and repetitive.

Unfortunately, stiff acting, an increasingly hard-to-swallow storyline, and an atrociously bad ending torpedo Eli Horowitz’s Gone in the Night, making it unworthy of even a streamed view. When the movie started, I wanted to like it. 90 minutes later, I just wanted it to end.

If there's the kernel of a good story buried somewhere deep in Cursed, it never pops. As werewolf movies go, this one is on par with "An American Werewolf in Paris," but at least that dud had plenty of gore and Julie Delpy's bare breasts to recommend it.

As a satire on the media's infatuation with violence and murderers, Natural Born Killers hits the bullseye. The problem is, this is a one-note movie. It repeatedly hammers home the same point until the audience is bludgeoned into senselessness.

Painfully unfunny and unnecessarily long, this movie is the antithesis of its predecessor, the delightfully raunchy "Horrible Bosses."

Too long and too full of itself to offer more than a few fleeting moments of entertainment. It doesn't take long for tediousness to triumph.

Most of their jokes miss the mark and the movie gets lost in action/thriller territory that’s anything but thrilling.

Alien 3 is, simply put, a mess. The writers have no idea how to tell a coherent, entertaining story. With the exception of a surprise or two, there isn't much worthwhile here.

Dull, uninspired, and redundant.

A frustrating crime thriller that incorporates too many plot threads into the overall narrative at the expense of character identification, suspense, and emotional heft.

If I wanted to be kind, I’d call Luca Guadagnino’s Suspiria remake “visually striking” and “stylish.” If I wanted to be brutally honest, I’d call it “tedious”, “pretentious”, and even “painful” (although not in a good way).

Everything about Staying Alive is cliched: characters, story, dialogue… There’s not a single original or interesting thing to be found. Even the music is tired and, although Travolta evinces the same physicality he showed in Saturday Night Fever, the sense of joy is gone.

Aspen Extreme is a predictable, pointless melodrama -- a kind of Top Gun in the snow. Ski enthusiasts might be tempted to see the film based on subject matter alone, but, unless they're undiscriminating about the quality of their movies, I would caution against it. Even as vicarious entertainment, Aspen Extreme is feeble.

It's a depressing experience to view something like Saw IV. It's not just the soullessness that's dispiriting, but the lack of invention. When a movie does little more than repeat what its predecessors accomplished with grotesque effectiveness, it's past time to tip this corpse into its grave and bury it.

Director Scott Waugh’s intention may have been to elevate my pulse, but the only thing at which he succeeded was getting me to check my watch repeatedly.

It's all about eye candy and the quick tease. It's not over fast enough.

Indian Summer is a mish-mash of mediocre formulas. Although there are several good comedy sequences, this uneven humor is unable to camouflage the essential weakness of the storyline. The script, which relies heavily on conflict, doesn't present us with any believable characters. Reunion stories have been done so often that for one to make an impression, it needs a new angle (Peter's Friends, Kenneth Branagh's recent film, fell into the same trap). Indian Summer doesn't even attempt to strike out towards new ground. It finds a comfortable, cliche-filled groove and sits there.

Like many genuinely awful movies, Queen of the Damned has the ingredients of a cult film.

A muddle of a film - an overlong bore that either mistakenly thinks it's something more than a humdrum romance or has incorporated a variety of pretentions as window-dressing.

The greatest flaw in My Father the Hero isn't the feeble laugh-to-running length ratio, the limp characterization, or the mediocre acting. Instead, it's the feeling of unease that pervades the first forty-five minutes as Nicole and Andre clash while the film tries unsuccessfully to make light of their dysfunctional relationship. There are serious issues bubbling away here that the movie doesn't know how to address properly. Lighthearted motion pictures should never cause discomfort, but this one does.

This is sloppy filmmaking, and it's likely to wipe away whatever luster still remains to Shyamalan's reputation.

Fountain of Youth is a perfect example of something that can play in the background but proves singularly unable to hold anyone’s attention for the entirety of its running length.

A "Jennifer Aniston movie" has become synonymous with "derivative, lackluster mediocrity," and it's a shame. We know she has both talent and charisma but nothing on her recent resume has allowed her to display those qualities. So we're stuck with films that are at best forgettable and at worst painful.

In terms of storytelling, excitement, and overall entertainment value, Blacklight is a black hole.

It's a little sad that The Messengers is ultimately a good candidate for burial in a toxic waste dump because there are some good elements contained herein.

Clumsily incorporates elements of "Ghost," "The Sixth Sense," and "Field of Dreams."

Uninspired and painfully familiar.

LaBute has transformed the eerie, disturbing psychological thriller into an unintentional comedy. At times, The Wicker Man is hilariously bad.

The only arena in which Gulliver's Travels plays an adequate game is in visual effects.

Trespass is a home invasion movie, but not a clever, taut one; it's sloppy and obvious, with curves so un-serpentine they might as well be straightaways.

The really disgusting thing about this movie isn't the crude jokes themselves, but how grossly unfunny they all are.

Plastic characters, chaotic camerawork, lots of things blowing up, and an incredibly dumb screenplay. In short, it represents a great time at the movies for anyone who has recently undergone a frontal lobotomy.

The result is a film that runs far too long and rarely generates enough tension or genuine horror to justify its runtime—or, indeed, its very existence.

A woefully underwritten motion picture that starts out as a dumb comedy before taking an ill-advised detour into mawkish sentimentality. The last 30 minutes of Bruce Almighty is so godawful that it almost sent me screaming from the theater.

Perhaps the biggest (and most noticeable) fall-off from the first film is the lack of chemistry between Reynolds and Jackson. The two never connect. Rarely have I seen the volcanic Jackson look so disinterested; this is the closest he’s ever come to phoning it in.

Battleship has the IQ of a rutabaga and doesn't require much more intelligence than that to watch. Despite spending copious amounts of time with back story and so-called character development, it's really all about the explosions.

It's the kind of thing that Shakespeare might have written if he had undergone a frontal lobotomy.

Has some promise as a throw-away, lighthearted romance. Unfortunately, once those elements are gone, what's left only has a running time of about 13 minutes.

It's not just about a disaster, it is a disaster.

This movie works best as a sleep tonic. Somewhere isn't just frustratingly slow-moving; it's inert.

I’m not predisposed to like movies focused on hollow characters floating in their own bubble of self-absorption, whether they’re men (Entourage) or women (Sex and the City), and as soon as I realized that’s what Home Again was offering, I knew I was in for a long 97 minutes. Unfortunately, I was right.

Tideland is, by turns, a complete bore and a creepy experience. And I don't mean "creepy" in a positive sense.

Delpy's injection of class into an otherwise classless production raises the specter of what this film could have been with a better script and a better cast surrounding her.

If the film is to work on any level, even a comedic one, it's necessary for the viewers to sympathize with Joanna and Walter. However, the script and scattershot performances keep them at arm's length. Nicole Kidman is in full scenery-chewing mode, and Matthew Broderick hasn't been this invisible since Ferris Bueller had to go back to school.

Monster-in-Law is appalling misfire of a comedy - a motion picture that takes a situation ripe for the blackest vein of satire and reduces it to a puerile and edgeless pile of goo

Johnny Mnemonic is brash, flashy, and loud, but it lacks a few key ingredients -- namely heart, soul, and intelligence.

This is the sort of movie that gives "chick flicks" a bad name. It's a cross between inept melodrama and a bad sit-com.

Captures the essence of its TV inspiration, which is to say that it's not nearly as clever as it thinks it is. It also feels very, very long.

Instead of generating a testosterone rush, the fight scenes release tryptophan. Not only are they boring, but they are choreographed in an amateurish fashion.

Labeling The Call as "relentlessly dumb" would be an overestimation of its intelligence. This is as brain-dead as a movie can be and it assumes the audience will have the I.Q. of a rutabaga.

I can’t say that Annabelle Comes Home, the third feature focused on the creepy girl doll, is the worst (because it has plenty of competition) but it’s easily among the dumbest.

It's tired and dated with too few laughs to justify the stultifying attempts at drama and the impossible-to-swallow plot contortions.

Sixteen years after her death, Princess Diana is still capable of generating interest, which is probably the only reason why this dull, pointless movie was greenlighted.

Feels perfunctory and obligatory and, despite the return of several familiar characters, is more like an afterthought than an organic third piece of a trilogy puzzle.

Everything about it feels stale: the actors, the story, the comedy, everything. And, to make matters worse, that everything goes on for an interminable two hours.

Calling Delivery Man a "comedy" is a bit of a stretch, because it's rarely funny. Dumb, yes, but not in a way that's worthy of more than a half-hearted chuckle.

To work, The Host would have required a visionary interpretation rather than the mundane telling that Niccol opts for.

For all its attempts to weave a spell on the audience, Hearts and Souls displays an incredible lack of subtlety. Nevertheless, if you are prone to sigh rapturously at the thought of a happy ending, this may be the movie for you. It doesn't just have one of these, but five, each more cloying than the one before -- a rare treat for those who don't mind sugar shock.

From the start, it's obvious that this is a vehicle for his comedy, and it mostly works -- for about ten to fifteen minutes. After that, Carrey's act gradually grows less humorous and more tiresome, and the laughter in the audience seems forced.

Chaos Theory stumbles from one contrived circumstance to the next, and there's not a moment in this entire mess that conveys any sort of genuine human emotion or reaction.

It's remarkably appropriate that Envy is about turds, because that's what the movie is.

Two if by Sea has a drab, dreary tone that's due as much to the unenthusiastic performances as to the bland direction. If anyone was having fun making this film, it doesn't come across. Star Wars' gold droid C3P0 had more humanity than all of Two if by Sea's characters combined. Because I never cared about Frank or Roz, the "feel good" ending left me cold. And, to think, I wasted over an hour and a half in a theater with this movie when I could have been outside shoveling snow.

With its grim tone and sickening content, this gruesome gore-fest might have limited appeal for "Death Wish" lovers who wished Charles Bronson hadn’t been such a wimp.

It will bore you.

The Ice Road may be the worst direct-to-Netflix movie to feature a major star. It may also offer the worst entry into Liam Neeson’s catalog of strong, resilient action heroes.

The sad truth about After Earth is that not only is it difficult to find things it does well, but there are numerous examples of outright incompetence dotting the landscape.

Surprise of surprises, Revolver turns out to be worse than "Swept Away" - and not just by a little bit.

The Last Airbender is an insult to anyone with a triple-digit I.Q. and a willingness to use it inside the confines of a movie theater. This is bad filmmaking and bad storytelling. It also sounds what should be the death knell to M. Night Shyamalan's career.

Hush has three very simple problems: it's incredibly dumb, it's incredibly boring, and it's incredibly predictable (at least up to the stupefying ending).

Expend4bles feels like a movie that never should have been made for a franchise that, having lain dormant for nine years, didn’t deserve a resurrection.

Good entertainment stretched to three times its natural length is rarely three times better, but bad entertainment dragged out that long will typically be three times worse. In the case of Demon Knight -- which probably doesn't have ten minutes of worthwhile material -- such a statement could be regarded as infinitely kind.

Belly-flopping into the superhero movie pool, Thunder Force illustrates what happens when filmmakers take a moderately interesting premise and surround it with witless writing, cringe-inducing acting, stagnant action, humor-deprived comedy, and feckless drama.

The "special effects" employed to have the animals' mouths form words might have been state-of-the-art 20 years ago, but they're outdated today, and the gorilla looks like a guy in the monkey suit that was abandoned after the 1976 version of "King Kong." I guess CGI was too sophisticated for the technical crew.

Unfinished Business is bad - not epically bad but bad enough. Little contained in this misfire of a film works and the few successful things are dragged out to the point where they die a lingering death.

It's astounding how a movie this long could accomplish so little.

Occupation accomplishes the previously unthinkable: an alien invasion film that makes "Independence Day" look smart.

--- Ho, ho, ho - the joke's on anyone who pays to see this.

If you've gone to Kung Pow for the plot, you have made a mistake. Come to think of it, if you have gone for the comedy, you've also made a mistake. In fact, if you've gone at all, you've made a mistake.

The biggest shock of this new movie re-imagination is that it makes the original seem fresh and smart by comparison. Perhaps that makes this whole endeavor nothing more than TV producer Aaron Spelling’s posthumous fantasy.

This film is unable to involve, entertain, or titillate. Basically, it stinks.

The Pink Panther is supposed to use humor to uplift. Instead, I departed this movie feeling depressed.

Halloween 5 is the movie that pushed the Halloween franchise into the generic slasher film category.

A bunch of IQ-challenged characters traipsing through a laughably bad scenario brought to life using silly dialogue, banal direction, and questionable special effects.